arielfreak

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One year ago today, I was in my recovery room. Today I'm full of energy and so much healthier (and smaller!)

This has been one of the craziest years of my life.  I never could have prepared myself fully for what lay ahead, or have expected such amazing changes in my body.

While it has been a bumpy road at times, I feel extremley blessed to have had this life changing surgery.  I'd do it again in a heartbeat.  I had a checkup with my surgeon this morning and it was wonderful to see the genuine smile on his face when he saw me.

I'm very proud to say that in just one year's time I have

lost 142 pounds from my pre-op weight, 163 pounds from my highest

BMI from high of 46.7 (morbidly obese) to 22.6 (healthy)

Shirt size from 2x or 3X to S or M (I even have a couple XS)

Jeans from 24 or 26 to a 4 or 6

Ring size from 7 ½ to 6

I can cross my legs with ease

I can sit cross-legged on the floor

My husband can pick me up

I can buckle any seatbelt with ease

I can sit in an airplane seat with extra room

I don’t mind sitting in the back seat of someone’s car

I can shop in any store I want to

I don’t sweat constantly

I can walk up and down the stairs without getting out of breath

I gained the confidence to apply for, and got a job

I’m eating a healthier variety of food than I ever have in my life

I’ve made many healthy changes to my family’s diet and improved their health as well

My acne has cleared up

I have gained tremendous energy

I sleep better

I have an easier time getting out of bed in the morning

 I'd like to lose 3 more pounds to get to my personal goal of 150.I know I've got alot of work ahead of me.  To keep the changes to my eating and exercise habits life-long. For today though, I just feel truly, amazingly blessed and happy.  I'm quite proud of my progress over the past year.  I got a lot of support from the community online, and I could have never gotten this far without the support of my husband.

 

Late update, but here is my 10 month photo

My team at the EDI has set a goal weight of 150 for me.  I'm inching closer.  Some self-sabatoge this month lead to a poor total loss this time around, but I'm moving forward.

Normal BMI.  Size 8 pants (had a 6 on the other day, gotta love brand size differences).  Size small or medium tops.  When I think about where I was last year at this time.....shudder.

Keepin' my chin up.

 

 

A few days late, but I recently celebrated 9 months post-surgery.

Weight 162 pounds.  Loss from pre-surgery weight is 133 pounds, loss from my lifetime high is 154 pounds.

In this photo I'm wearing a size small top, and size eight jeans.

NEVER did I even dream I would be in a size 8.  I've said it before but I have NEVER been this small.  But here I am. 

This has been a life changing experience that I just can't put into words.  This has changed every aspect of my life.  Obviously the physical- I've been exercising more, I can do things without getting out of breath I can JOG (which is such an exhilerating feeling), my balance and flexability have improved, I can go on and on.  It feels great.  I'm still struggling with my head.  My issues with food addiction, my issues with control, my issues to see myself as I really am.  I still see the fat girl most of the time.

I'd say though all in all I had a pretty good month and I've been having a blast going clothes shopping.  Before I had surgery, I said my goal weight was 165..well I changed that awhile back to 160.  And now I'm at 162 just 9 months post-op.  I wanna go down further, how far...who knows, and this is something I'm going to have to discuss with my doctor and my team of folks at the eating disorders clinic.  If I get to 157, I will have lost 158 pounds, and then have lost more weight than I weigh, and I think that would be pretty darn cool.  Time will tell.

 

Whatever 'normal' means, I am officially there.

Weight this morning- 168 pounds.  At 5'9", that puts my BMI at 24.8

normal

And to think, just over 8 months ago I was mobidly obese with a BMI of 43.6

Things are looking up.  Weight at 8 months is 175 pounds.  I've lost 120 pounds.  Pretty mind-boggling, huh?

I'm very comfortable in most size 10's.  (shhhh...I had a couple size 8's on in the dressing room the other day, buttoned and zipped, not quite there yet, but getting closer).  M tops.Body dismorphia is happening big time.  Most of the time I still see myself as the plus size gal.  Hubby asked me about my Monday weigh-in weight the other day and I replied automatically '273'- no it was '173' but I still have that damn 2 stuck in my mind.

I'm seeing a team of a psychologist, dietician, and nurse at the eating disorders clinic to help me get my binge eating and food/weight obsession under control.  It has been helping alot, and I'm proud of myself for going.

Eating is going well.  Most things go down very nicely.  Beef still sits like a brick.  Protein, protein, protein.  Striving to keep up with my exercise routine.  I keep chuggin' along.

Fall down seven times, get up eight.  It's a Chinese proverb that I love.  I'm getting up again.  Still aiming to be at goal by my 1 year surgery anniversary on November 27.

 

Above is my six month picture, taken 2 days after my offical 6 month mark.  Size 12 pants, size L shirt, down from tight 24 pants and a 3XL shirt.

