What A Ride! My Honest Feelings. Good and Bad!

Oct 27, 2009

I have had every emotion in the book since I have had WLS.  I went to the doctor today for my 3 week check up and officially, I have lost 16.8 pounds.  I was down because My scale was different.  But, that is still over 5 lbs a week and I can't really complain about that.  The reason I haven't lost more, is because I have not been getting enough calories.  My nurse told me that I need to intake 800 calories a day to lose weight.  I have only had 2 days I have come within 100 calories of that.  I having a very hard time with eating.  I can't get enough in me.  I can't drink enough.  I can't eat enough and I hate protein shakes.  This whole thing is driving me insane.  I was down on nutrients the other night, I almost lost it while I was here at home alone with my 7 year old.  I was scared to death because of the feelings I was having.  I thought I was going to have to go get an IV for fluids.  I have had 2 790 calorie days since then.  Today, as of right now, I am at 687.  So, I have to find some more somewhere.  I am sick of the things I have been eating and I am so dang picky that it is hard to find other things in this soft pureed stage that I can have.  I am just hanging on by a thread.  This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life.  I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I never thought it would be this difficult for me.  I have had the thought of why did I do this to myself. and how can I reverse it.  I know it will get better.  But right now, I am having a very hard time. 

I miss my husband so much.  I have one week and 2 days before he will be home.  I cannot wait!  I need his support here by my side.  Not a million miles away. 

I need to figure out foods that I can have that I like.  I am sick of peanut butter and cheese and wheat crackers and saltines.  And I know, saltines are not really suppose to be eaten, but they are the only things that settle my tummy sometimes.  The sweetner ASPARTAME is getting old real fast.  SF pudding has it in it and I can taste the after taste  now and it is so gross. 

After the 8 week mark, do we get to eat regular foods again?  I mean I know stay away from sweets and lots of sugar, but do we get to move on to real food again?  Maybe it is just because it is the soft and pureed part of the diet I am getting so frustrated over.  Whatever it is, I pray it comes to an end soon and I can eat real food again.  Just be smarter with portion sizes and the way it is prepared.  Does this happen?  Do we get to have normal food again? 

I bought a protein liquid today at the health food store called Protein 100.  It is 1 oz shots you can add to juice or water.  Or if you are brave, you can shot it all by itself!  I did that today.  OMG was it sour!  The stuff cost $48 for a 32 oz bottle.  So, that is how I will be getting most of my protein until it is gone.  My thinking was, if I can shoot a shot of whiskey and not throw up or tequilla and keep that down, surely, I can shoot this stuff!  Am I crazy? 

Everyone tells me to just be strong and I will get through this part.  That this is the hardest part.  Well it sucks. 

Anyway, I am through with my ranting tonight.  I am so tired and I still need to find 113 calories before bed!  OH LORD HELP ME PLEASE!  I NEED YOU NOW! 

1 Comment