Frustrating conversation!!!!

Just was talking with family about vsg and I almost started to cry. I am preop but planning for the next month. They were saying that I can do it on my own. I explained that statistics don't lie. I have done it before-but gained more back. I need another tool and insurance policy because it is not good to keep losing and gaining 100 pounds. 

Then they said that surgery is the easy way out. Grrrr. What you all are doing does NOT seem easy at all!

then there were all these comments about long term affects and the fact it isn't reversible and that my nutrition would be bad. I really think with the conscious choices that you have to make, nutrition would be better. I know that since I started trying to eat this way, my nutrition is way better than it used to be 

feeling a little lost and confused...

I totally feel for you. My Mom was obese her entire life up until 13 years ago when she took an early retirement. I thought she would be my biggest advocate when i made the decision to get sleeved, boy was I wrong! I got, more or less, the same thing you got from your family. It's amazing how some people can't manage to step out of their little bubble to consider your point of view. My surgery is tomorrow and while I am very nervous I have no doubt that I'm doing the right thing.

I'm going through the same thing -- my SO is constantly trying to talk me out of surgery.  But I've made up my mind - I'm going to do it - period.  When he tries to bring it up, I tell him to change the subject.  I don't even bother arguing about it anymore - water off a duck's back.  He does the same thing - "you can do it on your own" -- I tell him if that was true, I would have done it a long time ago.  

Stay strong.  

 

This is exactly why 99% of my family doesn't know. It isn't any of their business - I'm not interested in hearing comments from the uneducated peanut gallery. The thing is that unless you've had someone VERY close to you in your life have WLS OR you've considered it yourself and done the research - most people don't fully understand all that goes into it. You CAN have this surgery and not lose the weight or lose some and gain it all back. If it were "easy" and you didn't have to work at it - how in the world would that be possible?

It's sad, but unfortunately people like to give lots of opinions about things they know absolutely nothing about and it's going to be hard for you to change their minds. My best advice would be that if they're going to continue making comments like that about it, then stop having conversations with them about it! It's only going to make your head explode!!

I feel the same way. I wouldn't tell my family if you put a gun to my head.  Because i know what would happen. God love 'em, they would all have a field day gossiping about me and there would never be another topic of conversation again, except what i'm eating.  I know for a fact that my 4 siblings and my mother cannot be supportive in the way i need my supporters to be. My mother is very passive aggressive.  She offers her concern in the most back handed ways to make sure you know how to stay in your place. My brother has been flat out rude about my weight, taunting me for being fat while he is very underweight, almost emaciated. Did I mention that he is a raging out of control alcoholic?  Yeah. Well, in his mind being an anorexic alcoholic is waaaaaay better than the  terrible sin of being fat. Two of my sisters are very obese themselves, both are significantly bigger than me and extremely competitive, so they have no interest in me losing ANY weight at all, which might make them look bad. And my other sister, who is of normal weight, just isn't a good support person for anyone. She's probably the most insensitive person I know.  Yeah. I don't need any of these people in my cheering section. Any one of them would gladly throw me under the bus if they felt they would increase their status by doing so.

I approached m DH last May with the idea of having weight loss surgery. He couldn't have been more supportive. Next, i approached my DS27 and DD20. They, too, were nothing but supportive.  And they have continued to be supportive.  They are all the cheerleaders I need.

 

Sorry to hear that you have such unsupportive people in your lives. I don't know whether or not people would be supportive, so I don't really want to give them the opportunity. I don't want to hear a story about their brother-in-law's cousin's uncle's wife that died from complications of surgery, about how some people gain all the weight back, about how so and so had surgery and now she looks "sickly" or that it's the "easy way out"

I'd rather they all speculate behind my back - which is exactly what they've been doing. Around the holidays, several people came up to both my mother-in-law and my brother-in-law separately asking if I had surgery. Clearly they know it's none of their business considering they didn't ask me or my husband directly. Let them speculate - they can all kiss my ass! LOL

If you're getting this upset over what concerned family says, then something about what they said rings true to you.  What part is it?  Is it your own self-doubt that is rising to the surface?

If you've done your research on all of the options, then only YOU can know what is best for YOU.  

Remember, the people that love you don't want you to suffer, don't want you to change.  If you change they fear that they might lose you!  

So this is one of your first challenges - if this is something that is right, do it.  In spite of what others say - everyone has an opinion, and not everyone is going to agree with you.  So dry those tears, think about what they said that bothered you and why, and put together a plan.  In other words, be the strong woman you're meant to be!

Thank you! I think it is the part of me that always likes to succeed without help! And if I am going to do the work I want them to recognize it is still hard-and worse, if it fails, not to think I really suck. You are right though-these are signs of my over-achieving, don't rely on anything character defects. Thanks for pointing that out!

i also spent time on the "failed wls" forum and that intensified fear of failure-I don't want to do this to lose 30 pounds and then regain it!!

Wls is a tool. You have to use it to mak e it work. Just like a hammer. If you don't pick up that hammer and use it, it is not going to jump into your. Hand and go to banging,right?

this is your choice. Don't let anyone make it for you. Completely disregard what theya re telling you,cause they are simply uneducated in the reality of WLS and isay that kindly,they just don't have a clue. 

And about that easy way out crap? My question back to them is did you drive over here? Why didn't you walk? Why I'd. You take the easy way out and walk over here. I think you could have gotten over here onto ur own,if you just started walking.

get my

point?

GL

In my opinion it's best not to share with too many people. Best to find someone who know and understands all about the surgery and share with that person only.

In my case my two daughters support me fully. My daughter joined OH just to learn more about what I'm about to do, now that is real support.

I know we all need a support system, but not one that cuts us down. I Love my family and friends and they will know after my surgery.

God Bless, the best to you.

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