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We all enter this lifestyle adjustment with a goal in mind.

Let us think about goals. Some start with one, finish with another. Some maintain the same goal the whole way through.

Some of us want to regain our health. Some of us want to be thin, reach a certain number on a scale, or simply a specific size. Some want to change their life, and some want to change everything without changing a darn thing.

Some will set their own goals, and some will follow goals set by their surgeon, or something someone told them they should aim for.

At the end of the day I will say having realistic goals are excellent because it provides something to aim for. You may meet it, pass it, or sometimes simply come close but a goal is not something to abuse yourself over. To truly meet a goal you have to keep the long term picture on the table or you have failed to change a darn thing. You are still living on a dangerous and slippery slope.

Surgery isn't going to change your life.

Yes I said it and I can almost hear the collective gasps and squeaks as people read this and get filled with righteous indignation about how incredibly wrong I am here. Please wait, read what I have to say about this, take a deep breath and then feel free to weigh in on my view point.

Surgery alone cannot change your life. You cannot expect surgery alone to change your life and get you to goal no matter what your goal may be. As I noted above we all have different goals and a goal takes effort, and will never be the exact same path for all of those attempting to reach the same goals.

Surgery is nothing more than a tool you can make use of. You can choose to utilize it, you can choose to over use it, and you can choose to under use it... Yet it is nothing more than a single tool within an arsenal of tools which each person must choose to appropriately make use of.

We come from different programs. We live different lives. We have different health requirements. We have different goals. We certainly have different wants, needs and desires.

I stepped back from participating and posting on OH in the manner which I was for a number of reasons and a large part of why I pulled back was the mentality of "If your goal isn't my goal then you are doing it wrong" feeling I kept encountering.

My goal was to reach a certain size. Weight was/is a variable I put on a back burner.

Why the weight and BMI charts went on the back burner for me is simple... I'm not built like Suzie, Christie, or Sally so why would I think I should compare myself to them. The comparison game got old very quickly for me. Being berated by a drunken size 6 support group leader because I said I wasn't interested in being a size 6 is something I've never quite gotten past (though I am working on that still I apparently hold onto shit like that).

My goals included so many little superficial things but never once did I say "I want to be thin/skinny" because I've been there before. I never said "I want to be X weight/X BMI" because I have been there before also. I set my weight goal because on this system and within the Ontario program they want you to do so... Yet all the while I carefully tracked inches over pounds. That mattered more to me.

I was brought to tears, and terrified when I would unexpectedly go through what is referred to as "big drops" within my inner circle. I can hold firm for a while and then with one tiny twist of fate drop 3-5 lbs a week for 4-5 weeks at a time. That's probably thrilling sounding to some but not at 9 months out if you understand the strain it puts on ones body. If I discussed it face to face I was looked upon with shock because it was unfathomable that I could possibly want to simply be healthy, and somewhat curvy without attaining the illustrious "skinny". Shocking how some will go out of their way to make someone with different goals feel awkward and out of place for not "fitting in".

I technically hit my personal goal before my one year surgiversary. I smiled contentedly and let it pass by... I worked on stabilizing things, and now I buy clothing I know will work for me even if I did lose a bit more as it is tailorable if needed. I didn't bother to yell it from the rooftops because I know my goal was mine. Not anyone elses. I did this for myself in the long run.

I can say that reaching goal has changed some peoples perception of me. I can say that having had the surgery has forced me to change other things within my life. Yet at the end of the day surgery it's self did not change my life. I changed my life.

You have to own your journey. You are the single most important factor in changing your life. You make the choice to change or maintain status quo. To make no change is still making a choice. To choose to be compliant and committed to whichever path you follow is as much of a choice as it is to choose not to comply.

I also think that sometimes those who push the lines of compliance to the extreme forget that dedication is a wonderful thing but it can border on disordered behaviour as well. Perfection can often be attained but the question about being maintained is another story.

