8 Months Post-Op

Apr 23, 2011

Here I am again, another urge to update.  I am 8 months out, down 172 lbs, one day I may have lost more than I actually weigh.  It took me 30 years to pack this weight on, and in 14 months it has melted away, and absolutely forced me to deal with the why's...I learned the how's during the qualification process...

I am still off of (5) food categories:  NO pasta, NO rice, NO white potato, NO bread, NO soda/sugar

My grocery list is basically the same, consisting of lean protein, whole grains, fruits, veggies, good fats.  I know how to eat now, as long as I stay focused on the reality of my emotions and my day to day life, eating right is not that hard.

Feeling, dealing with emotions, living in them, letting them have their moment, not eating my feelings to avoid, that is what can be, what is hard.

Vitamins, I am better at taking vitamins now, not perfect, better.  I am taking them on schedule 5 days a week, weekends are still totally random.  I am proud of myself for not giving up on the vitamins, I am more important than that, I am worth the effort it takes to get the vitamins in.

Exercise, still recruiting reluctant family members, we are all bored with the KettleWorkx DVD program...after 5 months...who wouldn't be?...so now we have incorporated a Toning routine from Dancing with the Starz into our plan 2 days a week.  We are getting variety, we are moving, I am not laying down the "bell" just yet.  I still manage to get in 3 days a week, even if I do it alone, which is a huge milestone for the most unmotivateable person in the world when she wants to be!

Exercising creates energy, I feel better, I want to do more activities, I feel better, I don't want to sit around and watch re-runs all day everyday on the weekends, I feel better, I like housework now & grocery shopping & social events & being outside!!!

Meal planning, I eat out, I eat in, I cook, I do what I have to do each day to get in at least 80g of protein - I actually hit about 1200 calorie daily intake now - don't know if I will ever be real good about drinking 80oz of water - I continue to set daily goals & make a conscious effort to surpass them, sometimes I do - sometimes I don't.  What I have learned is that failure is NOT missing the goal, failure IS going back to exactly what you did before & not continuing on with change.

I began therapy sessions at 6months post op, I did this for me, and it is hard work, but an investment in myself, an overdue investment.  The things a counselor can put in your face and validate for you is so very very healing and painful. This therapy, validation, self-healing, ownership, absolute truth, is part of my journey, a necessary journey, to get as much out of this short life as possible, and to be able to give back as much as possible.  What good am I to others if I am not good to myself?  I know how to provide for me on a practical need basis, I am learning how to provide for me on an emotional need basis...without food.

Time is moving faster than I can process, my 5 plastic totes of clothes left in the wake of 08.20.2010 are now gone.  Sold & donated, purged from my life.  I am already beginning to fill a new one up again.  The shield is coming off, the layers of protection are peeling away, I have to continue being strong to get to the other side of my former obese life.

I am so thrilled about the weight loss, my body image is just as great now, as it was prior to surgery, people who know me & see me say they can't even remember me being my heaviest weight, which is the greatest compliment in my opinion, those compliments tell me that my people know me, not my physical appearance, which was beautiful before as well as after.

What's happening is, I am having to deal with the why's...why did I get so heavy in the first place.  This is my painful part of the process, it hurts to be honest.  Nothing like some extreme WLS to force honesty upon yourself!!!

At this point, I can fly on a plane, ride a roller coaster, fit a zip-line harness, crawl through a jungle gym with my kids, fit into stadium seating, sit at a restaurant booth, wear a one size fits all t-shirt, ride a water-slide, in a nutshell I don't have to ask myself "Will I fit"?  If I don't loose another pound, I am OK.  If I gain a pound, oh no, not OK at this point.  Honesty right?

Daily reminder to myself:  we are given a physical tool, that works best the 1st 365 days post op, try to make the most of these 365 days.  I personally have 4 months left, we'll see what happens...

Big plans on the horizon:  whitewater rafting trip soon, among other things!

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