2003 - The Journey Begins

Jun 16, 2009

3/15/03 - I am a 46-year old married lady for 25 years to a great guy. I have two grown children, a 24-year old son (still living at home) and a 21-year old daughter who is in the Navy aboard an aircraft carrier. My 3-year old grandson (my son's child) lives with us part-time. I am a native New Yorker from Brooklyn who has been living in New Jersey for the last ten years (Toms River, NJ)! Would love to hear from local WLS'ers in my area. I weigh 336 and am 5' 5". I still work in NYC and commute 2 hours in each direction every day!

6/11/03 - OK, everything is set and ready. Only five more days to go -- finished pre-op testing at the hospital and met Dr. Coppa, the second surgeon on the team. I liked him a lot -- much more personality that McMullen. He said that they will definately take out my gall bladder at the same time as the RNY as I already have gallstones. He thinks that my scar tissue from two cesearans and a hysterectomy may present a problem for LAP, and may need to switch to Open, but won't know for sure till he gets a look inside. Well - here's hoping for the best. I'll post again after surgery....

6/22/03 - Released from the hospital yesterday - they were able to do the surgery Lap -- have six holes -- I'm home, feeling a bit run down - will post more when I have more energy!


My beloved husband and me on our 25th Wedding Anniversary before Surgery

6/24/03 - First official weigh-in since surgery - 319 - That is 16 lbs gone forever in one week! Had my drain tube removed and given the thumbs up to drive if I don't take any pain medication. I really haven't been taking the pain pills except at night to sleep.

7/1/03 - down another 9 #s to 310. Got scolded today by nutritionist in Drs office for rushing the solid foods. Will go back to being a good girl!

7/7/03 - down another 4#s to 306. Having trouble getting all the water in - made a thoughtless mistake yesterday and lifted my 54# dog that got out of the yard -- hurting a bit today. Stupid!

7/15/03 - Had my official one month weigh-in at the Dr's office today -- weighed in at 301. That is a loss of 35#s in one month. Feels good.

7/25/03 - I have been fluctuating between 294 and 297 for the last week -- extremely frustrated. I have been eating less than 1000 calories per day. I do know that I haven't been getting in all my water and wonder if that alone can make the difference. I'm also eating some carbs (in the form of tortillas), but I didn't think it was enough to do damage. Three days ago, I starting exercising every day -- I'm determined to do that for at least one week and see if it helps get me jump started again. I did a bit better with water today - gonna keep trying, but I need to see some more progress again soon!

8/5/03 - Although I'm not due back to work till 8/18 (thanks Doc for granting me so much time off (9 weeks)), I went into the office yesterday from 7:30-4. Those in the office that care about me were very complimentary and said that my 47 pound weight loss was noticeable. I myself can't see it when I look in the mirror, but definately notice it in my clothes. Then I went and got a haircut and perm. By the time I got home at 8:30pm I was exhausted! Then today I got on the scale and had lost another pound -- Great ! Total loss to date 48 pounds -- Hooray!

8/16/03 - Today I am exactly two months post op and down 52.5 pounds (283.5). Although I would like it to be more, I am mostly satisfied. Monday, I return to work full-time and although part of me is looking forward to having something to focus on, the stress of the job along with the recent layoffs are making me dread it. The employee morale in the office is so depressing, and I've gotten a phone call from the office almost every day since I am out of the hospital - Oh well - life marches on! I joined Curves on 7/23 and have been exercising most every day -- something I'll miss when I go back to work and will have to cut down to three times a week.

8/22/03 - Today I got measured at Curves for the first time since I joined. In the month since 7/23, I lost 11.5 pounds and 14.25 inches. Yes! Next update will be on 9/16 after I weigh in at my surgeon's for my 3-month follow-up.

9/1/03 - Although I hadn't meant to post till after my 3-month follow up, I got on the scale today and found that I had passed my next "mini-goal" of 275 and am now at 274. That is a total of 62 pounds in 11 weeks, an average of 5.6 pounds per week. I hope I can keep this pace up, but I know that is unrealistic.

9/25/03 - Just an update to say that I weighed 265 this morning - a total loss of 71 pounds since surgery. I also got measured at Curves for the 2nd time this week and have lost another 11 inches this month. I'm wearing a comfortable size 22 in pants and an 18/20 in tops! Yeah!

