Get thee to a therapist! My boobs are huge but fantastic! And possibly other musings

Sooooo, I'm finally in individual therapy.  I had been in therapy years ago, and I thought I was cool.  Yeah, really, I did.  So, anyone starting out or questioning why they feel like they do or thinking they've got it figured out, I would just caution you that so much can change.  Maybe not even change, just be brought to light, etc.  I have control issues - anyone who actually knows me from this board will know how Type A and insanely driven I am.  In the past few months, I have been going a little out of control.  To not get into too much detail, I finally got into individual therapy again.  Just one session so far, but I am going back on Thursday since I basically cried and snotted all over myself the entire session.  I got some good "advice," and the therapist was extremely kind and never made me feel judged, and I unloaded quite a bit on him that was definitely worthy of at least a skeptical eyebrow raise.  My husband and I are currently in couples counseling trying to figure out how to be better partners, to heal what has been damaged over the last 8 years of our lives together, and to hopefully be stronger in the future.  Or to end it.  I hope it's the former, but I really just want us both to live life authentically, healthfully, and happy even if that's apart from each other.  We both agree on that.  We're not raising our daughter to believe that she can only have a mediocre relationship or life. 

Now onto some funnies.  My boobs are huge.  I'm nearly eight weeks postop, so they are about the size they are going to be.  No real swelling left, they do this nice jiggle thing when I shimmy and job (boobs should jiggle a bit even if they don't require a bra IMO)  :)  I measured them because I was curious.  I wear nipple covers, go braless or wear those soft, lacy bralets things because, well, they are fantastic and require no bra.  I am between a 32DDD and a 34DD depending on the bra.  If you know my full name, you'll find the double D amusing since those are my initials.  They don't look ridiculous, just big.  I apparently have a wide chest and a long torso, so the size my PS recommended looks really good on me.  I honestly don't understand how my chest can be wide if my band size is a 32 or my torso long if I'm only 5'6.5 with a 31" inseam, but that's fine.  Haha.  I have serious vavavoom measurements - 39, 26, 35.5.  Seriously. Honestly, this was the best money I've ever spent.  I will be doing my inner thighs in August, most likely, to fini**** all up.  My recovery for this was pretty minimal, and I had a ton of surgery done at once.  I love my surgeon.  I love the work.  I love tiny undies and being naked even with the healing scars.  And I love, love, love my boobs.  I was unprepared for how much I would love my boobs.  I love looking at them so much, I have run into a door while staring at them in the mirror.  Yup.  I'm a jack ass.  LOL

I have been having more and more men from my past friend me on Facebook.  And I basically just mean dudes I went to high school or college with, not people that I had any real friendship with.  Very strange.  I was chatting with some guy at a bar (it was a means to an end because I wanted to pet his ridiculously huge and adorable dog), and I made a comment that he needed to actually strike up a conversation with all the attractive women who wanted to pet his dog because he obviously brought the dog to attract women.  Which he denied, but not very convincingly.  He then proceeded to tell me that he was already talking to a hot woman, and he had no interest talking to anyone else.  And I basically said, "who me?  I'm married, and there are hotter women here."  He then told me that it was obvious I knew I was hot, that no one who looks like me couldn't know that.  Mindfuck.  I was wearing a tube top & jean shorts with gladiator sandals.  Nothing overtly sexy or anything, but much less clothing than I would have worn even a year ago.  So, yeah, I probably do think I'm hot.  It's still hard adjusting to this life.  To coming into your own, and questioning decisions you made in the past - were they because you were fat?  Were they because that's actually what you wanted?  Questioning who you are and where you go from here.  Now that the fat is gone, now that the vast majority of the skin is gone, now that you look in the mirror and see someone who is physically beautiful.  It's easy to feel lost.  It's OK to get help.  I am just going to keep telling myself this until I really believe it :)

Smoochies to you all!  I know I'm not around that much anymore, but I promise to be a better forum member.

This was a powerful post.  Thanks for posting it.  It is so interesting how life looks different now than it did a year ago.  I spent so much time in my life obsessing on my weight issues - then on WLS and then on Weight loss.  Now that I'm at goal, where do I put my energy?  How are things different?  How are they the same. 

The weight loss was fun but it didn't fix my life.  I'm still questioning and assessing.

I am so glad you had the plastics and lost the weight and feel beautiful.  That must be a wonderful feeling.

best wishes

Carol

It is when I feel it :) It also tends to make me confused and reckless and a little nuts.  So, therapy!  The where do I put my energy thing is a very real, very significant question.  Especially when you've spent nearly your entire life obsessing about your weight.  It's not like that ever really ends, but I've been at goal for almost a year now, and I feel even more confused and uncertain than I did prior to surgery.  What are my goals?  What actually makes me happy?  What do I want?  Sighhhhhh.  We are all works in progress.

So, you're totally ambivalent about your boobs?

Obviously :)

So glad to hear you are seeing a Therapist. I am seeing one now (pre-op) i have been in and out of therapy for years. I am juts really trying to address my food issues Pre-op.

I am so jelous of your boobies! I have serious dreams of plastics once I am at goal!!!

Start saving now :) 

I love this post!!!  I want pics of the boobies!!!

You will be seeing them in person soon.  And I have no problem taking my top off for inspection.  Hahahah. 

Right on girl! You look great. You have worked so hard to get here. Just stay on your path. You've definitely got it going on. Good luck with your therapy.

Robin