katierandolph1211
A New Week.
Jan 09, 2024
Happy Tuesday. I know I am a day ahead of when I posted the last blog. I want to post just weekly. I don't think I can post everyday. My everyday life is pretty much the same. So, yeah, I could post everyday. But that would get boring and repetitive. This week I was allowed pureed food. OMG the liquid only part of this journey was a bit rough. If you read my last blog you would understand. I love food. I think about food all the time. I still do. It is annoying. But it is something I have to work through. I am going to talk to a therapist here soon. But in the mean time I do pray to God. I do the Our Father and Hail Mary prayer. That has helped me so much when the "food nosies" are LOUD. I know God is louder. I like having refried beans. I used to not like them. But I have grown fond of them. It is definitely a blan part of this journey. I am not saying diet, because this is not a diet. It is a lifestyle change. I have to respect my body I am following this progam. But I will admit I am ready for some variety. I know my body is in shock right now. It is thinking OMG what have you done to me? Why did you cut me and re route our whole system? I am sorry old Stomach you were having waaaayyyyy too much fun. I had to cut you off. Literally LOL. I had no full button in my old way. I could eat and eat. I loved Chipolte. Wings, pizza, McDonalds. I would eat way more than one woman should, or for that matter one person. I do realize that I do have like a whole person to lose, along with the weight of like a young kid. It is sad and I am angry that I have let my self get this big. But I then again I am proud of ME for making this decision. It was not easy. It was not easy because I have had 4 surgeries before. Each one I was terrified that I would die. Yes, you could saw that I am dramatic. That is okay. I might be lol.
I want to touch base on my food noises. This blog is for me. I want to jot this down so in a year from now the new Katie will look back at this a chuckle and sympathize and have compassion for the old Katie writting this. Man am I craving pizza. The pizza from Mici's to be exact. The Digirolomo. Yes even I cannot pronounce that. But it is sooo good. It has Olive oil, pepperoni silvers, pepperoncini, gorgonzola, and mozarella. Ummmmmm is your mouth watering? Mine is lol. I am craving a good steak. I think that is saying something about my body. It NEEEDDSS steak. I just want a really good one. I know I will only get 3 bites and I will be full. But those three bites will do my body and my mind and my mouth good. I also want Chipolte. I want that in the worse way too. That was my down fall in my "past" life. It is just so good. And yes I will die on that hill. I also still want that good piece of thick bread with butter and jam. I really think woman CRAVE the carbs. I think it is a curse that we have. UGGGHH. I mean I would love to have chips and salsa. Can't wait for that. I also want pasta. But that might come. But my first resturant will be a steak place for sure. I do not care. I literally hear the voices in my head. Just take a bite, you can eat that, you are just eating a smaller size. It is okay just try. Yup and that is LOUD. I sit there with it. It is annoying. So, like I said before I pray.
I also know that I do not want to go back to my old habits. They are dangerous. Like I said I could eat.I try to slow down and take breaks like I was told to do. I drink water. But now that I am drinking water I like to flavor it. Ugggghhhh Did I create a monster? Maybe. But I sure as heck did not get to the weight I was by drinking surgar free water flavors lol. Speaking of drinking. I have not craved Dr. Pepper. Even while I am at work. That is where I crave it the most. I am doing good. My friend told me I should try it in a few months to see if I do like it still. Just cause she tried soda and she hated it. I know your taste buds change. I think I will pass on trying it. Like I said I do not want to go back to old habits.
But being in my safe zone ( home and work) I can decide what I eat and what I have n my home. I am scared for when I go to someone's house. And they have food everywhere. In the past I would eat and eat and eat. I would graze and I could not stop. I had no self control. I want to have self control. How do you get that? Is it practice? lol. Kind of scared to go to my first party with yummy apps, ya know. By then though, I am hoping to be down so much weight that I won't even want to ruin my progress.And that I will have the tools to help me overcome that LOUD noise. Okay honestly that is Future Katie problem. I know present Katie just needs to take it day by day.
Wrting this blog is really helpful to get my thoughts out. I will continue to give myself Grace and work on being kind to myself. Something I have not been to myself for a very very long time.
Katie