Anxious!

Dec 02, 2012

So I have the rest of tonight and tomorrow before I embark on my WLS journey. I still can not believe that I am having surgery on Tuesday De. 4th. Well I can but can't. I have not been sleeping all too well because my nerves are all over the place right now. I am on the 2 day before surgery Pre-Op liquid diet so that my bowels will be prepared for my Roux-en-Y. I never thought that I had an addiction to food until I was being told that I can no longer have that good fatty stuff. Besides just finding out I have an addiction to food I am also the type that hates being told that I can not have something. Boy o Boy it has been one rough day here. Food has been a comfort to me and it felt weird that I could not turn to it when I am having all these anxious feelings towards my surgery. Sounds funny right?? I want the comfort food because of my WLS.. I have struggled most of my life with my weight and am thankful for the opportunity to have a chance to make my life better. My driving force to keep going has not been just for my health reasons but so I can have the opportunity to watch my two daughters grow up into beautiful women. They have always been my saving grace when I felt as though life was getting too hard and things were becoming dark, they are my light. My husband has also expressed concerns about my WLS as far as leaving him once I get it. More so this has to do with his infidelity I believe than with my weight, who knows I could be wrong. He I believe feels like I will become a totally different person than I was when we first met in the Army. I got thrown a guilt trip about my surgery from not only him but his side of the family because since we are military and do not have family near by neither of us gets to see them as much as we like. This year was supposed to be their year for Christmas but since I am having the surgery we canceled because I do not believe that sitting in a car for 14+ hrs is the best thing for me right afterwards. I do not feel like anyone really understands why I am doing this for myself but my parents who just recently has the gastric sleeve done. So my mother-in-law asked him to postpone my surgery, his therapist also told him to tell me I needed to postpone it and I got a guilt trip from him. Granted I am always the one who does give up everything for everyone to make them happy but I decided I was putting my foot down about this. It is time I take time for myself and become health again because my focus needs to solely be on my children, not what is hurting that day. I have a child with Autism and she requires a lot of help to make sure she can live a normal life. I am trying so hard not to feel guilty about this but like I said I am the one who gives up everything because I was raised that way. Anywho only a day left so here is to a new me a healthier me and hopefully the people who disagree will eventually understand.

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