Goals: "Setting yourself up for failure" or "Setting yourself up for...

This is NOT a slam on LosinginAZ's recent post..... on the flip side, she is doing awesome!

We have all seen the term used in many ways and it probably has many different meanings.

When I read, I don't have a goal weight, or my surgeon doesn't believe in goal weight.... because I don't want to set myself up for failure.

Is a goal an achievement to an effort?

I personally like goals. Do I achieve them all... no.  

So lets talk goals as it relates to this WLS game.

My surgeon gave me many goals to shoot for:

• Quality of life goals
• WL goals
• Monthly goals
• Individual meal goals
• Nutrition goals
• Exercise goals
• 6 month WL goal
• 12 month goal
• Maintenance goals

My question is: Is not making goals setting yourself up for success or is it setting you up for failure?????

And the next question is: What is success and what is failure???

I know what I think, what do you think?

I'm not saying that I'm right or wrong, or to do it my way.

It's a discussion topic and I think an important one.

frisco

The difference between a wish and a goal is that the goal is a wish with a date attached.  Without date-specific goals, the is no success, only wishes.

It is like taking a road trip with no destination, no speedometer, no map and no arrival date.  You never know where you are going and when you get there.

I think most people need goals.  I certainly do, though I am more goal oriented than most (I managed projects for most of my career, both on the job and in my personal life).  Goals CAN and often do have to be adjusted as the situation changes or there is more relevant information so there is almost always a way to succeed. 

If you get ready to build a house you get a design or a plan, you figure the cost and set about construction.  If you get in your car you think about where you want to go.  It is not like you can't make changes as they need to be changed.  I, for me, Have to have plans.  I can't be creative if I have no sense in what I am wanting to create.  I have to have goals for success.  Failure is a complex thought because I have failed at many diet programs and still viewed it as a success.  I can see where they didn't work or where they worked for a while.  To me, failure is sticking with a plan that is not working.  Or continuing on a former path that has never worked.  Or stopping a plan that is working.

What an excellent discussion and thought topic!  Thanks for listing some of the different goals to consider - i've never broken it down to that degree, and that might be helpful for me going forward.  

I'm going to noodle on this some more to see if I can improve my attitude, but personally I find goals to be two-faced brain suckers! They start off great, get me motivated, and I'm consumed with working toward the goal.  However, if/when the goal isn't quite met, they turn on me, say "ha ha just kidding!" and become ever-present nagging reminders of failure and state of loser-hood. Sigh.  In terms of VSG, I (not my doc) set a final weight goal that was maybe a stretch, didn't quite get there (10 lbs short), seemed OK with that for a while, had some regain (5-10), and now wake up every day with the mental self-flogging that I'm all too familiar with.

I'm well aware that my perfectionist tendencies and often-too-high expectations lead me to set goals that aren't always reasonable, but we're taught to aim high, right?! I'm off to google Perfectionists Anonymous... :)

I agree that goals are a good thing. Would you start college without any plan on whether to graduate or not? 

I was lucky to have a very goal oriented surgeon. That said, he suggested a goal range and was a continuous cheerleader and taskmaster on how to get there. . If you want a normal healthy weight you have to work at it. Not just have surgery and see what happens. The surgery is like buying your ticket to the theme park. You have things to do and choices to make after that. And its forever, not just until you get to weight goal.

So I hope everyone sets goals - even if its pants size or physical accomplishments or new activities and not numbers on a scale. Goals are good. Nothing much gets accomplished without them.  Diane S.

Great topic for serious discussion. I will first respectfully disagree with WhiteDove that a wish without a date attached is is not a goal. Perhaps I misunderstand what she means and if so, my apologies. However, in the weight loss game I have seen too numerous times the emotional catastrophe that can follow an unmet goal in a set amount of time. I think for a great many people attaching a date to a weight loss goal is counterproductive. When the scale goal is not met, feelings of inadequacy and failure may follow, which may lead to feelings of despair and hopelessness and a binge and then a vicious cycle of of yoyo dieting begins again. 

I really don't think there is a clear cut answer to the goal setting question. I think it may depend upon where one is on his own WL journey. For me, goals are an essential part of success - even on a daily basis. I find that if I have a short list of goals for the day I tend to be much more productive and end the day with a sense of accomplishment.  

During my initial post op WL phase, I had really clear cut goals on weight loss. I had milestone numbers on the scale to meet and a final weight goal I set for myself. I did what it took to get there and was pretty laser focused. Since then I have had to adjust goals from numbers to nutritional and behavioral goals.

Experiencing regain has been a fantastic eye opener for me on the importance of understanding the difference between a number goal on the scale and a behavioral goal that can profoundly change lifelong behavior and make the scale goals a byproduct of the behavioral goals.

I am one who freely admits that I have disordered eating issues up the whazoo. I will be forever grateful to my VSG because until VSG and experiencing regain I was pretty clueless (read "in denial") about my disordered eating. So, yes, while I have number goals on the scale, the vast majority of my goals now revolve around changing behaviors and eating patterns. It's those behavior goals that in the end keep me on track. When I let those behavior goals fade into the background is when I begin to be UNSUCCESSFUL in reaching or maintaining my goals.  

One of my biggest goals this past year was to accept that weight is not static. Dr. C tried to get me to understand that a few years ago, but I didn't "hear it". It's that ebb and flow on the scale that really helps set the goals for maintaining weight, which is a much more onerous task than losing it! As the scale changes our goals must also change and adjust. It is a hard lesson to learn and a hard practice to keep up. 

Over the past year I lost almost all of my regain. Then this spring there were about 11 weeks that presented with a lot of stress and as a result very little sleep. My eating behavior changed and I gained weight. I watched the weight gain happen and knew that a behavior change was going to be difficult, so I accepted that a slight regain was in the cards until the stressful period was past and I could handle a minor regain. Now the stress is over and I am on track once again taking that extra bit off. Yes, it's hard for me to get back in WL mode and it took me 3 more weeks than planned to get there, but once I had clear cut goals on what I wanted to change I was able to make the changes I needed. 

For me success is not losing hope. Success is not giving up or giving in. Success is knowing there is a way to be successful and I just have to find the way that works for me. I have to say that while regain sucks and can stir up all kinds of ****ty emotions, REGAIN HAS MADE ME MORE SUCCESSFUL ON MY WLS JOURNEY because regain opened my eyes, my mind and my heart to my truth. 

Once you know your truth on this journey, anything is possible.