For the past few days, I've had a new pain.  It's not a horrible pain, but it's something I've been noticing consistently now for a few days so I called.  It's right in the center of my chest, right under my bra band.  I seem to feel it more during or after eating or drinking, and it can be from chicken to water, I still feel it.  Could be anything I guess, heartburn, ulcer, gallstones, or nothing.  I go see the doctor about it tomorow though.

Thanks for the supportive comments I recieved regarding my 6 month post.  I have been struggling some lately, and it helped.  All in all though, I'm thrilled with my progress and looking at pictures like this one I just posted keep me very motivated.

Inches Lost
From 11/10/06 (start of pre-op liquid diet) to 5/27/07 (6 months post-op)

stomach around belly button -15"
left thigh at fullest                   -8.5"
right thigh at fullest              -8"
bust- bra band                    -8.5"
bust at fullest                     -10"
right upper arm                 -4.5"
hips                                     -14.5"
neck                                    -2.25"
right calf                           -2.5"


Sometimes it seems like time has flown by, other times it drags on.  Sunday was the six month anniversary of my surgery.

I've lost 106 pounds from my pre-op weight.  I've lost a total of 127 pounds from my lifetime high.  I'm currently in a size 12 pants, L shirts.  For the most part, I feel physically better than I ever remember feeling.  I can walk up stairs and not be out of breath.  I'm the smallest I've ever been.  I can shop in most any store I want.  Rings fall off my fingers.  I'll catch my reflection in a store window at the mall and it takes me a moment to have it register that it is ME, not obese, but pretty dang average looking.  And hell, if what I read is true and the average American woman is a size 14, then I'm even on the small side of many people.

Still eating about 850-950 calories daily.  Sometimes closer to 1,000, which is where my nutrionist suggested I be at the 6 month mark.  I try to keep net carbs around 35-40 a day.  I average about 120g of protein a day, I still drink 3 protein supplements every day.  I'm so sick of chicken.  Beef and pork still sit like a brick in my pouch.  I stick to my 'known' foods most of the time- eggs, chicken breast, cottage & ricotta cheeses, protein bars, almonds, low carb/low sugar yogurt to be 'safe'.

I have to add fiber to my food a couple times a day and I take flaxseed oil otherwise I have 'issues'.  I take vitamins 6 times a day, which are not cheap, which I have to special order.  I spend big bucks on my protein supplements as well.  Though, I'm a very cheap date when we go to a salad bar that charges by what your plate weighs.  I love places like that, some ham, hard boiled egg, cheese, a little greens, and I'm set, usually for like $1- $1.50.

As I'm getting further out, I find myself struggling more often.  My appetite has started to come back.  I'm experiencing real hunger sometimes now.  And head hunger/cravings have gotten the best of me more than once.  Overall, I eat 'as I'm supposed to'.  But sugar and bad carbs have passed my lips and I've dumped like a truck.

I have been reflecting on all this, and read back over some of my blog from before surgery, and the past 6 months.  I'll tell you now- the honeymoon is over.  I'm a bit annoyed at how fake some of my prior posts sound, but when I think about it- no- they were not fake when I wrote them.  I was walking on a cloud of no hunger and the weight falling off and I can conquer the world.  Reality has set in.  I do believe I'm at least midly depressed.  While I am THRILLED to be walking around in a size 12 vs. a size 26- small sizes don't buy you happiness folks. 

A couple times this month my old demon Binge Eating came to call.  I'm talking hands in the cabinet, grabbing for food as quick as I can so I can shove it in my mouth fast so my husband dosen't catch me.  The pure rush I get shoving the sweet, melt in my mouth carb/sugar goodness in.  It makes me almost euphoric, the moments that the food is going in, but after- the combination of pure guilt and the physical dumping sets in.  I crash on the bed in exhaustion with heart palpitations, dizziness, stomach cramps, feeling like my heart is going to pound out of my chest.  All for what, a few chocolate chip cookies and some of the kid's grahm crackers.  But that's what my Binges are like.  I held them off for a long time, but I know it is a demon I'm going to have to battle every single day for the rest of my life.  Sound crazy?  Yes, maybe it is.  I feel completley out of control when it happens.  But it is my reality, and something I've delt with since I was in middle school.

Social situations are all based around, as we all know, FOOD.  I feel like such a freak sometimes watching everyone else eat.  I'm far from 'normal'.  I'm sick of having to pack myself special food when I go out.  I've come close to tears watching other people order what they WANT at restaurants.  I miss food, I do.

