Betsy Anitahug

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11/11/06  
Well, I had the most awesome week at Jill's house while her and Jon spent time in Hawaii (lucky dogs) but I had a great time.  Check out the picture of my adventure on the 4 wheeler with TJ.  At 56 years young I have never done anything so exciting and would have never done it a year ago!  Oh, how my life has changed in less than a year.  I thank God everyday for this miracle.  My whole life has changed along with meeting some very incredible freinds that I imagine will be in my life for the rest of my life....Jill, Tink, Joanne, Shannon Kelli....the list just goes on and I don't have the time to name all my angels but you know who you are and I love you all.  Thank you for loving me and for showing me what a family is. 

My Story Begins last year .. be sure to read ... I am still a work in progress ..

I have struggled with being over weight for many years...I hope that this will be the answer...I am only 5 " (as big around as I am tall)  My surgeon is Dr Alan White who used to be in NY but is now in Roanoke, VA...
4/30/05  I finally learned how to post my pictures...This is me with my beautiful daughter, Jennifer.  She had her bypass done Feb. 2004 and look at her now...She is my inspiration.

 

05/11/05 
Just got off the phone with my doctors' office and my insurance has been APPROVED...one hurdle down....keep me in your prayers that the doctor will commit to do the surgery because I am a high risk.

5/23/05 
Talked to the doctor's nurse and she is in the process of ordering tests for me...lab work, echo, and circulation tests...looking good so far so keep your fingers crossed ..hopefully I will be on the real journey soon.

5/29/05 
Well, this week is going to be busy..I go Tuesday for an ECHO and Vascular Study..then on Thursday I go the physcologist...the head doctor...and also the nutrishinest...heck, I can't spell for anything...anyway the lady who knows all about how to eat right...like I don't know how to eat..that is why I am here..hehe..I guess the doctor has decided that if all these tests turn out ok, he will commit to do the surgery.  The nurse said that his month of July is open so I hope to get in then.  It is a struggle but I am getting there.

 

6/22/05 
I have finished all my testings except for my last visit with my "head dr"..I do that on the 27th so hopefully I will have a date soon.  All the tests seemed to do well.  I even did the sleep study but how do you sleep being wired like that???  LOL  I am hoping to be on the losing end soon.

07/04/05 
Happy 4th everyone..I feel that I will have my independance when I wake up from surgery.  I have completed all my tests and just waiting for my date.  The nurse told me on Friday that I will hear something from her next week which is this week..I am sooo excited.  I am hoping to have my surgery with my new friend Judy!  Wouldn't that be great to have someone to go through this with?  I am so excited, I want it yesterday...I guess I am getting anxious about it but in a good way.  I can't wait to be a Big Loser!

07/11/05 
Well, I had a blow from my neurologist this past week and I am still trying to get over it.  He seems to think that I have MS...either that or high blood pressure and I have always had low blood pressure.  Of course, the morning I went to the dr, my blood pressure was high for the very first time ever.  I have noticed alot of changes in my body in the last few months.  Alot of weakness of my legs, memory loss (more than usual) weakness and being soooo tired all the time.  It is an effort to get up and go to the bathroom.  I just chucked that off as my getting older..I have an appointment with my regular dr tomorrow to discuss this all with her.  Then on Wednesday I have an appointment with Dr. White, my surgeon and I hope that he will be able to schedule my surgery....Whatever is wrong with me, the surgery will still be beneficial for me and I might even start to feel alive again...hehe.  I am so tired of feeling bad all the time with no energy to do anything.  I want to get healthy and to feel free of this large body.  I am a thin healthy woman trapped in this obese body...I need help to get out.  Well, I have my fingers crossed and am praying to have this surgery soon. 

7/23/05 
Well, I have gone to Dr. White and he wants me to prove my commitment to the surgery and lose some weight.  I have been keeping on a 1000 calorie a day diet.for three weeks..Hard to believe that some of the things we just use daily has so many calories.  I am writing everything down and add it up at night.  I am off my Diet Mountain Dew now and it was a battle but I did it..I read an article about diet drinks and the aspartame in it is really not good for you...may cause false test results for MS...Although I have gone to my regular doctor and she is also in agreement that I most likely have MS but I have to have the spinal tap.  I am going to call my neurologist on Monday and set up an appointment for that.  I feel more and more syptoms and recall alot of problems that may have been misdiagnosed..I do know that I have got to take better care of my health!  I go back to the doctor in a month and I hope I have lost enough weight so he will schedule the surgery.  I want it yesterday...haha.

