Had a mini treat of candy corn a couple of nights & ate a few tootsie pops; those things are 60 calories each though so I would think to myself okay you have to work out for said amount of time just to burn this off so I didn't fall off the wagon.  Some folks hate candy corn but I grew up having that at Halloween along with dum dum pops and those black & orange wrapped peanut butter chewy kiss things...don't know exactly what they are but lots of folks hate em but I don't cause they remind me of my childhood.  Halloween is one of my very favorite holidays, not because of the candy but all the spooky decorations, jack-o-lanterns, scary movies & costumes.  I had planned to dress up this year but I didn't.  By the time I buy my daughters costume & accessories each year cash is strapped and I don't want to find the extra money for my own costume.  I do wish I had of dressed up though even though I am 40 it would've still been fun.  Took my daughter & her friend for tricks-or-treats in a big subdivision then to a couple of churches.  They had a blast & I had fun walking around looking at all the decorations & cute kids-the walking around is a huge NSV because last year with swollen feet and ankels I actually skipped taking my daughter...so NSV on the walking.  Halloween was fun & I haven't raided my daughters candy.  I don't have any desire for any of it because it's just wasted calories, wow this thought coming from the gal who once made herself sick off of chocolate one year after Halloween.  This new life is good. 

Weight coming off slowly now and currently at 198; doing everything as usual with exercise & food journaling to make sure I stay on the right path.  Trying to be patient because looking back the weight has come off quickly up til this point so I'm trying to take this stall out with stride.

Sometimes I feel low about my appearance and my age.  I'm human...deep depression started way back when several years ago when I had to have a hysterectomy.  The sadness of not being able to ever ever have any more children set in and so did my huge weight gain from hormone fluctuations.  I puffed up all the way to 282 pounds.  I was depressed & sad & barely left the house; & I ate my sadness when nobody was looking.  I'd do bad things like eat cake icing or a whole pizza.  Anyway feeling so much better now as I thankfully do I still have self pity sad days.  I look at my body and say things to myself like "I'm still fat," "my face is still fat," "I'm looking old."  That's satan putting negative thoughts in my mind about myself, the devil doesn't want us to be happy or healthy or satisfied in faith or peace.  Troubles come in the form of family disagreements, dis-satisfaction with ones-self, not having enough money, illness...the list could go on & on.  I may always struggle with how I feel about myself but this bible verse that was in the sermon yesterday really hit close to home & touched my heart.  I just wanted to share it for anyone who needs to be reminded that they are a masterpiece too.

Ephesians 2:10New Living Translation (NLT) ¹⁰ For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

I do most of my thinkin when I'm soaking in the tub at night.  I went from hardly fitting in the tub & bathing being a chore; I wasn't dirty nasty just being honest...to now loving my baths complete with bubble bath and candles.  I could lock the door but I leave it open because the dogs come in & out to peek & see what I'm up to & sometimes my daughter & husband walk in to talk not at the same time of course but they both have never given me any privacy.  Any way what I vow to never ever say to anyone is something that was said to me more than once in the past.  I'm not to goal but looking at my rolls & some smaller parts of me while I'm in the tub gets me in a reflective state of mind.  When I was at my largest I had two people say to me "I used to be as big as you but then I..." did weight watchers or had surgery.  I will never say to anyone as long as I'm alive "I used to be as big as you>"  Lord even when I get skinny healthy please keep me humble & help me to forgive those folks that once said to me "I used to be as big as you." 

