Week 3

Jan 19, 2024

Well I have made it to week 3. This has been interesting. I am proud of where I am at. It has been hard. Not psychically just mental. I am still craving the pizza I posted about in my last blog. This is such a mental game. It really is hard to get past it. I just push through. I am really proud of the motivation I have for myself. I have cookies for my son, I dont touch them. That is hard. I have not been through a drive through in over 3 weeks. Wow how amazing is that? I feel that is amazing for me for sure. I have not had Starbucks either. That is my gulity pleasure for sure. I am doing good though. I am losing weight and I am sticking to the diet. I am seeing a therapist. Which is good for me. I am trying to overcome my negative thoughts about myself. The look of disgust i have about my body. Wondering will anyone find me attractive? I do not really know. There is someone out there for me though. This journey for me is about overcoming my love of food. Having a healthy relationship with food. Loving myself again. Figuring out that I do deserve to be happy and have nice things. 

I was thinking about datiing once I am 70 pounds down. Which I am getting closer. I want to get under the 300 pound mark. Ugh just to write the number 300 is annoying. I should not be 300 pounds. I cannot do anything with this much weight. Do you know that I have to sit on my bed to get my socks on. It is annoying. I should not weigh this much. What have I done to my body? I at least will never be this big again. I know I have to give this Katie some grace. I have come a long way. But thinking about my sentence before. I was thinking about dating. But I just want to enjoy my new journey. I want to start loving myself. Being proud of who I am and where I have come from. I am ready to wear jeans again lol. So I do not think I want to put myself online. I am having something in my gut saying no not a good idea. I know that is my Granny Jo ( who passed away almost a year ago) giving me this feeling. I need to listen. 

I am offically on soft foods. OMG Chicken yuummm. I am happy to have it. I dont know if it is causing tummy issues. But I know I have been taking a lot of miralx. LOL. This is what is hard about this surgery. The BATHROOM. UGH. I dont like feeling over stuffed. And it is not fun. I am learning how to control my hunger or listen to it. I have done good. But like I said before getting out of my controlled enviorment is going to put me to the test. I can do it. If I keep busy I do not think about food. I have not been out of the house to test the theory lol. I really did not go to the stock show this year. Becasue I know I would want to eat something. But gosh food is so pricey. That is kind of the reason I did not go to the Stock Show. Also, I am just so not ready to be around such beautiful Women. I know that there will be a woman more beautiful then me. I know that. But when I am out in public I just think if I see a woman. That the men around and thinking that is what a woman should look like. Then they look at me, and think that is what a woman SHOULD NOT look like. That is the negative thoughts that go through my head. SEEE that is why I am talking to someone. 

Again this journey is new and I am only on week 3. It is hard. I have to just take it day by day. Be grateful that I was able to get this surgery. I am blessed beyond. I know that. It just takes time. I did not become this heavy in one day. SO I know it will take time and work. I am PROUD of me. I am PROUD of me. I am PROUD of me. I am going to overcome and ROCK the SHIT out of this opportunity of this WONDERFUL GIFT. I am going to get my spark back and get ready to enjoy summer. 

Katie 

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