apriltragesser
I'm Happy and Fat. I'm Miserable and Fat.
I'm beautiful. I'm Hideous.
This is how I feel. This is what I see in my reflection.
5/22/2005:
Just signed on to this website. I will be using this site as a tool for my (ready for the "cheese factor"?) JOURNEY through wls. Right now just waiting for all of my records to be sent from various doctors. That is the name of the game in the beginning...HURRY UP AND WAIT! Ha.
I will try to be good about posting regularly....until then....
5/27/2005:
Well....and so it begins. I faxed all of my documents to the insurance company today....73 pages to be exact! I also sent a copy certified mail. After reading all of the insurance horror stories, I wanted to be able to give myself the best chance on the FIRST TRY! Everything I have read about Wellmark BLue Cross Blue Shield has been positive. I sent 5 years medical history, 2 letters of recommendation, and a 2 page personal letter from me outlining their criteria, and how I meet it. If they deny me - then something is very wrong! I met all of their criteria and sent in everything they requested showing that I met thier criteria and then some.
Now - I just hope that all gets approved. I am ready to be fit and healthy! I think I am going to call today to make sure that they received my fax....until next time....
6/2/2005
I got a call from an RN at Blue Cross Blue Shield. She faxed me a form to give to my doc - Physician Certification for Morbid Obesity Form. Once my doc completes this (only a 1 page questionnaire, pretty simple!) I will send it back to the Insurance Company, and the RN said everything looks great and she thinks I will be approved!!!!! Only 6 days later THEY contacted ME! I am reallllly impressed! I have heard great things about Wellmark BCBS - but I didn't expect this. KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED! I am getting soooo excited (and really nervous!) However, I am going through a phase right now where I am afraid that I will be approved, so I have been eating everything in sight. I know I will have to change my eating habits, and every day feels like my "last meal". I feel like I have to indulge in every sinful food one last time before I lose one of my best friends forever! How sick is that??? This is why I need this surgery - I have serious food issues!
I AM SO HAPPY - I JUST HAVE THIS FEELING I AM GOING TO GET APPROVED. I will update when I have the info....until next time!
6/8/2005
My doctor faxed my Physician Certification for Morbid Obesity Form back to me today. I faxed it to the insurance company. Two hours later I called the RN who is working my case directly to ensure that she received it. She informed me that she had, and would be reviewing my case tomorrow. I will probably call them around the afternoon to see what the status is. I am keeping my fingers crossed and holding my breath in desperate anticipation!!!! Big Breath innnnnnn and ........hold.........
6/9/2005
Well, It's official....drumroll please....................
I'M APPROVED! I am so excited.....I can't believe I am really approved - and it was so fast and easy. I really believe that my insurance company is awesome - they were fantastic. Only 13 calendar days for approval! The RN I spoke with today congratulated me and wished me luck and was just so very nice to me! I must say, however, I met or exceeded every requirement they had, and made sure I had all of my ducks in a row before I submitted everything to my insurance company. Including a two page personal appeal as to why I feel I need the surgery, etc. So, here is a timeline of the process thus far:
5/9/2005 - Orientation with the surgeons, information seminar
5/16/2005 - Had my psych evaluation.
5/22/2005 - Joined this website - sent requests to different doctors requesing my medical records.
5/27/2005 - Sent all of my information for preapproval via fax and via certified mail to the insurance company.
6/2/2005 - Recieved a call from BCBS stating I needed 1 form filled out by doc - then would probably be approved.
6/8/2005 - Received the signed form back from my doc - faxed it to BCBS. Was told my case would be reviewed on 6/9/2005.
6/9/2005 - Called BCBS to check the status and was told I was approved!
Only 1 month from seminar to approval. That is pretty awesome. Now I just have to wait to get my approval letter in the mail. Once I receive my letter, I will fax it to my doctors office. My doctor's office then has 2 weeks to call me to set up a surgery date. I would imagine that it will be the earliest - late July, to sometime in August. At least that is what I am hoping for. It is going to be tricky getting off of work and getting that whole issue worked out - but I was supposed to go on vacation the first week of August - so I am going to have surgery instead. Fair trade. Then when I go to Florida for vacation in November, I should be 30 - 40 lbs. lighter. That will be great to see my family - I was getting nervous about them seeing me at this weight anyway - I would have been mortified. So it all works out....it always does.
I am a very lucky person in life. Here is my prediction for my future after surgery::::
Very quick and easy recovery
Very easy transition to my new lifestyle
Quick and steady weight loss
No issues with flappy or loose skin
No surgical complications
Of course, I am realistic. If half of those become true - I am a happy camper! Stay tuned.....things are starting to get exciting, folks!
Until next time.............
6/13/2005
I received my approval letter in the mail today....YIPPEEEE! I am going to fax it to my surgeon tomorrow...then I get to play the waiting game again. Their office wants you to give them 2 weeks to call you back to schedule a surgery date - so I will be on pins and needles for 2 WEEKS waiting for a phone call!
Besides that, trying to sell our house (by owner), everyone in my office at work is quitting, including my boss, my baby is turning 6 months old, SIX MONTHS OLD!!!!!, My husband's 30th birthday is right around the corner (are we really that old?), getting ready to plan building a house, our baby girl doggie has alergies and is shedding all over our house, husband is busy with soccer league, trying to plan a trip to Fla to visit relatives, and we have every weekend booked with family gatherings, parties, work, or some other event from now until August.
