The struggle goes on

Oct 23, 2011

What a week.  Thursday I tried to leave for work and found a flat tire that took five hours to fix.  I had to wait an hour for AAA and the technician couldn't figure out how to get the hubcap off for fifteen minutes.  He never could get the tire changed and ended up taking 20 minutes to inflate the tire so I could drive to Walmart to get it changed.  I had to wait an hour, but as it turned out they couldn't fix my tire.  One of the two nails was on the side and they don't repair that.  Oh wait!  The other rear tire had a nail too, but was fixable.  Oops - my special hubcaps don't fit on the Wal mart machinery.  They changed the flat tire and sent me to another tire place to fix my other tire.  By the time I was done, I was really done for.  I decided my cold symptoms and frustration were just too much.  I went home for the day and took cold meds.  But I made up for it.  Had another 12 hour day of work on Saturday.  Ah well, I aspire to a boring life.  One day...

I deliberately don't have a scale at home.  If I did, I'd weigh myself three times a day, get discouraged and binge on ice cream and cookies.  So instead I weigh myself at work in the clinic downstairs once a week.  I tried to do it on Friday, but they were closed.  So I haven't weighed in over a week and I don't know whether or not I'm on track weight wise.  I drink a protein shake in the morning, have a diet freezer meal for lunch and do something for dinner.  I have to be losing, right?  I'm avoiding carbs.  (Thursday I had a little comfort food, but kept it under control.)

I've been fighting the urge to bake some serious, decadent desserts.  I've had cravings for two days.  I know I'll not even be able to eat this type of thing after the surgery, but I don't think I can afford to right now.  I really need to lose these few pounds before surgery.  I'm frustrated and hungry and tired of this diet thing.  I can feel my body fighting to hold on to all it's weight. 

I guess I'll see where I stand tomorrow when I weigh myself. 

I am really feeling the nerves, wondering if I've really tried everything before resorting to surgery.  I've been careful to research and not rush into this.  But this is truly a life altering surgery.  I cannot let the nerves prevent me from doing what is best for my health.  I see lots of deep breathing in my near future.

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