Moderation and lifestyle adjustment is what I have had preached by those I consider successful on a long term basis. They are not perfect, and yet they are happy. I want happiness, and enjoyment. I want to live, and enjoy my life. I am not saying I wish to live a life of gluttony... I am saying I wish to live in a way which allows me to float through society with the occasional off plan day not impacting me to the tune of 3 days of self flagellation. Living is not the same as being alive and I choose to live... Really live as I have never quite done so before. For myself, my family, and for the betterment of my own lifestyle.

Let's go back to Goals. When I started this journey I set some:

Original: Size 10-14 / Weight 190
Current: Size 10/12-14 (up to 16 in some jeans... thigh lift and lipo anyone?) / Weight Dunno... forgot to step on the scales in February... 210-215 I think?
New goal: Relax more, and enjoy family time.

Surgery didn't change my life, but it sure as heck made me get off my ass and change my lifestyle!

Shell

So we've all heard something come out of another persons mouth that just makes us either want to do a facepalm moment. Be it on yourself or more likely them.

I have a growing list of "Did you really just say that" moments and figured I would share some of those that have happened to me, and my thoughts or feelings about them. Feel free to chime in on the comments.

1. How is that possible? How are you in a size *INSERT SIZE* and weigh *INSERT NUMBER* more lbs then I do?!

Yep... Someone said it. Apparently I called it in advance. I said upfront that because of my body, the way I am built, and my muscle composition it wouldn't surprise me to be something silly like a 250 lbs size 12.

Well I bought a size 14 dress at 260 lbs. I bought size 16 jeans at 265. I bought size 15 jeans, and can wear a size 12 dress (with boob room) at 248. Shocking for some? Yes...

The numbers used in the comment were "How are you in a size 14-18 (the range at the time) at 255? That's what I wear and I am 50 lbs less then that!" Another was "How do you only have a 38 band on your bra when you are an 20-22 size wise? I wear a 40 band!" I think my favourite was "How do you look so good in dresses?!" followed by "OMG that sounded so wrong.... I just mean how do they sit so well on you with your boobs because I can't pull most off." My reply to this was "I spend a lot of money making sure I only buy the ones designed for my body."

Well... You see... We're all built differently. I may have thunder thighs and boobs that have people questioning if they are home grown or implants but I have a defined waist, and slim ribs with relatively little "tummy". Yay me I guess... Enjoy your "skinny jeans" and let me enjoy my boobie shirts. We all win that way. Oh and stop wearing baggy clothing... It does nothing for anyone. We all feel better when we dress for our own body type.

2. I can't believe she eats *INSERT FOOD*!

The toppings off a slice of pizza (because I am a child and only eat the "good stuff... protein and veggies anyone?".
A handful of dark chocolate covered almonds (because sometimes my day needs healthy fats, and more calories or I stall out... and sometimes a little chocolate sweetens my bitchy disposition which I clearly have perfected).
Sharing a piece of birthday cake with 1-3 other people while keeping the rest of my day under 600 calories with 75-85 g protein, etc. isn't going to make or break me.

Guess what... I'll take my occasional treats when I want them because this isn't a diet. It is a lifestyle... And any lifestyle that expects perfection resembles a diet. If diets worked we wouldn't have WLS. I am not "perfect", and I am not intending to pretend I am. My way won't work for everyone but what works for someone who is 5'0" isn't what is going to work for me. Just like someone who runs 5 km a day vs someone who sits on their bum all day require different quantities.

The old "one size fits all" thought really should be "one size fits none". Follow your centers plan, don't drink your calories, and learn to live with what you choose to do. Own your own shit. I do.

I lose an average of 3.5 lbs a week living with this lifestyle. I don't want to lose faster, and if that slows at least I have things I can "remove" from my lifestyle. What would someone on a diet take out if they start at the lowest they can go? Just curious about this thinking.

I want a lifestyle that is maintainable. Not one that makes me stumble and falter under the pressure.

3. I don't eat any "added sugar/carbs" and then they drink a skinny, sugar free frappucinno with whip cream (while snubbing you).

