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Thursday.  My weigh in day. . . I step on, listening for the big drum roll please! Don don don. Nothing.  Not one pound from surgery!  3 weeks later and nothing!  Totally bummed and feelin lower then low,  I remind myself of swelling and body adjustments and blah blah blah.  I go online to send out loves to others when the phone rings,  SIL "Hi Skinny!! How you doin?" ARGH!!  Brother calls "So How much weight have you lost already?!"  AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!  SO  I jump online and send out a Ranting post about my lack of weight loss and the failure that I am, I spent thousands of dollars to lose 14 pounds!!  It was lovely really, not.
Thank heavens for all the wonderful people here.  The support poured in and all the reminders that they have been here and I am going to get through this and I am normal and its okay. .  How lucky am I to have found this site.   I will do this.  I will not fail again. next week will be different. and if not, well I will turn to my friends again.

       So I survived the 2 weeks of Bandster Hell.  I had to do it my way, but I survived.   Its been now 2 weeks and I am almost me again!  I have done some errands and been to the movies. . . not so fun with a protein drink but hey!  I was out and about. The surgery was so much more painful then I thought it was going to be, the gas and the physical drain on me put me in a place I don't want to go back to ever. 

My only problem now is energy, still lacking, but I think it might have something to do with my cycle which nicely came a week and 1/2 early.  Another side effect of surgery they don't tell ya about.  it screws up your cycle for about 3 to 6 months after!!  once this passes I think I will be whole. It will be nice to feel as energetic as I need to be.
I don't regret the surgery and I am so excited about the idea of loosing even more weight. remember the Doc says to me, "obese women of your age tend to gain between 3 to 8 pounds during their cycle"  I'll take the 8 please!  I don't mind dropping another 8 pounds thank you very much!!

This is the first day that I have been able to sit at the computer and write. I want to be honest with myself and everyone during my journey so good bad and the ugly will be here.
  I have read and scoured this site and I felt really prepared for everything but not that Gas nothing hurt like that before.  You just think that there is no way this is gas, it hurts too much!  Walking did help though.  I still can't believe that. 

 We called the Doc the second day out and explained the pain,  We're freaked and he was all Mr. Calm telling me to walk.  I was thinkin, fine I'll walk and you can meet me in the Emergency tomorrow with an apology!"  So I shuffeled around and as I did I would kinda twist and rotate my arms.  any real movements to "move the gas"  I looked like a freaky zombie, but you can't listen to kids.  I would stand for a while after my walks and sure enough I would statr to pass gas.  Even though I was burping the whole time, from recovery room on, I hadn't tooted that was the secret.  I started to feel just a bit better with each sweet toot. 

  Today is much better then yesterday which means tomorrow will be even better!  I am still sore, but its duable,  I have pain meds that I take when I need to. I walk and I have gone up and down the stairs.  I am glad I made it through.  Even with all that I feel right now, with the pain so fresh, I have no regrets.  This is the best thing I have ever done. I have lost 13 pounds on the pre-op diet which means I am offically lighter then I was 9 years ago. This life is a blessing and so was the surgery.  Everyday is a new day for me.  Thank you to my friends on here for all the support and love, it was greatly appreciated and needed.

Hey there.

I survived the 2 week liquid protein diet with a bit of plain tuna here or there. it seem to be the only way for me and I can honestly say i did my best.  Today is clear liquid only, no protein and today is the day i feel the hungriest and the most tired.  In fact i am leaning over in my chair right now its hard to hold myself up.  I haven't posted on the boards in a few days. and I was quite the troll before.  I guess I don't have enough mental energy to do it.  I spent my whole life planning, worrying and doing for someone else this is the first time that I have completely focused on me.  its weird. Not sure I like it. But it was needed to get here.  Here I am, tomorrow is the surgery.  I am less nervous today then I have ever been! Is it lack of brain energy? or relief? I don't know.  I wnet to the boards, read but still couldn't post.  I came here because I know I need to.  I can do this.  I will do this and my life will change, for the better. I can do this I will do this and my life will change for the better.
The support of the OH has been wonderful. I am grateful for it and my Band Buddy Cutie, who has been with me through this all. I think I will take a nap.  maybe I need it.

