leighmack

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it was one hell of a mission and now my surgery date s approaching quick. in 3 days from today on Oct 21st 2015 i will undergo gastric sleeve surgery. my problem is that now i am freaking out about it . i am so so scared and nervous and constantly thinking bout it and how different my life is going to be and it gives me such great anxiety that i have no idea what i am doing anymore. i dont want to quit again like i did one time before because it freaking me out. But i have no idea what i am in for. this is just nervewrecking and uggggg lol.. i guess we all have been there for those have gone through the surgery the nerves and crying and stomach knotting.

only thing that really pisses me off now is the fact that right now 3 days before surgery people what to start making rude, negative comments which is not right. and not even to my face. saying that i have no idea what i am doing im fucking my life up and that im going to screw everything up and be extremely sick and all this bullshit.. i busted my ass trying to get approval for this srgery and u know what I DID THAT ON MY OWN i went to dr appts and called the dr made appts and did this all on my very own .. like peole need to shut the hell up... if i didnt want this i wouldnt have done all i had to do to get the approval..

my best firend of years stopped speaking to me back in july when i was starting the dr visits for the process of surgery.  i was always the bigger uglier firend and she got all the attention when we went out.. well guess she didnt like the fact that i was actually doing osmething baout it .. all cuz she didnt have the courage to do it herself.. she believes she is skinny when she is only bout 40 pounds less then me. smh.. oh well but

mostly its my brother.. my brothers and i arent exactly what u call close... im closer to my sister in law then my brother.. and my sister in laws aunt  has surgery and at least she is giving me such great support about it offering help and giving me sites that she buys stuff on and all that.. but i mean my mother said oh jus call him and talk to him about stuff he feels left out and all this bullshit.. okay soo i play ohhh can u see about unflavored protien for me.. imma need it soon and can u find out bout this.. which the only benifit is that costco has premire protien for 25.00 for 18 pak.. amazing price... but because im doing my own reseach and sending him some b.s questions because believe me i got this.. he goes back to my mom like she going to mess up her life why is she doing this she dont know what she is doing.... this is my life.. it took me alot of convinceing to even get my husband on board

my 3 aunts my 3 cousins my moms cousin and her husband.. have all had the bypass.... and they all went from over 450 to under 200.... my aunt and 2 cousins all left their husbands.. that is my husbands issue.. but u know what i dont want to be a party animal like they go clubbing now.. i did that even at a larger size and it was not fun for me. i love my husband beyond words. he is my soulmate and i could nto have asked for a better man to be my husband the father of my beautiful baby boy..

That is my real motivation for this. beside i need to do something. My beautiful now 15 month old baby boy. he is everythign to me and i want to be around forever for him. and give him brother or sister.. but he is the love of my life. i never knew howwwwwwww deep a love can go til i saw this baby.. he is the perfect lil man in the whole world. i want him to have every advantage in life that i was not given. he is going to be signed up into every sport imaginable and i am going to do this so that i can run him to every practice and game possible.. mma be the soccer mom one of these days..

my son loves me and my husband and that is my family. people may not agree with what i am doing but i am not doing it for them. they can talk shit all they want its not for them

So step 1 of going to the seminar and listening to the option again was step one.. the dr who does the surgery is there and he is actually only 1 city over.. a pyschotrist my dad does work for mentioned i wanted to do surgery he mentioned Dr. Jason Garrison in Jersey City NJ he did his surgery. and that the psych guy my dad konws will do my evaluation for Free which is great... so my consultation is june 23rd.. as soon i get paperwork to do my test i am jumping on it and hoping to get it all done before the end of summer .. he said usually 10 weeks is earliest he ever seen it .... well im praying that because the longer it takes the longer i have to change my mind and that i dont want to do.. i need this for me my husband and my beautiful baby boy i wanna play with him and be round forever for him

now i have no idea whats going on.. 1st dr that says they take it and now i cant find a ride to go 50 mintues to that office.. i called another dr today and they said THEY WORK with all insurances.. i have medicaid and they dont pay the whole bill.. so now im wondering if im going to get stuck spending money i do not have.. i dont have money.. i havent worked since june last yr when i went on maternity leave. idk i barely have any support.. everyone is against me and wants me to fail. but i need this i need this for myself i need this to be here for my son and to be able to play with my son i need this to be more active i do no want knee surgery.. i cant have a knee replacement at 27.. i need to be around and be there for my son.. and i want to be able to carry another baby one day.. i dont want to be near 400 pounds anymore...im dying like its driving me crazy