PHEW! At least I have a lot to keep my mind off of waiting for surgery!
Not that anyone particularly cares to read about my life, or cares to hear about it (since you ARE here, afterall, to listen to me discuss WLS), but it is nice to have someone, even if it is only myself, to vent to. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. Now I feel better! :-) Thanks for listening.
I will let you know when I have a surgery date - I may post in between then and now if I am feeling antsy.
Until next time............
6/14/2005
Did I tell you I am a lucky person or what?????!!!!! I didn't even fax my approval letter to the surgeon this morning, and my doc's office called telling me they received approval letter from my insurance company and wanted to set up a date!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT???? I sure can't. So anyway....
SURGERY DATE IS SET FOR JULY 14TH! Exactly one month from today. I am so so so so excited (and a little nervous, but just a little). New life here I come!!!! So glad it is so quick - soooo much going on right now - glad to get this out of the way and begin my new ways.
Man, I tell ya, I am one lucky mamma! I feel very fortunate to have had such an easy time of this - I know many of you have not / did not have an easy time with insurance, or expedience with scheduling. So I am very thankful. Now I have some pre-surgery fun things to do....I will let you know what and when, etc. when I get the details. My doc's office will be calling me back to set up all of those things.
Until next time................
6/20/2005
Just wanted to give an update.......My pre-op testing is scheduled for June 27th and my nutrition class is scheduled for July 5th. I have been eating like a total cow - probably not the best approach, this I realize....but I feel like a prisoner on death row, and every meal is my last! Everyday I think of a "favorite" food that I "just have to have" one last time. My husband is taking me to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse for "The Last Supper" and I have already decided on the most juicy steak and succulant lobster they can offer me. If I am going down, I'm going down in style! hahahahaha. I have been eating fast food every single day - I bet my cholesterol is sky high??? My theory is that I will just get plain sick of all of the greasy, sugary bad for you food I have been eating and will transition well to eating better....I think it may work because I am starting to really get sick of really sweet stuff and really heavy stuff like pizza and breadsticks, and high carb foods. I'll let you know after surgery! Ha!
Realization is starting to kick in that I am going under for major surgery - I have a wonderful husband and a 5 month old baby boy who are my entire world - if anything, I mean ANYTHING happened to me, I don't know if I would forgive myself. Although - my husband is my rock through this journey. He is the most supportive and wonderful man - I am sure he is looking forward to the outcome, too! Hahahah - he has never seen me naked and it really bothers him. We've been together for 6 years (married for 2 1/2 years)and I have gained 80 pounds in that time. He is georgous - 6' tall and weighs 160 - so there is some guilt there. He says he loves me no matter what - but I know he is just saying that - I know he loves me, of course - we are the best of friends and have a wonderful, loving and very happy life together, full of love, laughter and friendship. But he and I both deserve for him to be attracted to me again. I know he's not nearly as attracted to me as he once was - and if the role was reversed, I know I wouldn't be either. So, I am very excited for that aspect of my life - for my husband to be able to see me naked. What a breakthrough in group that will be! hahahah.
Well, I will post again soon - I am on this website every day, several times a day - what a life saver, hugh? LOVEEEE it!
Until next time...................
6/27/2005
I just got back from the hospital and all of my pre-op testing. Wow - what a FUN DAY THAT WAS! hahahahah. Actually, it wasn't really bad at all. My day started getting to the hospital, waiting one hour to get into a room. Got the the room, gave a urine sample and several viles of blood. Gave a breath sample, drank some god-awful lemonade-like substance, gave another breath sample. Then, was escorted to another waiting room in radiology. Waited an hour and 10 minutes. Was escorted back where I took off my top and bra and had ultrasound done of my liver, gall bladder, etc. Then I was escorted to have chest x ray's done.
AND THEN......THEY TOOK ME BACK FOR UPPER GI TEST. OH MY GOD. First, they make you swallow these effervesent air crystals that expand your stomach with air, and talk about a weird sensation! It makes you feel like you have to burp really bad, but you have to hold it down. And if that weren't bad enough, then they make you drink liquid barium. I must say I am now primed for FEAR FACTOR. I am not wimpy by any means - but I really thought I was going to throw this stuff back up. I kept telling the nurse I was going to throw it up - there were actually 2 nurses, and they felt soooo bad for me - but we were all laughing becuase it was just hideous - I can't believe I got it all down. I am big on the texture of stuff - and it has the texture of mud. The taste wasn't so bad - but my eyes were watering and everything. I had a towel over my mouth to keep it down. It was tough, man, I tell ya! PHEW! After that was over, I went to another area and waited - only for a few minutes this time, and another nurse did an EKG test and did a breathing test. I am sick, and just getting over the flu, so I am still weazing alot. So the breathing test was pretty hard because I have this nasty cough. But I made it through that. Then I had a short consult with another nurse to prepare me for what to expect day of surgery. Everyone at St. Vincent was EXTREMELY nice and professional. There were alot of people there today, hence my initial delays, but everyone was very apologetic about it, and honestly, can't say that I mind. I got to catch up on some good reading. haven't been able to read a good magazine in a while - my 6 month old takes up alot of time!
