MetalMeli

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I'm down 82lbs in 3 months!

It's been a while since I've posted an update.  No more struggling to get in water and protein.  All is well in that area now.  Well actually I am struggling with it but it's because I keep forgetting to eat and drink because I'm never hungry.  But when I do eat I have no issues.  I can get in 64oz of water and all my protein and vitamins.  I just need to make sure I remember to eat!

I'm 2 days away from my 3 month surgiversary and I'm down 80lbs!  I'm completely amazed at how much weight Ive lost.  I didnt start actually feeling the changes in my body until about 20lbs ago.  It's the best feeling ever!  I'm happy and feeling so much better about myself.  I finally got my self esteem back and even if I were to not lose another pound I'd still be happy with the weight Ive lost so far.

Going into this I did years of research.  I knew that at some point I would hit an emotional rollercoaster.  Mentally and emotionally it's hard to deal with losing so much weight in such a little amount of time.  Your mind doesnt change or adjust as quickly as your body does.  I still feel like I'm as big as a house.  Even though now I dont ever have to worry about fitting into a booth or stress about breaking a chair (even though thats never happened).  I havent had any problems fitting my butt into anything with the weight I've lost so far.  Which is amazing. 

I didnt think I would actually be one of those people that couldnt handle it emotionally but I was wrong.  I am struggling with the changes.  Not too bad but I have noticed that lately I've become less tolerant of things that I dont like.  Before I just put up with crap and now Ive become more vocal when something happens that I'm not to happy with.  I guess I'm finding my inner voice and finally not scared to express myself but I'm not so sure I like that all too well.  This past weekend I overreacted to some things.  Things that never would have bothered me suddenly ticked me off and I said some things to someone very important to me and hurt his feelings.  I feel horrible about it.  I feel like such an aweful person.  I was told that this could happen.  That small things will turn into big things and to watch out for the signs of a break down.  I didnt see this one coming.  I hope that in the future I'll see the signs and keep myself from snapping but I'm only human and sometimes we cant control our emotions.  All I can do is learn from this, hope he will forgive me and try to stay focused on being healthy and working through the changes so that they dont overwhelm me again.

For some people food is an addiction.  Its a drug thats used to numb you from pain and anger.  I never thought this to be true about myself until recently.  When you take that drug away you are forced to face your fears.  Youre forced to face emotions you probably never allowed yourself to feel before.  Well that seems to be coming full circle for me right now.  I need to find away to deal with my frustrations and not hold them in because I no longer have a drug to numb it.  I'm learning that if something is bothering me I will need to find someone to talk to about it so that it doesnt get bottled up causing me to be a ticking time bomb and explode on someone that truly doesnt deserve it.

Life is changing so rapidly!  I nevetr thought I would be the type that went to a gym on a regular basis and read labels on everything I put into my body.  Ive never been this healthy and it feels great!  I no longer live for food!  Food is now fuel to live!

I'll be taking some new pics soon to show my progress.

I'm not going to get into details but there is a reason I am fat thats beyond the fact that I loved food and eating out.  This fat suit served a purpose.  It kept people away.  I was in control of who I let past the walls I have up around me and I didnt have to deal with men hitting on me.

Since I've back to work this week I've been bombarded with compliments.  At first they made me feel good.  I was happy that people had noticed the difference in my appearance.  Especially since I dont see the changes that much.

I cant walk around at work anywhere without someone stopping me to tell me how great I look or how pretty I am.  At first it made me smile but now its making me cry.  I dont know what to say.  I'm not used to this sort of attention.  I don't really know how to react to it.

A guy at work (who I've know for a couple of years now) told me he thinks I'm really pretty.  He's always told me this though.  Its not just because Ive lost the weight.  But finally he asked me when we were going to hang out.  I dont remember what I said but he got the hint that I wasnt interested.  So later in the day when I saw him again he called me pretty girl.  I must have given him a weird look because he came over and whispered to me... "you dont know how to handle all the attention you're getting, do you?"  I almost cried.  It was really hard to hold back the tears.  I was honest and told him absolutely not and that everytime someone says something nice I want to run away and cry.  Then later on today some friends were telling me how happy they are that I finally got the surgery and how good I look and I started crying.

I just cant handle the compliments.  I totally broke today.  There was lots of drama at work so that might have something to do with it.  Maybe I'm just really stressed out.  All I know is that it makes me terribly sad that I'm 31 years old and crying when people tell me I'm pretty.  I should be excited and happy but I'm not.