8/15/2005 
Well, I haven't posted for awhile and I now have a need to update...I have an appointment on Wednesday (17th) and I hope that Dr. White will give me a surgery date.  I have been faithful to my 1000 calories a day and I have completely stopped my Diet Mtn. Dew.  I am not sure what changes I am in for but I know I am not happy with life now...I hurt all the time, no energy, not happy in my marriage...At times I feel as though I could just crawl in a hole...but I want to live.  If that means leaving my relationship or not, I need this surgery for my health...Life is too good to stay in the house 24/7 because of the heat and being embarrassed to be seen outside.  I have extreme constant pain in my back and I never get any relief from it.  My comorbitities include, diabetes, fibromyalgia, trigeminial neuralgia, my left ventricle in my heart is enlarged, dyvaticulitius (sp???), reflux, psoriasis, arthritis, mytravalve prolaspe (heart) carpel tunnel in both hands, MS, and the list goes on...I want to be healthy again and be able to get out, meet people and enjoy life.  I need my confidence back as I have none now.  (or it could be hiding somewhere inside)  I have lived in Danville now for almost 3 years and have yet meet someone to really call a friend...I have my church family but that seems to be only on Sunday...I have bonded with many there but I don't think they care for my husband.  Well, I guess I could go on forever but I will stop for now. 

 

8/20/05 
Well, Dr. White wants to wait another month although he said I was doing everything right...I have lost 19 pounds but since I am such a high risk, he wants me to lose somemore.  I have to have open surgery and I have alot of health problems.  I am wondering if I will ever have it done but I am sure I am not the only one.  It is a long drawn out process but will be worth it in the long run.  I have had alot of worries in the last few months but I am holding up emotionally..Sad some days, happy others...normal cycle for me anymore..  I miss my grandbabies sooo much and I am here in Danville pretty much alone.  I have a few freinds at church but no socializing.  My children all live far away and it is just me, my toy poodle, Stormie, my latino cockateil, Buckie and yestereday I brought home a male betta fish named blue elmo...At least I have some company!!!  I don't have much motivation for things anymore as the MS and the pain is getting worse.  I hope that after this surgery, my life will be much better.  I have stuggled all my life for acceptance and in the process have lost myself...I am the "peacemaker"  and never want a confrunation...I will avoid it at my own emotions and I have to stop.  I love and need to be loved although when I was a child, my Dad died when I was 5 and my Mother became an alcholic so I was a very lonely child.  Abused and emotionally battered.  I am proud of who I am but I know that I need to take better care of myself....it is hard after all the years of abuse I did to my body.  I worked hard in a loveless marriage for 28 years and raised 3 beautiful children....I did everything I could for them and now, I need them..they all live so far away.  Well, if I continue with all this yucky stuff, I will end up depressed and I don't want that.  I hope to become a much stronger person in this journey, with some confidence and happiness.  Until next time.....Muaahh

 

 

September 23, 2005
Well, Dr. White sent me home again to wait another month.  I have asked him how much he wants me to lose but he won't give me any answers.  This is getting to be old.  I think if he is not ready to do the surgery next month, I am going to consult another doctor.  This just doesn't seem right....the reason I want WLS is because I have dieted myself to death without progress....I have no metabolism and I am getting sooooo discouraged.  After staying on this boring 1000 calorie diet for another month, I only lost 3 pounds....that says it all.  What does this man want from me????  I want to get on with my life...and I don't feel as if I am getting anywhere right now.  I am eating soo little and trying to excersise as much as I can but I am getting discouraged because this isn't working for me. 

On a good note...My little grandson called me today to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and it was soo precious to me.  He is doing so well after they put the tubes in him little ears.  My children and my grandboys mean so much to me.  They are my reason for being here.  I want to be healthier so that I can enjoy them when they visit and when I go to visit them.  My only hope in life is that they know how much I love them. 
Well, I know I don't post often and hope to do better in the near future...I am very excited to get this surgery done as I know it will save my life.   Muaaahhh!