So anyway - just a little over 2 weeks to go. I think I will be totaly ready to say goodby to food. I have been stuffing myself sick. On the way home from the hospital, I stopped and ate a Whopper value meal. I also got a 5 piece nugget and an apple pie. (For later, I said to myself). I ate the whopper and about half of my medium order of onion rings and left the parking lot stuffed (I NEVER eat that much food in one sitting). About 10 minutes into the car ride home I started nibbling on the nuggets - 10 minutes later they were gone. 10 minutes after that ate the apple pie - drank the entire 32 oz Dr. Pepper (I usually can't drink a 16 oz soft drink) Mixed with the barium - I am feeling really yucky right now. I have some issues. So glad to be having surgery - I want to hate food. I know I will once I get over that first month after surgery - I can't wait to look back over my profile and read this and think "what a fat a$$ you were! A whopper meal with nuggets and a pie!!!" Wonder why I had weight problems! Hahahah.
Until next time....................
7/5/2005
Went to my nutition class today. Let me just say, if anyone is in the Indianapolis, IN area and is considering Bariatric Surgery, LOOK INTO ST. VINCENT CARMEL BARIATRIC CENTER! I have lived near St. V my entire life, and have been there many times, including having my child. This hospital is one of the best in the country - and for good reason.
As far as WLS, the program is outstanding. They say knowledge is power, and they send you into surgery fully loaded! I can't say enough good things about the hospital or the program - so I will just make a long story short and say they gave all of the info you can need for your new life after surgery, including a manual to take home to use for your new life - VERY HANDY. They also gave sippy cups, baby spoons, and medicine to inject yourself with after surgery to minimize chance of blood clots. The class lasted for 5 hours - and covered everything from nutition to after surgery hospice. Surgery is only 9 days away now. I am soooooo ready. I think I am pretty mentally prepared - but we will see! Until next time.................
7/15/2005
Well - I made it! I am officially on the losing side! I am home now - I was the only patient that got to go home after only a little more than a day out of our group. That is cool. I am really tired now, though, so I think I am going to lay down for the evening and tell you all about my awesome hospital stay tomorrow when I am not so sleepy. I did gain 5 pounds in swelling and fluid. My wight going in was 254. When I left was 259. Until next time.....
7/16/2005
Today was an interesting day. First full day on my own with my new lifestyle and new way of eating. The hospital gave me a prescription for Lexapro for depression. Well, I am a lightweight when it comes to medicine - and this particular medicine made me EXTREMEMLY nauseated. I was in bed and broke out into a horrible sweat and felt like I was going to die! My huband called the hospital and they said just to ride it out - I thought something was horribly wrong with me - then I realized I had taken that pill. I slept it off for a few hours. Phew - it was great to feel good again, I don't ever want to have the feeling again EVER! Other than that, the protein supplement I am on in very yummy. I got in all of my food and all of my liquids and vitamins for the day. It will be a little more challenging when I am at work and busy. The head hunger is about the way I thought it would be, no more, no less. I am really craving pepporoni pizza, which is weird becuase I am not a big peopporni person. My sense of smell is extrememly sensitive - very stange. I want to eat real food really bad - but I feel full. I am sure it will get easier and easier. It really isn't too bad. Nothing I can't handle.
I will tell you about my hospital stay the next time I post. I am going to call it a night. I have already lost 9 lbs from the day I went in to the hospital according to my scale. Yeah - that makes it alot easier! :-)
Until next time................
7/18/2005
Wow - I felt really good today. Since I am feeling so well, thought I would go ahead and describe my stay at St. Vincent Carmel. Firstly, I was TERRIFIED they were not going to do the surgery on Thursday. The previous Friday I got TERRIBLY sick with the flu that had me bedridden for 2 full days. Then on Monday I still had this horrible cough, went to the doc and sure enough - had BRONCHITIS! He prescribed me some meds and an inhaler - and buddy let me tell ya I did everything I could to make myself well. Come Thursday morning - still coughing up mucus and was just sure they were going to postpone my surgery. Right before I went in to the hospital, I took another dose of my inhaler - and my cough just went away! So here is what happened when I got to the hospital.............
First - we waited and got registered. Then they escorted us (my husband and I) to another waiting room. From there they called me back to a small triage room where I changed into a gown and filled out some paperwork. They took my vitals, listened to my lunds (thank god they were clear!) then my hubby came back with me. I wasn't really nervous at all, just VERY VERY thirsty becuase you can't drink the night before - and I was DYING because I was still kindof sick. They gave me a pepcid to take and a small cap full of water and I savored the whole ounce of it! After a brief consult with the surgeon and anesthesiologist, we waited again for about 1/2 hour, then they came and got me. My husband walked with me until "the point of no return" and then we parted ways. I walked down this long corridor ending at the operating room. I think they must have been using the room as a double for a meat freezer, because it was like 50 degrees in there. They had me crawl up on the operating table, which was kindof creepy! They were prepping all of these instruments, and talking amungst themselves, and it was kindof like being abducted by aliens! In a fun and humerous sort of way. After about 5 minutes, the anesthesiologist says, "I'm going to give you a little something to make you sleepy" She injected the medicine into my iv, and about 30 seconds later I started giggling. She said, "are you starting to feel a little goofy?" I said, "Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" with a big smile on my face, and that is the last thing I remember.
