Mind Tricks

Dec 20, 2010

Greetings OH family! I am currently 4 months out from surgery and down 66lbs, 86lbs if you count the 20lbs I lost on my own before considering WLS.  Things are going great! I can now cross my legs when I sit down. I am wearing a 18W tops and 20 or 22 pants. Prior to having surgery I was wearing a size 28. At my heaviest I was wearing 30 or 32. I am even noticing that I am more physically fit at the gym.  I can now do my cardio and not be dripping wet with sweat.  I am noticing more male attention.  I feel so confident that I am flirting and loving it. Everything is going wonderfully.  But this past week I have noticed something. Something tha I thought I would be immune from.

So far, I have gone through this process with little psychological effects.  I did not have a food addiction so I did not have to deal with missing eating or food.  In fact, sometimes I just don't want to eat anything at all. Nothing sounds good to me. Now, if I had to stop shopping, I would probably need a 12 step program. That is my vice.   I have handled the questions at work.  The warnings of not getting too small.  The jealousy from a coworker who had WLS years ago and failed to lose her weight.  The onslaught of male attention.  I have taken all of this in stride.  So I had started to think that nothing was going to mess with my mind. However, I have come to realize that I have some body image issues. I still see myself as bigger than what I actually am.

The other day, my mom and I were in Wally world and we found these cute christmas tshirts in the male section.  We decided to get one to wear on Christmas day because they were only $6.  I immediately reached for a 2X and my mom was like that will be too big on you. We debated back and forth, me being adamant that I was still big enough that I needed 2X.  Ulitimately, I picked up the XL, but I made sure that I put my receipt in my purse because I knew that I was going to have to bring it back. Well, mom was right (don't you hate that).  The 2X would have been too big.  I also have this belief that my arms are unnatually too big. I have been buying tops a size larger than I need to accomodate my arms.  Well, last night I was trying on some clothes that I had bought on clearance before surgery.  These clothes were from the misses section and not the womens.  They fit. My big arms and all.  That is when I started to realize that maybe I did not see my body the way others do.  It is crazy how your mind can affect what your eyes see. I am glad that I am aware of this so that I can address it.

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