Why would you think that drinking empty calories regularly is better than eating a few bites of something?
Why did no other surgeon lay it on the line and tell them "It is possible to fail a VSG (or any surgery) by drinking a high caloric liquid diet." like mine did?
Don't even get me started on the number of people who push this no added sugar/no carbs thing and then pound back shots of alcohol like they are a fat kid with a package of smarties. WHAT do you think you are consuming... Especially under a year out from surgery when you are taxing an already over taxed liver/kidneys. Yet I get the "look" or the "lecture". Go figure.

4. You're not "committed/dedicated" if you don't "have the same surgery/live the same hard line philosophy" as I do.

Really?
So because I had a VSG not a DS or a Roux-En-Y... I am not "committed" or "dedicated"? Even if those would have been the wrong choice for me?
I'm not "committed" or "dedicated" because my end goal is not to be between a size 2-6 (having been one before and knowing how I felt and looked at that size I am not allowed to want to be a higher size of 10-14 even though I am 8 inches taller)? What on earth is wrong with having my own goal size and why must I aim for what everyone else wants?
I'm not "committed" or "dedicated" because I have chosen to go "moderate carbs" at 50-60 g on an average day instead of 20-40 g a day because I require them for blood sugar regulation (born hypoglycemic), and I require them for brain function (trust me when I say I can't brain... I has the dumb when I go below for more than a day)?

I watch people struggle to make it to the goals set by their surgeon, or them self. They berate them self for being a failure instead of celebrating their successes. They live a lifestyle that is so limited they forget that the true goal here is living a healthier, happier life, and enjoying things they really couldn't do when they were larger. Or this is what our goal should be from my point of view.

Something many do not know about me is that once upon a time (not so long ago) I was very ill. I was dying. Not because of how large I was (though my illness contributed to weight gain partially because of a lack of mobility, and partially because it often goes hand in hand to gain weight while ill). I had stage 3 Lyme. I lost my ability to speak and form thoughts, my vision was affected, my ability to walk was affected. I was 28 years old, my skin was grey, my hair was falling out by the handful, and I was dying.

A Doctor put his own ass on the line and saved my life. 22 1/2 months of treatment later including antibiotic cocktails that would have potentially destroyed various organs and systems if not closely monitored and I had my life back. Even if I was significantly heavier than I was before getting ill. I had lost some of it during treatment but it wasn't enough. I still couldn't DO so many of the things I wanted to do.

I was active again, and living life... And then I got the scare of a lifetime all over again. 6 months of hell. My hormone receptors apparently "broke" and I spent 6 months trying to figure out if my boobs were trying to kill me (breast cancer) or if I had a rare benign condition. I'd already played the cancer card 2 times with alternate girl parts so my girl parts malfunctioning was something I tried to take in stride.

Good news is beign. Bad news is the sheer size and the fact that they could grow again at any time meant I have to have something done about them. Surgery is likely on the books but is a long way off (6 months at a stable weight).

Maybe because I came so darn close to losing my life with Lyme. Maybe because I've already had the fear of not living, and the realities of limited living shoved in my face over and over... I have a different outlook, and different priorities.

All I know is what I learned:

Live each day like it is your last. Eat in moderation rather than restriction. Don't forget to find a reason to laugh or smile every day. Treat others with kindness even when they forget to do so with you (to the best of your ability). Take care with your words and delivery because you may hurt another (intentionally or not).

Trust me when I say it makes the world you live in a much nicer place, and makes you a much happier person.

About a week ago I watched a post spin out of control...

A newer member was posting about their frustrations and when another member who has been here longer replied the venom turned in their direction.

My bad... I waded in, tried to point out to the newer member how their post was coming across with bolded text, capitols, etc.

Talked about perceptions, etc.

Members Services removed their posts, and subsequently mine. Keeps the Ontario section a bit cleaner so no sweat off my brow.

Then... She posted a blog about me calling me a "wing nut". That is some kind of special.

I had something to say in return today (6 days after she posted it) and posted a comment below it. Since blog comments require approval I'll share it here also so my FRIENDS know what I have to say about it (as I doubt it will get "approved").

"I love being referred to as a wing nut and even more so am flattered you felt the need to post your blog post about me.

You actually went off pretty hard on someone else, and I told you how your post came across. I do love how you've made it appear though and I really don't mind how you portrayed me. Do I get to choose which actress gets to play me in the made for TV drama that shall spin out from this?

