Thin Within
August, 2005
~ I am 39 - almost 40. Married for 9+ years. Mother to 2 beautiful and amazing little girls ages 3 and 17 months.
I have spent the last 28 years DIETING. I have lost and gained hundreds of pounds. I am the heaviest I have ever been in my life and I am not even comfortable in my own skin. I am now on a mission to find and maintain good health. I want to be around to see my children give me grandchildren (God willing) and enjoy them.
August 22, 2005
~ I made an appointment to meet with a surgeon at The Barix Clinic in Langhorne. It is for September 15th...YEAHHHH !!! I was very suprised I was able to get in so quickly. I am sooooooo excited.
August 25, 2005
~ Through research I found out that the surgeon that I have my consultation with only does OPEN RNY. Not sure what way I want to go but want to be able to have a choice. I called back and they were happy to accomodate my needs and set me up with another surgeon there that does both Open and Lap. Unfortunately I can't see him until October 5th. Oh well I guess I will just have to hang in there until then. I have registered for an informational seminar at the clinic on September 15th. I am very eager to get all the information I can.
August 27, 2005
~ WOOOHOOO....we are moving right along. I just got a call from Ann at Barix and there was a cancellation and an appointment opened up with Dr. K for next Thursday. That is six weeks earlier than my original appointment. Let's just hope things keep moving along...I can't wait to be sitting on the loser's bench with all of the wonderful people here at OH.
September 1, 2005
~ I had my initial consultation with Dr. Kaczmarski today. I really liked him alot. He was direct, honest and very professional. He made me very comfortable with himself, my decision, and the facility. The only thing I wasn't crazy about, was that he told me that because of my size, and how I carry my weight, he would only do my surgery "open". I was really hoping for Lap but I understand his reasoning and I trust that he knows what would be best. After all, he has way more experience with this than I do. Shannon, the patient advocate, was really awesome too. She was funny and nice and a true testament to what a positive experience WLS can be.
So now I am on a mission to get all of my clearances. I will start making all my phone calls tomorrow and hopefully everything will fall into place.
Barix will submit to my insurance company and hopefully they will approve me for surgery. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
I am actually hoping to have surgery right before the Christmas holiday so that I don't have to take as much time off from work like I would if I had it when school is in session. I would only need to take two weeks off instead of four. Oh well, i'm not gonna worry about that right now. Just gonna keep moving forward with my clearances and time will tell.
September 7, 2005
~I guess patience is not one of my virtues. I was curious about the status of my insurance approval so I gave BCBS a call. They told me that nothing had been submitted as of yet. So I called Barix just to ask them about how long it takes after the initial consultation until they would submit for approval to my insurance. I was told that it had to go through some review process there first, and then it would be submitted to my insurance company. I was told I should check back in two weeks...UGH!! It's not like all I have to do is wait. I have all my clearances to get done, and some of those appointments aren't until October. So I guess I will just have to focus on that for now.
September 9, 2005
~UNBELIEVABLE !!!!! I feel like I am dreaming. I just got a call from Jada at Barix.....I was approved WOOOOHOOOO!!!!! It has only been 48hrs since I spoke to the insurance company and they told me that nothing had been submitted as of yet. I can't believe that they approved me in 2 days. I am both thrilled and scared. Jada told me that they have to give the insurance company a tentative date for surgery and that the date was September 28th. I told her that I still had to get all of my clearances and that some of the appointments were not until October. She said not to worry, this is only tentative and can be changed and that the approval is good for six months. Ok, so now it's time to check and see if I can get these appointments moved up. Everything is happening so fast. I guess I had better hold on tight and ride this wave out.
September 10, 2005
~OMG !!!! I was so saddened when I read the post about the passing of OH member Angel Angie. I got such a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and was moved to tears at the sight of her precious children on her profile page. I haven't been able to shake this feeling all day. That is my greatest fear. I can't bear the thought of leaving my children without a mother. I had such a hard time getting pregnant and now I am the mother of two amazing little girls. I never knew I could love anyone the way I love these girls. Don't get me wrong, I still want to go forward with the surgery. After all, it was because of my weight, among other things (Polycystic ovarian syndrome, diabetes) that I had such a hard time getting pregnant to begin with. But with this news I can't help but be preoccupied with the reality of the risks involved in having WLS. I just have to keep telling myself that everything will be ok and that I have to trust in my faith in God and know that he has a plan for me. I think I need to go hug my girls. Bye for now.