October 21, 2005
Well, alot has happened since my last update...Dr White has finally agreed to schedule my surgery for one of the last two Fridays of November.  Dr Lucktong is also going to assist since I am such a big risk...They will call me next week with the exact date and when I have to go in for my blood work.  I am so excited to be able to get this tool and to finally be able to lose weight and keep it off.  I have a very hard time getting weight off...I have been doing the 1000-1500 calorie diet for the last 6 months and walking everyday....I have only lost 13 pounds.  At that rate, I will be 126 years old before I reach goal weight!!!  No wonder I get so discouraged..maybe now by Christmas I will be able to get some of this weight off.  I sure hope this works for me.  I guess we all have feelings of it not working.  I will do what the dr tells me and do my protein, etc.  I will also keep up the walking.  It will be such a positive life change for me and I can't wait to start it...My surgery will be open so it will take awhile to get back on my feet but I will get there.  If anything were to happen to me during surgery...I want everyone to know that I did this because I wanted to...God has the reins.  If it is my time, I am ready.  I just do not want to live the rest of my life as a morbidly obese person.  I will never forget where I came from and I will be there for anyone who needs me.  I want to be an advocate for this life saving tool.  Well, I will try to do better...til next time....MUAH...

October 25, 2005 
I finally heard from the dr office...my surgery will be December 16th, 2005....53 days away...I can't wait...I am sooo excited and thrilled.  I have met some of the sweetest people here on the VA board and they are soo caring and helpful.  They are like my family and Saturday, Natalie and Kathy are bringing a mini support group to me....I can't believe that people would actually do that for me...someone they have never met before.  I have never felt so loved as I do now.  It is amazing to me that there are so many wonderful people here in VA....I feel so blessed to be brought here.  I don't deserve all this attention but I love it...I have been through so much in my lifetime and things are finally going in my direction for once.  I know that my future is totally in God's hands and I am blessed because of that...All the bad things in life, happen for a reason and believe me when I say, good things come from the bad.  I am so happy right now and I can't wait to start my life over again.  I feel that God has given me that opportunity not to mess it up this time.  I love life....Hugs...

 

October 30, 2005
Well, what a wonderful day I had yesterday.  I have told you all what a wonderful group this VA Board is and yesterday proved it to me.  Natalie, Kathy, Dianna and Shannon, brought me a support group and I had the time of my life.  They seem to be my soul mates.  They know so much about me as we have all been throught the same things.  They opened my eyes to the fact that I need to LIVE and stop existing.  I have been so depressed lately and now I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Dianna and Nat showed me that it can happen for us...Shannon has her surgery in less than a month and I have mine in 47 days....Kathy has just started her journey but I will be right with her til the end.   There is such a common bond between all of us, those I have met and those I haven't....it is like a special group...we know sooooo well.  I felt so loved and cared for yesterday and I didn't want it to end...we all have so much potential and we can get to our dreams!!!  I am enjoying my journey so far and am looking forward to many more days like yesterday and I am finally looking toward a fantastic future!  With lots of happiness, no more depression and embarassment.  Thank you all for showing me that...I lost myself behind all this weight...it was so wonderful to be accepted for who I really am...not what I look like.  That was so very special to me.  I love you all....

November 11, 2005 
So much has happened since my last post...both good and bad.  My son, Christopher had a terrible accident on Sunday morning and he got a concussion..he is also in jail as this is his 2nd dwi....he is 28 years old and should know better but he is an alcoholic and needs help.  He will probably spend some time in jail this time.  He could not be bonded..I am so thankful to God that he nor anyone else was killed..noone else was involved...a tractor trailer ran him off the road and when he got back on the road he lost control and hit the guard rail.  He was doing 80 mph.  An angel was on his shoulder.  We love our children unconditionally but this really hurts.

Now for the good news....my beautiful daughter, Jennifer is coming home to live for a few months.  She has been in Washington State for almost 2 years.  Jennifer and my beautiful grandson, Cameron will be here tomorrow night and I am soo happy.

Now, about my health.....I went back to my neurologist last week and the tests from the spinal tap showed positive for MS but he wants a second opionion so he is sending me to a MS specialist at Duke University.  The MRI and the Spinal tap shows positive and he needs a second opinion????  I am confused.  I know I am rather old for just being diagnosed but, if I have all the symptoms, why the second opinion?  The unknown is what is bothering me...

I guess the unknown about my whole life is what is really bothering me right now...my health, my son, my children, my relationship...and the list continues....at least I am seeking therapy to deal with it all...I do not want all that is going on in my life to cause me to gain weight after my surgery...that is what I am so afraid of...food is my comfort, friend and is always there for me.  Just because I have the surgery does not mean it will work for me...I just don't want to fail.  This is a huge step to make and I want it to work....more than anything...I know I have alot of work to do on ME...my emotional status, my health, etc.  I am so thankful that I have met so many people on this Va board that I can relate to...it is a God send to me.  Thank you all for being there for me.  Well, later.....

