Less Than 24 Hours!!!

Sep 15, 2012

Holy crap, I'm freaking out!  

So, a few days ago I wrote an awesome blog entry.  It was (in my opinion) a rather witty look at my craving for meat.  Oh, steak, how I miss thee.  Nonetheless, it's obviously not posted on here.  That's because my dumb ass decided to hit the back button and I lost everything!  :(  I think this is a lesson.  Wit need not apply to my bariatric blog.  

On another note, I am doing fantastic on my 2 week, semi-liquid, diet.  I'm down around 12 pounds!  I honestly feel like I'm down about 30 though.  I feel hungry still and I miss pasta and meat, but most I am rather satisfied most of the time.  The hardest part of my day is during family dinner.  My husband has been great and feeds the kids in the kitchen while I try to keep myself busy.  I feed them the other meals throughout the day and don't have any problems, but there is something about dinner.  I just can't explain it.  I've had a few nights where I went in the other room and cried.  Probably more from my nervous energy regarding my upcoming surgery, than from actually missing food.  

My nutritionist has me on a daily diet that is basically this...

-80g of protein via protein shakes
-TONS of water all day long (some sf, non-carbonated drinks are okay too)
-NO meat....even my soups have to be vegetarian
-NO caffeine :(
-Limited amounts of fruit (up to two 1/2cup servings per day)
-Raw or steamed veggies are allowed (she wasn't very clear on the amount though)
-Vitamins, Vitamins, Vitamins!  (I'm doing normal multivitamin packs which include my iron and calcium requirements too until surgery bc they're cheaper and I sort of need to use them up, and I added in some liquid sublingual B12 drops as well)
-Small amounts of sf/ff jello, pudding, or popsicles are allowed as well

So, it's really not that hard.  I have cheated a little though.  Nothing like a meal or anything, but I stole a bite of sauceless pulled pork one day (literally half the size of my pinkie)...my kids fed me two animal crackers another day...and one day I did a work around and ate a bun-less, cheese-less, veggie burger.  The latter, I feel, should be allowed anyway, considering it was all vegetables, right?  (Not to mention it was NOT very tasty.  Cheat Fail!)

As of mid-week one, I had completely kicked my caffeine addiction too!  I was only letting myself have one cup of coffee in the morning with some sf vanilla non-dairy creamer in it.  I was super proud of myself because before this diet, I would easily consume 4-6 caffeinated beverages a day.  I was a junky!  Anyway, after I kicked the addiction, I went an entire week without ANY caffeine whatsoever!  Then I gave in and had a cup yesterday morning, and well, I'm having another right now, but it's only 1 cup per day, so I'm not beating myself up over it.  I don't NEED it anymore.  It just helps calm my nerves to have some sort of normalcy during this crazy pre-op stage.

Speaking of beating myself up....I'm still smoking!  I'm so mad at myself, but I think I've subconsciously decided to smoke up until surgery.  So dumb, I know.  I have less than 24 hours until I am admitted into the hospital though, so I guess it is what it is.  :(  

Last night was probably the hardest night of this diet.  My friend through a birthday party for her husband and since I helped her make the decorations and stuff, I felt that I couldn't bail on the party itself.  I felt so weird being the only one not drinking or eating all the junk food.  I had a red solo cup like everyone else, but mine was filled with ice water.  Almost everyone asked me why I wasn't drinking though.  Damn, how did they know it wasn't vodka?!?  And my dear, sweet, slightly intoxicated, friend told them all that I couldn't' because I am having surgery on Monday morning and I need my liver in shape.  She's so proud of me, which I love, but that also opened the floodgates of virtual strangers asking me "Oh, my god.  Are you okay?  What kind of surgery?  Oh, I'm a nurse, let me give you advice.  Blah, blah blah...".  I just said screw it and told people the truth.  Everyone was supportive and some were excited, but then there was my friend's mother-in-law...the "nurse".  She said that her uncle died due to complications from the surgery (but I'm pretty sure that was ages ago during the old school stomach stapling times).  She just kept harping on me all night and asking my friend to talk me out of the surgery.  She even said "if you can do the diet for life after surgery, why can't you just do it now without surgery?!?".  She was lucky that I wasn't drinking.  My sobriety was the only thing keeping me civil.  If I had a few drinks I would have had a totally different outlook on what to say to her overbearing ass.  But, I kept calm and avoided her as much as possible.  My friend and her husband were apologizing to me all night.  I told them that it was fine.  I don't need anyone else to tell me what I'm doing is the right choice for me.  I have educated myself to the fullest before making this decision and I'm going with my gut (no pun intended!).  

Okay, well I have a ton of things to get done before I leave for the hospital at 4am!  I want my husband to have a leg up on the typical housework and chaos that comes with having three kids, so I need to clean and organize a few things.  My mother-in-law is flying in on my second week of post-op, so I am stressing about the house and stuff being ready for her too.  I also need to get my prescriptions filled, so that I have my pain, nausea, etc. meds waiting for me when I get home.  Oh, and I still need to pack a small bag for the hospital!  Ahhhh!  Have I mentioned that I'm freaking out?!?

Yup, time to get off of my laptop and burn some of this nervous energy with a hardcore house cleaning and some extra play time with my three little birds...Xavier (11), Winston (4), and Olive (2).  :)

Wishing you all well...

Peace and Love,
BBA

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