Melissa Mermaid
June 26, 2006
Jun 25, 2006
Well I’ve married off my baby girl and finally returned home. What a trip! So much to share that I truly don’t know where to begin … But you know I’ll give it a go anyway …
As far as flying … Let’s just say that now I’m thin enough to fly I’m not sure if it’s for me. Thank God for Cymbalta, that’s for sure.
Las Vegas is quite the rock’n’roll town and while we enjoyed it, it is very hot and very pricey (couldn’t find an iced coffee for under $4 to save my life!) and I like the slots payoffs at Atlantic City much much better … Especially because we get comped there and didn’t in Vegas.
We were unprepared for the amount of walking we would do and while I was completely up to the challenge from a stamina standpoint (a miracle in and of itself), I started getting severe edema in my left leg by the third day and it was impossible to shake (I think it had something to do with the heat … over 100 degrees everyday, even if it IS a “dry heat”) … the prescription water pill DH laid on me and several doses of Diurex (OTC) didn’t do much. I had to abandon some of my vacation wardrobe and opt for long pants because the swelling was so bad that I couldn’t wear sandals much anymore either because the edema caused them to tear my feet apart. I also started getting the “drag my foot” phenomenon in my right leg that mirrors peripheral neuropathy. I’ve read this happens to some post-ops but I can only attribute this to extreme muscle use as now that I’ve been off my feet a couple of days, there’s no hint of the problem and I’ve been taking B vitamins all along. If necessary, I will add additional potassium beyond what is present in my protein supplements. But if anyone has additional feedback about this, please let me know because I must admit it freaked me out.
I’ve lost three more pounds this month (would you believe the hotel room had a scale??) and the exercise has done wonders for tightening up my legs. But I ate very well, adding about a half-cup of butter-laden grits to my menu pretty much everyday (thank God there was a Denny’s two blocks away from the MGM Grand … saved us from $40 breakfasts!) … Then there were the deep-fried Oreos for 99 cents at Mermaids Casino on Fremont Street … Yummers! It’s harder to get used to allowing myself leeway than I ever thought it would be; the fear of gaining remains ever-present but by all accounts – even medical – I MUST slow down the weight loss. At least I’ve only lost 3 pounds in my 19th month.
Yknow we often say we can eat whatever we want with the DS and while that’s true, I have still chosen to exercise restraint. But what the DS has done for me is given me FREEDOM … FREEDOM from feeling restricted by my clothes or by my mind … To dance, to run, to truly enjoy life unconditionally. Gratitude doesn’t even begin to cover my state of mind.
See for yourself how FREEDOM can take you ANYWHERE ...
As far as flying … Let’s just say that now I’m thin enough to fly I’m not sure if it’s for me. Thank God for Cymbalta, that’s for sure.
Las Vegas is quite the rock’n’roll town and while we enjoyed it, it is very hot and very pricey (couldn’t find an iced coffee for under $4 to save my life!) and I like the slots payoffs at Atlantic City much much better … Especially because we get comped there and didn’t in Vegas.
We were unprepared for the amount of walking we would do and while I was completely up to the challenge from a stamina standpoint (a miracle in and of itself), I started getting severe edema in my left leg by the third day and it was impossible to shake (I think it had something to do with the heat … over 100 degrees everyday, even if it IS a “dry heat”) … the prescription water pill DH laid on me and several doses of Diurex (OTC) didn’t do much. I had to abandon some of my vacation wardrobe and opt for long pants because the swelling was so bad that I couldn’t wear sandals much anymore either because the edema caused them to tear my feet apart. I also started getting the “drag my foot” phenomenon in my right leg that mirrors peripheral neuropathy. I’ve read this happens to some post-ops but I can only attribute this to extreme muscle use as now that I’ve been off my feet a couple of days, there’s no hint of the problem and I’ve been taking B vitamins all along. If necessary, I will add additional potassium beyond what is present in my protein supplements. But if anyone has additional feedback about this, please let me know because I must admit it freaked me out.
I’ve lost three more pounds this month (would you believe the hotel room had a scale??) and the exercise has done wonders for tightening up my legs. But I ate very well, adding about a half-cup of butter-laden grits to my menu pretty much everyday (thank God there was a Denny’s two blocks away from the MGM Grand … saved us from $40 breakfasts!) … Then there were the deep-fried Oreos for 99 cents at Mermaids Casino on Fremont Street … Yummers! It’s harder to get used to allowing myself leeway than I ever thought it would be; the fear of gaining remains ever-present but by all accounts – even medical – I MUST slow down the weight loss. At least I’ve only lost 3 pounds in my 19th month.
Yknow we often say we can eat whatever we want with the DS and while that’s true, I have still chosen to exercise restraint. But what the DS has done for me is given me FREEDOM … FREEDOM from feeling restricted by my clothes or by my mind … To dance, to run, to truly enjoy life unconditionally. Gratitude doesn’t even begin to cover my state of mind.
See for yourself how FREEDOM can take you ANYWHERE ...
June 1, 2006
May 31, 2006
As of today, I am at goal. Actually I may still be 1 lb from goal (I was 136 last week) but honestly, I’m sure I’m at goal because of the way I’ve been eating and moving (food has been pristine and I’ve been very physical). Maybe I’ll weigh myself tomorrow instead of waiting my customary month … just to remove the mystery.
Most importantly, I’m gaining my strength back in leaps and bounds. I’m getting that endorphin rush when I put my energy and my body to task. It’s taken such a long time for me to get that area of my life back post-op because I was so many steps behind pre-op. I would have a great day but then take days after that to recover. Now I can go pretty much day after day without as much physical backlash. With the help of Cymbalta (20mg) at bedtime to combat the mental fogginess inherent with my diagnosed Hashi’s and what may be the additional challenge of fibromyalgia, I can push past the fog and mild depression and general anxiety and body aches to accomplish whatever is necessary in the time allotted me. I owe many OHers who suggested this particular med a great
as I now consider myself its poster child. When you need it, you need it. I waited 50 years to admit that a little med intervention might be necessary and now I wish I hadn’t waited so long. Even my endo said she was relieved that I asked for a script because of all the emotional stuff going on in my life at present.
So here I sit, my legs up, typing away. I am black and blue, pretty much from head to toe. (I have ALWAYS bruised very easily; it has NOTHING to do with being a post-op.) I took on the Herculean task of cleaning out my mother’s NYC upper east side two-bedroom apartment, pretty much single-handedly. It has been a project that has taken almost two months. This morning I handed over the keys to the eagerly awaiting landlord who was literally drooling at the thought he will now turn a $671.11 monthly rental into a $1.2 million condo. If you understand NYC rental law, enough said … If you don’t, the quick explanation is that my mom was protected as a senior citizen under NYC rental law when the apartments went condo; they couldn’t make her buy or move but if there’s a hiccup, they will do whatever they can do get her out. I could have fought but decided not to.
My mom is still alive (thank God!) but recently entered a nursing home with terminal stage Alzheimer’s. The real emotional part is that there have been so many goodbyes in this experience. She was diagnosed at age 65 (first goodbye), then when she REALLY started losing it at about age 70 (second goodbye), then into the nursing home at age 75 (third goodbye), and now dismantling her precious refuge (fourth goodbye), with one more inevitable goodbye to come “whenever.” The only blessing through all this is that she now has no clue that her apartment no longer exists as that would have been the most painful of all. My mom loved her apartment but it became impossible for us to keep her there, even with help.
Just a brief thing about eating and compulsivity … Those of you who know me know that I am very careful about what I eat, how much I eat, and when I eat. (Strict two hour rule … I wait at least two hours between meals, just to differentiate between several little meals a day and grazing.) The other day I ate one whole cup of pistachio nuts in one sitting. For me, that is FOUR PORTIONS. Then I examined what was going on. I was annoyed and anxious and the act of eating the pistachio nuts was very compulsive and ritualistic. Yes, at 18 months out, no matter how careful and controlled, it is possible. Although I’m not losing my mind about it, it just goes to show me that I am still capable of such behaviors and I consider it a warning. Our post-WLS lives should be about getting the best of food … not letting it get the best of us!
I’m very comfortable in a size 4. Although I fit in some stuff that’s a size 2, I think I’m pretty set from the waist down (i.e., I can’t get much smaller) unless I have plastic surgery – and I’m not planning on it. Some people are telling me that I’m too thin but that has a lot to do with how bony I appear from head to hip. God has been very good to me in that for an old gal, I don’t have lots of hanging skin (except batwings) … I do, however, see lots of crepey-ness from the butt down but I can live with it. (You can’t have everything, right?) I feel good, I feel strong, and even my endo – who thought I should slow down 22 lbs ago – had to admit that I’m quite fit and strong. “Just don’t come in here next time and be 110!” Even I know better than that.
Now it’s on to the next project: My daughter is eloping to Vegas in three weeks and we’re going! It’s all very exciting … and you’re welcome to attend. Click here to check out her wedding – the Torres/Schoenweiss wedding -- on 6/21/06 at 5pm (Pacific time). It will actually be viewable for two weeks, if you miss it when it’s a “live broadcast.”
Probably the next time I post, it will be all about our Vegas adventure … Life is so wonderful when you take an educated risk, do all you can, and have some good luck. I never thought I could ever be in this place again. I thought all the excitement and zest for life was a past thing. I’m so glad to tell you that there is a smile on my face and a grateful tear in my eye as I continue head-on through the rest of my journey. Some days it’s sad -- like the endless goodbyes – and other days it’s glorious … like a wedding. That’s the beauty of it all … Keep sucking air and take it all in … Go with the flow but pull back on the reins when necessary!
P.S. Morning of 6/2/06 ... 134.5 ... 21% BFI!! All the physicality of the move brought me down 4% BFI in TWO WEEKS ... I couldn't believe my eyes. So a payoff to all the "stuff" ... 1/2 lb below goal and a BFI well within normal range. God bless my DS, persistence, and the love and support of so many!
