How far I have come

Apr 04, 2009

It has been a few months since I posted last--been busy and it is not a good idea to do this at work in this economy.

I am down to 247 pounds, 160 pounds from my highest weight of 407 and 135 down from surgery date.  I will hopefully be able to give up my CPAP and I am feeling better despite vitamin issues (the drugstore ones only are good for so long) and some issues with not being able to stuff my feelings down with food.  I am verbalizing them more which I don't think my husband likes as much because we get into more disagreements and since I am becoming close to my boss' size (I was always much bigger than her which enabled her to push me around more), I don't think she likes these dynamics.  She has not said a word about my weight loss though others have.

I am having a hard time with the flow of emotions that have come up because for years I have not been validated and have had to stuff my feelings down with food.  I did see a psych who suggested I take Vitamin D because she could tell by looking at me that my vitamin quality wasn't there.  She specializes in food addicitions and food addictive behavior and when I had a panic attack one day in my office (thank god noone saw it), I decided that she might be the person to see.  I feel physically better since my weight loss but the emotional part is something I am working thru.

Will post again sooner. 

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