trudylam

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It's been an incredible journey so far and I keep having non-scale victories every day.  Here's a quick list of some of them recently;

-I am currently wearing a pair of strappy sandles that I haven't been able to wear since 2003.  They used to cut into my puffy feet and look awful, now they look like strappy sandles should.
-I walked 6.36 kilometres the other day, shocking myself and my husband! LOL
-I wear skirts just because I want to and my thighs don't get rubbed raw.
-Shopping is more fun because I have so many more options
-I love to ride my bike, I ride it to the store now instead of taking the car.
-When I started this journey I was a size 5x top/32 pants, now I'm a size large top and size 16 pants. Shopping in normal stores is awesome!
-I ripped up my Pennington's reward card, I am never going back there.

Every day I seem to have a small NSV that makes me smile to myself.  Just trying to stay on track and not give into the head hunger. 

HW - 359
SW - 341
CW- 224 (still have about 40 to go)

Today was a very emotional day.  Less than a week after my Grandfather's funeral I went to visit my Grandmother in the hospital today.  It became very clear to me that she is nearing the end of her life once I realized she was talking to every relative that ever passed away.  She was having a grand time pointing out all of the dead people in the room and had no idea who I was.  She is very confused and disoriented and she was howling my grandfather's name over and over again begging to go to him.  The person I loved is no longer in that weak, feable body.  Her spirit is gone and it's time for me to say goodbye.  So that's what I did.  I said goodbye to my last surviving grandparent today.  I have been crying for over a week now and it's starting to get exhausting.  I think the hardest part is losing them both so close together.  Even though grandma's heart is still beating (thanks to a pacemaker), she is no longer there.  The grief is unbearable sometimes and I just want to sleep all the time, but I know that's not possible.  They lived great, long, loving lives and I know they will be at peace once they are together again. 

What a year this has been.  I started out 2011 swearing that I wouldn't make any resolutions that I couldn't keep and I will do the same thing for 2012.  2011 was such a life changer for me and 2012 will see me continuing down that road I hope.  I don't know what I would have done without this surgery, I am so grateful for my second chance at life.  These are some of the things that changed for me in 2011.

I had my surgery on May 30th.
As of today, I have lost 115lbs and over 53 inches off my body.
I am no longer afraid of chairs in restaurants, movie theatres or anywhere else that is unfamiliar.
I can ride a bike again.
I climbed a ladder yesterday.
I can sit with my legs crossed comfortably.
I can walk my dog more than 3 kilometres without getting tired or sore.
I have gone from a size 32/5x to a loose 20/1x.
I no longer have to tilt the steering wheel up in my car to get out.
I have a much better relationship with my bathtub.
People are starting to not recognize me and once they do they tell me how different I look.
I have made so many wonderful friends through OH and my local support group.  I am so thankful for each one.
Things in the "boudoir" are amazing!  Who knew??? LOL
My kids are noticing that I am doing so much more with them.
I rode a swing at the park.
I can wear high heel shoes/boots just because I feel like it.

If I think of any more I will add them on but those are the major ones that come to mind right now.  Below is a comparison picture of me before my surgery this year and from a few weeks ago when I hit the 100 lbs lost mark.  It never would have been possible without my RNY.  Happy New Year to everyone :)  I hope your year is happy, healthy and prosperous!

I am little late posting this but I didn't want to forget to do it so I can remember exactly how I felt last weekend.  I posted a blog last year in October about taking the kids for a walk in the woods.  It was supposed to be a nice thing but at 359 lbs it was painful and upsetting.  I was in so much pain (back, hips, knees, shins) that I cried the entire last half of the walk.  I was so upset and pissed off with myself that I had let myself get that bad.  Well last weekend we decided to try it again.  I am down 95 lbs now so the walk should be easier.  We set out on that walk and I was determined to make it this time without crying.  I am so happy to say that I did it!  We walked and walked until the kids wanted to turn around...not me.  I could have kept going and I really wanted to.  I wasn't in pain or out of breath and I will remember this day for the happiness I felt, not the sadness of last year.  It's amazing how much can change in a year.  I am almost down 100 pounds in the 5 months since surgery and I am so pleased.  Thank god for this surgery, I have a second chance to be an active mom in my kid's lives.

Well today I hit two pretty major milestones.  I reached the halfway point in my weight loss and my BMI fell under 40 taking me into the obese category.  When I started this process my BMI was 52 so that was Super Morbidly Obese, I sailed through the Morbidly Obese stage and now I am Obese!  I'm getting there!  I am 90 pounds down in 19 weeks, I am only 10 pounds away from the 100 pound mark.  Pretty unbelievable.  I am thankful for this surgery and the second chance it's givin me.  I am healthier and happier and I feel great.  

It's been 3 months since my surgery as of today.  I never thought I would be down 72 pounds in 3 months!  I can't believe the difference it's made in my life and I still have about 100 pounds to go.  I am doing things with my kids that I never would have attempted at 359 pounds.  I ride a bike, play with my kids more, take them places I never would have considered and I am living their lives with them instead of watching from the sidelines.  I am so thankful that I had this done.  I am optomistic for the future and I am feeling great!

Ok well, I am going on vacation tonight and I will be gone for 2 weeks.  I am excited to take the kids swimming and fishing and boating.  I am not taking my scale with me because I am not speaking to it right now!  That son of a bitch has been playing with my emotions for the last 2 weeks and I need to take a break.  I have been stalled for 2 weeks AGAIN!!!  I am almost 6 weeks out and I am going to have to get used to these stalls because this one has been really hard on me.  I am hovering at 311 and I just want to get to 309 so I can say that I've lost 50 pounds.  For some reason, that's a magic number for me and my scale is taunting me.  So this is my chance to say EFF YOU scale and I won't be looking at it or any other scale for 2 weeks!

On the bright side, as of today all my food restrictions are lifted and I am flying solo.  I finish up my soft foods diet today and then tomorrow I am officially on the diet for life stage.  Wow, back on May 14 when I started Optifast I remember thinking that I was never going to be able to do this.  But guess what?!  I did it!!!  I am so proud of myself for that.  

See you all in a couple of weeks.  Stay safe :)  BBM me if you need me...(those who have my BBM)  :)

I went to Hamilton for my first follow up appointment this afternoon.  What a waste of time that was.  I was in there for literally 4 minutes and only spoke to the nurse.  She took my blood pressure, looked at an incision and went over my intake and I was done.  Back there on July 12th for my next follow up.  Hope it's a little more productive than this one was.

Well I did it!  I had my surgery on May 30, 2011 and I am feeling a little better each day.  The first week out was ROUGH.  I won't candy coat it...it sucked!  But I am 9 days post-op today and I am starting to feel good.  The pain is starting to go away, but the weakness is still there.  I am really tired.  It's hard to do day to day stuff because my energy level is so low.  I am starting to get all my fluids in but the vitamins are difficult.  I am working on it.  Here's to better days ahead.

So here I sit waiting for a phone call.  It's amazing to me how one simple phone call can change the course of your life.  A simple phone call can take someone away from you or bring a new life to you.  A simple phone call can crush your dreams, make you rich, make you sad, make you worry, bring inexplicable happiness or relief.  I am starting to hate that I never know just what the next phone call will bring.  Lately it seems that I am getting too many of the calls that take someone away from me.  I am so stressed out at the thought of this phone call and life in general that I am seriously considering some anti-anxiety medicine.  I just feel like I can't breathe.