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Today I went to Duluth for my one year follow up appointment with Dr. Pitt. Even though it was only a doctor's appointment, it was very exciting for me.  I can't believe that a year has passed already.  I can't believe that I've lost over 100 lbs in this past year!  I was also anxious to ask him all the questions that I don't feel can be adequately answered by the doctors in town.

When I got there the nurse weighed me.  On their scale I weighed 148 lbs which is down 112 lbs!  After the nurse took my weight he didn't add it to my chart before the doctor got a hold of it though.  So when the doctor was looking at my chart before coming into the room, the last weight on there was from last April and I still weighed over 200 lbs.  The doctor thought that I had done horribly and was expecting to walk in to find a still much overweight person in the office! 

I told the doctor of my plan to be 130 lbs and how the weight loss has slowed down significantly now.  He didn't seem at all worried about that.  He actually told me to "slow down".  He said that he would be happy if I stayed exactly where I was, and in fact he said that if I gained 5 lbs he would be happy.  He did say that I lost 89% of my excess weight, but I'm not really sure how he calculates that.  So I'll keep working on my weight loss.  It is slow now...about 3 lbs per month.  But I also plan to increase my time in the gym, so maybe that will kick start it again.  I'd still like to shoot for 130 lbs by summer time...so that will be my goal.

I haven't had any complications from the surgery.  This past year has gone by fairly uneventful.  My iron did start to drop toward the Fall time and I began iron supplements, which led to bathroom issues unfortunately.  I'm now on my 3rd type of iron which will hopefully help to increase my iron levels, but not be so hard on my body.  At my last blood work my iron was only at a 3 so the doctor really wants me to work on getting that back up.  

I also told Dr. Pitt about some discomforts I've been having (which I attributed to the constipation / iron issues).  I told him that I occasionally get bloated and my stomach gets distended, I have some nausea and vomitting occasionally, just out of the blue, and I have a slight discomfort right in the middle of my abdomen just below my rib cage.  He told me that he would like to do surgery to investigate to see if I have a hernia, as well he'd like to take my gall bladder out.  I told him that I've had very little typical gall bladder type pain.  But he said that in his experience the symptoms I describe will almost always go away once the gall bladder has been removed.  He said that if I have the usual gall bladder tests (ultrasound and hida scan) they will most likely come back as being clear, which is why it would be hard to get a doctor in Thunder Bay to agree to remove my gall bladder.  The problem now is that Dr Pitt cannot request OHIP coverage for me to have this surgery done in the States.  Only an Ontario doctor can apply for OHIP funding and it will usually only be approved if the Ontario doctor can say that I cannot get adequate treatment in Ontario and therefore require surgery out of town.  OHIP would deny gall bladder surgery because any Ontario surgery can remove a gall bladder.  However Dr. Pitt's concern is if I don't see a surgeon who specializes in bariatric surgery, he may not look for hernias while he is in there, and he may also not understand how the anatomy should look after RNY.  So I'm really hoping that I can go back to Duluth for this exploratory / gall bladder surgery.  Dr Pitt sent a letter to my family doctor and also to the surgeon who is following me here in Thunder Bay to explain his assessment, so I guess we'll see where it goes from here.

I also had an appointment with a plastic surgeon here in town and he has submitted the paperwork to OHIP to have the excess skin on my tummy removed!  Yay!!!!  I also would like to have my boobs lifted, but he says that I couldn't have it done at the same time as it would be too much surgery all at once.  So he is going to do tummy first and then boobs.  I'm excited and nervous about all of this.  And I'm a little unsure about where to fit it all in if I do have to have gall bladder surgery.  I should hear back from OHIP by the end of April.

Other than all of this, nothing much is new.  Spring is around the corner and I'm looking forward to getting out for daily walks with my husband again.  I am really attempting to make it to the gym 3 times a week, but so far am only averaging about once a week, so I really have to step that up.  Things have just been soooo busy!  But I know that is no excuse.  Life is always going to be busy, so I'm going to have to find extra time in and around the things I am already committed to.