Most importantly, I’m gaining my strength back in leaps and bounds. I’m getting that endorphin rush when I put my energy and my body to task. It’s taken such a long time for me to get that area of my life back post-op because I was so many steps behind pre-op. I would have a great day but then take days after that to recover. Now I can go pretty much day after day without as much physical backlash. With the help of Cymbalta (20mg) at bedtime to combat the mental fogginess inherent with my diagnosed Hashi’s and what may be the additional challenge of fibromyalgia, I can push past the fog and mild depression and general anxiety and body aches to accomplish whatever is necessary in the time allotted me. I owe many OHers who suggested this particular med a great
as I now consider myself its poster child. When you need it, you need it. I waited 50 years to admit that a little med intervention might be necessary and now I wish I hadn’t waited so long. Even my endo said she was relieved that I asked for a script because of all the emotional stuff going on in my life at present.So here I sit, my legs up, typing away. I am black and blue, pretty much from head to toe. (I have ALWAYS bruised very easily; it has NOTHING to do with being a post-op.) I took on the Herculean task of cleaning out my mother’s NYC upper east side two-bedroom apartment, pretty much single-handedly. It has been a project that has taken almost two months. This morning I handed over the keys to the eagerly awaiting landlord who was literally drooling at the thought he will now turn a $671.11 monthly rental into a $1.2 million condo. If you understand NYC rental law, enough said … If you don’t, the quick explanation is that my mom was protected as a senior citizen under NYC rental law when the apartments went condo; they couldn’t make her buy or move but if there’s a hiccup, they will do whatever they can do get her out. I could have fought but decided not to.
My mom is still alive (thank God!) but recently entered a nursing home with terminal stage Alzheimer’s. The real emotional part is that there have been so many goodbyes in this experience. She was diagnosed at age 65 (first goodbye), then when she REALLY started losing it at about age 70 (second goodbye), then into the nursing home at age 75 (third goodbye), and now dismantling her precious refuge (fourth goodbye), with one more inevitable goodbye to come “whenever.” The only blessing through all this is that she now has no clue that her apartment no longer exists as that would have been the most painful of all. My mom loved her apartment but it became impossible for us to keep her there, even with help.
Just a brief thing about eating and compulsivity … Those of you who know me know that I am very careful about what I eat, how much I eat, and when I eat. (Strict two hour rule … I wait at least two hours between meals, just to differentiate between several little meals a day and grazing.) The other day I ate one whole cup of pistachio nuts in one sitting. For me, that is FOUR PORTIONS. Then I examined what was going on. I was annoyed and anxious and the act of eating the pistachio nuts was very compulsive and ritualistic. Yes, at 18 months out, no matter how careful and controlled, it is possible. Although I’m not losing my mind about it, it just goes to show me that I am still capable of such behaviors and I consider it a warning. Our post-WLS lives should be about getting the best of food … not letting it get the best of us!
I’m very comfortable in a size 4. Although I fit in some stuff that’s a size 2, I think I’m pretty set from the waist down (i.e., I can’t get much smaller) unless I have plastic surgery – and I’m not planning on it. Some people are telling me that I’m too thin but that has a lot to do with how bony I appear from head to hip. God has been very good to me in that for an old gal, I don’t have lots of hanging skin (except batwings) … I do, however, see lots of crepey-ness from the butt down but I can live with it. (You can’t have everything, right?) I feel good, I feel strong, and even my endo – who thought I should slow down 22 lbs ago – had to admit that I’m quite fit and strong. “Just don’t come in here next time and be 110!” Even I know better than that.
Now it’s on to the next project: My daughter is eloping to Vegas in three weeks and we’re going! It’s all very exciting … and you’re welcome to attend. Click here to check out her wedding – the Torres/Schoenweiss wedding -- on 6/21/06 at 5pm (Pacific time). It will actually be viewable for two weeks, if you miss it when it’s a “live broadcast.”
Probably the next time I post, it will be all about our Vegas adventure … Life is so wonderful when you take an educated risk, do all you can, and have some good luck. I never thought I could ever be in this place again. I thought all the excitement and zest for life was a past thing. I’m so glad to tell you that there is a smile on my face and a grateful tear in my eye as I continue head-on through the rest of my journey. Some days it’s sad -- like the endless goodbyes – and other days it’s glorious … like a wedding. That’s the beauty of it all … Keep sucking air and take it all in … Go with the flow but pull back on the reins when necessary!
P.S. Morning of 6/2/06 ... 134.5 ... 21% BFI!! All the physicality of the move brought me down 4% BFI in TWO WEEKS ... I couldn't believe my eyes. So a payoff to all the "stuff" ... 1/2 lb below goal and a BFI well within normal range. God bless my DS, persistence, and the love and support of so many!
February 21, 2006
Feb 20, 2006
I woke up this morning as I’ve woken up most mornings over the past couple of months: Groggy, bony and content. What a world of difference from fifteen months ago. I run my hands across my body and feel “flat” instead of “fat.” My hipbones and ribs are easily detectable by hand and eye. I appear to the world as thin.
It was interesting being an early post-op. The weight simply dropped off for the first three months. I opted right out of the gate to steer clear of the soft carby comfort foods and lost 75 lbs in what seemed to be the blink of an eye. Many consider having surgery as taking “the easy way out.” The truth is that ease of loss was counterbalanced by the fact that the first few months post-op are very, very uncomfortable. At least they were for me. It was easier to lose weight especially because eating is not really fun or creative at that stage and recuperating was a slow and winding nauseas road. The weight loss was a tradeoff for the discomfort.
The hard work began after the first three months. I was determined to lose every pound I could and hit several stalls … most notably at months 8-9 and 11-12. Not one to take “no” for an answer, I fought the stalls and won. This took painstaking concentration on what (and how much) I was eating and how it affected my body. But every time I look at the scar from my open duodenal switch, I know what I did to myself so that the rest of my life could be healthy and fit. In a strange way, it centers me and keeps me almost anal-retentively focused on eating foods that nourish me and my altered physiology to the max.
Today -- fifteen months and two days after surgery -- I slipped into a pair of SIZE 4 Old Navy stretch bootcut low waist jeans and wore them to the mall. Although I want to scream “SIZE 4” from mountaintops, the reality is that the 1% of spandex in those suckers stretch comfortably around my curves in all the right places. Actually, I am more of a 6-8. But I won’t deny that wearing a SIZE 4 is mind-blowing – especially at 5’7”. Then I got on the scale. 149. I’m 149 lbs. I watched my Tanita scale flash between 149 and 30, the latter being my Body Fat Index Percentage.
In November 2004 I was 321 lbs with a 52% BFI and 51.8 BMI. This means I have lost 172 lbs, 28.5 BMI points, and 22% of my body fat to date.
I am grateful beyond words. But weight loss surgery is a crap shoot. I have seen many do well, some fail, and some have died. There is often no rhyme or reason … a 30 y/o woman with a BMI of 40 may die on the operating table while a 45 y/o with a BMI of 70 gets off the table and never looks back. Even my surgeon says “You’re only as good as your last surgery.”
This was a last resort for me; I truly believe I had no choice. It has already been more than I’d hoped. My relationships have improved, my stamina has increased, I remain hopeful and happy. I’ve still got a ways to go for optimal health and that is something I will need to refine with my endocrinologist.
It is not easy to let go of the fears that the weight will eventually pile back on. Having lost 100 or more pounds four times in my life only to regain everything and more is very daunting but I believe I have a great advantage now with the surgery. Thanks to the internet and many extraordinarily helpful board members, I have learned more about nutrition in the past couple of years than I had in the previous 48. Anything can happen at any point in time but I feel with a great deal of certainty that I’m now equipped with enough knowledge, resources and tools to be a long-term success story.
But you know what? In the grand scheme of things, it means little. See … In our little world, the weight loss surgery thing is EVERYthing. But when I walk out the door and encounter strangers, the only difference it makes in my life is that I’m not prejudged because I’m fat. At times I get a “Who does she think she is?” glance from those who may not feel very good about themselves at the time … men are a bit more gracious and flirtatious … but the reality is I’ve only leveled the playing field. I now appear to the outside world to be a thin person … not better, not smarter, not richer … just “normal.”
I guess what I’m trying to say is that although there’s an ebb and flow and rush to this weight loss thing, it’s important to keep things in perspective. I learned a long time ago that what my family told me as a fat child was wrong, wrong, wrong: Losing weight DOES NOT make your life perfect. I believed that when they told me and I was so disappointed the first time I became thin and my life was far from perfect. Being thin simply makes your life less difficult. Overall, you do feel – and look -- a lot better but “perfection?” … That’s a whole ‘nother thing entirely.
Take it all a day at a time. Breathe life in and exhale the bad. Greet the day with love and hope in your heart. Pet the furbaby and take some time to smile. If today was the last day you had on this earth, try your best to have few regrets as you draw your last breath.
When I look at what I’ve written here, it seems like I’m bummed or disappointed in some way. Make no mistakes … I AM happy … I AM grateful … I AM comfortable in my skin (and my size 4 jeans) … I just need to center myself every once in a while and come to grips with the fact that I am not the center of the universe and while some may be impressed with my weight loss and who I am, it’s not the end-all and be-all. I am just one individual in the world and what I bring to it is not always about what size I am.
It was interesting being an early post-op. The weight simply dropped off for the first three months. I opted right out of the gate to steer clear of the soft carby comfort foods and lost 75 lbs in what seemed to be the blink of an eye. Many consider having surgery as taking “the easy way out.” The truth is that ease of loss was counterbalanced by the fact that the first few months post-op are very, very uncomfortable. At least they were for me. It was easier to lose weight especially because eating is not really fun or creative at that stage and recuperating was a slow and winding nauseas road. The weight loss was a tradeoff for the discomfort.
The hard work began after the first three months. I was determined to lose every pound I could and hit several stalls … most notably at months 8-9 and 11-12. Not one to take “no” for an answer, I fought the stalls and won. This took painstaking concentration on what (and how much) I was eating and how it affected my body. But every time I look at the scar from my open duodenal switch, I know what I did to myself so that the rest of my life could be healthy and fit. In a strange way, it centers me and keeps me almost anal-retentively focused on eating foods that nourish me and my altered physiology to the max.