I finally found a dr that takes my insurance. Dr. Sadek in freehold nj. I have apointment may 11th at 330. Now that i finally found dr i am more nervous. My husband is less supportive at the moment and negative as all can be. Im hoping this works out to my benifit. I hope its smooth sailing and eveything goes right. I need this i need this help. I need this tool to help me live a healthy normal life. I want to live for my son and i want to give him sibblings. This is crazy. I hope i do not chicken out this time.

Name is LeighAnn and I am  27 years old. I just recently got married feb 2015 and have a beautiful son who i had in july 2014. I am a New Jersey Girl

My 3 aunts. My aunts 2 daughters. My moms cousin and her husband. They all had the gastric bypass surgery. They all suffer complications from it. They ended up cheating on their husbands and leaving them and stuff.. I never want to do that to my husband I love him with all my heart. My ones aunts husband left her because he loved fat woman.
When I was 18. I was in the drs office and they were scheduling the surgery for me. But seeing the complications they suffered. with dumping and now they have bowl obstructions.
I chickened out. I couldn't do it. Beside the fact that the dr was saying we needed to pay 2000 in out of network cost for another dr who was going to be in the surgery also.
At this time i weighted 280.

Years later. With my 1st pregnancy that i lost i began at 301. After the loss i went to 325. ( depressive eating and i admit it i was eating my heart and soul away) Starting weight with my son 326. I lost 10 pounds in beginning but by time i gave birth i was 335. 9 months later I am now pushing 375. I am now at my witts end

for 9 years I was caught the the 310 to 280 range after 21 i could not get below 300 at all. Im active i work. I paid 80.00 a month for a gym program called Total Body Solutions but I couldn't not break the 20 pound mark. I ended that program after they hired a woman WHO HAD NO EXPERIENCE IN GYM OR NUTRITION read a script to me asking me about the diet and stuff didn't care if i did things wrong like it really discouraged me and made me realize it was a big scam.

Now that i am 375 my knees are no good. I cannot bare to walk long distances because i cant bare it. When i was pregnant it didnt hurt this bad. My back my siatica has been miserable. My reasoning for looking into the Gastric Sleeve Surgery is for myself and my son. I want to live to see my son grow. I want to be able to have another child. I canot have another one at this weight. I do not want to get to 400 plus pounds. I wouldnt be able to handle it. I have recently been diagnosed with a slow thyroid. I never ever had a thyroid problem growing up at all. Until now. My son is so active and I cannot get on the floor and if i do i honestly cannot get back up off the floor without someone helping me or without alot of stress pain and sweat. My son is growing and i want him active i want to take him to the park and for walks. I want to be able to put him into sports and take him to his practices or games.. LIKE this i know i wont be able to do it. I need to better myself for him. I need a real change in my life that will force me to stick with it..

My husband and I have been clashing about the surgery. he is telling me to do it on my own change my life and just diet. Its not easy. I can barely move my leg, my knee is totally shot. I need to lose the weight because to have surgery on my knee at 27 is something i really want to avoid. and he is a big guy to.. hes all gut. I love him chunky though he's a beautiful man who met me and took me out of a dark place in my life. He is hardworking loving great husband and father. He loves me and if i do decide this he will eventually have to support me for it.

I do not want this surgery for anyone else but me and my child. Doing this for me will benefit us drastically. Places will not hire you because of how you look. Who wants a 400 pounds teacher working for them. Right now I am a stay at home mom my husband wants me home with my son. I think the one thing that will honestly stop me is Medicaid. I have wellcare nj medicaid and no dr wants to accept it.