I plan to post some updated pictures soon.  I did take some new ones on March 17th (my actual one year anniversary) but I haven't yet transferred them onto the computer for posting.

Tomorrow it will be 4 months since my surgery.  I have lost a total of 68ish pounds.  I say "ish" because I have been up and down constantly and it is getting a bit frustrating.  I was hoping to be losing more than 8 - 10 lbs per month at this point, but it looks like that is all I'm going to do.  And when I look back several weeks I can see that I've lost weight. But when I look back only one week I see that I've gone done a couple of pounds and then back up so I'm basically back to where I was 7 days ago.  UGH.

I am now weighing myself on 2 scales!  LOL  I weigh myself at home every morning.  It is an analog scale and is a little harder to read the little lines in between the numbers so it is always a rounded weight to the closest line on the scale.  At work we have a digital scale that weighs to one decimal place.  It is about 2 lbs heavier than my scale at home, so now I am keeping 2 records...my home weight and my work weight!  How pathetic is that!?

Anyway, I only started weighing myself at work June 23...so about 3 weeks ago.  I started at 201.6 lbs. Today I am 194.2.  So that is a loss of 7.4 lbs and should make me happy.  But I'm not because on July 9 I was 194.4, stayed there a bit, went up slightly, went back down, then down a little more, then back up and now I'm back to where I started 7 days ago! 

June 23 – 201.6
June 25 – 200.8
June 28 – 199.2
June 30 – 198.6
July 2  – 199.2 (started period)
July 5 – 198.0
July 6 – 196.8
July 8 – 195.4
July 9 – 194.4
July 12 – 194.4
July 13 – 195.6
July 14 – 194.6
July 15 – 193.8
July 16 – 194.2

I did start going to the gym this week however.  I've only gone twice.  My short term goal is to go 3 times per week and then continue walking in the evenings on the other days.  I will slowly work up to 5 times per week at the gym.  This week I didn't get out for a walk though (did on Sat and Sun but not since) so the gym has sort of just taken the place of my walks and didn't actually add on to what I was already doing.  Although I do work harder at the gym than I do on the walks. 

I've only done cardio so far (elliptical and treadmill) because I am still a little too intimidated to try the weight machines.  At the last gym I belonged to there was a women's only section completely closed off to the rest of the gym and so I wasn't self conscious at all.  In this gym everything is open and the weight machines surround all of the cardio machines and there are so many young, healthy and in shape guys there, who focus a lot on weight training.  And I'm a little too self conscious still around all of that!  Also because I haven't really done an orientation yet, I haven't yet identified where all the various machines are and I don't want to look like an idiot walking from machine to machine to see what it does, etc while people are using them.  So for right now I will use the cardio equipment.  I will work up to using the weight training equipment though.  Actually on the 21st I have signed up for an orientation to the weight machines, which I think will be very helpful.

Anyway, that is my update for now.  My original goal for myself was to be under 200 before my birthday, which I did.  Yay!  But once I did that I decided that maybe I really wanted to be under 190 for my birthday (which is in 2 weeks) and I'm not sure if that is going to happen now.  I get so close and then rebound again.  I really would like to lose a good 7 lbs (5 to get under 190 and 2 for wiggle room) in the next 2 weeks.  But considering it has taken me 3 weeks to lose the last 7 lbs, it isn't looking that good right now.

Looking forward (and realizing I'm only 4 months post-op) I wonder where I will be come Sept / Oct and where I will be when Christmas rolls around.  Considering there are 5 months until Christmas and averaging 8 lbs a month, I could essentially lose another 40 lbs before then.  And while that excites me, it also depresses me a little.  Maybe I am just selfish and unrealistic.  But to think I've already lost over 60 lbs, and that I could lose another 40 before Christmas and then STILL be overweight and have another 30ish lbs to lose just drives me crazy! 

