crys1216

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I had my Psychological visit on December 2nd. ( I Know it's been a while give a girl a break it was Christmas!). Drove 4 hours to sit and talk with this guy for like 30 minutes. uhmm.. I was surprised when he told me he cleared me for surgery. I really actually thought I was looney. He asked me why I haven't tried dieting recently and I told him the truth; I have very high self esteem. When I go out and guys hit on me they know I'm fat.... and they still want to talk to me and/or sleep with me. We agreed since I am still doing my support groups and haven't started my pre-op diet yet that we can wait until I see the surgeon. We also agreed that I need to start trying to be more healthy with eating breakfast, cutting out the soda... and ya know the bad stuff. I have cut out soda (mostly). I have tried eating at least 3 times a day. I'm getting there. It's not going to happen over night  that 's for sure. but I'm getting there.  Now I just have to see the surgeon and wait for insurance approval. :) 

So on Tuesday I had my Nut visit. It went well I think. It was a group visit which I thought was odd. She went over everything I would need to do for my pre-op diet and what I should be doing now to prepare myself for surgery. I "should" be weaning myself off caffeine, and fast food. I really want this surgery but I just keep thinking this will be the last time I can have this food, why do I want to give it up so early? I really need to! I need to keep thinking that this is what I need to do in order to succeed!  I tell myself that it will be okay, you don't need to eat this way! It's just so damn easy!!!!  ughhhh! the conflicts of a fat person! I will get there! I have to get there for my son! 

On a side note my psy visit is scheduled for Dec 2nd. yay!!   and I got in two support groups. I only need to have 5 support groups before seeing the surgeon, and 10 before surgery! I can do this!! 

So last Thursday I went to my seminar in Greenville South Carolina, and started my weight loss Journey! I have my first visit with  the Nutritionist on Tuesday. My insurance doesn't require the 6 months wait, so I just have to complete 10 support groups, my psychological visit and surgeon visit! After that we wait for an approval from the insurance and then they make your surgery 4 weeks out after approval! I'm so excited about these next steps in my life! 

As I type this I hear "Don't stop Believing" on repeat in my head.  

Hi I'm Crystal! I am turning 29 in December and I finally have a chance to change my life. Here I sit at 380 pounds! The heaviest I have ever been in my entire life! How did I get here? I have been over weight my whole life; even as a young teen I remember getting picked on because of my weight. As the years went on I started to get depressed. I didn't like who I was so I tried the fad diets, nothing! What am I doing wrong?? Eventually I just stopped eating, the scale didn’t move…. I was shocked! I decided I needed a change so I picked up and moved to South Carolina. This meant that I could have a fresh start! I started embracing who I was; the big girl! I started making jokes and became okay with who I was (some days).  I never saw myself as big in the mirror and when I saw pictures I would just turn the other cheek and say “that’s not me”. I convinced myself that I was skinny like everyone else. This did wonders for myself esteem but didn’t so much help in the dieting end. If I thought I was already skinny why would I need to diet? So I didn’t. I weighed 287 when I met my fiancée. He loves me for me all my pounds! ;) 3 months after we started dating I ended up pregnant, with twins…. Now don’t get me wrong I love my son with all my heart and soul, but if I could do it again I would wish it differently. I gained the rest of my weight with the pregnancy. I had so many complications and ended up on bed rest and miscarrying one of my two babies.

Don’t cry for me Argentina!  The good Lord knows what he is doing. So anyways now I am pregnant and on bed rest and all you want to do is eat, and eat and eat. So I blew up! I ended up having a C-section, and then came back into the hospital because I got an infection. I knew right then and there that I needed a change. So I started on Protein diets and lost weight! (Things were looking up!!!) This was great! I was losing.  I found myself not being able to afford the shakes anymore, but I figured I would just buy the stuff at the store and it would be the same.. WRONG!  Guess what came back??  So I did some other diets and like many others nothing worked!!! So here I am ready to make this change in my life! I want to play with my son and not be out of breath. I want to take him on rides at amusement parks and not have to “sit this one out”. I want to walk into a room and feel like I’m the prettiest girl there. I’m ready to make this change, and I think weight loss surgery is going to be a huge helping hand in my journey.