Today -- fifteen months and two days after surgery -- I slipped into a pair of SIZE 4 Old Navy stretch bootcut low waist jeans and wore them to the mall. Although I want to scream “SIZE 4” from mountaintops, the reality is that the 1% of spandex in those suckers stretch comfortably around my curves in all the right places. Actually, I am more of a 6-8. But I won’t deny that wearing a SIZE 4 is mind-blowing – especially at 5’7”. Then I got on the scale. 149. I’m 149 lbs. I watched my Tanita scale flash between 149 and 30, the latter being my Body Fat Index Percentage.
In November 2004 I was 321 lbs with a 52% BFI and 51.8 BMI. This means I have lost 172 lbs, 28.5 BMI points, and 22% of my body fat to date.
I am grateful beyond words. But weight loss surgery is a crap shoot. I have seen many do well, some fail, and some have died. There is often no rhyme or reason … a 30 y/o woman with a BMI of 40 may die on the operating table while a 45 y/o with a BMI of 70 gets off the table and never looks back. Even my surgeon says “You’re only as good as your last surgery.”
This was a last resort for me; I truly believe I had no choice. It has already been more than I’d hoped. My relationships have improved, my stamina has increased, I remain hopeful and happy. I’ve still got a ways to go for optimal health and that is something I will need to refine with my endocrinologist.
It is not easy to let go of the fears that the weight will eventually pile back on. Having lost 100 or more pounds four times in my life only to regain everything and more is very daunting but I believe I have a great advantage now with the surgery. Thanks to the internet and many extraordinarily helpful board members, I have learned more about nutrition in the past couple of years than I had in the previous 48. Anything can happen at any point in time but I feel with a great deal of certainty that I’m now equipped with enough knowledge, resources and tools to be a long-term success story.
But you know what? In the grand scheme of things, it means little. See … In our little world, the weight loss surgery thing is EVERYthing. But when I walk out the door and encounter strangers, the only difference it makes in my life is that I’m not prejudged because I’m fat. At times I get a “Who does she think she is?” glance from those who may not feel very good about themselves at the time … men are a bit more gracious and flirtatious … but the reality is I’ve only leveled the playing field. I now appear to the outside world to be a thin person … not better, not smarter, not richer … just “normal.”
I guess what I’m trying to say is that although there’s an ebb and flow and rush to this weight loss thing, it’s important to keep things in perspective. I learned a long time ago that what my family told me as a fat child was wrong, wrong, wrong: Losing weight DOES NOT make your life perfect. I believed that when they told me and I was so disappointed the first time I became thin and my life was far from perfect. Being thin simply makes your life less difficult. Overall, you do feel – and look -- a lot better but “perfection?” … That’s a whole ‘nother thing entirely.
Take it all a day at a time. Breathe life in and exhale the bad. Greet the day with love and hope in your heart. Pet the furbaby and take some time to smile. If today was the last day you had on this earth, try your best to have few regrets as you draw your last breath.
When I look at what I’ve written here, it seems like I’m bummed or disappointed in some way. Make no mistakes … I AM happy … I AM grateful … I AM comfortable in my skin (and my size 4 jeans) … I just need to center myself every once in a while and come to grips with the fact that I am not the center of the universe and while some may be impressed with my weight loss and who I am, it’s not the end-all and be-all. I am just one individual in the world and what I bring to it is not always about what size I am.
December 27, 2005
Dec 26, 2005
The best holiday gift I can give to my fellow OHers is the benefit of lessons I have learned throughout my journey in the hopes that what I have discovered will be useful to you. So the following is neither a condemnation nor a pontification. It is simply “about me.”
Those of you who know me are aware that I eat ultra low carb (less than 30g net per day), am fastidious about my food plan, eat 4-5x a day to keep my very shaky metabolism at maximum effectiveness, take all my vits/mins religiously, get in at least 64 oz of non-caffeinated/low-cal liquids, *usually* drink only one cup of coffee a day, and weigh only once a month. I very rarely deviate from these parameters.
For the most part – despite a thyroid-induced autoimmune disease (non-hypothyroid Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis) and severe loss of muscle mass, energy, and stamina PRE-OP – I have had a successful journey in more ways than I can count, especially weight loss. I attribute this to my surgeon, listening carefully to successful post-ops via OH, research, and my own desire to succeed in this journey at all costs.
Thanks to people like Dame Tooter and resulting research, I had been warned that, with my shaky thyroid situation, soy products were not really a great way for me to go. So I had been extremely careful and selective with them. However, as time went on, my 3x a week rule of having a product with soy protein or soy flour increased – especially as I used them to avoid their carb-loaded counterparts. I thought I had it “handled” and all was fine.
By month 10 post-op, I averaged soy products at about 5x a week (especially after soy avoidance brought me to Power Crunch Bars in month 9 and they didn’t prove to be a reasonable alternative for me). One of the biggest culprits that I can now pinpoint is my beloved EAS Myoplex Carb Sense Protein Bars. Even with only five bars in one week, my weight loss slowed way way down from months 11 to 12.5 and I could feel my body become less effective. I only lost 1 lb in about 8 weeks.
Then I thought about it. Yes, I look “normal enough” to let my loss slow down and not be concerned (size 10) but (a) I’m not officially out of the overweight category (27.3 BMI); (b) I may be tall (5’7”) but I’m very small-framed (size 5-1/2 ring); and (c) I do not have a lot of heavy hanging skin (my apron only hangs at most about 1” – although I admit to a distinct amount of crepey-ness in the butt, thighs and legs). So I am not ready to call it a day.
I decided to attack my food plan and become even more rigid. I would not eat less frequently because my metabolism *needs* several small meals a day with as much protein as I can handle (at least 100g a day). I see the “plateau buster” posted on the boards all the time but I needed something even more radical. So I decided to take Atkins in its truest sense … like I did in the 70s, before the marketing, before all the “net carb BS” and specialty products. I ate only meat and cheese and eggs. Nothing else. No processed foods or shakes or fillers of any kind, only Carb Countdown or Half & Half with Splenda in my morning coffee, and certainly no protein bars or ANYTHING with soy or sugar alcohols. My weigh-in day came after I had been doing this for ten days and I lost over 5 lbs. I am now a size 8 and my BMI is 26.3. Yes, you can knock down the barriers that keep you from goal. It’s a matter of how badly you want it.
This is not to say I am not human. I had purposely kept my eyes wide open about the holidays, acknowledging my triggers but giving myself license to be “normal.” NORMAL … as in n-o-r-m-a-l … not “normal” as in what I once THOUGHT “normal” was (i.e., “normal people” eat whatever they like without gaining weight) … but doing what most “normal” people do … eat a slice of cake and be satisfied, not let head hunger or issues drive them to binge. So after enjoying a perfectly “legal” seafood supper, I tested my ability to pursue dessert: I ate ONE honey drop sandwich cookie and ½ of a strawberry, both of them drizzled in chocolate fondue (regular, not SF) and had a ¼” deep 4” square slice of the richest ice cream cake imaginable. The earth did not cave in and I went about my business.
On Christmas Day, I stayed true-to-form for my low carb ways until my sister gave me a huge platter of homemade cookies and chocolates, not taking “no” for an answer. I decided re-gifting was a good idea in this instance and turned it into three dishes – one for my neighbor, one for my landlord, and a tin for DH (to hide, of course!). As I arranged the cookies, I nibbled about 4 cookies in all. I started to feel compulsive. I further understood why I OPT for sugar-free at all costs (don’t dump as I am a DSer). I couldn’t get those goodies out of my sight fast enough; the addictive draw of the sugar was as sure as alcohol is to the alcoholic.
So with all this rambling, what am I giving you that you can use?
(a) IMHO, if you have real thyroid issues, “don’t toy with soy.” It’s almost as if they built up in my system over time. Once I detoxed off the soy products, my energy levels really started to soar again.
(b) Know your triggers. If certain foods are too tempting for you to be around, separate yourself from them in any way you can. You ARE stronger than the food. You ARE if you WANT to be.
(c) You CAN break the stalls and plateaus and barriers. How badly do you want it?
(d) Don’t EVER forget where you came from -OR- how far you’ve come … BUT remember, you never really do graduate. From the moment we are born until the last day we draw breath, we are a “work in progress.”
(e) Be sure to remember the desperation that led you to the surgeon’s door. Every single one of us CAN and WILL regain if we get careless or complacent. For me, my regains (pre-op) have ALWAYS been about ignoring the fact that 10 got me 20 got me 30 … until I was again brought to my knees by being well over 100 lbs overweight. I didn’t have this surgery to ever end up there again. Did you?
God bless and good luck to all of my OH pals. May every day bring you closer to realizing your wildest dreams.
Those of you who know me are aware that I eat ultra low carb (less than 30g net per day), am fastidious about my food plan, eat 4-5x a day to keep my very shaky metabolism at maximum effectiveness, take all my vits/mins religiously, get in at least 64 oz of non-caffeinated/low-cal liquids, *usually* drink only one cup of coffee a day, and weigh only once a month. I very rarely deviate from these parameters.
For the most part – despite a thyroid-induced autoimmune disease (non-hypothyroid Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis) and severe loss of muscle mass, energy, and stamina PRE-OP – I have had a successful journey in more ways than I can count, especially weight loss. I attribute this to my surgeon, listening carefully to successful post-ops via OH, research, and my own desire to succeed in this journey at all costs.
Thanks to people like Dame Tooter and resulting research, I had been warned that, with my shaky thyroid situation, soy products were not really a great way for me to go. So I had been extremely careful and selective with them. However, as time went on, my 3x a week rule of having a product with soy protein or soy flour increased – especially as I used them to avoid their carb-loaded counterparts. I thought I had it “handled” and all was fine.