9/30/03 - I just need to vent a bit, and since I can't do it thru food anymore by stuffing myself, I thought I would use this forum. Although I've posted from time to time, I tend to be more of a lurker. Sorry if this is too long! Anyway, as for feeling sorry for myself -- I have been dealing for the last month with the knowledge that my husband is not going to beat the cancer he has been fighting since 1997! The Drs are now saying that anything over six months will be a "gift." Well-every day of the last 26 years with my wonderful DH has been a gift! I know in my head that I have to deal with this, but my heart isn't there. How do I deal with this? How do I be strong for him and my kids, and still keep myself together? I pursued WLS surgery earlier this year relentlessly in an effort to save my own life and ensure I had a future, knowing that after my DH was gone, I would be in no emotional shape to start this journey and fight for myself. This surgery has been a blessing and been unbelievely easy for me (one of the lucky ones), and although I have a long way to go yet, this journey so far has been a positive experience which I have focused on despite the other very negative things going on in my life. In the past, I've gotten support from some of the wonderful people I've worked with. Well, our little company was bought by a big bank, many of my colleagues were "made redundant" (what a term), and now this month, I have been transferred to a new location, reporting to a new boss and I am so unhappy here. I can't afford to sacrifice the salary and the benefits in view of my husband's illness to go looking for a new job (I'm the sole bread winner in the family now), and have to hang on for as long as possible. It's depressing! Now, for the first time in my WLS journey, I feel like I am starting to sabotage myself and the one positive thing happening in my life. For the last two nights, I have eaten almost a whole (large) chocolate muffin each night! Leftover from weekend guests. Too many calories, too many carbs - no dumping to police my actions! I'm not getting enough of my water in, starting to forget to take all my vitamins and eating too many carbs in general. Of course, my weight loss has slowed as a result. Once again, I am a smart intelligent woman! I know what I have to do, yet I can't seem to snap myself into appropriate action. This is, of course, the same way I gained all the weight in the first place!

10/6/03 - Another weight and clothes update. As of this morning I am 260, a total of 76 pounds gone. I also finished going thru both of my closets this weekend, and have weeded out what is entirely too big now! Have sent out a total of 21 boxes of clothes so far to charity and people from AMOS. Makes me feel good to help others. I now have to re-sort the remaining clothes by sizes rather than types so that I can wear the bigger stuff first -- maybe only once or twice more before they go off to another worthy owner! I still have to work hard to get enough water in, and remind myself to take all my vitamins and such. Am thinking about trying the Vista Vitamins so I only have to think about it twice a day - they're awfully expensive though, but I'm worth it!

10/16/03 - Just a quick update. I am exactly four months post op today -- weighed in at 256 this morning for a total of 80 pounds lost. Hoping to make it an even 100 by the end of the year, but they may be wishful thinking! Still having trouble getting in all my water - doing better with my vitamins and keeping the carb level low. Also doing better with the exercise - one positive (maybe) aspect of my new office location is that I have to walk a mile from Port Authority in NYC to get to it, so that makes two miles a day I'm walking, as well as my frequent (4x week) visits to Curves! It's official now - nothing that I wore prior to surgery fits. Everything has either been donated, given to others on their own WLS journey or trashed. For the first time that I can remember, you can see "space" between the clothes hanging in my closet. I have to curb the urge to fill it up!

10/17/03 - It's official - I've been in denial about it for two weeks now, but can't deny it anymore. I'm losing my hair! It's coming out in clumps when I wash it and every time I put a brush or comb thru my hair, I have to clean out a handful of hair. I know this is only temporary, but how long does it last? Will it get to bad you can see my scalp? Any helpful suggestions or reassurance is helpful. My husband teased me about it this morning - said it was only fair since he is losing his hair due to the chemotherapy he is going thru, that I should lose mine too! I teased back saying that mine would grow back on my head, but his would only grow back in his ears and nose, since there is not a whole lot on his head anyway! LOL.

11/1/03 - I had to post that I just passed my next mini-goal and have broken 250! I am now at 249 (87 pounds gone!).

11/3/03 - I can't help it, I'm happy today. Got on the scale this morning to find out that I lost 6 pounds this week! Bringing my total to 90 pounds lost since 6/16 - I am now 246. That means that my joining the Century Club is within spitting distance -- my goal will be to get there by my birthday on November 21st!

11/16/03 - Today I am exactly 5 months post-op and I have lost 97 pounds to 239! I want to make it 100 by Friday which is my 47th birthday! I'm going to work extra hard this week to keep those devil-delicious carbs away from my mouth and go to Curves a few extra times! I think joining the Century Club will be a wonderful birthday present.

11/20/03 - I started this part of my WLS journey in June with a BMI of 55.7 (Super Obese), gradually made my way to Morbidly Obese, and have now reached a BMI of 39.4 (Severely Obese). I have lost a total of 99½ pounds and am now weigh 236.5. I am only ½ pound of joining the Century Club – and when I do; I’m going to give myself a standing ovation! I started wearing a size 30/32 and am now down to a size 18! I haven’t been in a teen size since I myself was a teenager (and that was a long time ago)! Even when I was near a similar weight about ten years ago, I was in a larger size, which goes to show that all the walking and exercising at Curves I am doing is paying off with the loss of inches. Last time I measured I had lost a total of 50 plus inches, and I will be getting measured again this weekend, and expect that number to increase.

I follow the MB daily, and when I read about people’s struggles to get insurance approval, incredibly long waits for a surgery date, failure of getting support from their own families or post-op complications, I sometimes feel terribly guilty. Then, I realize just how incredibly lucky I am.

