NewDayDawning
Hi there.. My name is Stephanie and I am a 42 year old single mom of two adult sons. Thank you for reading my story!
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My earliest recollection of being overweight was in about 4th or 5th grade. We had to be screened for scoliosis and weighed and measured. They stood all the girls in a line in the nurses office - the nurse called out our weight for a helper to record in a book. It never occurred to me to be nervous about this, because I didn't realize just how much bigger than the other girls I was.
"96 pounds, 87 pounds, 92 pounds, etc." My turn to step on the scale "120 pounds" She might as well have yelled "ONE HUNDRED TWENTY POUNDS!" From that point on, things were never the same for me. There was a group of girls that followed me around and would chant "We hate you triple lips, blubber butt" for the remainder of the year. (I had really bad chapped lips and there were no pockets in my polyester stretch pants to hold a chapstick)
When I entered 6th grade, I joined Volleyball and Softball to try to help lose some weight. That seemed to help slow down the gaining, but it did not stop it. There wasn't a lot of guidance in my home about nutrition or dieting... My Mom would say things at times to "shame" me into trying to lose weight ... "Just look at you, who is going to want you looking like this" or "These are the only clothes I can find to fit you, so unless you lose some weight that's what you're stuck with" or my personal favorite "You'd be such a PRETTY girl if you'd just lose weight."
I continued sports through high school, until the guy I was dating said he was embarassed to date the biggest girl on the team. Let me say, I was a size 14-16 at that point (gasp). I quit doing what I loved because I was so embarassed by what he said.. 4 months after high school I got pregnant from that guy and a few months later we were married.
That began the long journey to packing on more weight and more misery. I gained 50 pounds with each son and the combination of working a full-time job and taking care of two children and an addict took it's toll. I was able to lose some weight once when I exercised every single day and didn't eat anything, but as soon as I tried to eat normally the weight came back on.
I divorced the "load" 5 years ago and have been single the entire time. It seems no one wants to date the cute fat chick. I tried to join the softball team at work two years ago, because I REALLY miss playing.. I was embarassed by my size - but so glad to be outside, around other people and trying. It was pretty much an epic failure for me, because I forgot the part about having to RUN. I hung my head in shame and walked away from it for the second time.
I have been successful in every other area of my life, except for getting the weight off and being thinner and stronger.
Last fall I decided enough of this sitting around and watching life pass me by. IT IS MY TURN TO SHINE! Even though I am 42 years old, I still have a lot of life left in me.
Some things I am truly looking forward to after my surgery are:
Crossing my legs (I can't remember the last time I was able to do this, if ever
Buying something at Victorias Secret (not lip gloss)
Wearing underpants instead of "undertents"
Fitting in the seat of a plane comfortably
Going on amusement park rides
Shopping in the regular size section - instead of the four friggin racks that are available for big girls
Not having my thighs rub together
Trying rollerblading, snow boarding, skiing and getting back into softball
Going back to the Jr. High I went to and running a mile without having to stop and walk like I did in school
Go skydiving
Go for a hot air balloon ride
These are just a FEW of the things that I can't wait to do. There is a whole big world out there - and I think it's time to release the active woman that has been inside me "dying" to come out.
Thank you in advance for all of your support, advice, candid comments and prayers.
