Sheila2813

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I'm 37 days away from my surgery, working hard to try and catch up and leave everything ready for when I take my 2 weeks off. I'm an Accountant for a roofing contractor so the beginning of the year is busy time for me. Went to my post op appointment on Thursday, I was very happy to finally meet the dr and staff, I was overall happy with everything. They took the liberty and made all my pre-op appts for me.

HOWEVER, the first test I needed to have done was an Upper GI, the appointment was set for yesterday, Sat, 1/7 and I was disappointment with the center I was sent to, it was in a very grimy, sad looking building, with an inadequate staff and tons of people. I was not that bothered by that until after I was called inside the xray tech advised me that they would not be able to do the test because their equipment was not made to use on persons over 300lbs. You can imagine my shock, how could my surgeons office make such a stupid mistake and send me to a center that could not tailor to larger persons when this is what they do! I was embarrassed and upset at the waste of time.

My surgeons office was closed because it was a Saturday, so I sent an email to the advocate assigned to me and copied the doctor. I really hope this was just a fluke and they could take care of this. I want to get the best pre op care possible, I'm so paranoid it's the only thing that will make me feel a bit more secure on surgery day to know that at least everything that could be tested for before had was done. 

Tomorrow I'm starting on a low carb diet to help me lose as much weight as possible before my surgery, I will be on this diet for 3 weeks before I have to start the 2 week pre-op diet assigned by my dr. We will see how it goes.

I think for me the dieting and all the preparation I have to go through will not bother me as much as the fear of the surgery and any complications after surgery, but that is the one thing out of my hands and I must leave that to fate.

 

I'm one week a way from my consultation appointment (thur, jan 5) and I'm already feeling anxious. You should all know that I'm an extreme paranoid, everything worries me and I somehow always think the worst out of health situations. That is one of my concerns for after I have my surgery is if every little symptom I feel is going to make me think its something life threatening.

I was never like that before but approximately 7 years ago I lost a few persons that were very close to me back to back including my brother and a best friend, they all passed away at a young age and I think that traumatized me in a way to make me feel that life is extremely fragile (which it is) but maybe more so in my head.

So now I'm ready to get the weight loss process started but the idea of the surgery and complications has me a little frazzled. BUT on the other hand I am trying to keep myself leveled by thinking of how healthy I'm going to feel again, how I might possibly find myself again, I can go shopping with my girlfriends again and even look pretty AND SEXY again. It's so hard to look back and see the way I let myself go and how I lost the person I used to be. Although I always had a weight problem, when I was able to take a hold and work out and be healthy, I loved myself and never had self esteem issues, which I think is difficult for most women to say even skinny ones! lol

I can't wait to run around with my son and make him exercises (he's lazy lol), do outdoor activities with my husband. We used to always go kayaking and the last time we went (close to a year ago) they wouldn't let us rent a tandem kayak because I was too heavy and gave me one made to ride by 2 persons to use just by myself. I was with my best friend and my husband and of course was humiliated!! In my true 'Sheila' fashion I made jokes and shrugged it off but we have never gone kayaking again. So I have made a promise to myself that as soon as I lose enough weight I will be going to rent a one person kayak and taking a damn picture to post!! lol

For those of you that have been brave enough to friend me on this site you will see plenty of posts from me, I think writing down (typing), speaking about things that bother or scare you is important because it takes their power away some. When we leave thoughts in our heads to ourselves they can consume us and give the illusion of being worse than what they really are. I was happy to find this website where I can share my fears and know that I am not alone.

I'll keep you all (or myself) ongoingly posted and let's see what happens. I'm looking forward to 2012 and hope it's the year where I get my life back.

- Sheila