I let my Friday weigh in day pass by without much a-do because I'm just barely at 199 but it finally happened after a 3 week stall I'm down to 199.  I haven't been at this weight in 13 years since right after my daughter was born.  My goal is 160 because I'm fairly tall and big boned.  My wonderful Doc never gave me a set goal he just told me how to eat and how much to exercise and to never go over a certain amount of carbs each day and I've been following his orders.  Dr. John Mathews is my amazing Doc but I wanted to share this Dr. Alvarez video about stalls; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lAC0XP48Ck I found his youtube thanks to member luvmygs - I think so thank you luvmygs I've watched a lot of Doc Alvarez videos and they've all been very helpful.  Even though I just came out of a stall even during the stall I lost inches and my clothes got baggier.  It still takes me by suprize each time put something on that I formerly couldn't wear for it to now be too big...time to go thrift store shopping again!  I think when I get to goal I'm going to not only buy myself something beautiful to wear but also some type of beautiful ring so each time I look down at it I can think of my loss and blessings; I count my blessings every day but I'm thinking I want a nice ring when goal gets here.  Everyone, I know I'm still a work in progress and will look back on this posting hopfully someday to think - gee I still had a ways to go...but for anyone considering surgery or about to have it, for me it has been such a great life-changing surgery; I feel like I've got my life back.  I'm not to goal yet but following my Docs orders I'm working on it. These progress pics http://www.obesityhelp.com/photos/album/179039/876806 are when weight was before surgery at 282 then at 201-202 & the picture below of me and my precious 90 year old aunt is from yesterday.  Have a wonderful day, and thanks to all who are kind enough to read and/or reply to my posting.  This site and many OH members have been such a great source of information and inspiration to me.

I got rid of some rage and stress by getting on my folks treadmill this evening.  Before WLS when I was stressed or irritated I'd probably just waller in my self pity and grab a bag o chips but now the new me either cleans house and/or hops on the treadmill.  I got on it shaking my head about some stressful stuff going on in my life and the next thing I knew 50 mins was gone and I was feeling some reilef.  I don't like to negative blog/post because lets face it we all have problems no matter how perfect life is right now something always happens to bring us down.  In the big picture the things that are going wrong in my life are just small issues compared to how great God is so this too will pass.  Like hopefully my stall will pass soon too...stuck at 201-202 for going on 3 weeks now, tomorrow I weigh so I'll see how it goes.  That wasn't the cause of my stress but it has been bringing me a bit down.  I've been having thoughts like "is this all I'm going to lose and if so would I be okay with that?"...no I've got a pair of size 12 jeans that I stare at every day that I long to be able to wear.  But I imagine things and the loss will slow up eventually.  But 199 please let me see you soon.  For anyone stressing or having a bad day; tomorrow will be brighter & God is greater and thank goodness for inclined treadmills on stressful days.  I speed walked most of my worries away.  Hope to blog about onederland soon continuing on with the battle and eating low carb and making sure I exercise.  Hope next blog is the 199 or less blog.

I just now realized that my bmi is 30, it's 30point. something but it's 30.  Now if only I could be 30 again because that's how young I'm feeling.  After about age 32 I started having all kinds of weird female health related issues that required several surgeries.  Each surgery removed two very large grapefruit sized cysts and an ovary each procedure.  I got FAT, but I can't blame it on the surgies or health problems completely I made bad food choices.  I have an under-active thyroid that went undiagnosed for several years and lost lots of hair and energy until I was put on synthroid.  I've had about 4 surgical procedures done to remove very large un-passable kidney stones.  But the food I ate was the poision.  I can't say that I eat completely clean but I try to eat as clean and protein rich as I can.  I just feel better, I don't feel like my former run down, depressed, too sad/ashamed to leave the house & be seen by other humans self any longer.  I'm 40 but I feel 30 again like before I had all the health issues.  God thank you for this gift of renewed health, thank you for giving me a second chance to live a healthy meaningful life.  There is beauty in everything and I love how I can notice that again.  I still catch myself doing odd things;now I know my feet are no longer swollen sausages but I seem to look down just to double check several times a day.  My nightmare wouldn't be failure it woud be waking up in my own old fat body knowing I could have had it all if only I had the surgery....I did have the surgery so the nightmare life is the one where I'm stuck in my old fat almost 300 pound body and couldn't get surgical approval.  Just a bit of fears and rants as I am winding down ready for bed.  Each and every day we are blessed enough to live to be up and walking around is a gift and should be lived as such, even if it's only sharing a hug, a sunrise or sunset it's a gift to be shared with your own inner soul or with those you love.  Just a bit of my night wind down and felt like posting.  Good night all and I pray we all realize that our gift of life is precious, whatever step of the process you're on YOU are on your way.  God Bless.

