Another Year, Another Opportunity!!!

Jan 03, 2010

Well here we are in 2010!  Wow - twenty-ten as we call it at work.  I have made absolutely no progress towards my 140 lb. goal.  I really need a swift kick and a large man with a bat to follow me around and "whack" me whenever I even look at a carb or sweets.  I feel like I can see the goal but it is wayyyy far off. 

Exercise - None
Protein Drinks - None
Supplements - None

I've been pretty stressed lately which doesn't allow for a fabulous determination to follow a program.  I'm past my "nasty" part of the year which pretty much starts about mid-November and runs till the new year.  I'm not referring to food, I'm talking my mood.  I get a combination of depression and aggitation.  Just wishing it could all be over with a blink of my eyes.  For whatever reason its NOT an enjoyable season for me.  I like Thanksgiving ok and have never been one to gorge on that day.  The rest is all too stressful.  Who is coming over, who can't stand to be around whom, where are we all going, who won't be able to come, you name it.  Its just not a good time of the year for me.

My oldest son (26 years old) moved out the day after Thanksgiving into a condo with a friend from work.  I worry about him (lots of issues following 2 brain tumor surgeries and many meds).  I was excited he was able to be "on his own".  I had a teary hour following leaving him there after we got his room set up but then I was fine.  My husband and I joked about running around the house naked.  We still have our middle son's girlfriend living with us (she is 19) but between cosmetology school and work we don't see her very often.

That means our 20 year old has moved out, our 23 year old is out and now our 26 year old is out.  They are all gainfully employed and not in trouble - life is grand. 

My husband of almost 30 years lost his job with Merck after 28 years of employment and is working a seasonal job at Macy's at Mall of GA.  We lost approx 55% of our household income - ouch!  That is always there in the back of my mind, praying my job remains secure and safe.  Everyone is healthy - thank God!

I am looking for info on the 5 day pouch test and will use that to "get back on track".  It is all too familiar to know what I need to do and not do it.  Craziness! 

The wine is not my friend.  It is sooooo easy to use it to not feel everything - much like food used to do.  I will go days without it and then say the heck with it and suck down a big 'ole bottle in one evening.  You don't have to tell me thats bad - I've kind of figured that out.  ha ha  Just to be sure my husband reminds me often.  Trust me folks, I know.

I had to quit going to my fantastic counselor the end of October.  I have seen her weekly since like May of 2008.  At first it really pissed me off that I had to pay someone to listen to me and then came the freedom that I could tell her anything and there was no judgement, no fear she would tell 3 other people, etc.  I could just discuss how I felt about things that bother me.  I'm a pretty happy-go-lucky person (thus the nickname Joyful) but sometimes I just don't feel very Joyful.  On a bad day I find myself changing my name on my auto-signature at work to read Joy just because I'm in no mood to be any kind of Joyful.  The next day I'm usually back "up" again and I change it back to Joyful. 

I would like to attend a support group but I either end up checking on the ones that meet seldom and most members have not attended in years or I end up contacting the "Nazi-leaders" who want me to commit to being there every single week or I'm not committed.  I travel with my job at times and there is no way I can be there every single week.  Sorry commander in chief. 

As a rule I hate resolutions!  Sounds too much like my pre-surgery days when every resolution meant starting another non-successful diet that lasted till after Valentines if I was extremely determined.  This used to drive me nuts because I was ALWAYS on a diet at Valentines Day.  I could never have the chocolates, I was on a stupid diet - ha ha.  Isn't that Alanis Morrisette ironic or what!  Where was I????  Oh yes, resolutions (or the lack there of I should say).  Maybe I'll try I WILL's.  As in, I WILL exercise even if it is an exercise DVD in my bedroom, or a spin on the WII fit collecting dust under the entertainment center, or my Leslie somebody's walk in-doors DVD.....if you are reading this I know you have your own collection of such things.

I recently bought a (are you ready for this) belly dancing instructional DVD.  I figured, hey, I have belly!  This could be for me.  I WILL open the damned thing and shake what my mama gave me. 
I WILL move the WII to the bedroom (my version of my cave) since our 3 sons haven't used it for Rock Band since like Labor Day. 
I WILL change the inner tubes in my grandma bike tires so as soon as it starts getting warm, I'm ready to roll. 
I WILL purchase a helmet so I don't bang my brains out on the last I WILL.
I WILL take the brand spankin' new mini-fridge to my office and stock it with healthy "stuff" like bottled water, string cheese and sliced deli turkey breast. 
I WILL not go to the nifty little cafe in our office building every day I'm in the office.  I don't need to spend that money anyway (remember the 55% household income loss?). 
I WILL dust off my Isopure Protein Powder and choke some down every morning - hey, they don't expect us to believe if we close our eyes and click our heals together it tastes like a McDonalds milk shake. 
I WILL take the vitamins, calcium, iron, etc. I paid a mint for and still have in the hall closet. 
I WILL give clothes away as soon as they look too big - no contingency plan for failure. 

Needless to say, I have a few pounds left to use and I WILL get this off.  No resolve, just gonna do it. 

Joy (sometimes not so Joyful)

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