Stefanie M.
My Beginning Thoughts
Sep 25, 2011
I'm not afraid to put myself out there to my family/friends/whoever else wants to read this.....
The people who really know me know that I've struggled with my weight and self image pretty much my whole life. Growing up in a small town and being "chubby" isn't a easy thing to do. You quickly learn that kids are mean, only because they don't know any better, but mean still. I remember grade 3...this is when i started getting chubby. I remember a boy that I totally had a little girl crush on called me Brontosaurus Butt...yes! In grade 3! How big was my butt in grade 3! But kids were kids...he must have really liked dinosaurs. Anyways...this kind of teasing went on and on throughout my childhood. I built up a resistance to it quite quickly and most of the time it didn't faze me at all. I was an active girl, played sports all the time..but always stayed on the bigger side. I was fit, just bigger.
It started to really bother me in highschool. You see the girls that could wear anything they wanted...had all the guys attention...i thought, "wow their lives are perfect"....I know now that was just crap...but i always felt awkward. I wore my dads clothes because i felt huge in anything else. I made my own dresses for school dances because the shops in my town never carried my sizes. It was difficult.
Despite being active, i always has a hard time trying to get the access weight off. I was an emotional eater and that got the best of me. My home life was stressful, which in return turned me to something comforting...food. I look back and wished it was something else that i focused my emotions on, but I can't change the past. That's what I used to help me and where i am right now is the consequence.
So i've done some calculating in my head the past couple days and i've figured from the time i was 16 to right now at 27 I've gained roughly 120lbs. WHOLLY CRAP! It's embarrassing to admit that, but in order for me to change I have to lay everything on the table....right in front of everyone.
If you asked me 5 years ago if I would have this surgery I would have been like HELLS NO! I can do it myself! and with 5 years of trying over and over and over....having some luck at first then gaining twice the amount back....I've come to the realization, I need something more permanent.
So the past couple weeks i've dove deep onto the internet and researched Gastric Bypass surgery...I've read everything possible! There are cons to this surgery....and it will be a struggle for the first little while after...but the pros outweight the cons tremendously, and in the end I will be a healthy individual and that is what matters to me.
I've always said, if I was healthy i don't think my weight and my body image would matter so much to me...i like my curves, but in the long run, my BMI is 47 when it should be between 18-24....My hips and legs ache constantly.....my heart races when i climb 7 stairs...I am having fertility issued with PCOS because of my weight....and so on.....I'm gonna kill myself by the time i'm 35.....if i keep this up, and I want kids and I want to live a long healthy life with them and Glen....not dead because I didn't do anything about it now.
So what has happened so far is that I've gone to my family doctor and he's written up a referral for me for Guelph Bariatric Center and now I just have to wait on a call that says "Hey come on down for orientation" ...after that I am on my way. It won't be a quick process...probably about a year before surgery...but they will give me a chance to learn everything i need to know before. :)
So i'm going to keep this as like a blog/diary....I'll write in it every so often to update and vent. Please feel free to comment...or just read along..I need lots of support and encouragement.
Ciao for now...