Hi, So many of you may already know about or have read this book but I happened upon it by chance while doing a search on my local libraries site.  By the way folks if your library doesn't have a book you can request it be sent in from another library & check it out at yours which is great.  Anyway this book is amazing.  Since my surgery I haven't cheated or ate any of my former trigger foods or drinks...sometimes I think of foods I once enjoyed which I now view as further proof that I was a food addict.  I have to be honest and admit that I did have a slip up with a DQ Moolatte but thankfully didn't finish it and gave the rest away.  This book From the first bite is amazing.  I haven't finished it yet but wanted to share it as a must read for those of us that have already had surgery or are about to.  I blamed my former weight 282 lbs. on health issues but I was loaded with caffein, sugar, starches & would sometimes secretly eat a whole container of cake icing in one night or a whole container of ice cream all in secret of course...I was/am an addict.  For a little while after my surgery I was moody & snappy, hormone levels do drop drastically right after but I am now thinking some of this was the withdrawl from certain foods.  Now that I no longer eat or drink said foods I've leveled off.  Anyway I just think this is a must read.  As I mentioned so many of you may already know about it but I think it's a very important. 

Just a little progress weight update; now down to 206 so more before/progress pics in my beginning saved work-out clothes are 6 pounds away.  My daughter did take a selfie of us out shopping the other day that's in my profile.  Go for it ya'll if you haven't already had surgery or are trying to make the decision don't be afraid to get healthy again or for the first time.  Have a blessed weekend everybody.

Kay's website: http://kaysheppard.com/

pic of book cover

Please note: I'm not a vet my surgery was in March, however I do share articles or other information from time to time that have been personally helpful to me. 

Said I wasn't gonna post any pics until I got down to 199 but my husband brought me these roses the other day for our Anniversary.  We have two that we celebrate each year; our first date anniversary & our wedding anniversary.  Saturday was our 11 years ago we had our first date anniversary.  I took a trip down memory lane at my folks house the other day & looked at a couple of photo albums.  I was skinny when I met my husband & a pretend blonde, then over the years I got up to almost 300 pounds...I had a lot of health issues & surgeries in between all that which attributed to my huge gain but sitting on my duff is the real reason I got so big.  When we met I was 148 pounds.  That's not my new goal my new goal is 160.  I was also reminiscing about how fast my daughter has grown, I miss the days when she was smaller & these past 11 years have really flown by.  I'm so thankful to have this second lease on my life that my surgery has allowed me to have.  I feel like I've got to hit the reset button.  I thank God & my amazing surgeon for giving me this second chance.  Anyhoo I'm at 217 now so down 65 pounds just since March.  I'm on my 4th stall & only lost a pound last week.  When the stalls happen I just continue to do as normal, log my food, exercise & the stall will eventually break.  Journaling is kinda tedious but I'm also kinda addicted to doing it now so I can flip back to make sure I'm getting in enough protein & keeping track of my measurements & exercise.  It helps me make better choices about what I eat because I have to write it down & it stares me in the face.  No cheats so far, no real cravings; I've noticed foods that I used to just engulf before smell really strong.  My husband was eating a bag of chips the other day & my former fatter self never noticed how strong of potatoes & salt that they smell.  My hair is still falling out but seems to have eased up a little.  Keeping it trimmed & only washing it about twice a week; I know this will stop because after my sister in laws surgery a couple of years ago now her hair is just as pretty & thick as it ever was & I really don't remember her losing too much.  I shed a lot in the summer months anyway so I'm sure that's a part of it too.  Also still trying to find a good greek yogurt that I like; I've tried Dannon light & fit & I think either oikos or chobani- I think; anyway I don't really like anything I've tried so far with the exception of an orange cream one that I tried; it was decent but I didn't love it.  Hope my pics show up; my husband is loving how I'm looking & I'm happier these days too.  Sometimes as I walk by our mirror I have to freeze in my tracks because I'm starting to not recognize myself anymore.  The outer shell is changing but my heart's still the same.