I woke up and my husband was right by my side, and all I remember is being extremely thirsty. I got ice chips, of course. I was in and out for about 2 hours. My husband told me when I first came to I woke up and looked at him and said, "help.....help" which kindof freaked him out a little, but I think it was because I was so thirsty. I think that is hilarious! hahahaha. Anyway - I came to, and they had me get up and walk right away. I remember wanting pain medicine, I was not hooked up to a morphine drip, maybe becuase it was done laproscopically, I am not sure. Anyway, I was up walking and I told my nurse I needed pain meds. She told me I would get them after I walked. I asked her how far I had to walk and she said I had to do one complete lap around the floor (which only takes about 4 minutes or so) so I said, "well let's get going then" I have no memory of this, this is just what my husband told me. How funny! I am a riot when I'm all drugged up! I guess I was walking really fast and the nurses were all laughing at me. Anyway, got back, got my pain meds, and that was basically my first day in a nutshell. Got to have jello and juice and ice chips, and pain meds as I requested them, but all in all first day was a fog. I remember thinking the pain was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. By day two, I was taking liquid codine my mouth, and only took it a few times for pain. Day two was much better, got to have more juice and jello. I slept and walked alot.
I did so well, they let me go home on Friday evening rather than Saturday afternoon. I was so excited to go home. But when I got home I had wished I had stayed there just to have someone take care of me! It was nice to be in my own bed. That night was the last time I took anything for pain.
My nurses were great and the entire experience was just wonderful. I can't say enought positive things about the experience.
My first few days were an adjustment, I had a few boughts of nausea from my medicine, but once I quit taking it I was right as rain. I have been craving foods, but it is much easier than I expected and it is getting a little easier. No problems yet with vitamins, protein or fluid intake. It just takes alot of planning and forethought.
I mowed my grass today in 90 degree heat (riding mower) and it felt great to get out of the house and into the sunshine. I have had double my water today since I was out sweating in the sun.
I am almost 100%. I think by the week's end I will be feeling just great. I go back to work on Sunday, which will put me at 10 days out from surgery. I honestly feel like I could go back now, but I know I need to rest. I have been sleeping an awful lot.
The hardest thing is not being able to pick up my 6 month old baby Jack. It makes me feel useless, and I need to be able to be 100% mommy again.
OH! Forgot to tell you I had my first Dr. apt yesterday and had that god awful drain ripped from my stomach. What a weird and slightly painful feeling that was. The nurse said, "ready, 1,2,3, RIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP" I didn't even have time to think about it! Docs apt was great - I am down 9 pounds according to their scale. Not bad for 4 days post op!
Well, I will update again in a few days or so. Hopefully I will be about 5 pounds lighter! Until next time...................
8/5/2005
Well, I am 22 days out. I am down 21 pounds, to 234. It is so weird to look at the scale and see it in that position. Before surgery it would have taken me months of dieting, excercise and killing myself! Going back to work was great - very easy transition. I feel absolutely wonderful and I have had zero complications. I definately do not dump - which is good and bad. I think I am transitioning into my next phase ahead of time though. Pudding and baby food just doesn't seem to be as filling as it once was. Tell you what is really good, gold label cambell's roasted tomato soup with cheese on top - YUMMM. I can eat about 3 ounces and be comfortable, although I am still supposed to be on 2. I am going to speak with the nutricionist about that. I still crave foods, but it is weird in how it comes in waves. Some days cravings don't bother me a bit, other days my mouth waters just thinking about certain food. Still isn't as bad as i thought it would be, very tolerable. Especially when I get on the scale and every morning it goes a little lower! I have cheated and tested my stomach on things I shouldn't. I chewed up a piece of chicken from some soup and swallowed it - nothing happened. I ate 2 fruit snack bits, nothing happened. I had a small glass of caffeinated sweet tea, nothing happened. I accidentally chugged a glass of water, nothing happened. So, I think my stomach is ready for solids, but I will wait to see what the doc thinks. I found a great way to beat cravings without cheating. (Which I DO NOT recommend!) I eat a small bite of the food, chew it up, suck on it, then spit it out. Example, I have been cooking dinner every night - I get more joy out of it than ever. Occasionaly, what I am cooking looks and smells so good - I have to try it. I made cheese ravioli with italian sausage for dinner, I chewed up a small ravioli, savored it, then spit it all out. Same with a bite of the italian sausage. I made sure not to swallow any of the juice because it is so fattening. But it is a miracle worker! Takes the cravings right away.
Well, I will update soon. Maybe in a few weeks when I am down another 5 - 10 pounds. Until next time...............
9/8/2005
Wow - it has been longer than I thought since I posted. I am now at 217. Down a total of 45 pounds. I have lost 17 pounds since my last post on 8/5. Not the 20 I had hoped, but no complaints. I have no cravings any more, as I can eat alot of things - I eat mostly high protein meats, fruits, veggies, eggs, etc. I have a small diet coke about 3 times a week. So funny - used to HATE diet coke - now I love it. Will never drink a sugary drink again. I feel SOOOOO GOOOD! This is the best decision i could have made for myself, and am so thankful for this surgery. It is absolutely amazing. I feel so much sexier, healthier, happier and more energetic already. I can't imagine when I lose another 50 - 60 pounds! I am starting to get hit on again, and people are starting to compliment me. FEELS SO GOOD. I want my husband to be attracted to me like he once was - I think we are getting there! He deserves a beautiful and healthy wife. My son deserves a healthy mommy - and most importantly - I deserve a healthy me.
