xtablue
I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t chubby or considered overweight. I was my parent’s second child and my brother hated me and regularly tried to harm me when I was very little. He stole my toys and locked me outside in the snow in only a diaper.
He didn’t intend to be mean he just didn’t like to share anything. I believe I was chubby so that I could protect myself. When my parents divorced my brother got worse and I gained more weight. I had learned to eat to protect myself. So when I got divorced
at a very young age it made sense that I turned to food. Each time I made an effort to lose weight I did well but never lost down to a “normal” weight, I’d give up and then I’d gain it all back and then some. I was the only heavy person in my family and they would often say how pretty I would be “’if only I could lose a little weight”, they never understood until they got older and their metabolisms slowed down. A few years ago I was diagnosed with PCOS, but my doctor didn’t tell me because she “didn’t want me to get caught up in the syndrome”. 
Seriously, my whole life had been affected by the syndrome. Hormone surges and facial hair in my teens. HBP, Hyperlipidemia and hypothyroidism in my 20s. Sleep apnea and infertility in my 30s. Last year my uterus tried to kill me by non-stop bleeding so sadly I gave in and killed it to save my life…knowing I was giving up on ever having kids of my own was depressing. At that point I was resigned to being heavy forever and I knew I wouldn’t be able to carry a baby so it didn’t matter if it meant I would live. One hypertensive crisis scare after another and my cardiologist
begged me to let him help me. He basically told me he would get me cleared for surgery and that I needed to attend an information session. I started looking into WLS again. I had thought about it a few years ago but the financial burden was too much and I falsely thought that having surgery was giving up on myself again. The information session was enlightening and I realized it was a gift and a tool to help me get my life back.
I can never give a baby life but I can give myself my life back. So here I am…jumping thru insurance hoops
, reading and learning as much as I can while I wait to be able to request approval.
update: surgery approved and scheduled for July 11th
update: home from surgery and on the mend, ready to keep on this journey