My Anniversary roses pic with my husband

Me & my daughter

Not much new to report; will be posting more pics when I get down to 199 at 218 now and wore my first in a long time size large top yesterday.  On my way home from shopping I was listening to a contemporary Christian radio station & a lady named a song & said to think for a moment if only we could see ourselves as beautiful as God sees us...my confidence is returning after many years of self doubt & insecurities about my weight but even then God loved me, my daughter, husband & family loved me & all my little dogs loved me so why couldn't I love myself?  As women we are faced daily with ads of perfect perfectly photo-shopped women and think that's how we should strive to be.  One of my goals is to just be the best ME I can be.  I'll probably never look like a Victoria's Secret model or the lady in the bikini on the new commercial-some diet pill I saw advertised on tv the other day-with the perfectly toned in all the right places body; I would like to try but I just want to be the best healthiest ME that I can be.  It's time to get over all the self doubt obstacles in my life, love myself as I am a work in progress & be confident with myself...my age should allow me that...young girls & even women of all ages even though they may seem strong all have some kind of self doubt or something they dislike about themselves.  Ladies & Men if anyone takes the time to read this; Love yourself, try to envision yourself as the beautiful creature God sees you as.  Good luck & God Bless. http://powertochange.com/experience/life/holiness/ -article Learn to see yourself as God sees you.

MercyMe - Beautiful copy & paste  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6pS5HCkgPI

Days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart
They'd see too much

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful

and Praying that you have the heart to fight
Cuz you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
and they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful

Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to die

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
In His eyes

You're beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are treasured
You are sacred
You are His

I'm so very thankful to live in a free country; even though our freedoms are allowed only by the actions of others willing to fight for it.  I thank all those past forefathers & those in service to our amazing country now for all that they've done & do for us to remain free.  My 4th of July celebrations for several years now have been celebrated at my in-laws house because that day is also my sister-in-law's birthday so we have a celebration over at their house not only with the traditional barbecue but birthday cake & ice-cream as well.  Ever since my surgery each holiday & celebration seems more special to me...every day that I wake up, take a bath & stare at my shrinking body I view as my second chance at life, my second chance at having a happy & healthy life.  I've been skinny before but only through starvation or diet pills & as you all know if you've struggled too all that weight + some always comes back. 

So much has changed in my life for the better since my surgery in March.  I feel better, I'm starting to look better but still struggle with confidence on occasion but it's getting better.  I get out of my house more, I was so ashamed before of all the weight that I'd gained & on several occasions when I would be out & see people I hadn't seen in a while they would always be shocked at all the weight I'd gained, sometimes comments were made, sometimes not but the look on peoples faces...ugh.  People close to me made comments; some out of concern, others...I don't know why older people think they can just say whatever they want without concern of hurting your feelings or not.  Anyway that's changed.  I don't look for praise from those people & when they give it I still remember how they would tell me that I needed to lose weight before even when I was smaller than what I am now...so I've got to get over that, I just say "thank you, & I'm working on it,"  Anyway I had to bring the baked beans, & for my safety I brought baked chicken because though I could eat a small amount BBQ meat the two times that I've tried since surgery it just hurts my new tummy.  I also brought a protein shake, a cup of SF pudding & some water...my husbands family drink sweet tea, cokes & eat sweets so I wanted to be prepared.  So this 4th of July was special because it's the first Independence day I've celebrated since my second chance at life & I was independent from eating cake or home-made ice-cream or just plain over-eating...it was a victory for me.  I also wore a swimsuit that I haven't been able to fit into since 5 years ago.  My husband is treating me like we were just married again...I think it's because I'm not afraid to stand up for myself or how I'm feeling now.  My husband & my daughter have been asking me why I wake up smiling, or smile so much now & I've told them because I'm happy, I feel so much better, & I've been given a second chance to have a happy healthy life.  Thanks God, & Thanks Dr. John Mathews!  Hope everyone had a happy Independence day celebration too.

Right after this pic was taken my husband said "Wow look at you, you're smiling" I said "yeah I'm really happy"