Tony T.

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A year later, I find myself back here blogging again. I am 136lbs lighter, but still unhappy. A year ago I posted here talking about my relationship ending a week after surgery.  It seems like deja vu because it happened again.  We got back together, and I thought things were going to be better, and they gotten worse. I am full of regret, and I am trying to move on and be optimistic, but it is very difficult.  

After having a pretty tough January, I am doing a little bit better.  I am still suffering though major loneliness. I am still trying to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. Even though I have lost weight, I still feel like did before surgery. Still having trouble adjusting to so much change that is happening.

I did manage to meet someone who also had surgery who has helped me a bit. I am having a hard time trusting, and being open, and my best friend food is no longer here for me. I am trying to convince myself I can do this.

I already have clothes that are really big, some of my friends say it is time to buy new clothes, but I am going to wait longer. Hopefully I will feel better about this whole experience soon.

I have mixed feelings so far about the surgery. I recently made a temporary move from MN to NY, and it has been tough being here without support. There are hardly any support groups out here, and the next one isn't until 02/20. I am really struggling. My body is changing quickly, and people are noticing, which is awesome, but I didn't expect such drastic life changes so soon after surgery, and I am going through it alone. This was suppose to be a positive life change, and I hope and pray things get better.

The relationship already suffered because of insecurities prior to surgery, but they compounded after. Over the last two weeks, I have been feeling great, and the weight has been coming off. She was on board and we were doing it together.(She didn't have surgery.) She lost weight on her own, then gained some of it back. I knew there would possibly be issues, but I didn't think it would be this soon. She was my #1 supporter, and now according to her, it has changed me. I didn't want to feel bad for saving and improving my life. :(

I did get good news, and already was taken off one of my medications. That was awesome!

Yesterday I saw my surgeon a week after my WLS. I was happy to have the dressings come off, and was happy to hear they are healing very well. He was very happy with the results I already received. Already down 12lbs since last Tuesday. He was also happy to know that I have been getting my fluids in. He DID lecture me about weighing myself, which I had an issue with, and said I wouldn't as frequently, and weighed myself this morning. I was supposed to stay home all week, and I went to the gym, and he was not happy about that. Otherwise things went well!

So far I am down 20lbs. Still dealing with emotions with food. Not being able to have what I want has been tough. The psychological hunger has been super tough as well. I just started adding protein to my liquid diet yesterday, and that is helping somewhat. I so far have had sugar free popsicles, protein shakes, cream soup, and chicken broth. Chicken broth has gotten boring pretty quick. I actually used it in the soup instead. Decided soup has too much sodium so I may not have it as often.

Sleeping has been tough. I have had wild dreams, tossed and turned from pain, have had some nerve pain in my leg, that has kept me up too. What I would give for a good night's sleep right now. I am still going to keep on keeping on though!

Wednesday I had the Rouen-Y procedure. I stayed 3 days in the hospital, and I am so glad to be home. I have so many emotions going on right now. Drinking water every 15 minutes has been my biggest challenge, along with taking my medications. So far it has taken me all day to take my meds. Now that I am at home it is kind of like back to reality. The smell of food that is being cooked by the other members of my family. Even though I do not physically want it. Emotionally, I am struggling with it a bit. The first week I am confined to the house except for 2 Dr's appts, and I am nervous about not getting to go outside. Now that I am not eating food, it just almost seems like I have nothing to do(although I have plenty to do). I know it is a journey to a new life, guess I gotta takes the ups with the downs.