Best of luck in your journey.

Wing Nut Extraordinaire and absolute bitch...
Shell

P.S. I got a heads up about this. It's funny because I'd have seen it sooner or later when you got a surgery date and I added you to the surgery list."

I've now returned the favour and made one about the situation. I just couldn't be bothered to bold, capitalize, and change the font size and colours to emphasize my post as I don't have that much time in my very busy life.

Shell

a.k.a. Wing Nut.

Total inches lost from July 26th:

1.5 inch off my neck
12 inches around the shoulders
6 inches off my rib measurement
2 inches off my bust measurement
1 inch off each wrist
2 inches off each forearm
4 inches off each bicep + 5 for Left arm Lymphedema gone
10 inches off each thigh
3.5 inches off each calf
14.5 inches off my hips
14 inches off my waist

Total inches lost since July:

86 inches lost.

Total pounds lost since July:

68.9 lbs

I keep posting bits and pieces of this... I am just going to put it on my blog so it is all in one place. *chuckle*

I often tell people to measure and not be so scale focused. It isn't doing them ANY good in some cases... And without the measurements we are not seeing the overall picture... The scale wasn't our friend before and I am not sure why everyone wants it to be their be all and end all after. *shrug* To each their own.

Since surgery in exactly 6 weeks I have lost:

.5 inches off my neck
4 inches around the shoulders
1.5 inches off my rib measurement
.5 inches off each wrist
.5 inches off each forearm
2 inches off each bicep
3 inches off each thigh
1.75 inches off each calf
3.5 inches off my hips
1.5 inches off my waist as of exactly 6 weeks out. (took me till 4 weeks out to be .5 inches less here as I was up 8 inches 3 days out from surgery)

I also lost 20 lbs for those that the scale matters (ok... 19.9 lbs if you want to nit pick) before I hit the 3 week stall and while I have lost inches since I am waiting for the scale to move... And I lost 0.16% body fat... And had to give away all the jeans I could wear the day of surgery, and half the clothing I could wear at Christmas (pre-op diet of 3 weeks plus the 6 weeks post op I have lost 35 lbs and I am OK with that because I think that's "good" even if someone else tries to tell me I am "not good enough").

26.5 inches lost... I am loving that!

If I go waaaay back to July 26th it increases to 45 lbs lost and the following:

1 inch off my neck
8 inches around the shoulders
5.5 inches off my rib measurement
2 inches off my bust measurement
1 inch off each wrist
1.5 inches off each forearm
4 inches off each bicep
8.5 inches off each thigh
3.5 inches off each calf
12.5 inches off my hips
9 inches off my waist

75 inches lost overall since July. My inches lost always far out do the pounds on the scale and I am OK with that because my body fat percentage is dropping a lot... 2% since July. *grin*

At the end of the day... how 48.5 inches = 10lbs but then 26.5 = 35 will never make sense to me. I am just happy to have lost all 45 lbs.

Dredging up a facebook note I wrote and shared. I think it is a good read and I wanted it to be on my OH blog too. 15 months later it still applies.

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At 31 I have lived a great deal. Admittedly I have many more life lessons to go I am sure... I wanted to take a few moments to write things down.

I've loved and lost, loved and won...

I've endured illness, and overcome it!

I've been in the midst of drama, and calmed drama...

I spend my days trying to teach another how to perceive the world, relate to others, and to be understanding when situations are not clearly defined, or have unplanned changes.

I am by nature far too giving, accepting and forgiving. I give my time, and even my last 5$ to anyone who needs it, I accept people as they are even when their beliefs differ from mine as long as they do the same... The only lack of tolerance I can muster is for those who show none to others. With regards to forgiveness... I do admit it is harder for me to let go. I perseverate on the little things, the past slights (be they real or "imagined") and yet eventually I do forgive... Even if I never manage to forget.

Just because I will accept you and your actions, forgive any emotional or physical damage you might dish out, and eventually do my very best to forgive you for your actions... Do not think I am a pushover. I'm not your doormat. I am just as likely to ensure you've thoroughly reaped what you have sewn before I truly "forgive" your actions.

