csbsteph
NSV's & insecurities
Feb 08, 2015
Hi all, my mood today is fairly happy. The NSV that I experienced today was wearing a pair of boots that I've had for about 10 years that never even fit when new...today they fit and I was able to zip them up to my calf. Miracle! I was feeling pretty good as I put on my size 14 suit and dressed for church, went to my folks church as my husband is working today so it was just me & my daughter. One of my New Years resolutions was to be more positive and confident & stop putting myself down. My daughter & Mom ended up both wearing something red today which wasn't planned and looking beautiful as they did wanted to take pictures after church. I was in a few of the pics and later made the self loathing comment to my daughter that I still hated being in pictures sometimes & that I feel like I have a huge face or chin or something. She said "well Mom you do have a double chin" ugggh guess I asked for it when I put myself down, I appreciate her honesty and she's my go to gal sometimes about what I should and should not wear, she has no filter and even then sometimes tells me that I look like an amazon woman...this is my daughter whom I love dearly, I can't stand the fact that she normally wears black band t-shirts almost...well not almost every day but actually every day, though I did the same thing when I was her age; think Ramones and Misfits shirts...so I tolerate her shirts...but the double chin thing hit hard. Oh the things I would do if I had plastic surgery money, cut the fat chin off, have my arms fixed to look skinny and not flappy, get a boob lift and tummy tuck...though I would rather remodel my house if I had said money but if money were no object those are the things about myself that I would fix, but what kind of example would that be setting for my daughter...if you feel ugly pay to fix it, NO but I did have weight loss surgery...but I see that as a medical necessity and so did my insurance when it finally paid for it as my over all health has improved as well. If I didn't follow my low carb eating & exercise plan I know I wouldn't be successful. I pray that my daughter never has the weight problems that have plauged me all my life. She's healthy and beautiful but also lacks confidence sometimes as well..don't we all? Anyway the chin thing is going to stay in my head for a long while and I've got to get over it. The few selfies that we've taken together since my surgery a couple of her friends have said "your Mom looks like a Barbie doll" one of the girls that said that saw me in person...that was a sweet comment, but I feel like I probably look more like the larger sized Crissy dolls from the 80's instead of Barbie. Anyway today I had a "yea my boots finally fit" NSV then I came down on myself for not liking my face in a picture & then my daughter brought up the whole double chin thing...I'm just gonna try and remember how her friends said I look like a Barbie doll and focus on that instead...
My Mom, my daughter & me in my boots that finally fit and suit that I bought at a thrift store
this is the picture that I said I felt like my face was huge in which spurred the "you do have a double chin Mom" comment :(