But on the positive side, I feel really good now.  I think I am eating okay.  I have started to track stuff...even bad stuff if I happen to have something I shouldn't, and that helps to keep me accountable.  According to the numbers (calories, fat, protein) I think I am doing pretty good.  I still weigh my meats, and usually measure other foods.  Only if I eat at a restaurant do I guesstimate, and then I still only eat enough so that I am sufficiently satisfied.  Although I almost always walk away from the restaurant berating myself because I must have eaten too much! 

Since the weight seems to be coming off so slowly now, I am always "certain" that I am doing something wrong to ruin this opportunity that I've been given.  And I guess my only choice is to just keep following the rules, and keep chugging along and keep positive that one day I will realize my goal.

This week I weighed in at 201 lbs.  I am so close to being under 200 and I can't wait!!!

Yesterday was my son's graduation.  I bought a new dress.  I shopped all afternoon and tried on dresses that were XL.  One fit nicely, but I passed it up and continued looking.  But then I didn't find another dress that I liked as much and was too lazy to go back to the original store so I bought a "settle" dress.   But then last night when I got dressed I realized it didn't fit quite as nicely as I liked and so I didn't wear it.  That sort of brought down my mood for the night.

I have lost 59 lbs.  I can see it when I look in the mirror. I can see it when my clothes get too big and things that were way too small now fit.  And I usually feel really good about it.  But today I feel fat.  I think it may be because of yesterday's pictures.  I still look so awful in pictures and you can't really see the weight loss much at all.  My face is smaller, but I'm still fat and I look it and that makes me sad.

I know that I am on my way to not being fat, and I'm excited about it.  So I am mad at myself for feeling this way.  But I just feel blah and fat.  And I can't blame it on my period because I am over that now.  I didn't even gain any weight when I got my period this time.  And now is the time of month that I usually feel better about myself now that all the PMS is over.  It's strange.

But onward and upward.  Maybe we'll go for a nice long walk tomorrow and that will make me feel better.

I had an appt with Dr. Wyant last week.  It was my first with him since I had the surgery 10 weeks ago.  He didn't do much at this appt but take my weight and calculate my BMI and then give me my requisition for blood work (which is to be done monthly).  So now I don't go to see him again for a month to get my blood work results.

On his scale I weighed 213 lbs, which was a little disappointing because it was about 3 lbs more than what my home scale says.  But oh well, that usually  happens when you weigh on different scales.  It would have been nice if his scale was LESS than mine though!  LOL!  However that still calculates out to a 47 lb loss since I began this venture (and 37 lbs since I had surgery).  My BMI started at 47 and has now come down to 39.  So good things are happening.

I still struggle with thoughts of failure.  I still wish I was losing weight faster, but I do know that everyone loses at different rates and that as long as I follow "the rules" I will achieve my goal. 

I feel really good, almost too good if that makes any sense.  I don't feel as if I've had surgery at all.  I haven't had any problems with any foods.  All meats, veggies, fruit, salads go down fine and I get no negative after effects.  I still try to measure all my food because I can eat so well that I'm afraid that I will end up overdoing it quantity-wise.

That does give me some concern though.  About a month ago, if I ate too quickly or didn't chew enough I could feel the food kind of get stuck and it would be an awful, uncomfortable feeling.  That doesn't happen anymore.  I do concentrate on chewing really well and taking my time...but I know there have been times that I may have eaten a couple of bites a little too quickly...but I didn't get any discomfort.  I wonder about that, and will ask my doctor next time I see him.

I also still wonder about how to eat so that I have lasting postive effects from my surgery, so that I don't fail myself.  The other day I had pizza.  It was just one small piece and it went down fine.  And then about 2 hours later I had another 2/3 of a piece.  Rationally I know it is okay to eat pizza every once in a while.  And a year ago I would have had 4 or 5 or even 6 pieces of pizza at one time, and then still snacked on it later.  So I feel good about my one piece.  But then I worry.  What if it is wrong?  What if I shouldn't have had it?  What if it causes me to fail in the future?  What if, what if, what if......?  I know at this stage I am going to lose weight anyway, just because of the malabsorption.  So what if I am not eating right, and then when the malabsorption stops I end up gaining weight again!  UGH.  These are the thoughts I am going to have to wrap my head around and figure out.  

