willi928

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i can finally see the light at the end of the woods...it feels sooooo goood to be able to eat food!!! oh food how ive longed for you so...

im pretty much eating solids but taking it slow. im also introducing diary back in my diet to see if im still having lactose issues. all good so far. i vomited once last nite but it couldve been any number of reasons like it was midnight when i ate, it was pretty greasy, i ate little bit too fast, etc. so ill take that with a grain of salt.

been kind of lazy the past few days with the exercising, but i think ill take one more day of down time then im hitting the gym. my mind is still a little blurry with the anesthesia 3 times last week.

but all in all i think im on the other side of the mountain...

as a continuation to my last post...

i had the next endoscopy on wednesday morning, but before going in my surgeon says well i dont know if well be able to enlarge it because its a tight stricture but were going to try. if we cant then ill have to do surgery oh noooooooooo please not that!!! so we went in and they were able to dilate the hole most of the way. my surgeon later told me i have a big ulcer which ties into all the acid problems i had week one after eating my broth with hot sauce...ughhh. the ulcer is what pushed the hole closed because its sitting right next to the hole. if id said i was having chest pains for having the not-eating issues he wouldve know right away what was wrong but i went right from the acid reflux complaints to not being able to keep food down so he didnt think it was a stricture....just that i could tolerate foods.

anyway theyll need to go in again on friday and dilate the hole more plus make sure what they did wednesday is staying open. then i can go home and eat purees this weekend. if it closes some then i might have to have surgery still to remove the scar tissue. im praying thats not the case. my surgeon did say that until the ulcer is healed (4-6 weeks) the stricture might happen again. well hopefully it wont before or during my vacation in 3 weeks....ugh!!

i did do 3 miles yesterday and im attempting 3.25miles today...hopefully ill like what i see on the scale when i get back home and the IV fluids ware off. getting ready for florida baby!!

well it been a crazy few days...its starts with i was fed up with not being able to eat after reading how people are eating pizza and wings at week 4. here i am at week 4 and im still eating baby foods and i shouldve been on solids by now.

so theres a OH poster that actually lived in my complex and she had surgery 2 years ago. so i met with her for coffee at DD on saturday to voice my frustrations. she too agrees with other posters that it sounds like i have a stricture. now ive been fighting with my doctor about this the past couple weeks and he disagreed with the diagnosis. he still thinks it was going to just take time for me to be able to tolerate foods...it sometimes happens with people.

well my OH neighbor suggested i go to the ER and say im not getting in liquids either and theyll have to keep me for at dehydration, and while there i need to say i need an endoscopy for a stricture. i didnt feel comfortable with that in the beginning because i was able to get down liquids and i hated to lie about it. so i decided to go to the ER on sunday after after i dropped my kids off at the train station for their trip to michigan., since the hospital is across the street from the station. however ironically i was vomiting my isopure and protein shake that i had earlier that morning before i left the house so it wasnt really a lie at that point. also strategically my doctor comes back from vacation the next day and that way he would have to focus on me right away if im in the ER and then do whats necessary to find out whats wrong instead me going to his office and he giving me the run around for another week or two until hes caught up with work.

so anyway i get to the er and they started the IV. i also had to drink contrast for a cat scan but the nurse told me i had to drink 32oz in order to be taken down for the catscan...was she out of her mind? did she realize i had a baby stomach and it would take me all day to drink 32oz? wth?!?! so after 4 hours of finally getting through the first 16oz bottle (i fell asleep at some point) i went to raise hell but lucky the nurse changed shifts and i had a new nurse. i told him the situation and he says "i dont know why she gave you all that to drink....i could just give you a shot of contrast in a little dosage cup with a water chaser." wth?!??! heck yes ill do that! later i did the catscan and the ER doc says oh you have no obstruction. so im like dude i have a stricture and it doesnt show up on the catscan. so he calls my doc and my doc gives me a choice to come to the office the next morning, monday, or stay over nite and he and a GI will come see me in the morning. well as i said im avoiding the office visit so i said ill stay. im ready to handcuff myself to the door and do a sit-in!!!

