randomlysam
So here I go again. Ahhhh. This is the quick story, or as quick as I can make it.
In 2000 I had RNY, the day of surgery I was sitting at 505. Had surgery, stayed home for 6 weeks. Lost 60 pounds in the first month! I remember just being completely surprised and elated…I was finally losing weight.
By the time I was at my 1 year anniversary I’d lost 200 pounds; I felt so good, I felt ‘normal’ again and I had a panniculetomy (not a tummy tuck, just removal of the excess lower abdominal tissue). For some reason after that surgery I stopped losing weight. Not a bit came off after...it was weird.
So, it’s amusing because I have this body that is naturally pear shaped and my lower abdomen is almost totally flat! People can’t figure out how that worked out with my big butt, hips and thighs.
Anyway I moved to this area a few years ago and have not really told anyone about the surgery. I’m still obese…quite so. But there’s such a stigma attached to not only being fat but also having gastric bypass.
I hear people talk and it just drives me nuts. So…I kept quiet. I also never wanted to offer that I’d had gastric bypass because…well…I’m still fat. Not pudgy, or plump, but fat. I felt a bit like a failure.
My weight stayed stable since surgery, although once I moved to DC I lost about 15 pounds or so. But I felt like a new person here…no one knew about how fat I was, no one knew about my huge belly…I was just fat but not a failure.
I know, I need to get over these feelings. Big time. My boyfriend asked, begged me to tell him about my scars, (my original RNY was open) and I refused until one day finally I did. He understood and didn’t think of me at all as a failure but it still hung in the back of my mind.
So since moving here, my eating habits changed, I started skipping meals, drinking more alcohol. I went on the pill and gained 20 pounds right there. My thyroid went a little crazy and I gained 30 more. Now my doc says my thyroid is normal but I still feel like I’m gaining weight every time I eat anything lol.
It was discovered a year or so ago that I have arthritis in my back from my ribcage down to my tailbone. I have 3 collapsed discs and let me say the pain isn’t getting better. One day I decided to have a revision…well, not one day. I mulled it over quite a bit and decided I never lost enough weight originally and needed to take the plunge because I’m back to being too big to fly and even daily walking around is becoming too much (especially since I am expected to wear heels to work).
So that’s my story. I meet with the nutritionist this week, have pre-op testing on the 4th. One more appointment with my surgeon then surgery. I’m scared of failing again.
I need to make it work no matter what this time.