By month 10 post-op, I averaged soy products at about 5x a week (especially after soy avoidance brought me to Power Crunch Bars in month 9 and they didn’t prove to be a reasonable alternative for me). One of the biggest culprits that I can now pinpoint is my beloved EAS Myoplex Carb Sense Protein Bars. Even with only five bars in one week, my weight loss slowed way way down from months 11 to 12.5 and I could feel my body become less effective. I only lost 1 lb in about 8 weeks.
Then I thought about it. Yes, I look “normal enough” to let my loss slow down and not be concerned (size 10) but (a) I’m not officially out of the overweight category (27.3 BMI); (b) I may be tall (5’7”) but I’m very small-framed (size 5-1/2 ring); and (c) I do not have a lot of heavy hanging skin (my apron only hangs at most about 1” – although I admit to a distinct amount of crepey-ness in the butt, thighs and legs). So I am not ready to call it a day.
I decided to attack my food plan and become even more rigid. I would not eat less frequently because my metabolism *needs* several small meals a day with as much protein as I can handle (at least 100g a day). I see the “plateau buster” posted on the boards all the time but I needed something even more radical. So I decided to take Atkins in its truest sense … like I did in the 70s, before the marketing, before all the “net carb BS” and specialty products. I ate only meat and cheese and eggs. Nothing else. No processed foods or shakes or fillers of any kind, only Carb Countdown or Half & Half with Splenda in my morning coffee, and certainly no protein bars or ANYTHING with soy or sugar alcohols. My weigh-in day came after I had been doing this for ten days and I lost over 5 lbs. I am now a size 8 and my BMI is 26.3. Yes, you can knock down the barriers that keep you from goal. It’s a matter of how badly you want it.
This is not to say I am not human. I had purposely kept my eyes wide open about the holidays, acknowledging my triggers but giving myself license to be “normal.” NORMAL … as in n-o-r-m-a-l … not “normal” as in what I once THOUGHT “normal” was (i.e., “normal people” eat whatever they like without gaining weight) … but doing what most “normal” people do … eat a slice of cake and be satisfied, not let head hunger or issues drive them to binge. So after enjoying a perfectly “legal” seafood supper, I tested my ability to pursue dessert: I ate ONE honey drop sandwich cookie and ½ of a strawberry, both of them drizzled in chocolate fondue (regular, not SF) and had a ¼” deep 4” square slice of the richest ice cream cake imaginable. The earth did not cave in and I went about my business.
On Christmas Day, I stayed true-to-form for my low carb ways until my sister gave me a huge platter of homemade cookies and chocolates, not taking “no” for an answer. I decided re-gifting was a good idea in this instance and turned it into three dishes – one for my neighbor, one for my landlord, and a tin for DH (to hide, of course!). As I arranged the cookies, I nibbled about 4 cookies in all. I started to feel compulsive. I further understood why I OPT for sugar-free at all costs (don’t dump as I am a DSer). I couldn’t get those goodies out of my sight fast enough; the addictive draw of the sugar was as sure as alcohol is to the alcoholic.
So with all this rambling, what am I giving you that you can use?
(a) IMHO, if you have real thyroid issues, “don’t toy with soy.” It’s almost as if they built up in my system over time. Once I detoxed off the soy products, my energy levels really started to soar again.
(b) Know your triggers. If certain foods are too tempting for you to be around, separate yourself from them in any way you can. You ARE stronger than the food. You ARE if you WANT to be.
(c) You CAN break the stalls and plateaus and barriers. How badly do you want it?
(d) Don’t EVER forget where you came from -OR- how far you’ve come … BUT remember, you never really do graduate. From the moment we are born until the last day we draw breath, we are a “work in progress.”
(e) Be sure to remember the desperation that led you to the surgeon’s door. Every single one of us CAN and WILL regain if we get careless or complacent. For me, my regains (pre-op) have ALWAYS been about ignoring the fact that 10 got me 20 got me 30 … until I was again brought to my knees by being well over 100 lbs overweight. I didn’t have this surgery to ever end up there again. Did you?
God bless and good luck to all of my OH pals. May every day bring you closer to realizing your wildest dreams.
November 27, 2005
Nov 26, 2005
As many of you know, last Saturday (11/19) was my one-year DS anniversary. To say this has been a year of miracles would be a gross understatement.
First, the somewhat-disappointing news: I have hit another stall. Only 1 lb lost from October to November. I was hoping to be at least 5 lbs down to firmly drop into the 150+ lbs out in one-year category (okay, so it was “only” 147½). It is the first milestone I set for myself that didn’t happen. It’s something I’m dealing with and have had a few insights along the way. More on this later.
However, I prefer to dwell on the overwhelming positives because God knows, there are so many. Here’s one particularly exciting “then and now” comparison:
- Nov 2004: I was thisclose to needing a wheelchair. It wasn’t just the weight. I had no stamina or energy whatsoever due to non-hypothyroid Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis and extreme loss of muscle mass. My mind was often cloudy (a common Hashi’s symptom) and I had developed a continuing fear/discomfort about being out in the world and encountering stressful situations, as it contributed negatively to my overall health. I had become a shut-in and was constantly fighting the urge to give in to depression.
- Nov 2005: I spent the evening of my 1st DS anniversary by going out to dinner with friends. We drove into the city and dropped the car off at DH’s garage, jumped onto the subway and walked thru Times Square to the restaurant. When we got there, I had to pee. There was a bathroom feet away but someone walked in there seconds before I reached the door. There was a sign that said there were more bathrooms downstairs. Last year, I would have waited for the same-level bathroom to become available because one flight of stairs to climb might as well have been Mt Olympus … but this year, it was no problem going up and down stairs. I don’t even think about it anymore.
- Nov 2005 (Part Deux): Yesterday (11/26), DH and I went into the city at 2pm and ended up hopping THREE subway trains to Madison Square Garden. We shopped along 34th Street, stopped for dinner, and then enjoyed an NHL-record-breaking Ranger game. Afterward, we walked about ½ mile, jumped in a cab, picked up the car, and stopped at the supermarket for a 90-minute midnight grocery shop. We didn’t get to bed until after 2am. A year ago I couldn’t have done in a week what I did in 12 hours yesterday … and it is my TOM. (I tell you this specifically because my periods are horrendous and very weakening, often leaving me nearly-bedridden for at least one day; it is another byproduct of the Hashi’s.) But somehow I got past it all to enjoy my city.
DH was always supportive about me having this surgery but he had serious doubts as to whether or not it would be all we’d hoped for – especially because of my preexisting medical condition. Even I can’t put into words the look in his eyes a year later … a God-given, grateful, mind-blowing year of comparatively little complications and so many blessings.
Now back to the stall. Here are some of my discoveries:
I’ve realized when analyzing my past weight losses that the 25-lb increments between 140 and 200 lbs are usually harder for me to break through. That is, if you remember, I stalled around the 200-lb mark and only lost 1 lb the following month. Now it’s the 175-lb mark. Once I get past this, it is likely I will be singing the blues at 150 lbs as well. Although I fear my window has slammed shut and this is “the end” (and I COULD live with this but would prefer to “keep going”), I know realistically it is highly unlikely since I’m still very careful about what I eat (e.g., daily my carbs are historically well under 50g net and calories under 1600). I am finding a way to consistently integrate moderate exercise into the mix nonetheless, since the time has come, it is a far easier nut to crack strength-wise than it had been, and it can only help move things along.
BTW … Just in case you didn’t know: I am every bit as neurotic and desperate as everyone else. So many of you lovelies whom I adore think I’ve got things “handled.” Well, I don’t. I can’t even begin to detail for you how paranoid I am that I will wake up fat again and regain my lost weight. This is particularly true for me because it is my pattern. I obsess about it on a continuous reel in my head, trying not to voice it too much out loud. It will be years before I believe this DS has thoroughly worked for me, even though it clearly has.
For example, the thinner I get, the more obvious things like period bloating are to me. DH suggested I wear my “size-up” jeans if I’m that uncomfortable and I nearly bit his head off. Boy, did his timing suck! How could someone who is so enlightened not realize the kiss of death that suggestion would be at such a “delicate time of the month?” :lol: Mind you, it’s not that he thought I looked bigger, he was just responding to me saying how uncomfortable I felt!
Now that I’ve filled you in on me, what can I leave you with that YOU can use? This is always what concerns me most as I love to give … it’s the least I can do for all you’ve given me.
(a) Yes Virginia, the DS is a miracle. However, the more you embrace the miracle, the more it will embrace you. In other words, find a food plan and go with it; some structure never hurts.
(b) There are NO absolutes (dammit). And believe me, I’ve been searching for them – for you and for me. But there are some “just about definites.” For example …
… Protein first, of course. NO EXCUSES, NO EXCEPTIONS.
… As soon as humanly possible, get your vitamins and supplements in and continue to take them WITHOUT FAIL. Stay proactive with your bloods and results. Research and ask questions whenever possible so that your doctor’s protocol does not become reactive versus proactive.
… You MUST eat to lose weight. Starving yourself will NEVER work and will only serve to slow down your metabolism. Several small meals spaced at least two hours apart (and yes, to me a protein drink IS a meal in this case) keeps your metabolism clicking.
… Be really really honest with yourself – especially when it comes to what and how much you eat. A lot of us developed our weight issues hand-in-hand with darkness, disappointments, and levels of dishonesty. Part of the transformation we hope for when having weight loss surgery is understanding ourselves and our triggers as well as confronting our demons and being willing to change. Clearly, what we were before wasn’t working on one or more levels. If we weren’t interested in correcting this, why take the drastic steps that we have?
… Low carb will get you further than not watching your carbs at all. Sugar-free sweets are much better now than ever before (Barton’s and Whitman’s have the absolute best sugar-free chocolates that keep you from craving endless quantities but quell that “gotta have a sweet” urge).
… A half-cup of no sugar or no sugar added ice cream is just as good as two cups (after the first portion your mouth starts to freeze out the taste anyway).