I am at the point in my life where I am not sure which road to take next. Do I sever the last of the ties that I allow to bind me, or do I continue to beat my head against the proverbial wall?

Now some might wonder at this point whom I refer to, or assume they know exactly who I mean when I write this. Some will assume I mean friends or acquaintances, and others will assume I mean family be they immediate or extended. Let me say I am blessed in that I have some of the best friends and family around in many ways. My closest friends are simply the extended family I am fortunate enough to have managed to choose for myself.

My nearest and dearest don't always have the time, energy or wherewithal to call, email, or drop by with any regularity... Any more then I do myself. Yet when we can manage we squeeze in as much as we can, pick up where we left off and it feels like there was no missed time at all. Thank the sun, moon and stars for those who I am lucky to have found, or had the fortune to end up related to.

While I understand that people are busy, and caught up in their lives... Just as I am with my own. It takes but a moment to say 'Hello. How's life? Things are a bit busy these days but just wanted to reach out to you." If you're one of those who's forgotten to take that moment from your busy life to do just that with someone who should be an important part of your life then now may be the time to do just that.

Next time you are sitting there in your home or personal space, and have 15 minutes to kill... Take a look around. Do you have photos of your family? Do you tuck them into a book to pull out and treasure them? Do you keep them on a disk so you can easily view them, share them or print them? Do you include all of your family, or is there someone who is curiously absent? Should you fix that by making memories, or including the photograph you left out... Whether it be accidental, or deliberate due to nothing more then your own sense of esthetics or insecurities which in turn will likely be hurtful to the person that was excluded should they ever happen to notice.

It might seem odd that I ask these things, or ask you to contemplate these things but I do have my reasons. If you think back to my opening lines you might recall that I've endured illness and overcome it. You'll recall that I spend a lot of my time teaching another person things that should come with ease but in our case they can be a struggle at the best of times. You'll recall that I have lived with drama and love, and that I try to be the most accepting, supporting and forgiving person I am able to be.

When I was ill one of the only ways I knew to make sure I could have some comfort was to get lost in my thoughts staring at a photograph. Those memories made me smile and gave me a moment of brightness in my day.

Those quick messages asking how I was doing allowed me to know I wasn't alone, and thankfully still keep coming to let me know that while I spend a great deal of my life trying to teach another person things that people take for granted... Again I am not alone, and someone cares how my day is going.

I offer acceptance, support and forgiveness because I have realized that if I continue to hold in the bitterness I feel over perceived wrongs it will make me an angry person. This isn't to say I don't get angry but life is too damn short, and too damn precious to waste on such negativity.

I encourage everyone to stop missing the opportunity to make memories, and live the way they hope to. The reality is that tomorrow doesn't always come. Sometimes tomorrow might come and bring your own personal hell... Assuming you can always do it later might not be soon enough for yourself, or the others involved. If you truly can't find a reason to do this then maybe you should know your actions could have brightened someones day just by sparing nothing more than a moment.

If I took the time to tag you... You may be a friend, you may be family, you may be someone who has pushed the limits of my tolerance, or you might simply be someone who I thought this might touch on some level. If you were missed it is an oversight and not a slight. In that I promise... Regardless of which category or categories you fall into I just want you to know that at the very lest... Today you know you are not alone.

 

Sometimes it is confusing to try to make things make sense... We deal with different measurements... ml... oz... cups.... liters... EEK!

So for me I had something drilled into my head when I was in my teens, and it comes with second nature now but for others maybe this is useful, and this will keep it handy so others can use it, or I can copy and re-post it.

 

A semi-useful set of numbers that may help:

1 tablespoon = 15 ml approximately (it's a little under but close enough)

1 ounce = 29.573... ml so therefore 2 tablespoons approximately.

1 cup = 16 tablespoons  (therefore 2 tablespoons is 1/8th of a cup and 4 table spoons is 1/4 of a cup)

4 cups = 1 Litre

In the interim maybe try it like this:

1 tablespoon is .0625 of a cup
2 tablespoons is .125 of a cup
4 tablespoons is .25 of a cup
8 tablespoons is .5 of a cup

We often read someone saying Muscle weighs more... Well no. It is more dense.

