Tomorrow! Tomorrow!

Apr 17, 2014

Will I sleep at all tonight? My prediction is, NO! I've packed my hospital bag, put my boys to bed, and I think a nice bath is in order... :) I loaded up on lots of goodies for the boys to pass the time this weekend. They were both pretty upset when I told them I was going to spend the night away and would be home on Sunday, so hopefully the toys will soften the blow! I know they'll have a blast with their grandmother.

Confession time: I haven't told anyone about my surgery. Only my husband and I know. I haven't even told my parents. I'm still not sure if this is the "right" decision. As a parent, I know I will always worry about my children, no matter how old they are, and I know my parents will worry about me. However, when I talked to my dad today, he was extremely busy and it looks as if his Easter weekend is going to be as well. I don't want to dump this on them last minute because I know it will cause more stress. My mother has blabbed my news the last two times I was going to have surgery (and backed out last minute). I want her to be supportive without feeling like she has to tell people! She's normal weight, so I'm not sure where her thinking comes from. I asked both of my parents to not say anything, and they both did anyways, so this time I made the choice to not tell them. AND I kind of want an "away" weekend! How silly that my "vacation" will be in the hospital! I know I will be taken care of there, and I'm really looking forward to the time by myself to rest, not that you ever really get to rest in the hospital! I went to see both of my grandmothers today, which isn't unusual, I just felt like I needed to see them. Those of you who are close, or were close, to your grandparents know what I mean, they just get you. I never have to be anything but myself around my grandparents. My Nanny always compliments my eyes and my skin. My Big Moma is the reason I have those beautiful eyes and great skin! 

Please God, protect me and guide my surgeon, OR doctors, and nurses. I want to be the best person I can be for the family you've given me. I want your light to shine through me, no matter what I weigh... Guide me in the way you want me to go, and forgive me for not taking care of this body you've given me, and for allowing my insecurities to keep me from my promises. I have circled this mountain of depression long enough, I am ready to turn North. In Jesus' name, Amen.

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