I researched WLS for several months, and armed with information I obtained from this website, I got all my documentation in order, got my medical testing done quickly, and was able to get insurance approval on the first try. I had my first surgeon consult on April 1 and had surgery on June 16th. After an initial struggle with my husband accepting my decision to go ahead with WLS, he came through with flying colors and has been a great support and is very proud of me. My parents, children, other family and even my colleagues have been nothing but supportive and encouraging. My co-workers call me “the incredible shrinking woman” and I love it! I have only heard one negative opinion on my decision, and it wasn’t worth a second thought!

The recovery from lap surgery was easier and less painful than either of my cesareans, and I don’t dump! I can eat pretty much anything I want, just smaller quantities. At first this scared me, because I was afraid I’d overdo, but I have managed to offset the days that I may have a few more carbs than I should by upping my protein the next day. Also, since I can have a taste of anything, I don’t feel deprived – I even managed to only eat one small mini-bar during Halloween week, and I didn’t miss the candy fix – that was a powerful feeling!

Finally, I want to thank you my Amos buddies – this board is an incredible support system, and I find I need my OH fix every day! I have been fortunate to get to know some wonderful people on this site, and hopefully will meet them in person one day (Las Vegas in January will accomplish some of that!).

Lastly, for those of you who know about my husband’s illness, thank you for your incredible support and prayers, and even a kick in the ass when I needed it! Ouch!

Also, when I realize how close I am to losing my DH of 27 years, in addition to being saddened, I also realize again how incredibly lucky I have been – to have this man in my life, as my partner, someone who has always made me feel loved and treasured and above all – someone whom to this day (even how sick he is) makes me LAUGH!

I guess I’ve posted this because I just feel so grateful today – for my life so far, my family and friends and to WLS for giving me a future to look forward to! Love and Hugs to all wherever you may be on your journey…….

11/21/03 - I DID IT -- Down 100 pounds as of this morning to 236! Whoopi!!!!

12/1/03 - I make it thru Thanksgiving dinner just fine -- had 21 guests, cooked all by myself, everything went great -- even managed to taste a bite of most things with no problem -- even lost a pound when I weighed in on Friday. But now my problems start -- the Thanksgiving leftovers are killing me -- my guests brought a huge box of Italian patries, and though I sent guests home with doggy bags, some remain. I don't dump, so I have had a cannoli (or two or three!). Can't throw them out cause the rest of my family is enjoying and don't want to deprive them. I've gained two pounds since Friday -- Ack! I'm getting back on the horse and the program today -- should be a bit easier since I'm back at work and out of reach of the leftovers!

12/12/03 - I had my 6 month follow up with the Dr today -- down to 231 -- she was very pleased with my progress and my bloodwork overall, but she wants me to up my protein and my iron, as well as work on minimizing the "bad fat." She also gave me a "goal weight" of 155 which is less than I thought it would be, but not unrealistic. I would be happy at 170, but we'll try for 155.

12/23/03 - Just an update -- down 111 pounds today, making my next mini-goal to break 225. Had to return several brand-new size 18 pants to the store this past weekend, as they just are a bit too baggy already. Was able to replace them in a size 16 which feels so good. I am able to buy "some" items (depending on make and cut) in the Misses size, rather than Plus size for the first time that I can remember.

Had to rush to hospital last Thursday evening when my DH was taken to the ER - after three blood transfusions and other tests, he was stabalized enough to be released last night so that he can be home for the holidays. Since it will be his last Christmas on Earth (I'm being realistic), I want to ensure that it is both a happy and memorable holiday for the entire family. Having my daughter home for two weeks on leave from the Navy is icing on the cake. My son is having a tough time with his own responsibilities lately, but he has been such a great help in taking care of his father during recent weeks, and stepped up to the plate in getting his Dad to the hospital and the proper care since I was so far away (at work 2 hrs away)when it was needed. Although I've told him, I hope he knows how much I love him and appreciate his help. Merry Christmas to all!

12/26/03 - My daughter who is away in the Navy wrote this poem for her Dad and I and presented it to us (framed) while she was home for Christmas. This is the kid who I thought ignored everything I said and couldn't wait to leave home! Obviously, I am very proud of her and I was bawling like a baby when I read it. I just wanted to share!

Best Friends -- By Faith Ryan

Friend is a word
That is commonly misused
I know the true meaning
Now that I am no longer confused

A friend is someone
Who will listen to you complain
Someone who will cheer you up
When you're feeling drained

A friend can tell when you're smiling
But truly hurting underneath
A friend will let you know
When you got food stuck in your teeth

When you're lost and confused
No one else is there but your friend
Even though yesterday
They were hurting and you weren't there for them

I wish I would've realized a lot sooner
How lucky I've always been
It's hard to voice emotion
So I bleed it through this pen

I hope that this poem
Will open up your eyes
To what's in my heart
Where my appreciation lies

I've always tried to conceal my feelings
Hiding behind a mask
But you could always see right through it
As if my disguise were made of glass

I love you Mom
And I love you Dad
As Jeff once said...
You're the best parents we've ever had

As friends come and go
Some memories good and some bad
I'll ALWAYS have two Best Friends
My Mom and My Dad!

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