I read people saying "you will have 10 lbs of excess skin"... Well that seems to make sense but I saw someone dispute it so I did what I do best. Researched the heck out of it.

It was great and offered me some insight into the exact reasons for things I have been dealing with since I made the changes I did pre-op. It was a forum post but I want to find it without searching hard in the future so I am cross posting 2 of my own posts to my blog.

*the second is because it personally applies to me, and where I am at in my process but I need to remember that 7lbs of fat lost is a BIG deal. Not kick my own arse because it was only 7 lbs.*

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Actually... Fat has greater mass (size) and is pound for pound something that takes up more space then most other tissues as it is less dense. That's why it is squishy until it's casing (your skin) fills to bursting and then things feel firm and look like over stuffed sausage.

Muscle is more dense then fat. Muscle density is 1.06 g/ml.

Bone is more dense then fat. Bone density has an average of 1.75 g/ml.

Blood has an average density of 1.04 g/ml.

Fat is approximately 0.9 g/ml.

I could not find a measure of density for skin... A shame but most seemed to focus on area.

Excess skin... Can be heavy. There is a wide range... it is all over your body (head to toe baby) and will vary greatly. Some stretch their skin more because they are larger, and some have less elasticity so they have more excess skin. 

The adults who've not stretched said skin (as well as created a surface area which needs to produce more cellular growth as the stretching is the stretch marks, but skin does completely replace it's self every 28 days or so with 7 layers if I recall correctly) their average area of their skin is 1.8 m².

Some will have less, and some will have more. They say an average of 10 lbs because they average 1lb for every 10 lost really... 10 is a good number to go with as an arbitrary number around here as most lose somewhere in that range (some more and some less but in the range).

Think about ALL of the areas it occurs. Arms (upper arm and forearm), legs (thighs and calves), Backside from shoulders to buttocks, front side from chin/jaw line to ... well... The naughty bits.

Why don't you check this OH thread out: http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/amos/4094586/How-much-does -that-loose-skin-weigh/

Some have less... Some have more. It is all in the elasticity.

I think the best quote I found is here: http://hypertextbook.com/facts/2001/IgorFridman.shtml "The skin is the largest organ in the body: 12-15% of body weight, with a surface area of 1-2 [square] meters."

I'll use my own numbers as an example...

330lbs now so 15% is 49.5lbs.

200 is goal so 15% is 30lbs.

I hope for some elasticity... And hope it is 10-13lbs... Not the 19.5 if I have no elasticity, but the stretch marks will shrink and they weigh nothing really so there is the 6.5 lbs less.

I hope this finally makes sense.

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AND

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It even explains why 7lbs pre-op loss makes sense with my large number of lost inches. 7lb = 3175.1g ÷ 0.9g = 3527.8889ml which makes a heck of a lot of sense with numbers like my lost inches. 4 off my hips, 3.5 off each thigh, 1.5 off each calf, 3.5 off my ribs, 2 off each bicep, 1 off each forearm during the time I lost ONLY 7 lbs (not working out at the time so no muscle building). My GP was right. 7lbs is a lot. 3.5 liters of fat.

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I think this will be very important for me personally... When I have to remember that I ONLY lost a few pounds but I lost a lot of inches.

20 inches lost. YAY!

7 lbs lost. Uh..... REALLY?

3.5L of fat lost? TOTALLY AWESOME!

I am very happy to know I lost 20 inches... I am even happier to think about the fact that it was all fat as that is the only number that makes sense.

Post-op I know my body will likely finally start to lose some muscle (I am actually looking forward to it a bit) but I am looking forward to losing the fat more.

Shell

So I have done a lot of thinking related to the various esthetic issues related to having WLS.

1. Skin-kles... Ok... I might not be a fan as I don't know anyone who "likes" them but I can totally manage them as long as I can keep it all clean, dry and tucked in place when wearing clothing.

Heck I am already playing with the squishy roll on my deflated arms and I am pre-op.
This photo is what happens if I raise my arm up (like we did to ask a question in school)...


