Wake up call, almost literally

Aug 16, 2012

Tuesday morning my father-in-law called. In a very flat stilted voice he shared the tragic news: my 17-year old niece had taken some pills and had died suddenly. I was shell-shocked, and frankly I still am. We will deal with this tragedy and legacy at her wake and funeral this weekend, but the facts as they unfold are not pretty and very few answers exist. I'm not sure if they could ever be satisfactory if they do come to light. And while I write this to both share my grief, I'm also living with a few additional weight related wake up calls as well. I can't capture those anywhere else - it's not appropriate. But I'd like to capture them here for my own memory. I'm quite sure that this week will become entirely too fuzzy before long.

1. Be kind to yourself. Some of the pills in my niece's system were herbal. She was doing a 'cleanse' - something I myself have done before - in an effort to drop a few additional pounds before leaving for college next week. My niece wasn't heavy - in fact if anything she may have been slightly underweight. But when she looked in the mirror, she saw something else. She was more critical of herself than she ever would have been of someone else. I am overweight, her mother overweight, some of her friends are overweight - and yet she thought we were all beautiful. I need to learn to be kinder to myself, as I'm sure many of us do.  Who among us gives other people a greater benefit of the doubt than we give ourselves? Who among us is quick to point out our flaws, where we see beauty and strength in others in the same boat? I look at pictures of me and I see ugly. I look at pictures of me and I see only fat. She felt that way too. She was wrong. I might be too. Let's be clear here - the scale doesn't lie. I am fat, but is that really who I am? Is it the most important thing about me? I think not.

2. Believe in yourself and call on your a support system for help for days when you can not. They will believe enough for you and in you until you can get yourself back there again.

And finally:

3. Life is too short to not live it fully. We don't know when our time is up. And I don't want to be looking back with regret. I want to look forward with excitement. The time to make changes is now, so I can enjoy them and live life fully with the people I love so dearly.

Peace

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