Eating healthy feels so good. I never knew eating healthy could taste so good and make you feel so good.
Well....I will update more later on. Can't wait to see how much I will weigh at my next update. Until next time.............
10/10/2005
Well - I hit the magical 60 lb mark. Down to 202. Can hardly believe this is me. This is the person that has been trapped under all of that fat. People are really starting to notice. I keep feeling better and better. My previous prediction was right....I have had no complications, I have had the easiest transition to a new lifestyle, I had no problems in surgery. The flabby skin we will have to wait for.
I am the person that people hear about then decide to have the surgery. I am perfectly healthy. I feel like this surgery is like taking a "magic pill" without having to take a pill. It is however, a tool. You still have to make the right decisions. But it is sooo easy to be motivated when the scale moves at such an alarming fast rate, and so steadily. LOVING IT!
I will try to post again soon......
until next time..........
11/28/2005
Well - made it through the holidays with no problems. I am down to 188 today. That makes it 74 pounds. My goal was to lose 80 lbs by Christmas and I think I won't having any problems meeting that goal. It feels so great to feel energetic again. Not to mention feel pretty again. It feels great not to have to shop in the plus size section. I am now in a size 16 and should be in a 14 in about 20 more pounds. I cant tell you how great it is to be under 200 lbs. I was 180 when I met my husband 6 years ago - and haven't weighed under that since the early 90's. It is so liberating. I have never felt deprived of food (except for the very beginning, which seems years ago now!) and choose much healthier foods all in all. Dont get me wrong, I will eat something bad for me every now and then - but those old habits are forever gone. I have never once doubted my decision to have this surgery. I only wish I had done it sooner. Life is great. I will try to update again in a month or so. Until next time............
1/21/2006
It has been quite some time since I updated. I hit a serious plateau around December. I was stuck at 180 lbs for about 4 weeks. Then BAM - all of a sudden the scales finally started moving again. I was starting to get worried that this was it - I was not going to lose any more weight. I even called my dietician and she assured me that the scales would start moving again - and they did! As of today I am 175 - that is 87 pounds in 6 months. I feel absoulutely fabulous and am now in a size 14, down from a 22. (Can't beleive I was ever in a 22!) I am now in a shirt size L or XL, underwear size M or L and have gone from a 42 DD to a 36 C bra. I haven't been in a size 14 since high school - and the feeling is simply unbelievable. I can now even shop in the jr's departments and shopping hasn't been this fun for what seems like a lifetime. I can remember shopping being a miserable experience. Being humiliated to be shopping in the plus size sections and having to face the girl checking me out with a size 22 pant. Those days are over! Every day I am thankful for this surgery. My 30th birthday is April 21st - and this is the best birthday present I could have given myself. I will update again soon....until next time..........
3/11/2006
Well - the scales aren't moving like they once were, but the sizes sure are. I started lifting weights and it has made a pretty big difference. I am down to 168lbs and now in a size 12. (I still have a few pair of 14's that fit - but not for long!) I am in a size Large shirt (those darn breasts!) and I have gone from a 42 DD to a 36C bra. I haven't weighed in the 160's since I was in 8th grade. It feels wonderful. I feel normal now - I only have 38 pounds or so to lose - and hearing that number is mind boggling. I only need to lose 38 pounds??????!!!!!! Doesn't seem possible! How wonderful and amazing. I still have had no complications except for hair loss. I have hair down to almost my behind, and it was sooo thick and straight. Now it has really thinned out and I had 4 inches cut off to help - it did help with it falling out a little. I take Biotin to help as well - I haven't noticed a real difference yet - but I am ready for it to stop falling out because it is EVERYWHERE! And each hair is so long it is ridiculous. I still have never thrown anything up. On th contrary - I had the awful flu and was sooo sick. I needed to throw up so bad, but as hard as I heaved, nothing would come up. I did that all night and not once did even liquids come up. Very weird not being able to throw up. But I'm not complaining! Life is wonderful - I am so thankful to be thin again - I have the energy to be a great mom to my son and that is worth all the tea in China! I will post again soon. Until next time.......
5/15/2006
I am down to 160 lbs and loving life. I feel so wonderful. The scales are slow, but steady. I am in a size 10 / 12 and feel fantastic about that. My hair finally has stopped falling out in chunks! That helps alot considering Ihad to vacuum like every day! I have about 25 - 30 lbs or so to go - not yet sure what my ideal weight will be. I would guess between 130 and 140 somewhere. I can't wait to do all of the activities this summer I have dreaded doing summers past, like going to festivals (no more fear of running in to old friends and them seeing how big I am) going to amusement parks, concerts and now I actually WANT to do things like hiking, canoeing, running, etc. So much energy! Life is great - this surgery is such a blessing. Until next time.......
7/16/2006
I celebrated my 1 year anniversary on the 14th - the day came and went and I completely forgot! How awful of me! Well, I was reading my last post - and in two months I have only lost 5 pounds. It is still a loss, so I will take it - but I hit another plateau and din't lose anything for about 6 weeks. I am down to 155 and it feels great. I am in a size 8 / 10 pant and Medium to Large top. It is soooo weird to be in clothes so small. I put on an old pair of my 22 pants the other day, and I fit in to one leg! I don't remember being so big and when I look at old photos of myself, I just can't beleive I ever got to that point. Now I feel like the real me.