so i get admitted and my surgeon comes in mid day and said he thinks a ulcer, because i had started having stomach pains after drink tea that morning, but it could of been from the contrast that was giving me the runs all nite. he still says no he doesnt think its a stricture. then the hospital GI comes in and asks a bunch of questions and said it sounds like a stricture like I said! ughhh…then my GI comes in and says he doesn’t think it’s a stricture either. but lo and behold it was a tight stricture after having the endoscopy on tuesday.  my GI didn’t want to expand it without my surgeon being there so i had the endoscopy again today so they can open the scar tissue. however my doc says if they cant hell have to do surgery to remove it…ouch. turns out they were able to open it up, but as a precautious they want to check again on friday to make sure its staying open…if so i can go home saturday and start eating pureed foods…yay!!! if not then its surgery again…noooo!!! also i have to starve until thursday which sucks considering i haven’t eaten (broth and tea) since monday. im going to be seriously skinny after this week once the IVs wear off  lol.

 

by the way…ive been walking at the hospital as they have a corridor circle floor with signs on the wall that say how many laps to do to get a ¼, ½ and 1 mile. so tuesday i did 2.75 miles, half in the morning and half in the evening since i cant eat lol…today i did 1.5 miles and plan to do another 1.5 mils later after the anesthesia wears off. i might as well not let my muscles get too weak however i haven’t had protein since sunday so i don’t know how thats going to work out. its worth a try to stay active though i guess…

still eating baby food...ughhhhhh

ok so apparently my flammation has not subsided at all...still throwing food up. i talked to my nutritionist and we figured out i can intake baby food but nothing else so i can only do baby food consistency which must be different from the pureed food...who would of thought? so i think ill stick to baby food this week and then next week ill start doing pureed but try to make it baby food consistency...seems hard to do. when will my tummy heal? its so frustrating! i should be eating solids starting today! ughhhhhhhhhh

well at least i started exercising yesterday...the treadmill for 45 mins/1.5 miles/225 cal then today i pushed myself to 60 mins/2 miles/300 cal...yay!!! and im starting to los weight again...im 3lbs shy of the my 20lb mark post-op...yay!! but i just dont feel like im getting smaller yet...i think once i get the food issue together ill really be happy though! maybe thats what has me a little depressed...

and today is day 2 at work...omg forget about it! i just cant get the food, proteins and water in and what makes it bad im only doing half days this week...ugh. its just so hectic at work that i cant focus on sipping all day...its really rough. and on thursday i have to travel to nyc for a meeting im running for 3-1/2 hours and i have to catch the train before 7am. thats going to be interesting...but i got to get better at this. ughhhhhhhhhhh...

ok so i tried corned beef hash last nite...only 4-5 bites and i did well...but then my crazy self had to go get more and then i vomited. damn it! about two hours ago i tried cream of wheat with vanilla protein and a little vanilla extract and had 4-5 bites and all good so far. i think thats the way to introduce foods now...only do a few bites (less than 1/4 cup?) and then i seem to be ok...i got to be more conscious about only eating a few bites of things for a few days...maybe my pouch is finally healing.

oh yeah...and i love the protein shake recipes!!! omg!!!!

one thing i am noticing (considering im not losing weight yest) are how the fat under my arms and on my stomach have big dents. i hope i get even bigger dents very soon lol! dents galore!!!

ok so ive been eliminating foods from my diet to give my stomach opening time to heal. so ive been drinking protein water and making 2 protein shakes a day...thank God for the fabulous SF syrup flavors to use in the different recipes...otherwise id be bored with the shakes by now. but all good so far...

anyway the doc said i can have creamed soups and hot cereals, etc. but when i try all of those i vomit them all up. i thought it was the milk issues like before so i made grits with water and i still vomited...so wth?!?!? ive given up and just doing basically baby food. ive been trying to introduce things one by one, for example, hummus which was ok the first time i tried but then i threw it up the second time around...again wth?!?!? at this rate i dont think ill be able to ever eat again. i mean im going on week 3 and cant even eat pudding or applesauce or grit or cream of wheat. this cant be right!!!! ive even moved to lactose free milk and protein powder just in case. im really frustrated right now...

talked to the doc today and he said dont worry youll be able to eat everything soon...just give it time. well i hope "time" isnt going to be a year from now!