I did buy 2 books on weight loss surgery and plan on reading those.  One of them is how to be successful even years afterwards.  So hopefully that will give me some insight.

I am still having trouble finding time to exercise.  With all the activities the kids have right now, I am having trouble finding time to do ANYTHING, much less add exercise to my day.  It will only be about another month before that slows down a bit.  So I guess I will just try to get a walk in when I can for now, and then plan for the future.

I have about 9 or 10 lbs to lose before I am under 200 lbs and I am very excited to reach that goal! 

I drove to Duluth yesterday for my 6-week follow up appointment with Dr. Pitt.  He was great!  He answered all of my questions, reviwed my current diet, talked about my concerns and reviewed the other health issues I had listed when I first met him for my consult (ie sleep apnea, asthma, etc).  It was a great appointment.  He told me that I am right where I should be in the realm of weight loss, and has now cleared me to do more strenuous exercise.  Up until now I have only been walking.  But now I am considering joining McFit.  I used to be part of the Athletic Club, but found the monthly fees to be too high.

Dr Pitt also booked me another follow up appointment in another 6 weeks to have my labs done.  I won't meet with him, but will meet with one of the other people on the team.  I am also seeing Dr. Wyant here in town in a month and he will do lab work as well.  So I am not sure yet whether we will venture down to Duluth or not.  I'll see what's on my schedule closer to the date.  I do like the idea of keeping in touch with the whole bariatric team. 

Anyway, that is all for now.  I'm feeling good.  I have no pain whatsoever.  I seem to have completely returned to "normal"...whatever that means!

I am 5.5 weeks post-op and last night I had my first puking episode after I assume some meat got stuck.  It was not pleasant. LOL!

I made spareribs for supper.  I was SO looking forward to them!  I was also cutting up strawberries and pineapple for desert and while preparing it I ate a piece of strawberry.  I try so hard to consciously chew everything really well, but sometimes even though I am trying, a piece slips down my throat.  And that is what happened with the strawberry.  The pain in between my ribs started.  I sipped some water and really felt like I was going to throw up.  But it seemed to pass after a few minutes of discomfort and sweating and just plain yuckiness.  So I went back to preparing supper, now easily resisting the strawberries.  LOL.

However I wasn't going to get off that easy.  The ribs decided that they weren't going to like me as much as I really wanted to like them!  I took small bites and chewed so well.  But I guess it just wasn't my day to enjoy ribs.  I ended up back in the bathroom with the pain between the ribs...sweating, spitting and wishing I could just puke and get it over with.  Well my wish was granted.  As soon as I was rid of it, I felt better.   And fortunately I didn't have to wait too long with the pain and discomfort.  I did go to lie down after that though.  What a rough dinner!  LOL

Hubby thinks maybe it was too soon to try ribs, but I've eaten chicken and steak and ground beef...even bits of bacon and haven't had any trouble, so I don't know why ribs would be any different.  I'm sure it is just because I didn't chew as well as I thought I did, or maybe at too quickly.  I have a huge platter of left over (since I can't eat nearly as much as I use to) but I'm not sure I'm up to trying them out again.  LOL!

Today is post-op day #8, and while I am feeling much better "surgically", I am still having a hard time "internally".  My incisions are healing well, and are still sore of course, but much better.  I still have some pain from the surgery, but overall it is not too bad and coming along nicely.

But I am having such a hard time getting in any carnation instant breakfast. I cannot tolerate drinking it anymore.  I begin to gag just thinking about it.  I tried a new protein powder mix today, which tastes great, and normally I'd be chugging the stuff...but I just can't enjoy it now.  It is much too sweet, and it is hard for me to drink what I should.

I am getting water in okay. Of course in very small amounts which makes it difficult to be sure to get in enough water.  But the water seems to sit well with me and if I could just drink water all day, I'd be happy.