My hardest battle is that I really don't dump on much. If I overeat sweets - I will fell lethargic - or if I eat anything to greasy I get really tired. But other than that I can eat pretty much anything. Which is good and bad. It is nice to not have to fear eating out and feeling really sick - but it is a double edged sword, because temptation is always there - and does sometimes win. About once a week I will have a piece of chocolate or have something for dinner that isn't the most healthy. I do eat very healthy 90% of the time - but I allow myself to eat out or endulge in popcorn now and again. I won't fall into the old food trap - but I really feel I have a healthy attitude toward food now. It's all about the math - you must expel more calories than you take in. On a day when I don't eat the healthiest - I make sure to drink more water and try to get in good excercise.
I am excited for summer activites like going to King's Island (amusement park), going to the park and having all of this energy to walk, hike and chase my son, swimming (and not being embarrased to be in a bathing suit!) and just being outside without sweating like a stuck pig and being able to frolic!
I was reading the memorial page today on obesity help - and it was so awful. Many people do not have great experiences, and their families have to endure their loss - and it is just devastating for them. Be sure if you are considering surgery - not everyone has a happy ending. You must weigh the benefit versus the risk. If there is any chance for you to lose the weight without surgical intervention - remember surgery isn't the easy way out. There are many people who go through pain and trauma before they lose their life due to surgery. Do your research on the surgery, the hospital, their staff and their surgeons. Just keep that in mind.
On a happy note - life is great - I have found a new love in myself and in my husband - and our romantic life has improved dramatically as a result of my weight loss. Everything in my life is better because I fell healthy, I have energy, and I have a positive self image. Life is great!
Until next time................
10/25/2006
Oh my goodness! I can't believe it has been since July that I have posted! Super shame on me - my apologies! I do have a good excuse though.....at the beginning of August, I found out I was pregnant with my second child, and we just purchased a second home about 2 weeks ago.
For those of you out there who have had weight related fertility issues (it took us 2 years to get pregnant with my first child with the help of fertility medicine) HEED MY WARNING! It is MUUUUUCH easier to get pregnant after you lose the weight. I went off of birth control for ONE MONTH (because of a error the pharmacy made with my scrip) and BAM! Here I am today - 4 months pregnant! I am so very happy - however it was quite shocking at first. I was not ready to give up my summer or my new ability to wear small summer clothes! Not to mention feeling all of the ills of pregnancy that I was lucky enough not to have the first time around. It has been hard gaining weight back - I have put on 7 pounds since I found out in August. That is normal and healthy - but still HAAAARD! I am still wearing my normal clothes, which isn't to bad at 4 months pregnant. I am just ready to feel good and have the new baby (boy or girl?) and get back in shape! Only have to wait until April! (Yes - April seems like an ETERNITY!) However - I have been in contact with some nice people from this site - I encourage anyone who has questions or concerns to feel free to email me and I will be glad to help and give my 2 cents! Life is still great and I am still doing wonderfully - except for feeling like I need to throw up every day from being pregnant - things are wonderful! Hahahahaha Until next time.................
12/4/2006
Well - here I am - 5 1/2 months pregnant and remembering how WILD it is to carry a baby! Weight wise, I am doing great. I have gained about 10 pounds. Not bad for half way through. I feel like a total cow, though. It is weird to have this belly and only to have gained 10 pounds - I feel like I am about 200 again. That is ok - it is for a good cause. And I found out we are having another BOY! Two boys - what am I going to do with myself? I shouldn't have any problems keeping the weight off chasing them everywhere! hahahaha. My hair still has not resorted back to falling out - which is good. I do miss my nice thick hair - but the trade off was WELLLL worth it. If I knew before surgery what I know now, I would have shaved my head to feel this great. So, I have been thinking after this baby come in April - I should be able to get my pre-pregnancy shape back hopefully by July - August and then hit my initial goal of 135 ish by mid - late fall. I have been considering having a tummy tuck - (Darn you Dr. 90210!) after seeing all the successes on television. Not that I have a lot of loose skin from surgery - but I have a lot of stretch marks and extra fat and scarring from having a C section. Can only imagine what another baby and C section will do to my tummy. I also (if you are a man - skip this next paragraph - explicit female gross out factor ahead!)
have gained some excess skin and flabbiness in my misses parts. To the point to where I don't feel normal. My husband doesn't understand what I am talking about - but he doesn't live with those parts (at least not as closely as I do - or as closely as he would like to, for that matter - hahahahaah) So I want to have a tummy tuck and a labioplasty / labio - liposuction. I also have totally lost my behind muscles. I am sure that is due to lack of proper excercise and not working them out. I can't really do lunges - my knees pop and crack and that HURTS. I was thinking after baby comes - will pick up a pilates kit and do that for my lower body excercises - if that doesn't build up some bulk on the bootie then I may have to have some lipo on the backside - it seems like it was much tighter and more muscular when I was obese. Very strange.
Another weird thing that happened after surgery - is since it seems I have no butt muscles left - when I sit for long periods of time - I get a VERY achy backside. Especially a long car ride. Sometimes it will hurt so bad - just to move and "readjust" my sitting position is enought to make me cringe and shriek in pain. So strange - like I have no padding anymore and my bones can't take it!