 

November 19, 2005 
Well, only 27 days left until surgery and I am getting nervous.  I am looking forward to all the changes my body will got through and getting healthy.  It has been such a long journey so far but I know that it will be worth it.  My daughter and grandson Cameron will be here with my during the surgery which is a blessing to me.  Jen has already been through this and has done amazing with it.  She used to weigh over 300 pounds and look at her now.  That picture is her and Cameron with me a week ago. I am so blessed they are here with me.  I have alot to be thankful for.  On the 28th of this month, I go to an MS specialist at Duke University and hopefully will find out for sure if I have MS or something else.  I am nervous about that also but I can handle whatever comes my way.  I am convinced that it is MS and so is my PCP.  I have had health problems all my life and am ready to get rid of some of them...this surgery will help eliminate some but others I can handle better without the extra weight.  I will try to keep better updated...less than 4 weeks and I will be on the losing side of life!!!!!

Feb. 11, 2006 
Wow, I can't believe that I haven't update since last year...hehe.  Well, alot has happened since then..December 16 was my surgery and I had it open.  Here I am almost 2 months later, completely healed and 40 pounds lighter!  The "G" tube was left in as a precaution and I was so glad to have it removed...  what a relief.  The last two months have been such a blur...I was home from the hospital for 3 days (stayed in the hospital for 5 days) and my husband emailed me and said we were done.  Gee, I kinda knew that but I wasn't ready yet...but I managed to find a cute little house and I have moved out.  I am no longer under his control and it feels so good.  It is lonely now but I am getting stronger and happier.  I had alot of wonderful help through all this and I am grateful for all my angels.  Because of an angel, Jill, I was able to go to the Richmond Conference and I had so much fun meeting all the people off the board.  I had such a great time then I came home and was pretty much thrown out of the house...so my life was turned upside down.  I am finally getting things all back together again but it will take time which I have plenty of.  A new beginning, a new life, a new year.  Life is beginning to look good and I am going to enjoy it.  Next weekend, Shannon is coming to get me and we are going to the Charlottesville Meet and Greet and I am looking forward to meeting some more people off the board.  Well all have so much in common and it is such a strong bond.  I thank God everyday for bringing me to this journey and all the wonderful people I have met.  I will try to update more often now that my life has calmed down some.   Hugs to all.

 

 

December 11, 2005  
Well, the time is spinning past...only 5 days until this butterfly emerges!  A new beginning and a new life.  I can't wait.  Very nervous but at the same time I know I will be on wings one way or the other..angel or butterfly.  No matter what happens, I will be a healthier and thinner person.  There have been so many things happen in the last few months that have caused me alot of stress and I gained 6 pounds and last Wednesday, Dr White said if I didn't lose those pounds, he would cancel the surgery.  I am doing everything I can think of to lose but I am afraid.  I have never been successful in losing weight on my own which is why I have decided to have this surgery.  Doh...Add more stress!!!  Anyway, I am going to a totally clear liquid diet starting tomorrow.  I hope that I make it...I have been eating alot of protein and salads up til today.  I probably won't be updating anymore until after surgery but I just had to write one last time as a gainer....next time will be a loser!!!  Yeah. I will be a winner no matter what happens.  I have had 3 wonderful children, 3 wonderful grandsons and hoping for a granddaughter someday.  I am a walking time bomb right now, being so over weight and unhealthy.  I have had alot of struggles and hurt in my life but when I come out of this surgery, I am going to start my life over, completely.   If changes don't happen soon, this marriage will be over and I won't stop dreaming until I am satisfied.  I want a normal relationship with affection and less controling.  I want my life back and I will get it.  I am tired of existing and not living life to the fullest.  I want to laugh, play and enjoy life.  I haven't had that much of an opportunity to do that in so long.  I want affection, love and a companion, not a room mate.  Betsy is coming back to life again!  Thank God!  He will show me the way.