Hey. I am still here. still drinking, the headaches haven't been bad but man, the breath stinks literally!  it is so bad I can't really discribe it. My other problem is I am scatter brained, more then normal thank you! I have such a hard time listening and keeping a thought in my head.  I have cheated once or twice.  I'd like to think it wasn't really cheating. . . okay I know. I made the best choice though.  I had some plain tuna, 13 grams of protein and no carbs.  that has to be worth some points right?  hoepfully my Doc isn't reading this . Actually the tuna helped with the headache and the brain power, weird.  So the protein shakes aren't so bad if you get a good brand.  Flavor is really up to the beholder but its the texture that is the problem for me, and yes! I mean texture.  Some are just thicker and some are chalky or grainy.  So far the syntrax are the best. They mix well and I can stomach them.  I also got some unflavored to mix with broth once in a while. Gotta have somethng savory too!   7 more days of protein!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its my second day on  Protein drinks. I have a two week pre-op of just protein drinks. . .is it bad to say I am sick of it already?  UGH!   it's not that I miss food so much,  its just that well, I miss the option of food. Of chewing, and trying something different. I guess I miss food. Crap.  I must be an addict. great and I thought I was so different . "wink"  I am going to go to a nutrition place on monday and find some different options besides sweet milkshake flavors.  The sweet is getting to me already.   I get the whole diet after thing, I really do!  But this before stuff stinks! I mean after surgery, you can't eat, you don't want to, you have a purpose, to heal, and get healthy.  Now? Nope! I just can't eat, I can but I can't.  Man!  The kids are going to be eating quite a few quick meals these weeks cause I am not realy thinking and planning meals through right now. DH is doing this with me, not the surgery just the diet right now.  Sweetie.   But of course he gets to leave the house and be out in the real world with options. . .Stop it!!!

Is it possible?  I had the most perfect Pre-Op Visit ever!  Nope!  I mean it!  and I'm not even Braggin.  I had some fears and concerns, and I went in.  Ready get some answers. There was my Doctor and a FULL Support Team.  Dr Schlesinger  Is amazing and wonderful and he helped me to be calm and relaxed and even more excited about the surgery.  Is that possible?!!  I am so Lucky to have found him and This site and my friends here were a huge help to me!!   It is all feeling very real right now.  When it all hit me later after the meeting, I had a bit of a freak out,  But I am so excited about it all!! Even the freak out was good!  Life is good and Pre-Op is Grande!

As the surgery gets closer I am astonished at all of my emotions.  Seemingly, they are endless. From horrific nightmares to guilt about taking so much money from my family because I don't have any will power and doubt that this is the right thing for me and will work at all.  Everyone tells me this is all normal. . . Well its not normal for me!  I already had those feelings of doubt before i decided to really do this!  I have spent a lifetime of guilt because of my weight.  I thought I was done with all that!  And so, I am proud to say,now its all done!  a good friend suggested i make a list.  a list of everything I would be gaining with the WLS.  a list of everything I would now be able to do because of the WLS.  I am me again!!  I am the "I am so excited about this new change in my life!" Person again!  This is the right thing.  This is where I am supposed to be.  This will make me a better wife and mother.  This will make me happier and healthier.  This will help me find ME.  I am going to have this surgery, I am going to follow the plan as my new religion and I am, from this moment on ,creating a new and improved Me!! 

I have noticed lately that I am just not comfortable in my own skin anymore. I have always been comfortable with who I am and how I look basically, you know.  I figured we all come in different shapes and sizes and I was just supposed to be big.  Granted I have decided these last few years that this was too big for me, but still.  I dress well and I do everything I can to look as good as a 300 pound woman can.  But latley I find myself actually wanting to apologize for being so big.  when people pass by me or make eye contact its like there is this voice in my head saying "This isn't me! I am making changes! Sorry I'm so fat but I'm working on it really!"  "I don't think this is okay either!"
What is Wrong with me?!!  I guess I should just be grateful I haven't actually said them out loud yet huh?  Man if this is what the surgery does to your head pre-op whats next?
signed; tryin to keep my mouth shut!!

Well here starts the journey!   I have a date of Aug 8th.  They are remodeling the OR and so i have to wait.  Thats okay I guess because I am taking a trip the first week of July, and  i didn't want to be fresh out of surgery and traveling out of state.  There is a higher power ya know?  I am very excited and nervous.  They told me the date and I was dissappointed, Too far away, I thought.  But then reality hit me, Wow.  I have  date.  Wow. This is going to happen.  I have to keep telling myself this again and again.  I have this fear, I know its common, but what if I do this, I spend all this money, and I don't loose weight?  What if this doesn't work for me?  I have never known thin. I don't know what it feels like and I don't know what I would look like.  I can't see myself thin/smaller whatever.  I looked at my closet the other day, how weird is this?  I got sad. really,  I was going to miss some of those clothes. I tried to tell myself i would buy new smaller clothes how fun would that be!  But then I looked at my beautiful teal blouse that looks so good on me...I feel stupid, I know.  It was just weird.

I am so afraid of plastics after.  This really is the reason I avoided doing the surgery two years ago.  I just don't want to be cut up like a rag doll, I don't want to take all the healing time away from my family.  I would need a full body lift and arms and butt and so on.  Very scary.  I am going to join a Gym and start toning now.  My Hunny promises to love me no matter whats hangin, but I see some pics and i think "whoa thats alot to ask.".  Maybe I wont have a really low goal?  Maybe I will just be a big girl!  Anything is better then 300 pounds.  I just want to be under 2.  I haven't had that since high school.