Since I have been pregnant - dumping syndrome and I have become close, personal friends. Interesting, because I hardly EVER dumped before this pregnancy. Things I could eat or drink with no probelm pre-pregnancy now make me feel like I am going to die. The sweating, nausea, EXTREME FATIGUE that accompany's dumping always seem to come after I have lunch at work. About once every 2 - 3 weeks I have to go lay down in the master bedroom of our office (my office is a model home) and usually sleep for an hour or more. The extreme fatigue is the worst. There have been times when I have literally climbed out of my desk chair and climbed under my desk and slept for like 20 minutes. It is awful - and the thing is is that it is not consistent. What makes me dump one day will not make me dump the next. I can have a glass of apple juice on Monday, on Tuesday I will have the same juice and be layed out on the floor at work! Sometimes, I dump really bad if I eat too fast (which I have found is really hard not to do when you are pregnant and RAVENOUS) or if I eat too much (which was never a problem before, either). It seems to be getting better as I get later in my pregnancy and figure out my new pregnant body - but just as I get it figured out - I will be going back to normal!
Well - I have blabbed long enough. I encourage anyone to email me with questions on surgery, pre op or post op, pregnancy after surgery - or just life in general to [email protected]
I only get to this site every month or so (it seems) and may not respond to an OH website email. But I ready my emails on my personal account every day and can respond very quickly.
Oh - I am around 165 pounds. (I was 155 at my first doctor weigh in) But I was 148 - 149 on my home scales, naked of course! Well - hope you all have great holidays. Until next time..............
12/18/2006
Well - I just had to come here to tell an awful story! All of my posts have been so happy and positive - thought I would share a negative experience while it is still fresh in my memory (lucky you!) Today is Sunday - Friday night I started to feel yucky. Thought maybe I had eaten something that didn't agree with me, so around 9pm, I went to lay down. About midnight - I woke up - you know the feeling - when your eyes pop open out of a dead sleep and you just know you are going to get soooo sick! I jump up and run to the bathroom - and start dry heaving like crazy. Thought I was going to rupture something I was heaving so hard and violently. And of course, lovely diarheah accompanied. Yes, my friends, it was the return of the old FLU! I haven't been sick in such a long time (probably thanks to all of the vitamins I take!) and oh how I didn't miss it! Basically, starting at that point, until about 8 am - I was up eveyr 15 - 20 minutes, dry heaving while I sat on the toilet. Keep in mind I am also 6 months pregnant! Something I am not sure I have shared is that post - surgery, you can not "throw up" once the food is through your pouch. I didn't find this out until the first time I had to throw up. I though something was wrong with me, so I called the doctor. They confirmed that I will never be able to throw up again, and that everything has to work it's way through my body and come out the "other end". LOVELY. This makes having the flu like a million times worse. Sometimes you just want to be able to get sick and get everything out of you so you can feel better. Ohhh noooooo - you must wait - and suuffffffffeeeerrrrrr!
I thought at first I had eaten something bad and had food poisening. I got sick for the last time around 10 am and was finally able to sleep. Around 5 pm, my husband woke me up and asked if I could get up to take over watching our son, because he had just gotten violently ill. So I got up, and my poor husband had it too. Sure enough - it was a nasty flu bug - the sickest I swear either one of us had ever been. Luckily, it only lasted 24 hours or so. But he only got sick one time, versus my 50 times!
The moral of the story is - AVOID GETTING SICK AT ALL COSTS! Get the flu shot - I knew I should have, being pregnant, just never made the time. I paid the price - BELEIVE ME! Stupid flu!!!!! ahhahahahaahahahah
Happy holidays......until next time...........
1/24/2007
Happy New Year! Can you beleive it is already almost FEBRUARY!!!????? I sure can't! Well, I am now 29 weeks pregnant, and baby Max is scheduled to arrive via C section on April 6th. I can't wait to get this little booger out of me and get my body back! He kicks me so hard I swear he is damaging organs in there. My last pregnancy, I was obese and I am sure it hindered how I felt my baby moving. This time, I am over 100 pounds thinner than last, and it is a completely different experience in every way. I feel much better in many aspects, like my ability to bend over, my stamina, and overall health. (I can still see my feet and other parts!) At this point I have gained just a hair over 20 pounds, and weight right around 175 - 176 ish. I am very happy with that. I did have to take the glucose test (where you have to drink the sugary drink then wait an hour to have your blood drawn) and it was awful. I dumped really bad and couldn't even open my eyes for about 35 mintues or so. But, it went away ~ anything to ensure a healthy baby!
I am in the home stretch now - and looking very forward to welcoming our new baby boy. Also looking forward to getting back in shape and gearing up for a nice tummy tuck. Yeah! Ready to be a hot soccer mom! hahahahahahahahaha.
Until next time...........................
3/25/2007
Ohhhhhhhhhh - argggggggggg - oooommmmmppppphhhhhhhh. These are the sounds I make as I wobble around being 9 months pregnant (38 weeks today)! Well - only 12 more days to go until baby arrives. THANK YOU HOLY GOD! To be quite honest - aside from the nausea in the beginning and the bitchiness throughout - this pregnancy has been far and away much easier physically than my last pregnancy. I have gained 38 pounds (I am up to about 192!) compared to the ton of weight I gained last time (I weighed just under 300 lbs when I gave birth to my first son) Let me tell you - that 100 extra pounds sure made a difference! WELL DUH! With this pregnancy I can still do things like tie my shoes, run, bend over, get myself up off the floor, etc. I have been starting to not sleep as well lately. I find myself rolling over onto my tummy and it wakes me up. But my belly is so huge! It is hilarious. I really have only gained in my belly, a little in my face and a little in my arms. But my legs, wrists and the rest of me are about exactly the same. People say they can't tell I'm pregnant from behind - cool! I haven't been able to eat as much as I am out of room! So I have been eating small, frequent meals. Ready to get back to being normal and remembering what it is like to not be a mental basket case! Being a woman truly is a blessing..........blah blah blah blah! hahahahaha
until next time.................