… Stay hydrated with few caffeinated or carbonated drinks. Caffeine can work the opposite and DEhydrate and I find that – at least for me – aspartame-laden carbonated drinks DO stimulate the appetite. I broke the habit after forty years of drinking diet soda and have not looked back since. I don’t miss it one bit.
… Most importantly … lighten up and love yourself. It’s okay to hate the fat but love yourself. If you don’t, you’ll find it difficult to keep doing good things for yourself. Know that you’re the best person you can be one day at a time. It will affect everything you do and everyone you know. So many people with whom I’ve had “difficult relationships” have now been my staunchest supporters and grudges or issues I’ve harbored in the past seem ridiculous to me now.
… Keep smiling, think positively, and know that you’ve always got a pal in me.
First, the somewhat-disappointing news: I have hit another stall. Only 1 lb lost from October to November. I was hoping to be at least 5 lbs down to firmly drop into the 150+ lbs out in one-year category (okay, so it was “only” 147½). It is the first milestone I set for myself that didn’t happen. It’s something I’m dealing with and have had a few insights along the way. More on this later.
However, I prefer to dwell on the overwhelming positives because God knows, there are so many. Here’s one particularly exciting “then and now” comparison:
- Nov 2004: I was thisclose to needing a wheelchair. It wasn’t just the weight. I had no stamina or energy whatsoever due to non-hypothyroid Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis and extreme loss of muscle mass. My mind was often cloudy (a common Hashi’s symptom) and I had developed a continuing fear/discomfort about being out in the world and encountering stressful situations, as it contributed negatively to my overall health. I had become a shut-in and was constantly fighting the urge to give in to depression.
- Nov 2005: I spent the evening of my 1st DS anniversary by going out to dinner with friends. We drove into the city and dropped the car off at DH’s garage, jumped onto the subway and walked thru Times Square to the restaurant. When we got there, I had to pee. There was a bathroom feet away but someone walked in there seconds before I reached the door. There was a sign that said there were more bathrooms downstairs. Last year, I would have waited for the same-level bathroom to become available because one flight of stairs to climb might as well have been Mt Olympus … but this year, it was no problem going up and down stairs. I don’t even think about it anymore.
- Nov 2005 (Part Deux): Yesterday (11/26), DH and I went into the city at 2pm and ended up hopping THREE subway trains to Madison Square Garden. We shopped along 34th Street, stopped for dinner, and then enjoyed an NHL-record-breaking Ranger game. Afterward, we walked about ½ mile, jumped in a cab, picked up the car, and stopped at the supermarket for a 90-minute midnight grocery shop. We didn’t get to bed until after 2am. A year ago I couldn’t have done in a week what I did in 12 hours yesterday … and it is my TOM. (I tell you this specifically because my periods are horrendous and very weakening, often leaving me nearly-bedridden for at least one day; it is another byproduct of the Hashi’s.) But somehow I got past it all to enjoy my city.
DH was always supportive about me having this surgery but he had serious doubts as to whether or not it would be all we’d hoped for – especially because of my preexisting medical condition. Even I can’t put into words the look in his eyes a year later … a God-given, grateful, mind-blowing year of comparatively little complications and so many blessings.
Now back to the stall. Here are some of my discoveries:
I’ve realized when analyzing my past weight losses that the 25-lb increments between 140 and 200 lbs are usually harder for me to break through. That is, if you remember, I stalled around the 200-lb mark and only lost 1 lb the following month. Now it’s the 175-lb mark. Once I get past this, it is likely I will be singing the blues at 150 lbs as well. Although I fear my window has slammed shut and this is “the end” (and I COULD live with this but would prefer to “keep going”), I know realistically it is highly unlikely since I’m still very careful about what I eat (e.g., daily my carbs are historically well under 50g net and calories under 1600). I am finding a way to consistently integrate moderate exercise into the mix nonetheless, since the time has come, it is a far easier nut to crack strength-wise than it had been, and it can only help move things along.
BTW … Just in case you didn’t know: I am every bit as neurotic and desperate as everyone else. So many of you lovelies whom I adore think I’ve got things “handled.” Well, I don’t. I can’t even begin to detail for you how paranoid I am that I will wake up fat again and regain my lost weight. This is particularly true for me because it is my pattern. I obsess about it on a continuous reel in my head, trying not to voice it too much out loud. It will be years before I believe this DS has thoroughly worked for me, even though it clearly has.
For example, the thinner I get, the more obvious things like period bloating are to me. DH suggested I wear my “size-up” jeans if I’m that uncomfortable and I nearly bit his head off. Boy, did his timing suck! How could someone who is so enlightened not realize the kiss of death that suggestion would be at such a “delicate time of the month?” :lol: Mind you, it’s not that he thought I looked bigger, he was just responding to me saying how uncomfortable I felt!
Now that I’ve filled you in on me, what can I leave you with that YOU can use? This is always what concerns me most as I love to give … it’s the least I can do for all you’ve given me.
(a) Yes Virginia, the DS is a miracle. However, the more you embrace the miracle, the more it will embrace you. In other words, find a food plan and go with it; some structure never hurts.
(b) There are NO absolutes (dammit). And believe me, I’ve been searching for them – for you and for me. But there are some “just about definites.” For example …
… Protein first, of course. NO EXCUSES, NO EXCEPTIONS.
… As soon as humanly possible, get your vitamins and supplements in and continue to take them WITHOUT FAIL. Stay proactive with your bloods and results. Research and ask questions whenever possible so that your doctor’s protocol does not become reactive versus proactive.
… You MUST eat to lose weight. Starving yourself will NEVER work and will only serve to slow down your metabolism. Several small meals spaced at least two hours apart (and yes, to me a protein drink IS a meal in this case) keeps your metabolism clicking.
… Be really really honest with yourself – especially when it comes to what and how much you eat. A lot of us developed our weight issues hand-in-hand with darkness, disappointments, and levels of dishonesty. Part of the transformation we hope for when having weight loss surgery is understanding ourselves and our triggers as well as confronting our demons and being willing to change. Clearly, what we were before wasn’t working on one or more levels. If we weren’t interested in correcting this, why take the drastic steps that we have?
… Low carb will get you further than not watching your carbs at all. Sugar-free sweets are much better now than ever before (Barton’s and Whitman’s have the absolute best sugar-free chocolates that keep you from craving endless quantities but quell that “gotta have a sweet” urge).
… A half-cup of no sugar or no sugar added ice cream is just as good as two cups (after the first portion your mouth starts to freeze out the taste anyway).
… Stay hydrated with few caffeinated or carbonated drinks. Caffeine can work the opposite and DEhydrate and I find that – at least for me – aspartame-laden carbonated drinks DO stimulate the appetite. I broke the habit after forty years of drinking diet soda and have not looked back since. I don’t miss it one bit.
… Most importantly … lighten up and love yourself. It’s okay to hate the fat but love yourself. If you don’t, you’ll find it difficult to keep doing good things for yourself. Know that you’re the best person you can be one day at a time. It will affect everything you do and everyone you know. So many people with whom I’ve had “difficult relationships” have now been my staunchest supporters and grudges or issues I’ve harbored in the past seem ridiculous to me now.
… Keep smiling, think positively, and know that you’ve always got a pal in me.
10/18/05: Post-Cruise Details
Oct 17, 2005
So here I am, 18 days after I last frequented the boards. Through the grace of God, I feel REALLY alive, grateful, and stronger than I’d hoped to be – especially a year ago.
First, the cruising experience …
We took a 7-day cruise from NYC to Boston, Portland (ME), Sydney and Halifax (Nova Scotia, Canada) on the Carnival Triumph. To be sure I had protein at will, I filled an old-fashioned American Tourister cosmetic case with all my vitamins and calcium, four portions of IDS Vanilla Cinnamon Protein Powder (to mix with tepid coffee when convenient), four portions of Vanilla Pineapple Protein Powder mixed with a tub of Crystal Light Orange Sunrise that would easily mix with water (I sifted out the pineapple bits), a pouch of Wolverines (jerky-like turkey, available on the web and at most GNCs), a pouch of Armour Steakhouse Tenders (also jerky-like but softer), and six EAS Myoplex Carb Sense protein bars in three different flavors. By the end of the cruise, I’d ingested only half of everything except for the Wolverines and Tenders … I never even touched them.
First, the general daily eating experience on our Carnival cruise (yknow I documented every bite I ate
):
…For early breakfast every morning (around 7:30am), we had room service. Each day I ordered lox and cream cheese that I ate along with my morning coffee.
…About 9:30-10am, we ventured outside our balcony stateroom and either went into the dining room or to one of the breakfast buffets. I would eat about ½ of a ham and cheese omelet (always cooked “soft” as “hard eggs” have not really worked for me since surgery).
…Sometime around 1pm, I would go to Carnival’s 24-hour pizzeria and get a Chicken Caesar Salad that was really really good – and a perfect portion for this almost-one-year-out babe.
…Sometime around 4-5pm, I would go to one of the other ship’s eateries – like the NY Deli or “Coney Island” and have a Reuben sandwich (minus the bread) or a cheeseburger (ditto).
…Dinner for us was 8pm, and they had a low carb menu from which I would usually eat only the entrée (well under 10 grams of carb if I ate the whole dish – including veggies – which I couldn’t). I ate things like Carnival Spa chicken (chicken breast stuffed with spinach and ricotta), steak, duck, jerk pork, and Beef Wellington (yes, including the crust)! The portions were made for WLSers size-wise and for the heartier eaters (like DH), the option to order two entrees was no problem. But in eating the three course meals, the normies usually seemed quite full. One of the nights I managed an appetizer as well (it was barely a bite … honest … LOL), and on another night I also had lobster bisque. Let’s just say – due to satiation and sea air -- we never made it to the midnight buffet!
Sugar-free desserts were offered on the menu every night but I never ordered them. I felt “just right” eating the way I did. However, I ate a tablespoon of dessert from DH three of the nights (one night it was tiramisu, another was Baked Alaska, and on our anniversary, we were serenaded by waiters who brought us chocolate cheesecake from which I took a bite).
