Trianni
Snapshots
Jun 27, 2011
I love looking through the before and after pictures here on OH. While the surgeons don't want me concentrating solely on what I'll look like, I can't help but look at those pictures and marvel at their outward success. I've been fat literally all my life. The closest I ever came to being a normal weight was after a 1984-85 starvation diet. I lost nearly 100 of my 130 excessive pounds and was down to eating 500 calories a day, if I was eating at all. Though I was loving wearing much smaller clothes, I was totally unprepared emotionally for the changes losing so much weight wrought. I harbored so much anger toward my family members who had hurt me, anger that had been simmering just under the jolly facade I'd cultivated since childhood and which now was coming to the surface with bewildering intensity. Instead of warming to their praise for my weight loss I wanted to vent my bitterness toward them. After all, all I'd had to do win their approval was starve myself, right? When I found myself with five guys following me around the college campus where I was studying I became terrified and it just so happened that Burger King was having a sale on their hamburgers. I started eating again, cramming it in as fast as I could instead of confronting my fears. Every one of those 100 lbs that I'd lost came back just as fast as I had lost them then continued on until I was a full 200 lbs overweight. And here I've been ever since. My highest weight was nearly 350 lbs. I've managed to lose 30-35 lbs in the past year. It's far from easy and my long-term success is uncertain without the WLS tool to help me. To prepare for the challenges that lie ahead I've already started making the necessary changes to my diet and am learning to chew my food thoroughly, protein first. I drink my water almost exclusively, sometimes rewarding myself for a good day with a little crystal light added in. Perhaps most important of all I sought out professional counseling to help me deal with the pain and anger, as well as a crippling fear of men, that have limited me in so many ways throughout my life. This, I believe, is the greatest gift I can give myself: the gift of peace of mind. There are still many challenges ahead but I am not shying from them. Eventually I will have WLS, when I and my team of medical experts believe I am finally ready. In the meanwhile I will continue to look at before/after pictures and read about other people's journeys, always keeping the goal of a sound and healthy body, and mind, before me. I will succeed!
1 Comment
About Me
Maryville, TN
Location
60.5
BMI
Surgery
04/02/2012
Surgery Date
Sep 10, 2002
Member Since