My hair is still falling out.  My dark circles under my eyes really bother me.  I bruise eaisly.  I have trouble regulating my body tempature, I'm always cold.  My skin, hair, and nails are very dry.
My exess skin- YUCK.  I had no idea it was going to be this bad.  But when I think how I had at one point stretched myself out to 316 pounds, and add four pregnancies on top of that, I guess it was a given I was going to have skin issues.  But it's just plain gross.  When I lie in bed, it puddles to the side.  When I wear cerain tops, I can literally hear my bat wings under my arms slapping against my flesh.  I was almost in tears the other day in the dressing room, trying on bras.  I have all this extra skin on my upper torso- it's not arm, it's not boob- it is just...there.  I have to shove it into the cups of my bra, even though it is not really boob, there is no place else for it to go.  My stomach and inner thighs are just plain disgusting.  I don't even like my husband to see me.  I have excess skin almost everywhere and I mean everywhere- hanging over places and interfering with activites (and that's bordering on TMI, but the truth).  I think I liked my naked body better at 316 pounds than I do now at 189 pounds.  The skin interferes with the way clothing fits.  I want plastic surgery in a bad way.

At this point though, I'd still say 'yup, I'd do it again'.  I've got more positives going on for me than negatives.  I love the compliments.  I love being a size 12.  I love the energy, I love not cringing when I see photos of myself.  I feel more my age.  I love when I'm eating well and drinking my water and I make it through my whole day, vs the extreme ups and downs that came to me before through caffine and sugar.

I still, and always will, obess over food.  Before it was 'what can I eat next, what goodie can I seek out'- now it is 'count the calories, carbs, protein grams, sugar, write it down, follow the plan, use the tool'.

I see my surgeon on the 24th of June for a checkup and bloodwork.  I'm going to ask him about my engery level, dark undereye circles & bruising, as well as ask when the whole plastic surgery thing can start to be talked about.

I did it- weighed in at 195 today.  I've lost ONE HUNDRED pounds from my pre-op weight.

Grand total from my lifetime high- minus 121 pounds.

Never really thought this could happen to me.

Wow, wow wow!  Weight for the past 3 days (had to make sure it stuck, lol)  199!
That puts me into 'Onderland' for the first time since I was 17 years old!  My weight will never start with a '2' EVER again!  This also puts my BMI at 29.4- which officially moves me out of 'obese' and into 'overweight'!!!
This past month- I'm still going to Curves.  Doing mostly the same with my eating, getting 100+ grams of protein daily, trying to stay under 35-40g of carbs, and 800-850 or so calories a day.  Water, water, water.  I'm nicely into a size 14 pant and a size L top.  My rings all fall off my fingers- I can't wear my wedding or diamond rings anymore, they are too too big.  Rings that used to fit my ring finger now go on my middle.
The hair loss continues, but it finally seems to be slowing down.  Also my skin and hair are SO dry.  I've never had dry skin in my life, quite the opposite actually it was always very oily, and I had acne issues.  Well now I'm dry dry dry (but my acne has also totally cleared up, so that's another plus).  I'm having some saggy baggy skin issues, and am already thinking about wanting a tummy tuck after I get to goal weight.  I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
Overall, I still have lots of energy, though when I get tired it hits me hard.
I've never been this small as an adult.

It's not all roses and sunshine.  I hate how much my skin issues bother me already.  I can't stand how I look with my clothes off, even though with my clothes on I look better than I proably ever have.  The hair loss and dry skin suck.  I'm cold ALL the time, to the point that my fingernails turn blue sometimes (yes I'm going to ask the doc about it at my checkup next month).  It's still really hard, and really sad for me to be around certain foods at times.  It's almost painful to watch people eat some of my old favorite things.  It can be frustrating going out to eat and watch other people enjoy french fries and desert without abandon.  God I miss ice cream.  Taking vitamins 6 times a day sucks.  Having to lay down because I dump on a protein bar and waste an hour of my afternoon sucks.  Cooking things for my family that I can't eat sucks.

Was it worth it?  Yeah, for now, defintley. I'd do it again in a second.  I just want to let people know that it is NOT the easy way out, by any stretch of the imagination.

So I was feelin' goofy the day I took my 4 month pics last week.  This is one of the shots



Cutting up the Lane Bryant credit card!  I AM DONE WITH PLUS SIZES!  It's amazing.  I've never been in 'normal' sizes as an adult.  It's a whole new world.  I went shopping yesterday- did a lot of trying on, but no buying :-( 
I'm *this close to being able to wear 14's out of the house.  I have to return the size 18 capri's I bought, they are just too darn big (thank goodness I'm an obsessive receipt saver).  I had SO much fun trying stuff on though.  I had on the cutest pair of size 16 (which were baggy) pin stripe pants at New York & Company.  I just don't have anywhere to wear them so I put them back since I'm trying to keep my wardrobe to a minimum while I'm going down sizes so rapidly.  I'm also discovering I'm getting into a LARGE (no X!) in some tops.  The mall is my new playground, I'm having SO much fun.