September 14, 2005
~I went to my first pre-op support group meeting last night. It was really great. The amount of support that is out there is amazing to me. It really is very comforting to know that I am not alone along this journey. I have tremendous support on the homefront, and for that I am grateful. But there is something special about having the support of people who have gone through and are going through the same thing that I am.
I got to meet some of the wonderful people from OH. It was great to meet them in person. I think it was the first time in a very very long time that I didn't feel like I was being judged in a room full of strangers. And they weren't strangers for long. Instead they were friendly, compassionate and supportive. It was truly wonderful experience. I am very thankful for the friends I have made here.
September 24, 2005
~It has been a very busy couple of weeks. Since I started back to work it seems that I can't find the time to do much of anything. I did get to go out last Saturday night and have a really nice dinner with Shauna, Loretta & Jacquee from the PA message boards, Shauna's parents, and a couple of Loretta's & Jacquee's friends. I was a great time. I think what I liked best was that I didn't feel at all like I was just getting to know these people. I felt like I was with old friends.
On Wednesday I had my upper endoscopy and Yipeeee I am cleared. One down and 3 to go. This feels like it is taking forever, but I am glad that they are thorough.
September 28th, 2005
~Well clearance #2 done. Went to the cardiologist today and he told me everything looks great and to proceed with surgery. He had me get on the scale UGH! I hope that his scale is just different than the one at Barix or I am in big trouble. Dr K. said he would like for me to try to take off a little weight before surgery but would still proceed if I couldn't. He said I should try not to gain more than 10 lbs. But if the cardiologist's scale was right I have only got 1/2 lb to go. How the hell did I gain almost 10 lbs in 3 weeks? I mean, I know how I did it but I just can't believe it. I really have to be more aware of what I am putting in my mouth. No more unconsious eating. I might as well start teaching myself this now as after surgery it will be a way of life.
September 30th, 2005
~I saw the pulmonologist today. He was really great and had a wonderful bedside manner. After giving me a breathing test, checking me over, and asking many questions, he said he found no reason for further testing and cleared me. This is so great. Now I just have 1 clearance left and that is the sleep study. I'm not looking forward to that, but once it's over, then it's over.
~ I had my initial consultation with Dr. Kaczmarski today. I really liked him alot. He was direct, honest and very professional. He made me very comfortable with himself, my decision, and the facility. The only thing I wasn't crazy about, was that he told me that because of my size, and how I carry my weight, he would only do my surgery "open". I was really hoping for Lap but I understand his reasoning and I trust that he knows what would be best. After all, he has way more experience with this than I do. Shannon, the patient advocate, was really awesome too. She was funny and nice and a true testament to what a positive experience WLS can be.
So now I am on a mission to get all of my clearances. I will start making all my phone calls tomorrow and hopefully everything will fall into place.
Barix will submit to my insurance company and hopefully they will approve me for surgery. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
I am actually hoping to have surgery right before the Christmas holiday so that I don't have to take as much time off from work like I would if I had it when school is in session. I would only need to take two weeks off instead of four. Oh well, i'm not gonna worry about that right now. Just gonna keep moving forward with my clearances and time will tell.
September 7, 2005
~I guess patience is not one of my virtues. I was curious about the status of my insurance approval so I gave BCBS a call. They told me that nothing had been submitted as of yet. So I called Barix just to ask them about how long it takes after the initial consultation until they would submit for approval to my insurance. I was told that it had to go through some review process there first, and then it would be submitted to my insurance company. I was told I should check back in two weeks...UGH!! It's not like all I have to do is wait. I have all my clearances to get done, and some of those appointments aren't until October. So I guess I will just have to focus on that for now.
September 9, 2005
~UNBELIEVABLE !!!!! I feel like I am dreaming. I just got a call from Jada at Barix.....I was approved WOOOOHOOOO!!!!! It has only been 48hrs since I spoke to the insurance company and they told me that nothing had been submitted as of yet. I can't believe that they approved me in 2 days. I am both thrilled and scared. Jada told me that they have to give the insurance company a tentative date for surgery and that the date was September 28th. I told her that I still had to get all of my clearances and that some of the appointments were not until October. She said not to worry, this is only tentative and can be changed and that the approval is good for six months. Ok, so now it's time to check and see if I can get these appointments moved up. Everything is happening so fast. I guess I had better hold on tight and ride this wave out.