But I am afraid to let myself get hungry because then I get pain and discomfort, and I'm afraid to drink the protein drinks because I'm afraid of being gassy and bloated, I'm afraid to take any medications because it is all so gross I am afraid I will just throw it all back up.  UGH.  I feel like there is nothing I can do correctly to make me feel good.

I still have a tender spot right under my ribs, in the center of my belly.  It is kind of hard and tender to touch.  When I get bloated, it get bigger and more sore.  The swollen part of my belly on the left side is still swollen but isn't tender.  I just don't know what is normal, what I should feel, what might be considered not normal. 

I go next Wednesday for my first follow up at the Duluth Clinic.  I will see the RN and the dietician (who will begin me on pureed foods, if I can last that long). Hopefully the RN will have some answers for me, and will at least tell me if I am normal or not.  LOL

On the bright side, I seem to have lost 9 lbs since surgery (and 10 lbs on the liquid diet before that), which is GREAT, however I feel fatter now than when I went in for surgery, which is not so great.

Well, baby steps I guess.....

I'm home now.  I got home last night at around supper time.

Surgery was done March 17th.  I ended up having a late surgery because the one before me ended up running late by about 4 hours!  So I didn't get brought into the OR until about 7:00 pm and didn't get onto my floor until about 9:30ish. I don't remember much about the rest of that night except that they kept waking me up to take my vitals. 

I was up and walking early the next morning (like 4:00 am)  since I got to my room so late.  But it was good to get up and walk around. I never had a catheter, so I only had to worry about detaching myself from the O2 sat machine and taking my IV pole with me.  I had an ON-Q pain pump as well as a dilaudid pain pump allowing me to dose myself every 10 minutes if needed.  However I kept forgetting about it.  The nurse continually reminded me to use it.  On top of that they were also giving my oxycodone as well as twice daily toradol injections through my IV.  So I think my pain was well controlled.  That's not to say there was no pain!  But it was tolerable.  And each day got better and better.

I was released from the hospital on Saturday morning, March 20th and spent one night in the hotel and then drove home yesterday.  And here I am.

I feel quite stiff still.  There is some pain when getting up or down from a sitting / lying position or when bending over.  My insides feel a bit mixed around and there is some definite tugging and pinching.  But overall I feel okay.  Parts of my stomach are still swollen and hard.  I'm not really sure when that will go down, but I go back for a follow up on March 31st and they will tell me if everything looks okay then.  The surgeon visited me daily and he and the nurses all thought that the area looked great, so I will take their word on that.

I pulled out my On-Q pain pump yesterday.  That was a bit more difficult than I thought it would be. Not physically difficult, but mentally.  but I managed and it feels good to not have that attached to me anymore.  Now I just have the oxycodone and liquid tylenol for pain.

I am relieved that everything turned out as good as it did.  I was happy with the hospital staff.  They were very knowledgeable and made me feel very at ease.  The whole process was a positive one and now that I am feeling a little less pain I am happy with my decision to have this done.  Now the real journey begins!

Tomorrow is the day!  I leave today for Duluth, check in to the hotel and do a bit of shopping to pick up some more Carnation Instant Breakfast, and other things I may need.  Then tomorrow morning I will be at the hospital having my surgery! 

I am so happy it is finally here.  I have a bit of stuff left to do today before I leave, but otherwise I am prepared and ready to go!

I will update once I return, probably on Sunday March 24th.  Wish me luck!

Today is my last day of work before the surgery.  I took Monday off to prepare and spend some time with the kids and such.  I leave for Duluth Tuesday afternoon and surgery is Wednesday.  Woo Hoo!

I think I have everything covered. Have to make sure I get all my laundry done this weekend and get the house all clean so I don't have to worry about it when I get back.  I also have to do the grocery shopping.  I'll still be on the liquid diet for 2 weeks after I return, so I won't have to worry too much about buying foods for me.  But I will do some shopping in Duluth before the surgery just to pick up things that I won't have here.

I have taken 3 weeks off work and am planning to return April 8th, however if I feel good I may return earlier than that.  We'll see I guess.

I can't believe the day is almost here!  I'm so excited!