Goal Reached?? Not all sunshine & light...

Jan 10, 2011

 Today I'm 40...

My goal was to be a healthy, "happy" 40 year old.  I think for the most part I'm healthy.  I go to the gym, eat what I should, eat things I shouldn't and for the most part, my life is back to 'normal'.

But am I happy?  I love being small...well at least 129 lbs. smaller than I was, but will I ever be satisfied?  I'd like to lose another 15 lbs., but I have been stuck in the 163 - 166 range forever, and it seems as though this just might be it for me.  That makes me a little sad and a lot feeling guilty.  I'm not 300 lbs anymore and I should be damn grateful for this fact, but it just seems that I wish I could go just a little bit farther...

I am exhausted all the time.  My mood swings are hell on me, my family and those around me.  I have no idea what to do to even them out.  I hate being melancholy all the time...I want to be ecstatic that I got this far, and yet for some reason I can't be.

All my levels are right on, I'm not lacking in anything but energy and happiness.  Ugh.

This tool we were given certainly doesn't solve all our issues and I never had the illusion that it did.  Being thin isn't the magic pill for happiness, I realize that.  I'm not exactly miserable either, just so darn tired all the time...If I could sleep the days away...

Sorry, I think I drifted off there for a bit...

Today I'm 40...

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