September 10, 2005
~OMG !!!! I was so saddened when I read the post about the passing of OH member Angel Angie. I got such a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and was moved to tears at the sight of her precious children on her profile page. I haven't been able to shake this feeling all day. That is my greatest fear. I can't bear the thought of leaving my children without a mother. I had such a hard time getting pregnant and now I am the mother of two amazing little girls. I never knew I could love anyone the way I love these girls. Don't get me wrong, I still want to go forward with the surgery. After all, it was because of my weight, among other things (Polycystic ovarian syndrome, diabetes) that I had such a hard time getting pregnant to begin with. But with this news I can't help but be preoccupied with the reality of the risks involved in having WLS. I just have to keep telling myself that everything will be ok and that I have to trust in my faith in God and know that he has a plan for me. I think I need to go hug my girls. Bye for now.
September 14, 2005
~I went to my first pre-op support group meeting last night. It was really great. The amount of support that is out there is amazing to me. It really is very comforting to know that I am not alone along this journey. I have tremendous support on the homefront, and for that I am grateful. But there is something special about having the support of people who have gone through and are going through the same thing that I am.
I got to meet some of the wonderful people from OH. It was great to meet them in person. I think it was the first time in a very very long time that I didn't feel like I was being judged in a room full of strangers. And they weren't strangers for long. Instead they were friendly, compassionate and supportive. It was truly wonderful experience. I am very thankful for the friends I have made here.
September 24, 2005
~It has been a very busy couple of weeks. Since I started back to work it seems that I can't find the time to do much of anything. I did get to go out last Saturday night and have a really nice dinner with Shauna, Loretta & Jacquee from the PA message boards, Shauna's parents, and a couple of Loretta's & Jacquee's friends. I was a great time. I think what I liked best was that I didn't feel at all like I was just getting to know these people. I felt like I was with old friends.
On Wednesday I had my upper endoscopy and Yipeeee I am cleared. One down and 3 to go. This feels like it is taking forever, but I am glad that they are thorough.
September 28th, 2005
~Well clearance #2 done. Went to the cardiologist today and he told me everything looks great and to proceed with surgery. He had me get on the scale UGH! I hope that his scale is just different than the one at Barix or I am in big trouble. Dr K. said he would like for me to try to take off a little weight before surgery but would still proceed if I couldn't. He said I should try not to gain more than 10 lbs. But if the cardiologist's scale was right I have only got 1/2 lb to go. How the hell did I gain almost 10 lbs in 3 weeks? I mean, I know how I did it but I just can't believe it. I really have to be more aware of what I am putting in my mouth. No more unconsious eating. I might as well start teaching myself this now as after surgery it will be a way of life.
September 30th, 2005
~I saw the pulmonologist today. He was really great and had a wonderful bedside manner. After giving me a breathing test, checking me over, and asking many questions, he said he found no reason for further testing and cleared me. This is so great. Now I just have 1 clearance left and that is the sleep study. I'm not looking forward to that, but once it's over, then it's over.
October 3rd, 2005
~I went for my sleep study last night. I don't know how they expect anyone to get any sleep with all those wires and straps attached to you. I have to wait and hear from them to see if I need to go back for a second study and be fitted for a C-Pap machine if I have sleep apnea. I don't think I do and neither does the pulmonologist, but you never know. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I really don't want to have to do that again.
October 5th, 2005
~WOOOHOOO !!!! I just got a call from the girl at the sleep center. The doctor said that I don't need to come back in and I'm clear for surgery. That is sooooooo great. Well that is all of my clearances. Now I just have to wait til all the clearances come through to Barix so that Dr K. can clear me and my file can be sent off to benefits verification. After that it's off to scheduling. Hopefully I can get a November date. That would be perfect.
