Amy M.
100LBS GONE!!!
Jan 16, 2015
I have officially lost 102 pounds!! It feels absolutely amazing. Words cannot even describe. I have more energy and confidence now. I still need to lose at least another 45lbs or so depending on how I feel when I reach my goal of 175 but right now at 220 life is good. I can't wait until I get to goal. I have still only told my close friends and relatives about my surgery. Once I hit goal I plan to post a before and after picture on Facebook and disclose my story about my surgery to everyone. I wanted to avoid telling people so that I wouldn't be judged but once I hit goal I won't care anymore.
My head has not caught up with my weight loss yet. I still feel like the fat girl and I still feel that people are looking at me and judging me for being fat. When I look in the mirror I still stare at the fat parts of me instead of the skinny parts. For example instead of seeing that my collar bones are finally visible I find that my eyes immediately go down to my belly that still sticks out over my pants. Instead of seeing that my arms shrank considerably I still see that from behind my elbow still looks fat. Instead of seeing that my ankles and knees are more visible I see that I still have thunder thighs and fat calves. I need to shake myself out of this mentality of only seeing my flaws. If I continue down this path I'll never be satisfied. I'm not looking forward to how I'm going to react when I have a lot of excess skin.
There are so many things that I no longer worry about. I am no longer afraid of being too big to fit in a chair that has arms. Instead I am able to fit in any chair without breaking it. I am no longer afraid to sit on my boyfriend's lap. I now take a running start and jump on him and he doesn't scream out in pain :). I am no longer afraid to go clothes shopping out of fear that nothing will fit me. I still wear larger sizes, but they are common larger sizes so they are easy to find at most stores.
My old worries have been replaced with new ones. Have I gotten enough protein today? Have I eaten too many calories? I haven't had enough water today. Work is buying everyone lunch, will there be something I can eat? Will I be judged for my small portion size? Why did I fluctuate up 2 pounds? Am I messing this up? Am I exercising enough? OMG I'm going to have so much excess skin. OMGOMGOMG my hair is falling out!
Honestly, worrying about this process seems like a full time job. I have protein on the brain constantly. I watch the clock so I know when to eat something. I never seem to hit my water goals. The scale is my enemy. When I put on my bra in the morning I am shocked at how much extra skin I already have on my breasts. I'm so worried about what they are going to look like when I'm 60 or 70. I have lost so much hair already and I'm not even 6 months out yet. When will the hair loss stop. I just had gall bladder surgery. Will this cause even more hair to come out?
I just have to remember though that it's totally worth it. This surgery has no doubt saved my life.