We were located at the rear of the ship, so there was a lot of walking and stair climbing necessary to get around the ship (of course you can take elevators but I often opted not to). The length of the ship is estimated to be ¼ of a mile in itself! I felt strong and empowered and “very normal.” My body really seemed to melt that week (especially because regular exercise had been the most difficult horizon to conquer during my journey thus far). I left as a size 12 and returned as a size 10. Two of the days we were on land (in Boston and Halifax) we walked about three miles in each of the cities. We were in bed by 11pm most nights and slept right thru until the pre-arranged room service breakfast arrived.
I have to say, in our particular case, there were many many healthy food choices that were completely suitable – if not tailored – to the needs of WLSers. (They even had low carb rolls if one decided to “indulge.”) Do not fear the ship trip!
Much to my delight, DH had arranged for a second week off. Our return to NYC was wet and damp and chilly (and so was the rest of that week), so we reclaimed Kitty from her caretaker and chilled further, recuperating from our relaxing cruise … isn’t that funny? … but it’s true!!
So we coasted through last week for the most part until Sunday the 16th, when we went into NJ to see Queen with Paul Rodgers (formerly of Bad Company) as lead singer. Because the news station where I last worked – I quit in June 2003 because my health was so bad -- is like a mile away from the arena and has some great outlet store shopping in the area, we decided to stay overnight. I visited people who saw me leave as an “on my last legs” 300-pounder (and – unbeknownst to most of them – I got much worse before I finally had my surgery) but yesterday I walked in feeling good in every way – and projecting it … It was a good experience and I got the strongest support from some of the people I least expected. Then I found a store selling real, honest-to-goodness SUEDE jackets for $19.99 each. I bought two in different colors, of course! What a great day!
The funniest thing about the concert is that the last time I’d been in that arena (over two years ago), I nearly passed out because our seats were up so high in the section that I literally was a second away from calling paramedics. I was looking forward to tackling that challenge as a healthier me. Wouldn’t you know it? Our seats were now two rows DOWN from where we entered! Gotta love it, huh?
Anyway … Regardless of how successful you are or feel at this point in time, realize progress for what it is. Rejoice in the life and opportunities you have or that lay ahead.
So many things have come to me in due time … I greet each day with such gratitude that tears well in my eyes. This mermaid has seen more changes and had more lives than her kitty will ever know … I have reinvented myself more times than Madonna … On Friday, I turn 50 … and while a lot of emotional “stuff” goes with the number … I’ve never felt more hopeful and grateful and powerful.
As long as we’re sucking air, my lovelies, hope springs eternal … and life is the golden ring ready for us to take the ride and grab it … Don’t hesitate … You haven’t got a damned thing to lose!
I love you all without reservation … The journey isn't always easy but it sure doesn't have to be as difficult as you think it needs to be!
Check out highlights from our cruise:
First, the cruising experience …
We took a 7-day cruise from NYC to Boston, Portland (ME), Sydney and Halifax (Nova Scotia, Canada) on the Carnival Triumph. To be sure I had protein at will, I filled an old-fashioned American Tourister cosmetic case with all my vitamins and calcium, four portions of IDS Vanilla Cinnamon Protein Powder (to mix with tepid coffee when convenient), four portions of Vanilla Pineapple Protein Powder mixed with a tub of Crystal Light Orange Sunrise that would easily mix with water (I sifted out the pineapple bits), a pouch of Wolverines (jerky-like turkey, available on the web and at most GNCs), a pouch of Armour Steakhouse Tenders (also jerky-like but softer), and six EAS Myoplex Carb Sense protein bars in three different flavors. By the end of the cruise, I’d ingested only half of everything except for the Wolverines and Tenders … I never even touched them.
First, the general daily eating experience on our Carnival cruise (yknow I documented every bite I ate
):…For early breakfast every morning (around 7:30am), we had room service. Each day I ordered lox and cream cheese that I ate along with my morning coffee.
…About 9:30-10am, we ventured outside our balcony stateroom and either went into the dining room or to one of the breakfast buffets. I would eat about ½ of a ham and cheese omelet (always cooked “soft” as “hard eggs” have not really worked for me since surgery).
…Sometime around 1pm, I would go to Carnival’s 24-hour pizzeria and get a Chicken Caesar Salad that was really really good – and a perfect portion for this almost-one-year-out babe.
…Sometime around 4-5pm, I would go to one of the other ship’s eateries – like the NY Deli or “Coney Island” and have a Reuben sandwich (minus the bread) or a cheeseburger (ditto).
…Dinner for us was 8pm, and they had a low carb menu from which I would usually eat only the entrée (well under 10 grams of carb if I ate the whole dish – including veggies – which I couldn’t). I ate things like Carnival Spa chicken (chicken breast stuffed with spinach and ricotta), steak, duck, jerk pork, and Beef Wellington (yes, including the crust)! The portions were made for WLSers size-wise and for the heartier eaters (like DH), the option to order two entrees was no problem. But in eating the three course meals, the normies usually seemed quite full. One of the nights I managed an appetizer as well (it was barely a bite … honest … LOL), and on another night I also had lobster bisque. Let’s just say – due to satiation and sea air -- we never made it to the midnight buffet!
Sugar-free desserts were offered on the menu every night but I never ordered them. I felt “just right” eating the way I did. However, I ate a tablespoon of dessert from DH three of the nights (one night it was tiramisu, another was Baked Alaska, and on our anniversary, we were serenaded by waiters who brought us chocolate cheesecake from which I took a bite).
We were located at the rear of the ship, so there was a lot of walking and stair climbing necessary to get around the ship (of course you can take elevators but I often opted not to). The length of the ship is estimated to be ¼ of a mile in itself! I felt strong and empowered and “very normal.” My body really seemed to melt that week (especially because regular exercise had been the most difficult horizon to conquer during my journey thus far). I left as a size 12 and returned as a size 10. Two of the days we were on land (in Boston and Halifax) we walked about three miles in each of the cities. We were in bed by 11pm most nights and slept right thru until the pre-arranged room service breakfast arrived.
I have to say, in our particular case, there were many many healthy food choices that were completely suitable – if not tailored – to the needs of WLSers. (They even had low carb rolls if one decided to “indulge.”) Do not fear the ship trip!
Much to my delight, DH had arranged for a second week off. Our return to NYC was wet and damp and chilly (and so was the rest of that week), so we reclaimed Kitty from her caretaker and chilled further, recuperating from our relaxing cruise … isn’t that funny? … but it’s true!!
So we coasted through last week for the most part until Sunday the 16th, when we went into NJ to see Queen with Paul Rodgers (formerly of Bad Company) as lead singer. Because the news station where I last worked – I quit in June 2003 because my health was so bad -- is like a mile away from the arena and has some great outlet store shopping in the area, we decided to stay overnight. I visited people who saw me leave as an “on my last legs” 300-pounder (and – unbeknownst to most of them – I got much worse before I finally had my surgery) but yesterday I walked in feeling good in every way – and projecting it … It was a good experience and I got the strongest support from some of the people I least expected. Then I found a store selling real, honest-to-goodness SUEDE jackets for $19.99 each. I bought two in different colors, of course! What a great day!
The funniest thing about the concert is that the last time I’d been in that arena (over two years ago), I nearly passed out because our seats were up so high in the section that I literally was a second away from calling paramedics. I was looking forward to tackling that challenge as a healthier me. Wouldn’t you know it? Our seats were now two rows DOWN from where we entered! Gotta love it, huh?
Anyway … Regardless of how successful you are or feel at this point in time, realize progress for what it is. Rejoice in the life and opportunities you have or that lay ahead.
So many things have come to me in due time … I greet each day with such gratitude that tears well in my eyes. This mermaid has seen more changes and had more lives than her kitty will ever know … I have reinvented myself more times than Madonna … On Friday, I turn 50 … and while a lot of emotional “stuff” goes with the number … I’ve never felt more hopeful and grateful and powerful.
As long as we’re sucking air, my lovelies, hope springs eternal … and life is the golden ring ready for us to take the ride and grab it … Don’t hesitate … You haven’t got a damned thing to lose!
I love you all without reservation … The journey isn't always easy but it sure doesn't have to be as difficult as you think it needs to be!
Check out highlights from our cruise:
August 29, 2005
Aug 28, 2005
I post this to tell you my experience and if it helps any of you, it makes the negatives of what I went through worth it.
I am nine months out and only weigh myself once a month (except for July, when I weighed myself twice). I am a low carb freak (usually less than 30g net carbs/day) and extremely conscientious about what I eat. (All my life I have been a great dieter but a lousy maintainer, hence one of the hundreds of reasons why I had my DS.) I average about 1000 calories/day … Some days a couple of hundred calories more and others a couple of hundred calories less … I do this to keep my metabolism hopping and not plateau.
During my monthly weigh-in last week, I discovered I’d only lost ½ to 1 lb. Now I knew all along that a stall/stutter/plateau is possible but it freaked me out because I can’t be more careful in how I’m doing things. I seemed to have been doing “everything right” and having a nice steady loss of 7-10 lbs each month. So I was set aback that I’d lost virtually nothing. (No ties to my TOM or anything similar, either.) I hadn’t lost any inches/sizes in any of the places that matter except that my collarbone and shoulders are becoming more defined (uh, yippee??).
I analyzed and analyzed my intake and movement and tried not to freak out – being more fearful that my window was closing prematurely than anything else. I mean I’ve lost 122+ lbs so far and since my health is getting so much better, I could have lived with it if I had to.
But then I wondered … Could this be because I had been having a POWER CRUNCH BAR EVERYDAY FOR BREAKFAST this month (meal replacement only … not as a snack)? I mean the only reason why I was eating them everyday was that they were convenient, had a fair amount of protein and no soy products (I have thyroid issues), so I fit them into my food plan.