October 10th, 2005
~Wow what a morning I had. I got a call from Andrena telling me that Dr. K cleared my fasting blood sugar and my Hemaglobin A1C. I said ok that's good. She said all she was waiting for was the reports from the cardiologist and the pulmonologist to come over and for me to complete my sencond part of my sleep study. I said WHAT ????? I was told by the lady from the sleep place that I was cleared for surgery, that the Dr. said that I didn't need a second study or a C-Pap. I even cancelled my second appointment which I had just in case there was a need. She read the report to me and it said that I have obstructive sleep apnia and the Dr.'s recommendation was a possible second sleep study and tentatively a C-Pap. Since when does a Dr.'s report say possible and tentative, especially when it is a clearance for surgery. Well, needless to say I was fuming, and I called the sleep center and spoke with the Dr. The Dr. told me that it was a very mild case and therefore he felt I could be cleared for surgery. I said, well that's not what you wrote in your report and now I am being told that the Dr. won't perform the surgery until I have the second part and the C-Pap. Anyway, to make an even longer story short, Andrena called the sleep center and spoke with the Dr.
She called me back and told me not to worry that everything was taken care of. I told her thank you and that I owed her big time. I know that some people have had problems with her but all I can say is she was great and she really came through for me today. So now back to waiting for Dr.K to clear the clearances and then it's off to benefits verification and scheduling. I hope I hear something soon.
October 24th, 2005
~I got a call from Andrena today. She told me that Dr. K cleared me and I was being sent to benefits verification and then to scheduling. YEAHHHHHHHHHH She said I should give it at least 2 weeks before I'll hear anything. I think she was being cautious not to have me on the edge of my seat, but that never works for me. I want it now. Anyway I will wait to hear something.
October 28th, 2005
~ I GOT A DATE....I GOT A DATE ..... YIPEEEEEEEEEE ...... YIPEEEEEEEE..... I GOT A DATE !!!!! Peggy from scheduling called me today to schedule my surgery. She said that the first available date was November 9th or the next date which was November 25th. Well of course the sooner the better. So the 9th it is. Only 12 days away. So many emotions going on right now. I am very excited and nervous.
God please be with me through this and keep me safe on this journey.
~I went for my sleep study last night. I don't know how they expect anyone to get any sleep with all those wires and straps attached to you. I have to wait and hear from them to see if I need to go back for a second study and be fitted for a C-Pap machine if I have sleep apnea. I don't think I do and neither does the pulmonologist, but you never know. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I really don't want to have to do that again.
October 5th, 2005
~WOOOHOOO !!!! I just got a call from the girl at the sleep center. The doctor said that I don't need to come back in and I'm clear for surgery. That is sooooooo great. Well that is all of my clearances. Now I just have to wait til all the clearances come through to Barix so that Dr K. can clear me and my file can be sent off to benefits verification. After that it's off to scheduling. Hopefully I can get a November date. That would be perfect.
October 10th, 2005
~Wow what a morning I had. I got a call from Andrena telling me that Dr. K cleared my fasting blood sugar and my Hemaglobin A1C. I said ok that's good. She said all she was waiting for was the reports from the cardiologist and the pulmonologist to come over and for me to complete my sencond part of my sleep study. I said WHAT ????? I was told by the lady from the sleep place that I was cleared for surgery, that the Dr. said that I didn't need a second study or a C-Pap. I even cancelled my second appointment which I had just in case there was a need. She read the report to me and it said that I have obstructive sleep apnia and the Dr.'s recommendation was a possible second sleep study and tentatively a C-Pap. Since when does a Dr.'s report say possible and tentative, especially when it is a clearance for surgery. Well, needless to say I was fuming, and I called the sleep center and spoke with the Dr. The Dr. told me that it was a very mild case and therefore he felt I could be cleared for surgery. I said, well that's not what you wrote in your report and now I am being told that the Dr. won't perform the surgery until I have the second part and the C-Pap. Anyway, to make an even longer story short, Andrena called the sleep center and spoke with the Dr.
She called me back and told me not to worry that everything was taken care of. I told her thank you and that I owed her big time. I know that some people have had problems with her but all I can say is she was great and she really came through for me today. So now back to waiting for Dr.K to clear the clearances and then it's off to benefits verification and scheduling. I hope I hear something soon.
October 24th, 2005
~I got a call from Andrena today. She told me that Dr. K cleared me and I was being sent to benefits verification and then to scheduling. YEAHHHHHHHHHH She said I should give it at least 2 weeks before I'll hear anything. I think she was being cautious not to have me on the edge of my seat, but that never works for me. I want it now. Anyway I will wait to hear something.