4/13/2007
Well, Maxwell Alexander Tragesser was born on Good Friday, April 6 at 10:14 am. He weighed 7 lbs 9 oz and is a beautiful and wonderful baby boy! Although hectic, things have been great. I have lost 15 lbs and am down to 182. Not bad for 1 week. I have uploaded some newer photos of Max and a pic right before I had him with my big belly. I will stay updated with how the weight loss progresses - just thankful to not be pregnant any more and to have our beautiful baby boy!
Until next time..................
7/15/2007
Has it really been 3 months since I posted anything? Geez - time really does get away from me. Well....let's see. I went back to work on June 25 (after 12 weeks off for maternity leave....BUUUMMMMMERRRRRR). I am right around 168 range. Haven't seen the scales change much for about 10 weeks. I really want to get down to 140lbs REALLLLLLY BAD. It has been hard after having my second baby. My body REALLY changed with the second pregnancy. It seems like the weight is hard to get off at this point - not sure if this another plateau, or if this is it. It always happens that way - you plateau for what seems like forever, then you start losing again. I am probably going to have a lower body lift - maybe a breast lift in the future. We'll see! My lower abdomen looks like a 5 lb. bag that was carrying 10 lbs of sugar! hahahaha. I am currently in a size 10 / 12. I want to get down to an 8 / 10. I bet if I had a tummy tuck / lower body lift I would be a size 6 / 8. I am currently looking in to it - my insurance will cover tummy tuck if it is medically necessary. So I am beginning that process. I will try to keep updated more frequently....hopefully next time I post I will be in the 150's! I hope!!!!!!!
Until next time..............
9/4/2007
Well, I am finally in the 150's. Down to 158 lbs. That is 10 pounds since my last post 6 weeks ago. I am happy with that. I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon and she talked me out of having a lower body lift. I am just going to stick with a tummy tuck and will probably get that done next summer / fall. The cost is going to be around $6,000 including everything. She didn't think my insurace would cover it because I do not have the excess skin that most gastric patients have. Oh well - I am sure it will be worth every penny. Until next time........................
12/30/2007
Another year...GONE! Can't even believe it! Holidays were superdy duper. Crazy busy - I ate more in the past 2 weeks than I think I have in since before I had my surgery (not really - but it sure seemed like it). My oldest son's birthday is on December 29th - and with celebrating Christmas with all of our different friends and families, and Jack's birthday parties - it was nuts. First we celebrated Jack's birthday with my husband's family on Thursday the 20th (we lump birthdays together since there are 18 kids between us) then we had Christmas with my friend Amy and her family, then with my friend Heather and her family, then we celebrated Christmas Eve with my husbands family (an event that lasts from noon until about 10 pm and consists of 2 meals and all day snacks) then Christmas morning with my husband and 2 boys, then Christmas afternoon at our house with my whole family (we had a Mexican Fiesta) then Jack's birthday party with my friends and his friends on the 29th (we had ham, mac and cheese, corn and tons of snacks and cake / candy / ice cream) and we are having ANOTHER party on New Year's Eve (we will be making ANOTHER ham!). I am right around 153 - 155, but I am terrified to weigh myself and haven't done so in about 2 weeks! hahaha. I am totally bloated from all of the high sodium foods we've been eating lately. I haven't eaten anything really bad (Can't do cake, ice cream and most desserts anymore) but it's the "grazing" that's gotten me this year. I think I ate about half a veggie tray all by myself in the course of about 3 hours. I know it's just veggies - but I went wayyyy overboard! It's ok - I haven't really splurged on anything at all in these past 2 1/2 years - a few weeks of being naughty is forgivable!
Everything else is going great, of course. Can't remember if I mentioned it or not, but I got all of my hair chopped off - about 14" from longest to shortest (I had it done in a few visits) and it's amazing how different it made me look. I was always afraid to cut it off because when I was fat - it was my only asset. It was my security blanket - I thought it hid me. But after losing the weight - I thought it weighed me down and made me look heavier. I guess I was right because I have had more compliments about how I look with my new short hair in the past few months than I had about my long hair in my entire life. Who knew?
I have had tons of people not even recognize me - which is hilarious to me - even friends of mine who have seen me as recently as a few months ago saw me in public and didn't know it was me until I approached them and started talking to them. I have also gotten a ton of compliments from strangers (ok - mostly guys) but I'll take it! hahaha (Sorry boys - I'm a happily married woman!) I know I know - the dissapointment is overwhelming. :-)
Well - I'll check back in a few months to let you all know if I had luck losing this holiday blubber. My goal is still to be in the 130's - although I'm feeling pretty darn good in the mid 150's. I'll be happy to maintain here - but I want to see if I can get to that magical number that transforms me from "normal" to "totally bitchin". Hahahahahaha
Love ya'll.............Until next time.......................
About Me
Before & After
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