LoveLikeWinter
And here comes the depression...
Aug 03, 2010
I made 3 batches of protein bars last night (ended up with 15 net). Flavors this time were Choc PB, Choc Rasp, and White Choc-Banana (SO good!), cleaned my apartment, and did a hell of a lot of schoolwork.
I’m depressed and in a funk right now, in general, and not sure how to pull out of it. In a lot of ways, my life is WORSE after WLS and I wasn’t prepared for and/or expecting that reality, so I’m having a hard time dealing with it. I feel like the “red headed stepchild” of WLS and it’s very isolating sometimes. My support group isn’t a support, my friends are jealous, etc.
I’ve lost a lot of weight and in 4 days it’ll have been 14 mos. I went from a sz 22/24 to a sz 2. My bra went from a 44H to a 32DD/34D. In that time I also threw my husband out, started an MBA program, got a new BF, ran 3 races, and so much has changed that I feel helpless. My finances are screwed, because I really do not make very good $. I owe people $, which bothers/scares/depresses me. The divorce (well and living with a financial idiot prior to it) ruined my credit and my bills. I just keep getting sadder and sadder. My personality is fucked- I’m constantly crabby and angry and irritated and now I cry all the time. Literally, almost every day. And I am not a crier. I think I am coming to the conclusion that I need to find a very good therapist, now. As in, right this second. And not just one who specializes in ED. I’m starting to feel panic attacks coming on and I feel trapped like a caged rat. All I do is shake, or cry, or both. I feel like I never get any time to myself, to relax. Even exercise isn’t helping me calm down. I am downright miserable, and I have NO ONE I can talk to about it, no one. Everyone just tells me I’m being “negative all the time” and I feel like I’m in a waking hell most days. I have no one to lean on and no one to be strong for me, and I’m cracking. I went from fat but functional and married so $ was ok to thin and neurotically miserable with no $. What exactly did WLS do for me, other than lower my blood pressure and all that?