Well, I couldn’t testify to it in court but I ran out of the PCBs last week and switched to a higher calorie, higher protein but less carb protein bar (containing part soy protein, no less) and have since lost 1-1/2 pant sizes (from a 14 to an 11/12 – in less than two weeks). Can’t tell you how much weight I’ve lost and don’t care (won’t weigh myself again until 9/25) but something got surprisingly and suspiciously “unstuck” when I stopped the PCBs. So … if you find yourself inexplicably in a similar position … don’t be surprised if you find this product to be the culprit.
All’s I can say is PROCEED WITH CAUTION!
I am nine months out and only weigh myself once a month (except for July, when I weighed myself twice). I am a low carb freak (usually less than 30g net carbs/day) and extremely conscientious about what I eat. (All my life I have been a great dieter but a lousy maintainer, hence one of the hundreds of reasons why I had my DS.) I average about 1000 calories/day … Some days a couple of hundred calories more and others a couple of hundred calories less … I do this to keep my metabolism hopping and not plateau.
During my monthly weigh-in last week, I discovered I’d only lost ½ to 1 lb. Now I knew all along that a stall/stutter/plateau is possible but it freaked me out because I can’t be more careful in how I’m doing things. I seemed to have been doing “everything right” and having a nice steady loss of 7-10 lbs each month. So I was set aback that I’d lost virtually nothing. (No ties to my TOM or anything similar, either.) I hadn’t lost any inches/sizes in any of the places that matter except that my collarbone and shoulders are becoming more defined (uh, yippee??
).I analyzed and analyzed my intake and movement and tried not to freak out – being more fearful that my window was closing prematurely than anything else. I mean I’ve lost 122+ lbs so far and since my health is getting so much better, I could have lived with it if I had to.
But then I wondered … Could this be because I had been having a POWER CRUNCH BAR EVERYDAY FOR BREAKFAST this month (meal replacement only … not as a snack)? I mean the only reason why I was eating them everyday was that they were convenient, had a fair amount of protein and no soy products (I have thyroid issues), so I fit them into my food plan.
Well, I couldn’t testify to it in court but I ran out of the PCBs last week and switched to a higher calorie, higher protein but less carb protein bar (containing part soy protein, no less) and have since lost 1-1/2 pant sizes (from a 14 to an 11/12 – in less than two weeks). Can’t tell you how much weight I’ve lost and don’t care (won’t weigh myself again until 9/25) but something got surprisingly and suspiciously “unstuck” when I stopped the PCBs. So … if you find yourself inexplicably in a similar position … don’t be surprised if you find this product to be the culprit.
All’s I can say is PROCEED WITH CAUTION!
July 18, 2005
Jul 17, 2005
So here I am, one day shy of 8 months out and 120 lbs down, trying to figure out how to design the rest of my life. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a blank canvas with great promise. I will be 50 years old in October and it’s beyond my comprehension how life could possibly pass so quickly. I mean, it’s been a pretty full life … 3 marriages, 1 child, exciting careers in the music, television, print, and broadcast news industries. I’ve hung out with celebrities and musicians and was a recognized name in my own right in the NYC music scene for about a decade. I’ve worked on Emmy-winning news stories and taken part in the biggest news story of my lifetime: 9/11. But where do I go from here?
Being forced to take a step back in my life and career when I got sick was such a mixed blessing. I have such a happy life with my husband and he means everything to me. One of the thousands of reasons why he is so special is that he encourages me to do whatever I wish and supports me every step of the way. No more being let out on a leash and yanked back when I spread my wings too broadly – like in past relationships. Just a hug and kiss and holding my hand ‘til I take flight. Indeed, I’m a very very lucky woman. I never, ever lose sight of that or take it for granted.
But that doesn’t answer my question: Where DO I go from here?
I know I need something creative. I know I need something in the arts. I know I have qualities that are unique – a vivid amalgam of my life experiences and the lessons I have learned as a result of them.
On some levels I have no fear and on some others, I’m afraid to leave the house. An experience like 9/11 will do that to you. The only thing I know for a fact is that if I don’t reach for the brass ring RIGHT NOW … it may disappear and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.
Wish me luck …
Oh, and BTW … ONEderland is a breath away. Even though I usually weigh only once a month, I’ll probably break my own rule and weigh on Friday. I’m at 201 and still have my period, and by Friday I should be down the silly 2 lbs. I know it’s just a number and to be perfectly honest, since I’ve been getting in 100-120 grams of protein a day (for about a month now), I’m feeling so much better that it really doesn’t matter what I weigh.
I think I’m actually more excited that in the past month alone I’ve lost 4% on my Body Fat Index (it took me from November through June to lose the first 4%). That means the additional protein I’m taking in now is going right to rebuilding all the muscle I lost from Hyperthyroidism eating through my muscle mass. I’m excited. It’s like I’m regenerating into a healthy person. As I regain the muscle, exercise should be easier.
Do I need to tell you how truly psyched I am that I’m being given a second chance? Do you know how much I wish the same for each and every one of you that is waiting to share the same thing?
So I’m not Away, my dearest friends … I’m ON my way!
P.S. 7/22/05 Update ... Yep, in ONEderland as of today ... 199 lbs ... Now back to weighing once a month!
Winner ONEderland
(to be song to the tune of “Winter Wonderland”)
Scale is moving …
are you listening?
In the zone …
numbers glistening;
A beautiful sight …
ecstatic tonight …
Grooving in a Winner ONEderland
Gone away is the twobird …
And the awful threebird …
We sing a victory song
as we go along
Grooving in a Winner ONEderland
All of a sudden it did not seem so hard
What a relief to say ‘adieu’ to lard
You say: ‘You’re still fat’
I say: ‘Yessir …
But I’m still on the job
And going down”
Later on
we'll conspire
as we dream by the fire
To face unafraid
the plans that we've made
Grooving in a Winner ONEderland
Being forced to take a step back in my life and career when I got sick was such a mixed blessing. I have such a happy life with my husband and he means everything to me. One of the thousands of reasons why he is so special is that he encourages me to do whatever I wish and supports me every step of the way. No more being let out on a leash and yanked back when I spread my wings too broadly – like in past relationships. Just a hug and kiss and holding my hand ‘til I take flight. Indeed, I’m a very very lucky woman. I never, ever lose sight of that or take it for granted.
But that doesn’t answer my question: Where DO I go from here?
I know I need something creative. I know I need something in the arts. I know I have qualities that are unique – a vivid amalgam of my life experiences and the lessons I have learned as a result of them.
On some levels I have no fear and on some others, I’m afraid to leave the house. An experience like 9/11 will do that to you. The only thing I know for a fact is that if I don’t reach for the brass ring RIGHT NOW … it may disappear and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.
Wish me luck …
Oh, and BTW … ONEderland is a breath away. Even though I usually weigh only once a month, I’ll probably break my own rule and weigh on Friday. I’m at 201 and still have my period, and by Friday I should be down the silly 2 lbs. I know it’s just a number and to be perfectly honest, since I’ve been getting in 100-120 grams of protein a day (for about a month now), I’m feeling so much better that it really doesn’t matter what I weigh.
I think I’m actually more excited that in the past month alone I’ve lost 4% on my Body Fat Index (it took me from November through June to lose the first 4%). That means the additional protein I’m taking in now is going right to rebuilding all the muscle I lost from Hyperthyroidism eating through my muscle mass. I’m excited. It’s like I’m regenerating into a healthy person. As I regain the muscle, exercise should be easier.
Do I need to tell you how truly psyched I am that I’m being given a second chance? Do you know how much I wish the same for each and every one of you that is waiting to share the same thing?
So I’m not Away, my dearest friends … I’m ON my way!
P.S. 7/22/05 Update ... Yep, in ONEderland as of today ... 199 lbs ... Now back to weighing once a month!
(to be song to the tune of “Winter Wonderland”)
Scale is moving …
are you listening?
In the zone …
numbers glistening;
A beautiful sight …
ecstatic tonight …
Grooving in a Winner ONEderland
Gone away is the twobird …
And the awful threebird …
We sing a victory song
as we go along
Grooving in a Winner ONEderland
All of a sudden it did not seem so hard
What a relief to say ‘adieu’ to lard
You say: ‘You’re still fat’
I say: ‘Yessir …
But I’m still on the job
And going down”
Later on
we'll conspire
as we dream by the fire
To face unafraid
the plans that we've made
Grooving in a Winner ONEderland
May 19, 2005
May 18, 2005
Today is officially my six-month post-op anniversary. I’m aching a little bit (keep reading for details) and wouldn’t you know? I was a little too overconfident and ate dry chicken too swiftly (why I ate it dry God only knows ... I guess I thought it was moist enough). Always a bit humbling when you come face-to-face with the reality that we aren’t as normal as we thought!
But the high of my day yesterday is so strong, nothing can make me feel very daunted for long.
I left my apartment at 10:30am and went into the city via car with my DH (about a ten mile drive). We went to NY Hospital and visited a new DS post-op (Marcie T). From there we hooked up with pre-op Beth M at Sloan Kettering Hospital who has been battling thyroid cancer. We popped back in to see Marcie and then I headed uptown via cab on my own to see some non-op friends.
Then I hooked up with my dear Margie R. We walked together from 88th Street & Second Avenue to 68th Street & York Avenue (New York Presbyterian Hospital), stopping to have a filling dinner of two appetizers that we shared.
We dropped by to see Marcie again and then went back downstairs in the hospital to a DS support group meeting. After the meeting, we went back up to see Marcie one more time and then walked another twelve blocks to Margie’s car.
I stayed over in the city and walked in my Mom’s door at 9:30pm.
Now to you that doesn’t sound like much and there was a time I would have been unimpressed as well. But I never really got tired the whole day. I didn’t run into the mental fogginess that has often prevented me from being too physical or athletic and stops me in my tracks. Once I relaxed at Mom’s and kicked off my shoes and clothes, I started feeling sore from running around all day … but once this morning rolled around, I even made it through a big supermarket run on our way back from the City to Queens.