October 28th, 2005
~ I GOT A DATE....I GOT A DATE ..... YIPEEEEEEEEEE ...... YIPEEEEEEEE..... I GOT A DATE !!!!! Peggy from scheduling called me today to schedule my surgery. She said that the first available date was November 9th or the next date which was November 25th. Well of course the sooner the better. So the 9th it is. Only 12 days away. So many emotions going on right now. I am very excited and nervous.
God please be with me through this and keep me safe on this journey.
December 8, 2005
~I Had my first post-op appointment today. 19 days out and I am down 24 pounds. WOW this is unbelievable. Dr. K said that everything looks great and that I am right in line with the weight loss he would expect. I haven't felt this good in a very long time. I can't believe how lucky I am to have been able to have this surgery. It is a life saver.
~I Had my first post-op appointment today. 19 days out and I am down 24 pounds. WOW this is unbelievable. Dr. K said that everything looks great and that I am right in line with the weight loss he would expect. I haven't felt this good in a very long time. I can't believe how lucky I am to have been able to have this surgery. It is a life saver.
December 13, 2005
~I went to the pre-op meeting at Barix tonight. I just love meeting with all the wonderful people there. And I really like being able to help others who are looking into the surgery. I remember what I felt like when I was gathering information beforw my surgery. I was always grateful for the info and feedback I got. Anyway, the really great news is, I weighed myself and I am down 34 pounds. I must be dreaming. I would never have been able to do this without the surgery. This is the best Christmas gift I could receive. Soft foods start tomorrow. I am so excited to finally eat some regular food. Well, I will post more as it happens.
~I went to the pre-op meeting at Barix tonight. I just love meeting with all the wonderful people there. And I really like being able to help others who are looking into the surgery. I remember what I felt like when I was gathering information beforw my surgery. I was always grateful for the info and feedback I got. Anyway, the really great news is, I weighed myself and I am down 34 pounds. I must be dreaming. I would never have been able to do this without the surgery. This is the best Christmas gift I could receive. Soft foods start tomorrow. I am so excited to finally eat some regular food. Well, I will post more as it happens.
December 29th, 2005
~Today I went to see Dr. Kaczmarski for my post-op visit. It has been 7 weeks and I am down 44 lbs. I am feeling amazing except for my lower back. I have herniated discs and I guess with my body redistributing my weight it has been taking it's toll on my back. This back has been giving me trouble for years so this is nothing new and a very small price to pay for all that I feel I have gained (uhh...lost) thus far. I didn't have any problems with food over Christmas....however I did want to eat a cookie. I didn't, and opted for fruit for dessert. No big deal really, I enjoyed it very much. I think what I enjoyed the most was being able to sit down with my family to Christmas dinner and just enjoying the holiday and the wonderful company. The beginning of my new life has been a wonderful experience and I am so looking forward to 2006 and all the wonders that this new life has in store for me.
HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!!!!!
~Today I went to see Dr. Kaczmarski for my post-op visit. It has been 7 weeks and I am down 44 lbs. I am feeling amazing except for my lower back. I have herniated discs and I guess with my body redistributing my weight it has been taking it's toll on my back. This back has been giving me trouble for years so this is nothing new and a very small price to pay for all that I feel I have gained (uhh...lost) thus far. I didn't have any problems with food over Christmas....however I did want to eat a cookie. I didn't, and opted for fruit for dessert. No big deal really, I enjoyed it very much. I think what I enjoyed the most was being able to sit down with my family to Christmas dinner and just enjoying the holiday and the wonderful company. The beginning of my new life has been a wonderful experience and I am so looking forward to 2006 and all the wonders that this new life has in store for me.
HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!!!!!
