My 2nd Surgiversary

Apr 22, 2010

My 2nd Surgiversary

Life is good. Another year full of exciting changes and the start of a completely new chapter in my life. Something I thought would only be a concept in my head for me, is now becoming a reality. I am about to become a momma for the first time. I am so excited yet nervous and scared at the same time. I think I feel a lot like I did as I anticipated my surgery two years ago. “I know I went from the fear of will this surgery work for me?” “Will I fail?” “Did I make the right choice to the honeymoon stage of oh yah baby look at me the weight is just piling off.” Then I started to wonder is that it? Will this be all the weight I will lose when I started hitting my stalls and plateaus to if only I get to 180lbs I will be happy and satisfied and not need to lose anymore weight. Then I reached 180lbs and I basked in my long awaited accomplishment and re-evaluated my health and body and decided that 150 lbs would better serve my frame and health.

I remember before surgery how all I could think about was the thoughts of having the surgery and how the countless hours that turned into days I spent researching and scowling the OH forums for new intel.

Now I think,eat,sleep, dream baby. I spend the same amount or even more researching and reading book after book for baby intel.  My pregnancy has had many stages from the excited hurry up when is the baby ever going to get here, to the emotional scares of something could be wrong with my baby along with the never ending ups and downs of my dad getting really sick and being hospitalized to the now AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I need more time I am not ready for the baby to arrive yet!!! Will I be a good mom? Will the baby be healthy? Can I balance work, home, health and motherhood? What am I willing to sacrifice to make it all work? These are just some of the questions that run through my brain like a train going nowhere tonight.

I remember being told I was too heavy to have a baby and how sad that made me to hear. But look at me now!!! It's amazing when I reflect back on what I had set in my mind as goals to work towards and now those goals have become reality. My reality.

 Elated I guess is the best word I can choose to describe how I feel. I am elated to start this chapter in my life. I am elated to be at such a healthy weight and "getting busy living instead of dying". I am elated with every momma pound that I gain because I know it is all BABY! I mean what a joy it is to feel guilt free for once about gaining weight. Maybe its because its taken me so much effort to gain each pound and I know it is a healthy weight gain.

This tool has allowed me to learn the skills necessary to be successful at achieving and maintaining a healthy weight. I am close to 30 weeks pregnant (7+months) and I am up 17lbs.

Looking back I never want to forget who I am or where I came from and for me that means never forgetting my past. I was fat and I was fat for a very long time. That was a long part of my life and I still identify with. I think you take the fat off the girl but you can't take girl out of the fat(If that makes any sense). I chose to have this WLS, a life changing surgery for the rest of my life. With that decision came a set of life changes I promised to myself to keep because I did not want to ever look back at this and say I failed. I WILL NOT FAIL... FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION... I mean I was desperate enough to drastically alter my anatomy to lose weight and chose to have something implanted inside me for life I better damn well do my part to make sure I never gain this weight back. I must never lose sight of these promises to insure success because as we all know too well it is an easy slippery slope back into the darkness of denial and depression to find ourselves back the same weight we were before or just a tad over or under. FOR ME this will never happen that I know for true as this is my promise, my ode to myself.

To a lifetime of health, happiness and good fortune, Wish you all well wherever you may be on your journey.

Keep Truckin'

Broom

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