jbeauty65

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I can barely remember the girl I was - what a difference a year makes!  These are my "official" before and after photos... 

I haven't been on here is what feels like forever and reading my posts brings back emotions and memories... I will be one year on June 20, 2012 - I cannot believe how fast the year has gone, the things I have faced and the changes I have gone through.  To say this has been a journey is an understatement.
I had hit a dead end in the weight loss for a few months and I have really been focusing on food choices and hunger queues to start back on the right track - those old nasty habits sneak in so innocently!  Since I have been tracking and being more mindful, I have lost four pounds so I am feeling a bit more positive about that.  SURGERY IS ONLY A TOOL!!!  I refuse to be a "she gained all her weight back" story.
Sadly some of my relationships have suffered over the last year.  I guess I have become more confident and some find that intimidating.  Its ok though because the relationships that have survived have become better, stronger.  I do sometimes hate the honest truth that some people treat me better now that I have lost weight but I guess that just goes with society and the b.s. ideas that advertisements and media put into our heads. 
The only thing I know is this - I have no regrets.  I am the happiest I have been in my whole adult life.  Thank you to those that have supported me through the (almost) past year.  It's not an easy road and it is still a stuggle, but I am so thankful for it.  I have had two great friends have the surgery since I did and they have had great success as well - I love cheering them on and being a support to eachother. 
Happy Summer all!  I know this year my bathing suit will NOT consist of any skirt, shorts or dress variety!!! 

Well, its official.  I am consistently under 200 pounds and I could not be happier.  Its been about 10 or 11 years since I have been under 200 and I never thought I would be again.  Guess I was wrong - yay!

I called my sister the other day - who might I add has been a huge support of this journey and I feel like we have become closer because of it - anyway, she had a picture of us from a charity walk we did back in May 2010 and she reminded me of the picture and asked for a new one since I look different now.  I honestly had forgotten about the picture and decided to look for it - and I found it.  It was at my all time high of 254 - all I could wonder was who the hell is that girl and who swallowed her face?

My point is - I can finally see results and I am just so happy with my decision to go through with the surgery.  I am continuing to lose weight and gain confidence - as a matter of fact, I went out the other night and was hit on by several men...  one of them is a wonderful guy and we had an amazing date the other night.  Going to see him again this weekend too.  I finally feel like I am complete with myself.  I cannot even express how at peace I feel and how excited I am at the same time.  Now when I say life is good, I mean it.


May 2010


August 2011

I am excited at the possibility of weighing less than 200 pounds - I haven't weighed under that 200 mark in probably 11 years. 
Anyway - I am happy to say I have purged three garbage bags of clothes... I am shocked at how fast it comes off sometimes.  Seems I go in phases... I weigh about the same for a few days and BOOM, down three pounds... weigh the same and BOOM, down a few more pounds.  This has made for an interesting wardrobe.  I am not used to looking like clothes are falling off me.  Today I threw on a top that used to be too tight on me thinking that there would be no way it would be too big yet and well, I have been battling all day just to keep my boobs in it.  I am not complaining though - don't get me wrong - just saying its been a challenge.  Don't want to buy too many things, but need stuff to wear.   I will have to go buy jeans this week - seriously, these 18's fall off as I walk.  YAY tho!

Today I went to Target to pick up a few odds and ends and decided to try on some clothes just to see where I am size wise... Everyone says how different I am looking but of course its hard to see the differences when you look at yourself everyday.  Anyway, I am officially in the "regular" sizes at Target.  Yes, its XXL but still... I am so darn happy!  I could have gone nutso with all of the selections but I kept myself in check since obviously I am going to keep losing.  I bought a dress and a top.  Not a biggie but definitely felt sooooo good!!!

I am in my fourth week post-op and have been absolutely loving pureed foods.  I know that might sound crazy, but the flavor and variety it gives is so great!  I did, however, learn yesterday that I need to plan things a little better to allow enough time to eat.  I was working and realized that time had passed and needed to get to a meeting... well, ate too fast and man was I regretting it.  Let's just say today will be a better planned out day and that will never happen again.  HAHAHA.

Other than that, I LOVE my sleeve.  I am so happy with the results so far and there hasn't been any major side effects.  This week I have really gotten my energy back and have been walking at night and hopefully will be getting my butt back to the gym and PILATES :) next week.

Life is good and the sleeve was my saving grace.

As I titled this blog post, I still cannot believe I am on the other side.  Day 6 has been an interesting one - I have introduced new things and have felt like I have been hit by a car.  Two things I have noticed though are that:

1.  You have to introduce new foods/drinks SLOWLY.  Holy runnin to the bathroom and thinking I was gonna die. 
2.  Once I figured out how to introduce foods in a slower, with less tragic results, my energy started to pick up a bit.  My body needs the food.  Having gone through a recovery program for an eating disorder where I would restrict and binge, I guess I never realized how badly our body needs the food as energy. 

Overall thing have gone well, I can't complain, and I have lost 6 pounds since surgery.  I stopped taking tylenol and painkillers this afternoon and so far have felt fine.  A few aches here and there but nothing I cannot handle. 

Anywhoo - I am going to keep rollin and learnin as I go along... They weren't kidding when they said this was a journey!

So happy to be home and feel like a human again.  Turned out to be a two night stay only because things didn't flow as fast as they should have and I was ok with that - I felt better about it.  I am home now drinking my sips every 15 minutes and hoping I can keep up with it.  I will admit I feel a tad uncomfortable but for the most part really good.  I am so glad I took two weeks off work. 
Worst part is over right?  I am rockin my sleeve and ready to start feeling even better!

I cannot sleep - I am trying to take deep breaths to rid myself of anxiety... I have been fine until just now.  Please, please, please let this be the right decision...

My ASS!  I have been trying to walk around this house in fear of sharting myself... Geez... MILD?  I would hate to see what strong is...
Mental note:  If I gamble, I will lose...