December 30, 2005 
Well, it has been 2 weeks ago today since my surgery...I still sit here with a JP tube and all my staples but things are doing well.  I go back to my surgeon next Wednesday, Jan 4th and hopefully get them all out.  Physically  I am doing great..emotionally a little unstable.  Less than a week after surgery, my husband asked for a divorce.  I knew it was coming as this is not a healthy marriage and never was.  We have been married for 3 years and I have been totally controlled.  I am going to break free.  There is more to life than this.  As soon as I am healed enough, I am going back to Roanoke or Bedford to live.  I have never liked living here in Danville and want to go home.  I would have preferred not having all this emotional crap to deal with right after surgery but I am working on getting my "ducks" in a row.  I have closed out the joint acct that my disability check was being directly deposited to and opened my own acct...I am going to go to legal aid and get the advise I need.  Everything is in his name so he is going to let the house go and my car that he bought me for Christmas last year he is going to get rid of.  Which will leave me carless.  I don't think he can do this but waiting to get legal advise.  Even with having to deal with all this, I am looking forward to my future and being healthy again.  I don't want to ever have to settle for something less than what I deserve.  I have been kept in this house, away from my friends and family far too long.  He has made sure that I never had a penny to my name and very little gas in my car.  I don't understand why I settled for this life but I did.  He never took me out to eat...the night we went to the justice of the peace to get married he drove me home and asked me what was for dinner?  There were many signs...I was wife #5, he took control of my check right in the very beginning, and the marriage was never consumated.  I never got a hug, kiss or anything else after we got married.  That is another story in itself.  I am ready for this change..just wish it hadn't happened so soon after surgery.  I need time to heal but I have to start preparing for my future.  Life is so cruel at times but we come out of it so much better..I am putting this all into God's very capable hands and looking forward to my future.  I have alot of pain to heal from and I may never again trust a man again but who knows?  Is there room in my heart for anyone other than my beautiful children and grandbabies?   I don't know but I do know that I am going to work on loving myself again...living my life like never before.  I thank God everyday for this chance to get my life back.  This surgery has been a God send to me. 

Janurary 7, 2006
Wow, we are in a new year...alot of changes...I went back to my neurologist yesterday and after confering with a specialist at Duke University they have decided to keep an eye on me but they both agreed that I DON"T have MS...thank God.  I am also off of most of my meds...I was taking about 14 pills a day and now I am only taking 3!  Diabetes is under control and I couldn't be happier.  I am looking forward to a new life and being healthy again.  I don't know how I managed to exsist at 5'00" at 248 pounds...now I am 218 after only a few weeks after surgery.  Looking forward to gettting down into the 100's..that is my short term goal now.  At 55, almost 56 years old, I will probably lose slower than the younger ones but each pound is a wonderful feeling.  I used to work so hard at losing and nothing would happen.  It took me 8 months to lose 13 pounds and I was on a 1000 calorie diet and was walking alot.  Seeing my progress now is very encouraging.  At least I am eating right, some excersise and am losing.  Finally.  Will update more later....more wow moments to come...

March 10, 2006...What a journey this has been for me....I am now down to 182 pounds and it hasn't been quite 3 months yet.  I have a beautiful little house that is my home now and I am quite comfortable with.  Last weekend my girls, Nat, Dianna, Holly, Jill, Shannon, Holly and JoAnn came down and gave me the best birthday weekend ever.  We had so much fun.  I love them all so much and it was like Christmas...they bought me a brand new computer!!!!!!!  Plus lots of other things.  The love they show me amazes me everyday.  I don't know how I would have gotten through all this emotional garbage without them.  But right now, I am so happy and content.  Who would have thought that God would send me so many blessings.  I was so miserable in my marriage and now I am smiling again.  It is such a wonderful feeling and I have my first date tonight!!!  Who would have thought?  Certainly not me.  A new life and a new beginning for me.  I am so excited about my future.  Finacially it is a struggle but I will make it through.  My biggest problem is the car but God will take care of that too in His time.  I am just so thankful for what I do have and my bright future.  Well, I will try to update more often now that I have this wonderful computer.  I love all my WLS freinds...they are more like family to me and I will thank God everyday for bringing them into my life. 
Update here

Update here
May 1st, 2006

Well, time passes so fast for me anymore...I have lost a total of 78 pounds now and really enjoying life.  I am dating and just enjoying life again.  So very much has changed for me in a year.  Last year, i was in a miserable marriage, no love, depressed and fat..but my life has made a 360 degree turn around.  I am so happy, loving life, laughing and looking forward to my future.  Not sure what is out there for me but I know that I am living a much better life.  I am being called beautiful by one of my dates...he wants more serious but I don't want to go there just yet.  But to made to feel loved, admired and me beautiful????  I am having a hard time with the compliments but I will learn to live with them.  Two of my friends hadn't seen me in months came last week and when they saw me they were both shocked....one kept going OMG, OMG..you are skinny...The other said she was amazed at how much I have lost and how small I am.  Me small???  Who would have thought.  It was so great to see the shock on their faces...My ex saw me for the first time in a long time and he was shocked....too bad, I am not his anymore.  Never really was anyway.  Anyway, my life is so wonderful and God has so blessed me with wonderful friends off the board and I love them all.  Life is good...I would have this surgery again if I needed to...it is a miracle if you work it right.