I'm scared.

I think I might need therapy to help get me through this.

So tomorrow I will be 6 weeks post op.  I figured I would update this now because I go back to work tomorrow and I dont know when I'll find the time.

I'm totally bummed about going back to work.  Only becuase even though I love my job, its really stressful and before I left there was a lot of drama and I dont want to go back to that.  I'm hoping it's all gone away now.

So as of today I am down 52lbs!  It feels amazing!  I had to walk pretty far to get to my car yesterday while at a friends house and when I finally got to my car not only did my knee and back not hurt but i wasnt out of breath either!  That was an amazing feeling.

I am so glad I did this.  Even if I were to not lose another pound, this was still worth it.  I am so much happier.  I dont feel like I look that different yet but everyone around me keeps saying how great I look.  My ex for the last couple months now has been wanting to get back together.  This weekend I had to see him because his sister was getting married and so he got to see what I look like now and so of course now he REALLY wants to get back together. LOL

Oh and I went from a 26/28 top (sometimes even a 30 top depending on the maker) to an 18/20!  And my butt was a 26/28 but now its a 22/24.  Yep I'm totally pear shaped.  I have a big italian booty!  LOL

And does anyone know how I change my BMI on my profile?  It still says I'm 56 but I'm really 49.  I went from super obese to extremely obese. 

I'm down 46lbs.  4lbs away from my first goal!

I'm horrible about eating and drinking.  I dont get in nearly enough of either.  And I keep forgetting to take my vitamins.  I was so good about taking them pre surgery and post surgery I seem to have shit for brains.  I cant remember anything. 

I never thought I would ever say this but I cant seem to remember to eat!  LOL

So my new goal is to make sure I'm getting in all my water, food and vitamins each and EVERY day!

Weight Loss Surgery really isnt for wussies!

I knew this was going to be hard but I figured the hard part would be trying not to eat everything in sight.  In actuality my biggest problem is remembering to eat and drink.

It's been my biggest struggle.

I'm never hungry so I forget to eat.  I should be having 6 small meals loaded with protein and I'm getting in 2.  3 on a good day.  And I'm only getting in maybe 20oz of water a day.  30 if I'm lucky.

I cant do the protein drinks.  My pouch doesnt like them.  No matter if they are pre made or if i make the powdered ones.  It feels like I have rocks in my pouch all day after drinking one.  It makes it literally impossible to eat or drink anything for the rest of the day.  Its too uncomfortable.  They make me feel full and bloated for the entire day.  So I've stopped that.  Now the only way I can get in protein is by food and ugh when youre on the soft stage its hard to get protein in ya.  Soft foods that Ive found with protein are very small amounts.

Im so frustrated with myself.  

I know I've mentioned this in a previous blog but I'm sending out some love to my peeps at BariatricTV.com again.

I LOVE this site.  It really has a great community of WLS people.  They are all SUPER friendly and non judgemental by any means.  They are a great source of information and support.

I learned a whole butt load of stuff from them.  They do video pods every week that are so helpful and funny!

They share lots of great WLS recipes.  It is seriously my #1 website that I go to everyday.  Top of my list of things to do.

Check them out you wont be disappointed.  I promise!

Go to bariatrictv.com click on the "FORUM" button on the top left, sign up.  Its quick and easy and start posting away!

I'm in so much pain on my left side now.  I keeping thinking Im able to clean and do things around the house because I feel ok when I'm just laying around.  But then I'll bend, move, turn or twist in the wrong way, lay down the wrong way, get up the wrong way and it feels like my insides on my left side are tearing apart.  Ive done this like 6 or 7 times now and so the pain is always there now.  Sucks.  I cant wait to see my surgeon for the 2 week check up.  I think I have a hernia now.  Other than that I'm doing ok.

Surgery went really well.  I was released on Thursday afternoon.  My family stayed with me the entire time.  Had some other vistors as well.  I was able to get on the laptop while in the hospital but this site moved too slow so I was not able to get on here and post an update.

For more info go to my blog...  http://melissaaletha.wordpress.com/

I'm really amazed at how calm I am.  Tomorrow is my last day of liquids and Tuesday is my big day!  WOOT!

FINALLY!  I've waitied 5 years for this day to finally come.  I cant tell you how happy I am.  And really excited to be joining the losers bench.  It almost seems like a dream.