Cause you know you want to be able to play with the squishy playdough textured stuff right?! *giggle* I figure i better love it or I won't remember to love all of myself. I know it won't be easy but I'm not bothered by this.

2. Sores... I know they happen. I've got me some bactroban. I am ready for this...

3. Deflata bewb/butt...
Well the bewbs should be manageable. Even if I lost 150 lbs I would still qualify for a "reduction"... These aren't going anywhere. I had them slim... and I have them ultra curvy. They are mine...
The butt... I think I am actually glad I have the type of butt I do. i've long struggled with underwear as they will sag in the cheek area (don't fill em out right) so... Maybe I won't have a lot of skin sag? It's funny because I always think of my butt as a big one but it is more "wide" a-la hips...

4. Scars... Yep! It's going to happen. Laproscopically but it will happen... But then again... I have one little itty bitty hang up.

I don't have a problem with incisional scars on my skin. It's life. I've had surgery before. Laproscopically no less... The first time I was 15. Between that surgery and a belly button piercing incident... I had a wonky inner belly button for YEARS... Right up until my Gyn got his hands on me for my Hyster in 2010. Then he cleaned up the messed up lines and scars and made it pretty. I really hope his work is respected and I am lucky enough to have this be the case post op.

It's silly... Out of all of it. My belly button is my sticking point. *scratches head* Apparently it's a hot button for me. *giggle*

I want to share a bit about how I got here... And why today HRRH made my day!

HOW I GOT HERE:

Last November I had a scare. January brought more... My "girls" turned on me. Yeah... You heard me right. Ma bewbies declared war!

Changes going on in the right side mid-november got me in for some imaging bi-laterally... They found something they were willing to assume was benign in the left side(mainly because I was 31 at the time), and I really wasn't comfortable with the way I had been treated. There seemed to be a lot of "you're too young", or "well it's probably just hormonal" with a pat on the head and no answers. This was December and I got it in my head that maybe I needed someone who had a bit more knowledge... So I asked to be referred out to a Toronto hospital. I got my date for February and thought that was the end of it.

I got some of the much anticipated Revenue Canada money I had been owed, and took myself and two of my close female friends to Vegas in January. It was incredible by the way... Lights... Sights... Food... Experiences... Penny machines that paid out (and well!)...

I'd been home 3 days and the left side thought it would one up the right. In 13 days it grew... And grew... and grew. Then my arm became "involved" as the lymphatic system started to malfunction in February. A CT in March showed 12 nodules in my lungs which went with difficulty breathing. No one is even going to talk about the tremendous strain it put on my sacrum, and right hip to try to stay balanced with the size increase (left side increase lead to out of alignment on the right... go figure). *snicker*

Let me just say most of the first half of this year was scary, harrowing, and I would never wish the experience on anyone.

June brought an end to any more tests and investigation for the "girls"...  I hunted up a highly regarded Plastic Surgeon to "take things back in size". He will do it, but wanted a WLS consult first because he "would rather have me weigh 100 lbs less and do it then". He referred me to Dr Paul Sullivan... Who submitted me to the registry in July once he had a form filled out. If I had opted out of WLS I would have had to get below 270 and maintain it to be able to have the plastic surgeon work on me.

July also brought amazing news. My follow up CT showed stability for the lung nodules and took the risk of it being malignant down to nil. It was also the month of the PFT (pulmonary function test) which showed a reduced FRC (functional reserve capacity). On finding out about the FRC, and what that really means... The goal was/is to work on positioning my body in a way that allows me to breath fully, and distribute the "girls" as evenly as I can until it can all be sorted.

Basically FRC is...
The amount of oxygen in your lungs after you exhale or when you have not taken a deep breath. Basically most people have 4 minutes of not breathing until their organs shut down. I no longer do until this is sorted... Who knows. Maybe I had 3 1/2 minutes...?

Imagine laying there in bed on a "sleep in day" and a small child, or cat... Comes and jumps on your chest and you didn't see it coming. You struggle to breath, and tell them to get off of you so you can breath. It is really hard to get enough to breath when they are on your chest.
If you had seen it coming what would you do? Take a deep breath in right?

