Autumn08
I've always been big. Even as a little kid I was the cute little chunky that everyone wanted to pinch my cheeks and squeeze me lol. I don't remember being under 200lbs since I was in junior high. When I was 17 I went to Florida and stayed with my aunt for a month. She lived in the middle of nowhere and she did nothing for fun other than eat, cook and play bingo. I didn't want to get even bigger so I drank ridiculous amounts of water and walked every day that I was there and lost about 20lbs. When I got home everyone talked about how I lost weight but it started coming back fast. Not all of it but some.
In 2002 (18 y/o) my ma convinced my uncle to pay for me to go to LA weight loss and I lost 30 lbs and was wearing a size 14. Not necesarilly ideal for a 18 y/o but I was happy & it seemed like boys & men of all ages were pretty damn happy with it too. Unfortunately, I was a little too happy and ended up pregnant (damn!). My daughters father went to jail no sooner than I found out. I ended up with an ex who was a slf proclaimed big girl lover & chef. So, guess what happened he worked over time to make sure I ate the most fattening foods EVER & I let it happen. By the time I gave birth I weighed 272lbs & was only 19 going on 20. I have no clue what size I was in because the first time I went shopping after having my daughter I tried on a 18 & cried when I saw my nasty stomach & the 18 didn't fit. I was so depressed it made no sense. Soon after that I made it over 300lbs. I know I was around 320 at some point but I avoided scales at all costs except when I was weighed in the emergency room after a panic attack. It was probably related to the weight somehow.
By 2005 (21 y/o) I had been thinking about WLS for a while. I felt like I couldn't do it any other way. I spoke to my doctor about it and he flat out said no. He would not refer me, he didn't support the idea at all and suggested I exercise and do it on my own. When I brought up the pain in my knees and hips he said well then swim. Well, that didn't encourage me at all I was just pissed off & felt hopeless.
In 2007 (23 y/o) I left the person I had been with since I was pregnant and in the first month I lost 20lbs without trying & had no clue until I got on a scale just for the hell of it. I went from about 300 to 280 so I decided to keep it going. The apartment complex I lived in was behind my old high school where they had a track & plenty of open space so I got up every morning and jumped rope and ran. Within 2/3 months I was down to 247. I was so happy 53lbs in less than 3 months by myself. But, that didn't last long once I got back with my ex. Within a few months I was back to being depressed & back up to 300lbs. I called my mother & doctor to talk about WLS again as well as clinical depression. My mother came to pick me up to go to the dr. and before we could even pull off I was crying like a baby. Telling her how disappointed I was in myself because I done nothing with my life and managed to be 300lbs AGAIN. I was of course put on a antidepressant and refered to a nutritionist because my insurance required 6 months supervised diet. I saw the nutritionist once and never went back. I was so impatient that I just didn't do it.
By 2008 I switched insurance providers to one that didn't require the 6 months lol. Even though I could've done the 6 months and had the surgery by then...hey don't judge me I was young and stupid. I researched surgeons and found the one I wanted and decided that I was finally serious about the whole thing. I filled out my paperwork and at the same time had been going to the gym and eating better. Next thing I knew the weight was coming off like nothing. Guess what else, of course the ex was gone again too lol. Magically, when he disappeared so did the depression and a lot of the pounds. So, like I had done a few times before I decided to not submit the paperwork because I was doing so well on my own. Surgery wasn't something that I really wanted to do if I could figure it out for myself.
By 2009 I had lost about 70lbs. Still not a "healthy" weight but again heads were turning and I felt GREAT! I even built up the confidence to apply to nursing school. I started nursing school late 2010 and graduated December 2011 (yayyy!!) as a practical nurse. But, during school going to the gym as often just wasn't an option. I yo-yo'd like crazy. Now I'm up about 25lbs to 259. I'm happy as hell I didn't gain it all back but I realize that I need help. So, as graduation approached I did my paperwork again and actually sent it in. I'm proud to have worked toward a career and now I want to congratulate myself with a healthier, happier me. I'm so excited and proud of myself already...