January 19th, 2006
~Well it's a new year and already it's a new me. I went to the Post-op meeting at Barix last night. It was great as usual. I really feel good when I leave there. But of course I had to weigh myself while I was there, and I am down to 294.1, that's down 56.3 lbs. WooooHoooo What a feeling. I have also experienced a few small WOW moments recently. The first was when I went to Toys R Us with my husband. When we were leaving the store I didn't have to turn sideways to get through the poles they put there to keep you from taking the carts out. The other was a couple of days later when I got in my car to take my daughter to school. My husband had been the last person to drive my car and I was in and driving before I realized that I didn't have to push the seat back in order to drive. I don't think that there are any words to express how grateful I am for this chance at a new and fulfilling life with my family. I am truly blessed
January 27th, 2006
~Well I finally put a couple of pictures up on here and although I really didn't see the weight loss before it really does show when you see the pictures next to each other. I wonder if I will always see the fat girl in the mirror even when I reach my goal weight.
~Well I finally put a couple of pictures up on here and although I really didn't see the weight loss before it really does show when you see the pictures next to each other. I wonder if I will always see the fat girl in the mirror even when I reach my goal weight.
February 13th, 2006
~I had my 3 month post-op visit with Dr. Kaczmarski today. I am down 69 lbs. I was truly amazed. He told me that 60 or 65 would have been perfect so I am slightly ahead of the game. He was very pleased with my progress and said that I don't have to come back until my 1 year anniversary unless there is a problem with my bloodwork in between.
~I had my 3 month post-op visit with Dr. Kaczmarski today. I am down 69 lbs. I was truly amazed. He told me that 60 or 65 would have been perfect so I am slightly ahead of the game. He was very pleased with my progress and said that I don't have to come back until my 1 year anniversary unless there is a problem with my bloodwork in between.
February 18th, 2006
~Well I changed my before & after pictures on here. Wow, what a difference. I really can see it now. I don't see it when I look in the mirror but I can when I see the pictures side by side. But more important than that is that I feel terrific and not on any medications right now. Yeeaaaa me
~Well I changed my before & after pictures on here. Wow, what a difference. I really can see it now. I don't see it when I look in the mirror but I can when I see the pictures side by side. But more important than that is that I feel terrific and not on any medications right now. Yeeaaaa me
May 2, 2006
~WOW I am really bad about updating on here. My last post was in February and here is is May already. I guess I have jumped back into life with both feet.
It has been almost 6 months since my surgery and when I got on the scale today I could not believe my eyes...down 100 lbs. WOOOOOHOOOOO what an incredible feeling. I was dancing, yelling, clapping and crying all at the same time. It feels so good to finally be feeling better and more like the me I used to be and have longed to be for a very long time.
We were making our reservations for our summer Ocean City vacation the other day, and my daughter reminded me that right after my surgery I had promised her that this summer Mommy was going to be the one to take her on all the rides this year. I told her I would do it even if it makes me sick....and it probably will. I don't care, bring 'em on. I have waited too long for this and I am going to make the most of it. More Later...TTFN
May 10, 2006
~Well I just got back from seeing Dr. Marymor for my 6 month post-op visit. Dr. Marymor was very nice but I really miss Dr. K.
Anyway, I was down 108 lbs.....WOW. In just 6 months my life has changed so much for the better. I am so ready to get out there and enjoy life like I haven't done for soooooo long. It has made my family life better as well. Now that I am participating in family things more, we are getting closer and closer and enjoying being together more. It just keeps getting better and better.
~WOW I am really bad about updating on here. My last post was in February and here is is May already. I guess I have jumped back into life with both feet.
It has been almost 6 months since my surgery and when I got on the scale today I could not believe my eyes...down 100 lbs. WOOOOOHOOOOO what an incredible feeling. I was dancing, yelling, clapping and crying all at the same time. It feels so good to finally be feeling better and more like the me I used to be and have longed to be for a very long time.
We were making our reservations for our summer Ocean City vacation the other day, and my daughter reminded me that right after my surgery I had promised her that this summer Mommy was going to be the one to take her on all the rides this year. I told her I would do it even if it makes me sick....and it probably will. I don't care, bring 'em on. I have waited too long for this and I am going to make the most of it. More Later...TTFN
May 10, 2006
~Well I just got back from seeing Dr. Marymor for my 6 month post-op visit. Dr. Marymor was very nice but I really miss Dr. K.
Anyway, I was down 108 lbs.....WOW. In just 6 months my life has changed so much for the better. I am so ready to get out there and enjoy life like I haven't done for soooooo long. It has made my family life better as well. Now that I am participating in family things more, we are getting closer and closer and enjoying being together more. It just keeps getting better and better.
