Confession Time

So I've been absent from this forum for a few weeks.  I've also been slacking off in weighing my food and logging things into MFP.  I haven't gone on a carb bender or anything like that but I have allowed some things in my diet that are holding me back.  I've been on a stall for a couple weeks and I haven't been exercising at all.  I'm only 4 months out so it's way too soon for me to eat as if I'm in maintenance.  I need to get back on track.  I'm off work for a few days and I need to hit the grocery store and start planning my meals.  

I've been sticking to protein but I've been eating things with higher calories and higher fat such as chicken wings, almonds, slim jims, cheese cubes. On Thanksgiving I drank 2.5 glass of wine.  Today I ate pizza logs.  I'm frustrated with myself and I feel like I'm really screwing this up.  I went so long being absolutely perfect and didn't deviate from my plan once and now I'm afraid that I'm stretching my stomach from not weighing my food, lowering my metabolism, and I'm afraid that I'm going to start GAINING weight.  Not every meal has been off plan but even once every other day is enough to make me feel like crap.

I'm posting this so that I can hold myself accountable and get myself back on track!  I could be over reacting since it's only been a couple weeks but that's really all it takes to ruin a good thing.  HELLPPPP!!!!

Are you seeing a therapist?  It's really easy to fall back into old patterns if we don't address why those patterns exist in the first place and that's something that therapy can really help to deal with.  

It's so hard to get back on track once we've fallen off.  But you know what you need to do and you can do it.  

I'm not seeing a therapist but my issues with food aren't about addiction and I'm not an emotional eater.  It's just about me simply wanting to eat something fried or fatty because it's delicious.  I just need to get my willpower back.  

Thanks for your reply.  If I fall off the rails again I'll look into therapy.

I don't think that a person needs to have an addiction issue or be an emotional eater to benefit from therapy.  Like you, I ate food just because it tastes good and I wanted things that tasted good inside my mouth.  Even if that's not emotional eating or addiction, it's still a problem with how I interact with food and my lack of willpower when tasty things are around or easy to acquire.  These are all things that therapy helps me address.  

I'm not trying to force you to seek therapy because, hey, I'm just random person on the internet and what do I know.  Just trying to point out that therapy might be useful for more things than you think it is.  (Assuming, of course, that you find a therapist you click with, which is most important!)

It's awesome that you came back here to post. I understand your fear and I believe your fear is justified. It's scary to feel like you are losing control when you are still so "new". I felt very worried, too, just this past summer when I was on a binge and couldn't seem to get more than 3 or 4 days of clean eating in before I ate poorly again. My binge lasted about 3 months.

What I learned from getting back on track and eating cleanly is that my stomach had not stretched. I have great restriction. I can just eat a lot of crap food because it doesn't close the pylorus the way clean, dense protein and whole unprocessed vegetables do.

I also know that I need to have a strong plan in place. I know that I, personally, need to have an accountability factor built into my plan, too. I am back seeing a medical professional each week. I get on a scale each week in front of someone else and talk about my week with food.

Therapy is also very beneficial. Yet, sometimes the cost of therapy isn't in a person's budget. The Beck Diet Solution is a book that helps people understand their behaviors around food and works on cognitively changing behaviors to help you deal with your personal food issues. You can buy the book online and with shipping, it's usually under $20.

There are also some books out there to help you understand how those types of foods are very harmful to you. That has helped me. I recommend Fat Chance by Robert Lustig, MD and Fitness Confidential by Vinnie Totorich.
You can also check out websites that support the Low Carb, High Fat movement. There is a lot of medical research to support this type of eating plan. I like Kris Gunnar's website, authoritynutrition.com. It has lots of article about eating properly and food addictions.

Some of these "experts" don't support WLS, but to hell with them. Their principles are easily applied to us, too!

Best of luck getting back on track. Keep coming here. Read, post, soak it in.

Sometimes I wish this forum had a "like" button so I could show how much I like posts like this one.  LIKE

Thank you for your reply. It's nice to know I'm not alone and maybe like you and Gwen I should start seeing someone that I can talk to that will hold me accountable for my choices and keep me on track. Thank you as well for the suggestions on reading material. I'll look into them. 

Last night after I made this post I read through it twice and got so upset with myself that I hopped on my stationary bike for 20 minutes. This morning the scale said I dropped 2 lbs. I'm glad that this forum is here for support and venting. If I didn't make this post last night I probably wouldn't have gotten my wake up call. 

Remember that the someone you see doesn't have to be a therapist. It can be a trusted friend who is willing to weigh you each week. It can be a Weigh****cher's leader or your PCP's nurse. Whatever you can work out that you can afford will be great!

Try not to be upset with yourself. We, as obese people, have spent so many years putting ourselves down because we haven't fully grasped the depth of the biology of obesity. In short, once you go off track your body chemistry takes over and makes it very, very difficult to get back on track. Remember that the next time temptation shows itself. I try to always ask myself is ________ (insert bad choice food) really worth the price I will have to pay? (think cravings, hunger, discomfort, etc...)

Dump the chicken wings unless you can find a place that bakes them.  I'm from your area (Hamburg) and chicken wings would be a huge weakness for me (plus pizza, fish fries, etc.)  real buffalo wings are high in fat because they are deep fried and they add butter to the sauce they toss them in.

Yes chicken wings are probably my biggest weakness aND I know I need to stay away from them. It's just so hard since as you know buffalo is the chicken wing capital! Do you know of any places that bake them? 

P.S. I hope you made it through the snow storm ok. We didn't get any on the island but I know your area got pummeled!