Stall? Or is this it?

Apr 11, 2010

2 weeks ago I was over the moon about hitting 197, and today I'm still there.  Needless to say my mood has taken quite the downward spiral.
UGH!!!
It's real difficult to stay positive and I find I'm beating myself up over everything.  I'm second guessing everything I do.  My exercise, my 100 or more grams of protein each day and my little to none calories.  I'm very conscience of my Carb count and even though I feel like snacking all evening long, I don't!
I look in the mirror and I find the reflection not very attractive at all.  My hair is still falling out and it's so thin.  My chin is all wrinkly(no longer a double, but this isn't much better) and my eyes have that sunken in gaunt look.
My mood swings are still raging.  And my memory is non-existent. 
I really don't like myself right now.  No, I do not have regrets about having surgery...that would be stupid, but I do regret some of the extreme hardships that this journey is taking me on.
I want to be a positive role model and I want to support others in this journey, but it's really difficult when I can't even support myself.
I hope to God this is just a stall, and not where I'm gonna end up.  I take my measurements on the 14th for my 7 month surgiversary, and I have a feeling not much has changed and that will just not help my mood and state of mind.
I seriously hope anyone reading this doesn't get too discouraged, but at least I can say I'm honest and I hate sugar coating stuff.
UGH!!!  Time to go to work...

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