3 Years Later - a little long
On June 27th, 2011 at 8am I was waiting on a stretcher to go for surgery, my biggest fear was that they would come out and say that it had been cancelled. But that never happend. I went in, they put me under and I woke up with a tiny stomach. I am different though, I do have anxiety about any change, but this was the 4th abdominal surgery I had had (2 C sections, 1 gallbladder) and that didn't worry me like it will some. I still have anxiety over things, but I was sure enough about this surgery, that I wasn't worried about it at all.
At my highest weight I was almost 350 lbs, and felt like a blob. I didn't like that I couldn't do as much as I wanted and didn't like how I looked. I couldn't believe in myself. I also had a lot of other things that I was dealing with. Yes I tried WW, HM, and all the rest. I used to work out 5 days a week, but never lost weight. When I couldn't lose enough to start working out on the Wii Fit, I knew I had to do something. When I decided it was time, I had a great support group including my Mom and some of my co-workers (who had been through this). They kept me going. I didn't tell anyone else until I was on Opti and had to explain why I wasn't eating. It was too late for them to say anything at that point.
Today, 3 years later, I'm at about 204 (gain about 5 lbs but go back down). I have lost about 145 lbs. I have come this point with going through a lot. Even the bad side has a silver lining.
Psycologically, I feel so much better about myself, I have more confidence, and on the most part a brighter outlook. Physically, I can do so much more, things I knew how but couldn't because of my size. I am able to spend more time with my kids,and also be more involved in thier activies. Even the simple things like being able to shop for most things at a regular store. I have so much more to be happy about, so many more NSVs that I can't write.
Even the bad things aren't so bad. I separate from my husband last year because he had a number of issues that he didn't believe he had to work on and I couldn't deal with them any longer. In leaving him, my kids are happier, dealing with life better. I'm happier, and have started doing things for me (like women's ball hockey). Because of the separation, I had to sell my house, which I did in 6 weeks from listing it. In having to prepare the house for sale myself, I proved to myself that I had the knowledge and the physical capability to do all the work around the house. My son and I maintain the lawn and BBQ together (he can do most of it on his own). I can do all the painting, plumbing, electrical, carpentry and anything else that needs to be done. And do it better than he ever did. I had the physical strength to do all the fixing, all the sorting and dumping of garbage. I was strong enough to do that, and take care of my kids too. I live with my Mom who is a great support through all of this, if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have gotten through some of the anger as well behaved as I was. We work together doing things in the house. She's not physically able to do some things any more, but has more time to do others than I do. So it works out.
It is my full heart that I believe that when we chose this journey, God will help us lose what we need to lose, and make stronger what we need to make stronger. For some people like me, it's saying that enough is enough, wether it was the way my life was leading, or the way my relationships were leading.
For some people this journey brings thier relationships closer, some farther apart. The friends that are true friends, will be there for you big and small, through the good and the bad. The ones who "disappear" or turn thier backs on you were never worth keeping in the first place. You will have the strength and confidence to find true friends.
There have been some threads that have asked if you had a chance to do it again, would you? I didn't have any real surgery issues, but even with the non surgery issues that I have and am dealing with, if I had to go through this all over, the answer is easy. The answer is yes. Despite all of the non surgery changes that I've gone through in the past 3 years, I would do it all over again. I am in such a better place now, than I was when I started this journey. Physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Cathy
Cathy you are SUCH an inspiration! I'm only 5 weeks post op...well 5.5 I guess, and I do have some issues that make me think "did I make the right choice?". I'm still new so i'm sure what I have is common. Nausea, tough time drinking water (jus****er, wtf? I love water, so it's killing me to mix it with powerade zero or juice!). Self confidence is tough to have and as soon as you get it, never let it go. I'm slowly gaining more and more each day since i'm down 57lbs from the beginning of this journey. Today was my first day back in the office and....well...I need clothes. My skirt that was tight is now pulled up to my boobs and rolling down my body (I hate spending money on clothes that will fit for only 2 weeks ha ha). I had a few people look at me odd today, like they notice I look good but don't know if they should say anything.
I as well, kept my surgery a secret until I started opti. I was embarrassed to be honest. Embarrassed that my life had come to this as a "fix". Before I started this, I thought WLS was an easy way out. People don't understand when they're uneducated. But it's tough, and you know, I love the gym (who'd have thunk). I love swimming at the gym and do that often. Once I get the "all clear" from my surgeon, I can start back doing some weights to attempt to strengthen this flabby skin that with any hopes, will be falling off of me soon!
I hope I do as well as you 3 years in. I'm looking forward to sitting in an airplane seat without a seatbelt extender!
The nausea can be from different things, depending on when it happens. Take a look at when you get it and see if there is a pattern. I used to get nausea from not eating. Actually, I can still get that way. As for water, I can have a hard time still with it. Try it at different temperatures. Sometimes that helps if you don't want to add flavoring. Sometimes warm water goes down better than cold. Less shock to your system.
Value Village or other thrift stores are your friend right now and only pick up a couple outfits. That and some support groups offer clothing swaps.
As for those who notice but don't say anything, if they don't know about the surgery, they are afraid to ask about your weight, in case you are sick. It's 3 years later and I'm still getting complements on my weight loss. You'll find it amazing how many people notice that you didn't think would.
Cathy
Cathy
What a wonderful posting... you are truly an inspiration,
I'm 5.5 weeks post op, had few issues first week had to back into hospital, but on mend, little discouraged as last 2.5 weeks weight loss really slowed down, I'm getting everything in I am suppose to vitamins, protein, liquids etc
And has been easy transition from pureed to soft to diet for life. I know it will come, took all this time to put on, I am still getting very tired, but is getting better, but when I read stories like yours, it definitely motivates me, so that you for that.
Cheers
Cathy
Don't worry about your weight loss slowing down. You're coming up to the dreaded 3 week stall. Everyone hits it. It's just your body getting used to the new eating style and amount. Just keep on plan, and you'll get through it and start losing again. You'lll probably still losing inches through this, if you aren't measuring, you'll notice in your clothes getting bigger.
As for being tired, your body's still healing. Allow yourself to be tired. Rest when you need to. You will get there. Just remember, it will be the NSVs that really make the difference.
Cathy
