My Love Hate Relationship With Clothes

Jul 14, 2010

I've always loved clothes.  I wanted to be a fashion designer when I was young.  My mom made all of my clothes from birth till I was a teen and beyond and she taught me how to sew. It is a luxury that I have absolutely no time for now.

But loving clothes does not compute with being morbidly obese.  Shopping becomes more difficult, more dissappointing and a lot less fashionable. It becomes a chore...a mere task to find something to look presentable in at the office or various casual or social situations.  It was definitely not "fun".

I, like many WLSers, have goals that include clothing milestones like getting to a size 10 or fitting into a pair of boots or shorts.  I knew that cever hanging clothing sizes would be part of this deal.  I just wasn't prepared to deal with the realities of it.

So previously, shopping for me was a day out with my mother to the Avenue and Lane Bryant.  She usually bought something and I only bought something about 50% of the time. I usually ended the day pretty disgusted with myself and my weight but it was time spent with my mom so it wasn't a complete loss.

Now that my mother is gone, shopping just reminds me of her and although I am no longer disgusted with myself when I go into the dressing room (on the contrary, I am pleasantly surprised with every new size I go down) shopping is very frustrating and time consuming.  For one thing, sizes are not standardized and you have to try everything on.  Then you find something you like and they don't have it in your size. And then theres the fact that I am still losing weight and I can't really afford to spend alot on any single piece when it won't fit in a couple of weeks.

So I have been doing my best to look decent at work...but apparently that isn't good enough because a few of my coworkers staged a mini intervention and gave me a bra (the girls have gone south and I have no bras that fit) and a lecture on how I need to get some better fitting clothes and when I whined about how hard that has been they said I needed to change my attitude about it.

Man, I feel like they are 2 steps away from calling Stacy and Clinton from "What Not To Wear" and nominating me for the show! It's not like I'm not aware there is a problem here.  I just don't know how I can do any more than I am doing.  This has been rather stressful.  And despite what people think...that I should be happy as a clam cause I am losing weight and I can shop for smaller clothes...well, that's not the only thing this journey was about.

It's only been 5 months since I had this surgery and although I believe my head was in a good place when I went into this and I have adjusted very well, there are still some things that are going to take some time and some mental adjustment.  I have never been thin as an adult.  I have never shopped for myself in places like Old Navy or Banana Republic or Victoria's Secret or Lerners.  I have never even had salespeople treat me like a human being in these stores.  I have been in these stores with my skinny friends who treat me like a servant to hold their bags and purses and give opinions or find other sizes. But for me to go into these places and "be the customer"...that's going to be a head trip I'm not sure how I will react to.

I still wouldn't trade this journey for anything.  This challenge is part of it and this is how I see this issue...a challenge.  I am great with challenges.  I rise to them and conquer them.  I have no doubt that I will get through this phase and come out looking fabulous on the other side.

I LOVE MY DS!

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