boymom2007

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My one week anniversary is tomorrow!! I'm still pretty sore, but I feel SO good otherwise! I have to remind myself not to push myself too hard because I'm still healing. The best thing about surgery, so far, has been not feeling hungry all the time. I swear I was a bottomless pit when it came to eating, I never felt full. Now, I have to tell myself it's time to eat, which is a very powerful feeling. I'm not sure if I know what "full" feels like yet. I've been measuring all of my food and then stopping before it's all gone. I've caught myself a few times thinking about swiping some chips or candy...boy am I thankful for this new tool I have! I feel like my sleeve is going to give my brain the time it needs to work out it's issues with food, and keep my mouth in check.

Biggest challenge has been getting my protein in. I bought some unflavored protein powder today, which is really a stretch-calling it unflavored- I put some in my soup and it was less than tasty, but I'm kind of eating to live right now, so I'm not going to complain. Also, finding chewable calcium citrate in my town is impossible! I'm going to have to break down and order some online... My citracal petites are still incredibly huge for me to swallow right now...I've been crushing them and mixing them with my food, which also makes for an interesting taste! 

So, one week out....and I would make this decision again in a second! My advice, take it slow (everything-walking, eating, drinking) follow your personal surgeon's advice and orders, this website has been an overwhelming help and comfort, but only your surgeon knows what/why he or she does what they do, if they tell you to get 80g of protein and mine says 60g, I'm going with what mine says and you should go with yours. If your curious and hearing different opinions, just ask! Every time a dr or nurse came into my room in the hospital I asked what they were doing and why (in a very curious way-I'm talking control of my health, right? ;) ) For example, when I came back to my room after surgery, the nurse told me I could have ice chips the next morning, nothing overnight, and not to use any chapstick(which I already had) I asked why no chapstick, and she explained that the moisture would stimulate saliva production, which then stimulates production  stomach juices, and they want to leave the stomach alone as long as possible. Made perfect sense! I'm not going to lie, my lips were stuck together the next morning, and those ice chips have never tasted better! hahaha!

I'm going to try to write about my surgery and hospital stay tomorrow. (spoiler alert: it was totally drama free!)

I've had an awesome stay in the hospital this weekend (if you can even use the words awesome and hospital in the same sentence!) I know I'll write more when I get home... It's 10am now, I'm having "breakfast" of chicken broth and jello, and I'll get to go home around noon!! 

Will I sleep at all tonight? My prediction is, NO! I've packed my hospital bag, put my boys to bed, and I think a nice bath is in order... :) I loaded up on lots of goodies for the boys to pass the time this weekend. They were both pretty upset when I told them I was going to spend the night away and would be home on Sunday, so hopefully the toys will soften the blow! I know they'll have a blast with their grandmother.

Confession time: I haven't told anyone about my surgery. Only my husband and I know. I haven't even told my parents. I'm still not sure if this is the "right" decision. As a parent, I know I will always worry about my children, no matter how old they are, and I know my parents will worry about me. However, when I talked to my dad today, he was extremely busy and it looks as if his Easter weekend is going to be as well. I don't want to dump this on them last minute because I know it will cause more stress. My mother has blabbed my news the last two times I was going to have surgery (and backed out last minute). I want her to be supportive without feeling like she has to tell people! She's normal weight, so I'm not sure where her thinking comes from. I asked both of my parents to not say anything, and they both did anyways, so this time I made the choice to not tell them. AND I kind of want an "away" weekend! How silly that my "vacation" will be in the hospital! I know I will be taken care of there, and I'm really looking forward to the time by myself to rest, not that you ever really get to rest in the hospital! I went to see both of my grandmothers today, which isn't unusual, I just felt like I needed to see them. Those of you who are close, or were close, to your grandparents know what I mean, they just get you. I never have to be anything but myself around my grandparents. My Nanny always compliments my eyes and my skin. My Big Moma is the reason I have those beautiful eyes and great skin! 

Please God, protect me and guide my surgeon, OR doctors, and nurses. I want to be the best person I can be for the family you've given me. I want your light to shine through me, no matter what I weigh... Guide me in the way you want me to go, and forgive me for not taking care of this body you've given me, and for allowing my insecurities to keep me from my promises. I have circled this mountain of depression long enough, I am ready to turn North. In Jesus' name, Amen.

I'm so ready for Friday to get here! I go for pre-op blood work, dietician, and appointment with surgeon on Tuesday. I can tell my husband is very excited for me too! I can't help but feel like we'll finally "match" again soon... we were a pretty cute, fit couple, and while he's managed to maintain a normal weight, I've just spiraled up over our 16 years of dating and marriage. I really couldn't ask for a better partner. I'm excited to get ME back!

I'm so glad I found this community! I've been researching bariatric surgery for almost 4 years, have almost gone through with it twice, and now I'm finally making the commitment! I'm so excited for myself, and my little family. I've battled depression and anxiety for so long and the extra weight definitely doesn't help. I deserve to be able to play outside with my husband and kids, and they deserve a wife and mother who takes care of herself. 

I'm writing all this down so that I can come back and read how I was feeling at this time, I don't want to forget the place where I was on this day. I voluntarily began seeing a therapist in January 2014. If you are debating seeking mental health help, don't hesitate! My therapist has been a tremendous support, and is part of the reason I've decided I'm ready for surgery! I know that my issues go way deeper than just physical, and admitting that has made a world of difference in my attitude! 

I am self pay, which for me makes it even more of an incentive to succeed! Writing out that huge check felt great because I am now investing in myself, where I never had before. I can see now that guilt about spending money or time on me, instead of my kids, was damaging for all of us! If I don't put the time and money into caring for myself, then I won't be able to care for my family...see, it's a win-win for everyone!

Day 4 pre-op: I have a headache, and am feeling pretty lethargic. I had lots of energy yesterday, however, today is Monday so maybe it's just mental! :) I am using the Body By Vi system, protein shakes, only because I've used them in the past and they are DELICIOUS!! I've been using Almond Milk, and mix in banana, spinach, and sugar free jello mix to change up the flavor. I have soup on my grocery list today, I think I'm craving something warm... So far, I've not been hungry at all. I hope, and pray, that that continues this week! :) I'm on a strict, liquid only 2 week diet. My doctor's office and staff are extremely organized and detailed. I know exactly what to eat, and what to expect at each stage.

What are your suggestions for packing a hospital bag? I will be staying at least one, maybe two nights. 

What did you have on hand when you got home after hospital? Food, magazines...???

What was your pain/activity level in the days after surgery?