and then theres the weight issue...so for 6 days i was stuck at 255+/-0.1 lbs and then yesterday it finally moved...i was at 254.4 and then today was was at 253.6. looks like its starting to move again but i wish it was faster considering the 2.8lb gain i had last week and then the 6 day stall...i mean geesh i cant win for losing!!!

can i go back in time and....? ughhhh....

so i was able to keep down water last nite...thats a good thing because i wouldve had to go to the ER per my doctor if i couldnt.

i spoke to him this morning and he said strictures dont happen overnite. the opening is very small on purpose and its swollen for sometime which is why you have to eat the food in stages. my opening is probably still swollen which is why i cant keep anything down. the fact that i can keep water down means its not closed. also sometime people stay nauseated for a while after surgery. i maybe doing the correct things but my body is rejecting it cause its just not ready. so the doctor told me to dial down some of the foods im eating and only eat creamy foods such as cream of wheat, creamed soups, cheese, etc. plus the protein shakes and liquids for a while. he also told me to continue my nasuea meds and hes ordering another one for me to take too, and hopefully itll help me move pass the nausea stage.

he could do an endoscopy and even widen the opening but he doesnt recommend it cause it will let too much food in and i wont lose the weight i want. so he asked me to try this and if i feel its not working then he can setup the endoscopy whenever i want.

now that ive been able to taste food i think im ok going backwards to get better first then move forward. wish me luck that this wont take forever to get past...hopefully ill start losing weight again too.

today is totally turning out to be a bad day! first thing this morning i started drinking my water and taking my vitamins...i didnt swallow anything too big...one pill is smaller than the size of a pinkie nail and the others are either pills that i crushed or are really tiny. but ever since then i havent been able to drink or eat anything without vomitting. i keep trying to vomit everything up but just cant seem to clear whatever must be blocking my stomach. ive tried eating pureed corn beef hash, greek yogurt and lots of water but it all keeps coming up. tummy isnt hurting and im hydrated (maybe cause i keep trying to drink)...ive tried taking my nausea meds twice and they come up before they can sit long enough to work. im hoping it passes soon cause technically i have no food in my tummy at this point...good thing im not starving yet. oh did i mention in still constipated so it probably wont pass through that way lol.

just venting...

since i dont have much to talk about today except me being constipated lol, i figure ill cut and paste something i wrote in the forum when someone asked if you feel like the biggest person in the room all the time...

"i feel like that everywhere i go...at work when im in meetings or going to lunch with my vendors, or to the store with girl friends, or when i cruise through stores that have clothes i cant fit like white house/black market (cause i love shopping for accesories)...everywhere!

i think the biggest experience i had that crushed me mentally for years after was my trip to china...now i had been to china 3 times before that for a couple weeks at a times but the last time was for two months with my daughters...so we basically lived there, we had an apartment, we had to go grocery shopping, went to the malls, etc. that was a very horrible experience. i normally like to be in the background and i hate when ppl look at me unless im feeling very sexy then i dont mind being stared at lol.

if anyone has ever been to asia would probably know that they stare alot. i got laughed at and stared at so badly i was so angry after the first two weeks we were there. i even got harrassed at the plant which turned into a huge thing with the global hr dept. while on the street, for example hailing a cab, ppl would walk past and look me dead in my eyes with a disgusted look on their faces. even the guys riding their bikes past me would stop and turn around and just stand there starring like i was a freak show...wth?!?!?! i felt like a huge fat blob and it really hit the most with the incident at the plant when two technicans pointed at me, made a gesture like my boobs and stomach were huge and walked off laughing out loud. china was the worse, hong kong wasnt as bad, and tokyo was more forgiving because alot of their women were fat too... but in china every woman i saw was small.

to this day im still messed up about it even when i go to nyc chinatown or to the chinese market. i always feel like im being stared at by them. crazy thing is that one of my best friends is chinese from tawian and shes the sweetest person alive! if it wasnt for her i would be irrate lol. but one thing is when i run to the store with her i just feel so huge compared to her...ugh i hate being fat!

one thing i vowed was i would never take a trip to asia until im atleast in a size 14...im not trying to be skinny but way smaller then i am now!"