Alaskasnowflake

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I was so amazed at looking at people success, these picture are unbelievable to me. When dreaming that one day that will be me, instead of being trapped in a 3 persons body. This is my way of encouraging me to stay on track so this will be my goal, this will be my food.. this is giving me hope, and dreams, i could never imagine. I am way to excited to get to work here in January and start saving.. my husband and I laughed a little thinking, when going out to a restaurant we would only order one plate of food cause i could only have 2 to 4 hours of food.. This is the first time in a long time, i really wanted something and no one can tell me no.. cause i am paying with cash for this.. no over paid insurance company can deny me.. I am so thankful !!

Funny how i put that. When i was younger I was fit and strong and not over weigh. IT wasnt until my pregnancy my body just exploded. over 24 years it took me to get 389 lbs, I never gained it fast, it crept up on it slowly.I have always worked. I work in fish plants I am extremely strong, so it not like it am as other put it  (fat and sloppy) i carry my weigh well, and when i tell someone my weigh they can believe it. I dont know if its them being polite about it. One thing I hate about myself, is my arms and my stomach. For some reason i was.. notice was happy with my legs until the other day. i notice them in a full faced mirror. and i was very unhappy with the way I looked. I know how i got this way, it was food,and stress, my husgand and i was talking and he said for how little i eat there is something wrong. I have a friend who has had gastric bypass and before that she just sits and eat, the same thing with her daughter, sometime this january she goes back under the knife, to get her stomach again small.. but she still sits and eats ... i watch her. and it amazes me. okay back to me, I have been to doctors, they said it was my thyroid,, my wiegh gain is from eating.. I work 12 hours sometimes 16 hours depending on how much fish we have. I eat when it is meal time. I eat fruit at break times. I dont go back for seconds. I love salads, so eat alot of thoses, meat one slice, and vegetables,, love them and milk or a diet soda but not always a diet soda.. that is how my day is.. i eat everthing in modesty.. then i was told stress is a factor.. Well if that is the case. I am a worry wart... I worry all the time even about the o-zone layer.. this is really being therapidic right now for me.. and its free, talking like this, But anywho, I ask myself why am I BIG.. Obesed?? what is wrong. why me, I am the heaviest, the roundest, of all my family.. what am I doing wrong.. that is what hurts.. but i am trying to get heathly cause the doctors here in alaska cant anwser me this, why am I big.. what am i doing wrong.. why cant THEY " the so call experts tell me what is wrong with my body..

I am big!! I work in a fish plant 12 hours a day. I have no health insurance, I am sick of being big. I cant stand to see myself naked in a mirror, it is so ugly. I am 5 ft 7 inches tall. I am constanly working not like i am sitting at home eating and watching TV. My friend recently had her gastic surgery and she lost alot of weigh, but she ate herself there. NOW she is getting another one. She is an american Indian so her surgery is being paid for infull. I seem to resent this cause she is doing it to herself, she doesnt work, sits and eats every chance she get, I work and cant get no where. She is even recieving a belly tuck.. how sweet is that. I diet, it is a joke i lose weigh so slow, I wanna feel good and thin for me, and be able to look at my self with or without clothe on.. I am happy with me, just not my weigh. I have lugged this weigh for years have lost any really havent gained any. Poeple are pretty impressed about how i get around. When not working I find myself a little more sicker then usually .. Cough/flu/cold... sometime even sleeping a little more. I am married my husband doesnt say much about my weigh, except he does care of my tummy flap.. I have had 4 children perviously to marring him.. I am just big and I wanna know how can i get surgery.. I am sick of looking at me