There was a point on Wednesday that I was so energized, so enthralled to be able to be this free again that I was tempted to pop in on Dr. Roslin and hug him … To let him know I’m so grateful to enjoy life again. Yeah, I was that “up!”
Until about two months ago, I had lost hope I would feel like me again. I thought and hoped it would be possible … that’s the reason I had – and fought so hard for – my DS … but I knew there were no guarantees.
Now I really understand why so many long-term post-ops seem to “forget” how tough the first couple of months after surgery can be … Because once that dust settles and the discomforts fade, you realize the sun is shining and the birds are singing and all that matters is now … embracing and savoring today and knowing that all the effort was really worth it.
But the high of my day yesterday is so strong, nothing can make me feel very daunted for long.
I left my apartment at 10:30am and went into the city via car with my DH (about a ten mile drive). We went to NY Hospital and visited a new DS post-op (Marcie T). From there we hooked up with pre-op Beth M at Sloan Kettering Hospital who has been battling thyroid cancer. We popped back in to see Marcie and then I headed uptown via cab on my own to see some non-op friends.
Then I hooked up with my dear Margie R. We walked together from 88th Street & Second Avenue to 68th Street & York Avenue (New York Presbyterian Hospital), stopping to have a filling dinner of two appetizers that we shared.
We dropped by to see Marcie again and then went back downstairs in the hospital to a DS support group meeting. After the meeting, we went back up to see Marcie one more time and then walked another twelve blocks to Margie’s car.
I stayed over in the city and walked in my Mom’s door at 9:30pm.
Now to you that doesn’t sound like much and there was a time I would have been unimpressed as well. But I never really got tired the whole day. I didn’t run into the mental fogginess that has often prevented me from being too physical or athletic and stops me in my tracks. Once I relaxed at Mom’s and kicked off my shoes and clothes, I started feeling sore from running around all day … but once this morning rolled around, I even made it through a big supermarket run on our way back from the City to Queens.
There was a point on Wednesday that I was so energized, so enthralled to be able to be this free again that I was tempted to pop in on Dr. Roslin and hug him … To let him know I’m so grateful to enjoy life again. Yeah, I was that “up!”
Until about two months ago, I had lost hope I would feel like me again. I thought and hoped it would be possible … that’s the reason I had – and fought so hard for – my DS … but I knew there were no guarantees.
Now I really understand why so many long-term post-ops seem to “forget” how tough the first couple of months after surgery can be … Because once that dust settles and the discomforts fade, you realize the sun is shining and the birds are singing and all that matters is now … embracing and savoring today and knowing that all the effort was really worth it.
May 11, 2005
May 10, 2005
It is with a full and grateful heart to God, my surgeon, my family, and those of you who have supported and guided me through some intense times, that I announce -- just eight days shy of my 6 month post-op anniversary -- I am in the Century Club!!
Other than getting energy and health back, reaching the Century Club by six months out was my primary goal and I am so excited. For the first time in a couple of years, I danced as “Heaven” by Los Lonely Boys played on my computer (BTW … a very inspirational song … the words are significant and the tune is awesome!). I'm now halfway to my goal and having reached this point, I believe getting to my ultimate weight goal is possible. I’m still not capable of working a 9-5 job or running a marathon but there’s a lot to be said for progress and moving forward and that is evident in my life everyday.
I’ve done this before (lost a lot of weight very quickly) but then it was without benefit of WLS … Now I truly have faith that the weight will not return unless I completely sabotage myself by eating the wrong things without limitation. Even though I’ve had the DS and do not dump, I eat only sugar-free and no “bad carbs.” I need to remain true to myself and the spirit/intent of this surgery without hesitation … Give it the chance to do for me what it is meant to do.
This is an awesome ride and I feel so darned good compared to the way I felt pre-op and the first few months post-op.
- I was prepared to die as a result of the surgery.
- I was prepared to have major bathroom issues that might include chronic diarrhea.
- I was prepared for the surgery not to help me at all.
- I was prepared for every negative possibility of the surgery.
It was all a crap shoot -- as most of the greatest risks in life can be. I knew my quality of life as it was pre-surgery was so poor that it was worth it. I felt that if I emerged alive from surgery -- was able to leave the hospital – that alone would be like hitting a jackpot.
None of my worst fears were realized. The first few months were bumpier than I thought they would be because my once-cast-iron-stomach had become very sensitive but even that is much better now.
I got my life back. It was worth the gamble. Every day I thank God for this, still knowing that there are other problems (such as a bowel obstruction) that could occur further down the line. I committed myself to monitoring my health the day I decided to have surgery. This is no game and we most remain vigilant.
For me there was NO option but to have this surgery. It was either that or continue to die a slow death and have everyone who loved me watch helplessly. If you are still contemplating surgery, take a realistic look at your life and see if WLS is YOUR last resort. It should be. Then it is worth the gamble.
If your results have not been spectacular thus far, don’t give up but don’t kid yourself, either. Be brutally honest with yourself about what you are -- and are not -- doing to succeed and follow the advice of your medical professionals as well as successful post-ops. You may really be eating too little. You may be eating things that don’t work for your body. There’s a lot of hit or miss. The most important thing to remember is that as long as you draw a breath, there’s hope.
There were so many times that I thought I would never feel like living again ... never feel like I was ALIVE again. For somebody who truly embraces life and people, you can imagine how depressing it was to not care one way or the other whether I lived or died. I felt confused as to the crossroads where I was positioned pre-op: Turning 50 within a year, some say pre-menopausal (my TOM would say otherwise), and suffering from an energy-draining, fatigue-producing incurable autoimmune disease. I didn’t know if there would ever be such a thing as feeling good -- and feeling good about myself -- again.
Now that I feel closer to normal, I know it’s important not to lose sight of my goals – in weight and in life. Oddly enough people keep appearing in my path, reminding me not to get too cocky … Like the clothing vendor last month who made it clear she had 1X and 2X sizes (I’m a 1X or XL now, actually), the elderly man who asked me last weekend if I was pregnant … I don’t let it get me down because I know there’s still work for me to do … "I'm not yet who I want to be ... I'm not yet who I'm meant to be ... but by the grace of God, I am not what I once was."
Thanks for “listening” … I wish that every one of you knows the joy I feel blessed to share with you at this moment at time. Just remember most of all that you are worth it … Every one of you is worth it … and never, ever give up.
Dare to dream and have the courage to act.
Other than getting energy and health back, reaching the Century Club by six months out was my primary goal and I am so excited. For the first time in a couple of years, I danced as “Heaven” by Los Lonely Boys played on my computer (BTW … a very inspirational song … the words are significant and the tune is awesome!). I'm now halfway to my goal and having reached this point, I believe getting to my ultimate weight goal is possible. I’m still not capable of working a 9-5 job or running a marathon but there’s a lot to be said for progress and moving forward and that is evident in my life everyday.
I’ve done this before (lost a lot of weight very quickly) but then it was without benefit of WLS … Now I truly have faith that the weight will not return unless I completely sabotage myself by eating the wrong things without limitation. Even though I’ve had the DS and do not dump, I eat only sugar-free and no “bad carbs.” I need to remain true to myself and the spirit/intent of this surgery without hesitation … Give it the chance to do for me what it is meant to do.
This is an awesome ride and I feel so darned good compared to the way I felt pre-op and the first few months post-op.
- I was prepared to die as a result of the surgery.
- I was prepared to have major bathroom issues that might include chronic diarrhea.
- I was prepared for the surgery not to help me at all.
- I was prepared for every negative possibility of the surgery.
It was all a crap shoot -- as most of the greatest risks in life can be. I knew my quality of life as it was pre-surgery was so poor that it was worth it. I felt that if I emerged alive from surgery -- was able to leave the hospital – that alone would be like hitting a jackpot.
None of my worst fears were realized. The first few months were bumpier than I thought they would be because my once-cast-iron-stomach had become very sensitive but even that is much better now.
I got my life back. It was worth the gamble. Every day I thank God for this, still knowing that there are other problems (such as a bowel obstruction) that could occur further down the line. I committed myself to monitoring my health the day I decided to have surgery. This is no game and we most remain vigilant.
For me there was NO option but to have this surgery. It was either that or continue to die a slow death and have everyone who loved me watch helplessly. If you are still contemplating surgery, take a realistic look at your life and see if WLS is YOUR last resort. It should be. Then it is worth the gamble.
If your results have not been spectacular thus far, don’t give up but don’t kid yourself, either. Be brutally honest with yourself about what you are -- and are not -- doing to succeed and follow the advice of your medical professionals as well as successful post-ops. You may really be eating too little. You may be eating things that don’t work for your body. There’s a lot of hit or miss. The most important thing to remember is that as long as you draw a breath, there’s hope.
There were so many times that I thought I would never feel like living again ... never feel like I was ALIVE again. For somebody who truly embraces life and people, you can imagine how depressing it was to not care one way or the other whether I lived or died. I felt confused as to the crossroads where I was positioned pre-op: Turning 50 within a year, some say pre-menopausal (my TOM would say otherwise), and suffering from an energy-draining, fatigue-producing incurable autoimmune disease. I didn’t know if there would ever be such a thing as feeling good -- and feeling good about myself -- again.
Now that I feel closer to normal, I know it’s important not to lose sight of my goals – in weight and in life. Oddly enough people keep appearing in my path, reminding me not to get too cocky … Like the clothing vendor last month who made it clear she had 1X and 2X sizes (I’m a 1X or XL now, actually), the elderly man who asked me last weekend if I was pregnant … I don’t let it get me down because I know there’s still work for me to do … "I'm not yet who I want to be ... I'm not yet who I'm meant to be ... but by the grace of God, I am not what I once was."
Thanks for “listening” … I wish that every one of you knows the joy I feel blessed to share with you at this moment at time. Just remember most of all that you are worth it … Every one of you is worth it … and never, ever give up.
Dare to dream and have the courage to act.
About Me
Westbury, NY
Location
20.7
BMI
Surgery
11/19/2004
Surgery Date
Feb 01, 2004
Member Since