I can't "take that deep breath in", or "catch my breath". I often sit straight up, or even lean forward to keep the pressure off my lungs. It really sucks... But it is easily and quickly resolved. All I need is a "reduction".

August 15th brought meeting Dr Paul Sullivan. He's lovely really! he was presenting me with information on the RNY, and I made him stop. We talked... And agreed on a VSG. For me it is a better choice.

At 32 I am unwilling to live the rest of what I plan to be a very long life without any pain medication options. I am allergic to Tylenol, Codein, and Gravol. GO FIGURE! I am also allergic to Corn... What a mess this combination can make things for a RNY. Corn can be manageable but combined with the other... ugh.

In the interim I went to support group meetings... posted on OH, did a ton of reading, etc. In this I kept hearing about... Lost paperwork and delays.

I called HRRH September 6th because I had a bad feeling... (Mainly because of others time-lines, and having seen Dr Sullivan was surprised I had not had orientation yet.) I did NOT exist within the registry. (Apparently I was lucky they checked for me but I have a compelling story that women sometimes feel for a bit - see blog post). I then called Dr Sullivan's office, had it re-faxed... Got the number of whom I should call in a couple days to make sure it really went in this time...

September 10th I made that call... I got a voice-mail back with a time-line. How long till the faxed confirmation was to be at the referring Dr's office, how long until HRRH should have me in their computers, etc.

So... I waited 14 days and called the referring Dr. Confirmed they had gotten the fax and when. Called HRRH... Got the confirmation I was in the system and thanked them.

Then... My home number went down (as well as cable and internet) the next day. Goodness help me was there no end to the madness? I called HRRH on my cell, explained why I needed them to check my number on file and to make sure it was the cell. Mentioned I had seen Dr Sullivan already... Got questioned as to how that was possible. The lost paperwork information came out and they put me in the morning orientation on the 4th of October. I darn near lost my mind I was so happy.

October 4th (yesterday) I went in and handed in all my paperwork at orientation... I made a decision to leave my weight blank on the form.

Right now you are probably wondering why I would do that... Well I don't have scales I can access (mine are in a box behind 4 other boxes on purpose... I am dumb over them. We're NOT friendly... ya know?!). When I went for my PFT on July 26th they made me step on the scales. In kg. UGH! It worked out to 339.95 lbs... I started working on it RIGHT THEN... August 3rd I was 338.2. I was willing to take that and run with it. I have lost 3 inches off my hips since the beginning of July (2 inches August 13th - September 22nd specifically, etc. etc.)

HOW HRRH MADE MY DAY:

Today I got a phone call asking me able this lack of information. I explained why it was missing... They explained why they needed a starting weight... I said I would read it off the PFT report in kg for them and did... Along with the date, and which hospital it was done in. Then as always... mentioned I would take any appointments... Cancellations, short notice, etc. and that I had already met my surgeon... Got questioned. Explained the why and the how... And was thanked for the information.

40 minutes later I got a call offering me an appointment... She started to tell me the 11th to meet the surgeon but stopped... Realizing I had already done that... I told her I needed SW, NUT, and Dietitian... Followed by Internist if needed. She told me she would set "everything up" and email me shortly...

I watched and watched for that email... Thinking... Oh goodness... They must be swamped. 45 minutes later my blackberry pinged.

SW... NUT... Dietitian. Booked. For OCTOBER 11th!

I damn near did a happy dance in my neighbours garage and got 3 high 5's.

Yes I am moving very fast from the re-submission and I am incredibly grateful. I hope no one gets upset that I am though. I know waiting sucks. I think they are just trying to get things back on track.

The best thing I did in the waiting time was filling in the nutrition information and tracking my food here in the health tracker. When I got the paperwork for next week it asked for 2 weekdays, and 1 weekend day's food log, etc. so I am going to use the "printer friendly" version and print some out. I also made use of it in the 20 page questionaire when they asked for a sample food log for a day. It helped a lot to be able to pull quantities, etc. as I went.

Shell